The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1
by Darth Sith'ari
Summary: SEX! Now that I have your attention: The sequel to the Simpson's: In Space: The Pilot. The madcap madness in space contines! The question is not who will triumph, but who will survive? Blindfic. R&R P.S. There is some sex but not a whole lot. COMPLETE.
1. E1P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 1: Part 1

(The date is October 3rd 5009: Time, 1:00 AM Orion Standard Time, local time 11:38 AM, Friday. In orbit over the coral moon of Asogur, Di-In and his Novus Aloo are onboard a Confederate frigate)

Di-In: Have we reached the planet yet?

Clone pilot: Yes sir but we can't get San's signal.

Aloo: I thought we would never get here, remind me again why it took almost a month to get here?

Di-In: Paperwork lots and lots of paperwork my dear. I've hated that stuff since my youth and I still loath it now.

(Meanwhile on the moon's surface San and his bodyguards have just landed.)

Bodyguard 1: Sire we can't get a signal from Di-In's ship.

San: I have a bad feeling about this.

(Lith'mar appears out of nowhere with two Fodder Droids behind her.)

Lith'mar: (Seductively.) You know you really shouldn't say things like that, everyone knows that saying. "I have a bad feeling about this" is bad luck.

San: Aren't you Admiral Bob's assassin?

Lith'mar: Yes I am.

San: Were you trying to clumsily seduce me?

Lith'mar: (Bashfully.) Um… no don't be silly.

Fodder Droid 1: (Whispers.) She does that to psych people out.

San: Is there a reason why you're here?

Lith'mar: I believe my master can answer that question. (She pulls out a hologram of Bob, in the bathroom.)

Bob: AHH! Lith'mar what have I told you about calling me while I'm having a tinkle!

Lith'mar: Sorry my master, but he wanted to talk to you.

Bob: Oh, wait weren't you Otiv's assistant?

San: Was his assistant, or slave to be more precise. I take you heard why I'm here?

Bob: My spies serve me well. Anyway I believe I would love that intelligence.

San: I bet you would… you pansy.

Bob: WHAT! Lith'mar destroy him!

Lith'mar: With all due respect that's not an excuse to kill him.

San: What is it you want you weirdoes?

Bob: Let me put this way, what makes you think that the mighty Di-In can protect you when he can't protect himself? Lith'mar! Qarp in the frigates on the other side of the system!

Lith'mar: By your command my lord.

(Meanwhile in orbit a pair of pirate ships warp into the system and fire blindly at the Confederate frigate.)

Di-In: What the frell is going on?

Clone captain: WOK ships have just ambushed us.

Di-In: (Aggravated.) Oh please don't say it.

Clone captain: It's a trap!

Di-In: That's our cue to leave.

(He, Aloo, and three clone marines head to the escape pod bay.)

Clone captain: In an escape pod sir? They may be firing blindly but one lucky shot might kill you!

Di-In: Then launch all of the pods Turvack!

(On the bridge of the WOK ship, a Fodder droid is at a console and he is approached by a Turok with an eye patch.)

Fodder Droid Gunner: Wait sir I think I have them now.

(He continues to fire at all but the escape pod Di-In and Aloo are in and they crash land on the moon.)

Turok Captain: You idiot! That was the worst shot I have ever seen! I said fire down there nose not up it!

Fodder Droid Gunner: Ah well, it's my programming.

Turok Captain: Not that stupid excuse again. (He slices off the droids head with a plasma cutlass.)

(Meanwhile on Earth, Homer gets a call in the middle of the night.)

Homer: (He's half-asleep.) Who is this and why are you calling me in the middle of the night?

Tyler: I'm asking myself that as well.

Homer: (Screams.) Lieutenant Tyler! What do you want from me?

Tyler: I just wanted to let you know that you're to be recalled back to your tour of duty.

Homer: But I have a wife and kids! Besides, I and Grunchy resigned after last time. You know when Oth gave me that discharge?

Tyler: Yes, but your mercenary contract haven't expired yet, and were prepared to pay you handsomely.

Homer: Hmm… I don't know, how much do you mean by 'handsome'?

Tyler: Maybe, oh I don't know. 750-950-million credits maybe?

Homer: WHOA! Wait isn't that a bit much? I mean you know Me and Grunchy are incompetent.

Tyler: Don't be ridicules; Grunchy is the competent of you two. How about just 5-million credits?

Homer: I don't know I might have to talk this over with my wife.

Tyler: You may, but just a heads up there's a mutant horse right behind you.

Marge: I'M NOT A HORSE!

Homer: Sir that joke was funny the first five times or so but now it's getting really old, really fast.

Tyler: Sorry but um… why didn't anyone tell me it was so early in the morning? I'm cutting transmission now good night!

(He hangs up.)

Marge: Homer I know we could use the money, what with Aon asking for such a large pay-check. But I don't want you risking your life for only high pay.

Grunchy: (He enters the room with a tired look on his face.) Look lady I'm not sure how you feel but I'm getting antsy to crack some skulls, or anything that comes to mind or can get my hands on. Besides if we can we will keep tabs on the young Seraph Ashla despite her protests, mine and those of her colleagues and almost everyone else in the universe until she breaks down into tears and moves back in with you. But don't hold your breath. Twi'grutans very rarely gives up without a fight and blood up to their necks.

Marge: Hmm… that may be a good idea.

Grunchy: I'll tell the kids in the morning.

(Meanwhile on Asogur at the crashed escape pod.)

Aloo: Is everyone alright?

Di-In: I have a splitting headache but that's about the worst of it. How about the rest of you?

(He looks at the three Clone marines that came down with them. Including Captain Ben, and Privates Prince and Katar.)

Ben: Were pretty banged up, but the equipment is still intact.

Di-In: Which would be… how much?

Katar: (He pulls out a Gatling gun.) About enough to wipe out half a battalion, give or take.

(A large pirate drop ship descends into the distance.)

Prince: Sir there's a large drop ship descending into the distance.

Ben: For the final time I'M the one who points out the obvious things. I'm the captain in this outfit!

Di-In: Will you keep it down I have to call San, let him know that the deal has been compromised!

(He calls San.)

San: Di-In if this is about the WOK I'm being held hostage by one of their assassins.

Lith'mar: Don't exaggerate the situation you treacherous worm.

San: Why does everyone call me that?

Di-In: In any case why is she here?

San: Spies.

Di-In: Spies, why does it always have to be spies?

Lith'mar: Let's make a compromise. You have forty-eight hours to get to our position. If you aren't here by then I get the intel. But if you do get here by the allotted time you will receive your precious information.

San: Turvack 'Vadam! I didn't bring one of the most dangerous Telkine in the galaxy to play a game!

Di-In: Perhaps, but she already sent some soldiers so neither of us have a choice in this matter anyway. See you tomorrow!

(His communication ends, San and Lith'mar then look at each other awkwardly.)

San: So… what are we supposed to do for the next two days?

Fodder Droid 2: Bad question.

(Lith'mar tears of the droids head. Roughly eleven hours later and on Earth Aon receives a call from Armss'rej.)

Aon: Please tell me you didn't just say what you thought you said?

Armss'rej: Yes I did suggest sending your son Tsaritsyn on a dangerous high risk infiltration to the planet Soma.

Aon: I just said don't tell me! Why in your right mind would you stage an exchange-student program between the Federation and the Somite Theocracy anyway!

Armss'rej: Don't talk to me with that tone you know the stakes in this war.

Aon: Listen very carefully; I don't want anything to do with the war! Besides the Somites have been relatively well behaved over the last two-hundred years despite their senseless disregard for alien life and there godless and blasphemous experiments on just about anything of interest to them but.

Armss'rej: But nothing! That boy has at least five years' worth of black ops training the least that could happened would be that he put it to good use. (Aon is angrily hyperventilating.) As it is from what intel we have gathered so far the Somites have been providing bio weapons to both WOK and Cartel remnant forces

Aon: (She yells in frustration.) FINE! If it'll be the death sentence of those, Q'kila-Ara then I'll allow it. Just give me the name of the little shizno that'll be sent our way.

Armss'rej: I believe her name is Mary-Sue… Venus Shadowfax Freya Isis Honolulu Nymph Angels-Whom Valkyrie Poinsettia Rose-thorn Lothlorian Morgan Leliana Horse-Mane Lotus Sun-Tear Rosetta Sirens-Anthem Lilith Pointless-but-funny-Twilight-bashing Pandora.

Aon: (She shudders.) What is it about people named "Mary-Sue" That just puts me off?

Armss'rej: That makes just about our entire species. Anyway I would go into detail about Miss Venus but I kept getting nauseas almost immediately after reading.

Aon: She's that bad isn't she? Just a dumb question what if this Mary-Sue etc, etc is in fact a Somite spy?

Armss'rej: If you catch her with anything that could compromise anything of importance… snap the banshee's frelling little neck! Also just a quick heads up we already have two agents on Soma.

Aon: There not Tsaritsyns delinkwent little friends from school are they?

Armss'rej: I wouldn't know, I deal in military intelligence not domestic. Anyway goodbye and may your final hours be with glory! (He hangs up.)

Aon: Imbecile.

(Marge and Homer enter the room.)

Marge: What was that all about?

Aon: Nothing that concerns you, that much I'll say.

Marge: Oh, well anyway don't you think it's exciting that were getting an exchange student from another planet?

Homer: Marge don't you remember what happened the last time we did this thing?

Marge: Homer this is a student from some planet called Soma, not a spy from Albania.

Aon: No Marge, Homer is partially right. Somites are about as untrustworthy as the rest of your people but are far more hated and reviled. In fact the sins of Orion are almost nothing compared to Soma's

(Meanwhile on Asogur at about the same time, Lith'mar is conversing with Bob.)

Lith'mar: My troops are done deploying.

Bob: Excellent, though I do think that so much hardware cramped into one dropship was a little overdone. How many droids do you need to kill a Lukus anyway?

Lith'mar: That depends on how competent they are, and since Di-In is here these forces are completely necessary.

Bob: Oh come one no one is that good.

Lith'mar: You'd think so, but this guy has been fighting warrior all his life which is almost nine-thousand years. So I'd doubt he'd just give up without bloodshed.

Bob: But these droids don't even have blood!

Lith'mar: My point is still the same, over and out.

(Lith'mar hangs up. A Fodder droid approaches her.)

Fodder Droid 3: Mistress our forces have deployed and we await your orders.

Lith'mar: Find Pala Di-In and his companions.

Fodder Droid 3: Okay… what does he look like?

Lith'mar: He'll be the big decrypted yellow one… (She whips out her plasma sword in a random display of anger.) WITH A LIGHT BLADE!

Fodder Droid 3: Oh… that makes sense, what do we do with anyone who's with him?

Lith'mar: What do you think?

Fodder Droid 3: Um… I was thinking maybe we could capture them for some sort of project Bob has been talking about recently. From someone named Dr. Husk. Something about a ray that can turn organic life forms into droids. There may be a promotion or a large financial reward if we do so.

Lith'mar: Really? I was just going to tell you to just kill him but that could work as well.

(Meanwhile deep within the coral forests Di-In, Aloo and company are hiding from a WOK droid patrol.)

Ben: Sir they've got tanks!

Di-In: Well "tanks" for pointing out the obvious once again!

Aloo: Master are these bad puns going to be a recurring thing with you?

Di-In: Only if something corny comes to mind.

Aloo: (Sarcastically.) Very funny master.

(Three WOK tank approaches them and a droid pops out of one.)

Droid tank driver 1: You know you really shouldn't talk out loud like that, we may be stupid but we aren't deaf.

Ben: INTO THE FORESTS!

(The tanks follows them into the forest and fires at them randomly. But then they come to a dead end were the tanks can't go through.)

Droid tank driver 1: Were too big to fit in there.

Droid tank driver 2: No were not, look. (He drives his tank at high speed into the brush, but he flies out of his tank.) Okay so I was wrong!

Droid tank driver 1: Why do I even bother giving orders if no one listens to me? Might as well let everyone have free reign to go on a chaotic rampage!

(Di-In and friends are in an open clearing.)

Ben: I think we lost them, (A WOK patrol ambushes them from behind.) then again. (They starts running, Ben is injured in the legs by a plasma rocket fired by one of the droids.)

Aloo: BEN! (She runs out to drag him behind some cover, but her left eye is shot by a lucky blaster shot.) TURVACK!

Di-In: Okay people, I'm going to try something crazy but it just might work!

Aloo: (She's nursing her blaster wound.) Just do it quick, I think I may need a new eye because of that shot!

(Di-In uses the Essence to lift a random droid from the platoon, and then shifts it's position backwards to fire at the rest of them.)

Super Fodder Droid 1: Stop shooting at me friends! (He is lowered and is then shot down by the other droids.)

Di-In: Regroup and get to some shelter! We'll rest for the night.

(Six hours later on the planet Soma, Tsaritsyn has just arrived at the safe house that he will be sharing with four currently unnamed agents who are unlikely to be anonymous for very long.)

Tsaritsyn: Well here I am at my little home away from home… and talking to myself like a chump. I wonder who else I might encounter on this faux exchange student program? Perhaps my old friends from Tier-1 through Tier-6, Rahpo Ein-he'rjar R'lyeh and Ocihc Muloc-Sbu who are respectively in the order that I presented their names, a Njord and a Quetzal?

(Two people enter the room wearing very poor disguises that are basically bad masks with beards, the one the right pulls down his mask to reveal that he is Ocihc as just mentioned, and the one on the left turns around to reveal that he is Rahpo as also mentioned before.)

Ocihc: (He has a mild Italian accent.) Hey-a a look-a Rahpo, it's-a Tsaritsyn!

Tsaritsyn: It's a small universe after all… I wish it were bigger.

Ocihc: Oh come on-a, your just a-saying that because I a-used to keep-a pictures of you're a-sister in her a-swim suits.

Tsaritsyn: Not really, but she did feel cosseted and started complaining to me about her weight because of that stint you pulled. Rahpo how has my favorite silent partner been doing?

Rahpo: (He purrs while snuggling Tsaritsyn's face.)

Tsaritsyn: Are you that happy to see me or do you have a happy cat in your gullet?

Ocihc: Don't be a-silly, what-a cat-a would a-want to be-a in his a-belly?

Tsaritsyn: If I had to guess he invited it to dinner, and the cat was the main course.

Rahpo: (He writes on a holographic white board.) You know I'm shtanding right here?

Tsaritsyn: Yes but you misspelled standing you mute mollusk. My advice? Stick to the pantomime. Just keep the pants on the mime and you should do fine, and use that hammer belt to pull out random items that somehow get in there.

(Zaar and Andúril enter the room suddenly.)

Zaar: Do you have to wear those stupid masks everywhere you two go?

Andúril: What the! Son what are you doing here?

Tsaritsyn: I got roped into a highly improbable plan by that guy who runs **T.E.A.R.** for some reason. Why and how an answering room was able to organize a fake exchange student program between Somite Theocracy and the Orion Federation is a mystery.

Andúril: (Angrily.) That irresponsible son of a banshee Armss'rej! Look I'll let you tag along just don't get hurt.

Tsaritsyn: That might actually be a hard promise to keep. I might peeve someone important and… well you know how people are on this rock, (Concerned.) and Iam knows what kinds of monster they sent in my place.

Andúril: WHAT!

Tsaritsyn: No monster is kind of an extreme word. I think I meant to say weirdo but I forget what I was going to say anyway.

Ocihc: Look at-a the bright-a side-a! We-a could have-a been assigned to Uranium! (He laughs.)

Andúril: That gross joke wasn't funny in my youth and it isn't now!

(Meanwhile at the Simpson's, which is now Mr. Burns's old mansion. The Simpson's and the Thel's are having dinner with their guest. Mary-Sue Venus Shadowfax Freya Isis Honolulu Nymph Angels-Whom Valkyrie Poinsettia Rose-Thorn Lothlorian Morgan Leliana Horse-Mane Lotus Sun-Tear Rosetta Sirens-Anthem Lilith Pointless-but-funny-Twilight-bashing Pandora.)

(**WARNING: The following is a detailed description of a parody of the Mary Sue archetype character created for the authors (In other words, me Darth Sith'ari.) sick personal amusement. For those of you with weak constitutions or have a white hot hatred of Mary Sue's in general, please skip ahead to beyond the following paragraph. However it is very informative and has few cheap laughs at said characters expense, in short: READ ON AT YOUR OWN PERIL! P.S. She is not a robot in anyway whatsoever despite her unrealistic personality or appearance.)**

(The young fifteen-year old Mary-Sue sat at the antique wooden table with perfect posture and perfect manners and rather tall for her age which made her look slightly older and also more beautiful, with her unblemished skin that was as white as fresh snow, and a skirt, pumps, overcoat and top which were the exact same color and as soft as a rabbits fur. (Which is somewhat contradictory since almost everyone in the Simpson's universe is yellow.) Her lips were as red as the blood of men, which also gave them the unsettling impression that it WAS the blood of men on her lips, and hair which was as black as the void in-between worlds or a starless night whichever way you look at it and it was in a perfect twisted spine, which is like a pony tail except it goes down to the ankles. Also her eyes were as green as wild spring grass on a Sunday afternoon after a violent storm. As of this moment she is describing her tragic, sad and depressing past in detail in her more than perfect voice that sounds like the chirping of new born baby birds on a spring morning and… consequently boring everyone to tears.)

Mary-Sue: (Overly dramatic.) And that is how I have twenty-one last names, all of whom, but the twenty-first died in tragic accidents, (She starts to cry like a crystal clear waterfall overflowing after a violent storm.** I don't like this character either but she threatened to sue me if I didn't describe everything she does in detail.** That's actually a pretty funny pun if you think about it.) That I can't help but feel responsible for. (She notices everyone has fallen asleep.) Um, hello? HEY!

(She snaps her fingers which sound like a crack of thunder on a stormy night and everyone wakes up startled and starts to run around randomly yelling. "I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE!")

Knara: WHAT THE FRELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!

Aon: Knara watch your language.

Knara: (Groans.) Why did you that?

Mary-Sue: Look Marge asked me why I have such a long name the least I can do is tell EVERYONE about it.

Lisa: Why not just tell us individually?

Knara: Best idea I heard all night.

Mary-Sue: Yes but this is the most effective way for everyone to hear my tale of tragedy and mostly tragedy to triumph in one go.

Knara: My advice, practice telling it in the mirror like the rest of you Somite ego-maniacs.

Mary-Sue: (She emit's a gasp that sounds like a maiden accepting a proposal of marriage. But in this case however she's offended so that's just about the opposite.) How rude! You have no right to talk to me like that you insolent peasant!

Knara: This is Earth, you can tell the President herself that she doesn't take her job as seriously as she should be, and she'll take the comment personally. But the worst she can do is have you thrown out of the White House head first onto the lawn and banned for life from the tour.

Marge: Why are you so obsessed with telling that story of our last trip to Washington D.C.?

Knara: We didn't get far enough into it to get to the war room! I always wanted to see how that thing worked and Homer just had to insult the President.

Mary-Sue: Either way I am taking my dinner to my room. I will not eat with someone so disrespectful to my horribly traumatic past! (She walks up to her room with the grace and posture of a professional figure skaterm or dancer take your pick, with her dinner.)

Knara: Just don't change Tsaritsyn's room. He just got the floor smelling the way he wanted them to last week.

Marge: Honestly do you have to be so rude to her?

Knara: Don't tell me you actually listened or for that matter believed that sap story.

Marge: Actually I did fall asleep when she got to the end of her story. But she's a tormented soul!

Knara: Marge, get this through your big blue beehive of hair. Nearly everyone in this day and age is mostly angst ridden or in an extremely bad mood at almost all times. Seraph for instance was almost certainly just a few bad days away from going on a large scale killing spree. As far as I know she just made up that tripe just to sound interesting to compensate for no real personality what so ever. Besides no one can lose twenty families in two years and come out mildly sane, no wrinkles from stress or for that matter even want to talk about it in the first place.

Marge: That's it young lady! Go to your room until you learn some manners!

Aon: Marge she's my daughter it's my say as to what she does, not yours! Besides I agree with her, there's just something about her that seems… unnatural for some reasons that I can't quite put my talon on.

Marge: I'll go up and talk to her. (She goes up stairs after Mary-Sue.)

Lisa: "Insolent peasant?" and she said you were rude.

Knara: Exactly, that's your average Somite for you. Plus judging by her attitude, behavior, unnatural appearance, and a complete and utter disrespect for other people's feelings. I'd she's an Echelon-class Alpha-1 custom series.

Lisa: Wait you mean there robots?

Knara: Not really, but they are genetically tailored from birth to be, "perfect in every possible way." From the looks of her, her first family pulled out all of the stops on her am I right Bart? Bart? (She notices Bart is staring into blank space.) BART! (She punches him in the shoulder.)

Bart: OUCH! What was that for?

Knara: You were undressing her with your eyes weren't you?

Bart: (Bashfully.) Umm… which answer won't have you punching me?

(Knara gives him a right hook.)

Knara: Not that one. (She has a dead serious look on her face.) Here's a deal Bart, I'll give you three chances not to cheat on me with that self-righteous wench. On the first try I'll bind and gag you and force you to listen to my own life story until you break down into tears. Second strike I'll force you to eat something brazenly disgusting, and assuming you go far enough into a third strike… well, (She pulls out a pistol.) let's just say this will be involved… just as soon as I figure out how to use this stupid silencer mod works. I mean for some reason there making them with an inverted Y-axis were you have to turn the dial UP in order to silence the shot, instead of down which makes more sense because that's how volume control typically works right? Well I'm going down to the holodeck, and try to get that banshees voice out of my head, and because that story made me lose my appetite. Not that Marge's cooking would make any difference mind you.

(She leaves the dining room.)

Bart: Aon did you listen to anything Knara just said?

Aon: Hmm what? (She snaps back to attention.) Oh sorry I wasn't paying attention. I was distracted by the texture of this dinner; how she or anyone can burn soup is something I just don't want to know.

Lisa: Bart I think that maybe Knara was serous.

Bart: What? About me going out with Mary-Sue, or Somites in general?

Lisa: Both, also and your free to call me crazy for saying this. I think Knara is jealous of her.

Bart: I wonder how Tsaritsyn is doing.

Lisa: What does he have to do with anything?

Bart: Just curious you know?

(Meanwhile on… Asogur… almost got you there didn't I? Anyway Di-In, Aloo and the Clone marine squad are inside of a cave, Di-In is tending to Aloo's wound by placing a bandage over her charred eye socket, Ben is nursing his leg wound, and Privites Prince and Katar aren't nursing anything unless you count reviewing what supplies they have left as nursing. If that is the case then Prince and Katar are nursing whatever is left of their supplies.)

Katar: What do we have left?

Prince: Two grenades and one rocket for the launcher.

Katar: Against a battalion? Forget it, we are so, Scrined!

Di-In: Funny I could have sworn you were ready you go into battle guns blazing just this morning. (Aloo squeals in pain.) Oh sorry dear.

Katar: Yes but after twelve hours of going on the run from droids A Gatling gun doesn't look like that practical a weapon .

Di-In: Perhaps, (He takes Captain Ben's rifle.) but then again I've been a warrior all my life, facing impossible odds and frequently taunting death by the seat of my pants.

Ben: Is this going somewhere?

Di-In: Yes. (He proceeds to make Ben's rifle into a crutch.) Take of your helmets for a moment. (Ben, Prince and Katar take of their helmets to show…. OKAY THAT'S SO JUST WRONG! How does anyone survive with that many scars on the face, it looks hideous! And two of those guys are Privets to there to inexperienced to get any scars! Anyway Aloo screams) On second thought put them back on.

(They thankfully put their helmets back on.)

Ben: There wouldn't have been much to see anyway, we all have the same face.

Di-In: True, but your all different on the inside. Ben, you have a crippling nut allergy, a collection of ancient WWII era German rifles and a tatoo on your back that says, "Remember the Ashla. Death to Esar! The delusional murdering blag'fader of Soma!" Prince, you have a very bad habit of taking over your Captains duty to pointing out the obvious but a very good shot with heavy ordinance, and Katar. You harbor romantic feelings for Aloo because she gave you some pudding and a big warm hug on the way here, because you lost your pension gambling on Pazack during your last shore leave.

Katar: What the! How did you know all that anyway?

Di-In: We spent nine hours in a spaceship; you people aren't very good at keeping secrets. (He gives the makeshift crutch to Ben.)

Aloo: You like me Katar?

Katar: (Nervously.) Well… umm… yes, I mean… I'm no expert on much but.

Aloo: Yes?

Katar: You look hot despite just one eye! (He makes out with her.)

Aloo: I didn't think you cared.

Di-In: (Snorts.) Only one month of freedom and she's already got a lover. Most ex-slaves your age take almost a decade or longer.

(Meanwhile onboard Stan's flagship, the Desert Angel, a not to subtle reference to his secret marriage. Stan Tartarus and his Novus Seraph Ashla are tinkering with the freighter they took on Htet.)

Stan: How is everything down there?

Seraph: (She's straining.) The engines are clogged with sand.

Stan: Now do you know why I hate sand? It gets into everything and it's impossible to get rid of.

Seraph: (She gets a crowbar and tries to pull off a panel.) I get your point. (She pulls off the panel and sand falls out all over her.) Believe me I understand you completely.

(A shuttle lands in the hanger, Lieutenant Tyler, Minerva, Homer and Grunchy leave said shuttle.)

Homer: Wait why are we here? From what you told me on the way here this isn't even a Federation ship!

Tyler: I promised Stan that I would help him repair that ship we found on Htet.

Homer: But that thing was a pile of twisted and melted metal, what good would working on that thing do anyway?

Minerva: Stan won an arm-wrestling contest against him.

Tyler: I thought we agreed you wouldn't tell anyone?

Seraph: Stan I'm not kidding you, there are crates filled with fruitcake. Why anyone would smuggle fruitcake is anyone's guess.

(She pulls her head to notice Homer smiling; she then throws a fruitcake at him.)

Homer: OUCH! Why does everyone throw fruitcake at me!

Seraph: It's the only practical use for it. Besides, Tyler didn't mention bringing you along.

Homer: What do you have against Grunchy?

Seraph: I have nothing against the Dadaban. YOU on the other hand have this disturbing obsession with stalking me and telling Marge everything that's happened to me over the past three hours in-between calls.

Homer: Ah huh, and your problem with me what? (She throws another fruitcake at him.)

(Everyone in the hanger starts to burst out laughing.)

Tyler: This is the best fun I've had since basic training!

Homer: (He pulls out his assault rifle.) Shut up! (It blows up instead of firing at everyone, and everyone just laughs harder.) It's not that funny!

Seraph: (She pulls out a pair of broken wires.) Your right it's not. (She connects the wires and the engines ignite, burning Homer and he runs around screaming. Everyone laughs even harder.) That on the other hand is a running riot.

(Homer dowses the flames and lies down on the floor writhing in pain, Stan exit's the ship.)

Stan: Tano I have no idea what you did but the engines are in full working order. (He notices a charred Homer on the hanger bay floor.) What happened to him?

Seraph: Couldn't take a joke. Now then are we ready for that search and rescue mission?

Stan: Yes, the weapons still need some work, but we probably won't need them anyway.

Minerva: Wait so we aren't going to fix the ship?

Stan: No, but you can still do something fun. You work communications, Tyler and Grunchy will monitor scanners.

(Everyone but Homer and Seraph enters the ship.)

Homer: (He gets up still recoiling from the pain.) Well what am I supposed to do? (Seraph throws a wet rag at him.) What you ran out of fruitcake already? (She throws another fruitcake at him.)

Seraph: That answers your question?

Homer: No! Now what am I supposed to do? (She then throws a bucket, a sponge, windex, a dry cloth, and a breath mask.) This answers nothing!

Seraph: I have to spell it out don't I? (Homer nods.) It's pretty simple, you wash the ship DURING the mission!

Homer: Isn't that dangerous? Besides I don't clean cars. I make them into a big mess.

Seraph: Don't be silly, it's only dangerous WITHOUT the breath mask, or if you get hit by space debris. Whichever one comes first. But if you don't want to come I can understand, besides I'm sure Marge will be more then understanding if you come back empty handed with no money after coming at least a hundred-and-fifty light-years. In other words you're not going anywhere or getting paid unless you're willing to clean up this ship during the mission.

Homer: (He's grumbling.) Fine, just tell me where.

Seraph: THE HULL YOU IDIOT! THE HULL! Why do you think I gave you the breath mask?


	2. E1P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 1: Part 2

(The Scene, Milky Way Galaxy, Arm of Orion, Sol system, Earth, North America, United States of America: Unknown State, Springfield: 1000 Mammon Street.)

(Inside of Tsaritsyn's room, the unbelievably gorgeous and beautiful Mary-Sue Venus Shadowfax Freya Isis Honolulu Nymph Angels-Whom Valkyrie Poinsettia Rose-Thorn Lothlorian Morgan Leliana Horse-Mane Lotus Sun-Tear Rosetta Sirens-Anthem Lilith Pointless-but-funny-Twilight-bashing Pandora is brushing her unbelievably gorgeous and beautiful black hair. There is a knock on her door.)

Mary-Sue: (Her voice sounds like singing birds or whatever.) Come in.

Marge: (She enters and she looks tired.) I swear Tsaritsyn choose a room this far away from the dining hall on purpose.

Mary-Sue: Why are you here?

Marge: Is just wanted to apologize for Knara's behavior. She normally isn't this rude to people.

Mary-Sue: And I accept your apology on her behalf, you're a very good mother for doing that.

Marge: Really?

Mary-Sue: Yes, but I can't really blame her, I mean. Firstly I'm infinitely prettier than her.

Marge: And how! What's your secret to looking that beautiful anyway?

Mary-Sue: Secondly she was raised by Telkines.

Marge: Is that a problem?

Mary-Sue: Not necessarily, so long as you count out the fact that there a race of barbaric bloodthirsty savages who zealously follow the survival of the fittest to the letter. But you can't really blame them for that kind of anti-social behavior, mostly because their homeworld Telchine had and STILL has a vast menagerie of dangerous animals.

Marge: Uh huh, now how do you look so beautiful at such a young age?

Mary-Sue: Unfortunately all of those negative traits have been burned into the psyche of every known alien species in the galaxy, and simply because the human race wanted to expand its influence and we got carried away with it. (There's a beeping noise.) Whoa look at how the time flies! It's already time for my orthopedic bath. Marge can you please leave my room so I can get undressed?

Marge: Yes but wouldn't it be a better idea to get changed in the bathroom?

Mary-Sue: Yes but… (She goes into her sappy… I mean sad dramatic voice.) ever since the loss of my 13th family I have had a crippling phobia of all kinds of bathrooms, public and private alike, as well as showers to a lesser extent.

Marge: Okay, okay I'll leave (She leaves Mary-Sues room.) but can't you at least tell me what is in your orthopedic… (Mary-Sue closes the door and locks it.) bath? (She's sees Knara right behind her.) Knara how long have been out here?

Knara: Just long enough to fill in some the questions you obviously have.

Marge: Well actually I didn't really pay that much attention to what she was saying, I was more interested in how she's THAT beautiful at such a young age.

Knara: Good, except for those parts about her vanity. Anyway don't ever believe a word she tells you.

Marge: Well why not?

Knara: Let me put it to you bluntly. All Somites are self-righteous ego-maniacs and specisist's that believe that humanity is the only species that deserves to exist in the universe, and they have driven several sentient beings into either slavery or extinction just to prove there point.

Marge: (She gasps.) That's horrible!

Knara: You say that simply because it involves death on a mass-scale and to sound like a good person by false sympathy. But yes it was terrible. On top of that their entire culture involves screwing around with the human genome just to make I, for lack of a better term. "Perfect." As well as some other things that will not be mentioned until probably the last minute and more or less look like a shameless parody of Greek mythology. One other thing, the key to her beauty is highly expensive and extensive genetic tailoring since birth.

Marge: (Disappointed.) Oh…

Knara: Your thinking of Homer right now, aren't you?

Marge: Yes. I'm just so worried about him.

Knara: You and mom both, she thinks she might not survive running the weapons manufacturing plant on her own without going insane and running around town in her small cloths screaming like crazy.

Marge: But he's been gone for only five hours. Besides isn't she a war veteran?

Knara: Well so is Skinner, but he's a grade A momma's boy. But that's beside the point.

(Meanwhile in the Va'ay-tou'r star system, the Dilapidated Hut has just exited Q-space.)

Stan: Well here we are. Oath, reconfigure the scanners to search for organic signatures.

Solemn Oath: Aye Stan. (Under his breath.) I don't even remember being assigned to this ship.

Homer: Can someone remind me what I was supposed to do again?

Seraph: It's very simple really. (She and Homer walk to the hanger at the back of the ship. She hands him cleaning supplies, an oxygen mask, and a jetpack.)

Homer: Oh! Do I get to fight the evil Wrath of Kaos pirates and bring their evil leader to justice?

Seraph: No, you're going to spend the entire mission cleaning the hull and every window on the outside.

Homer: WHAT! I didn't agree to this!

Seraph: Well tough luck shizno, I outrank you and either you do as I say or you don't get paid.

Homer: (Moans.) Alright fine.

Seraph: Homer either you drop that defiant attitude with me or… (She is surprised.) You what?

Homer: You heard me! I'll do it, but only because I'm getting paid five-million credits to do this. (He puts on the oxygen mask and jet pack, and the cleaning supplies and he flies out of the hanger.)

Seraph: He's gets five-mil for cleaning this tin bucket. I get temporarily infected by a modified AI and all I got was a massive headache and the knowledge that the last thousand years of history have been manipulated by some mysterious figure with a white hot hatred for humans, and I was unintentionally knocked up by a childhood sweetheart. (She realizes she said the previous out loud.) As well as a habit of talking to myself out loud, why the All-Father favors idiots like him is just one of those things that are better off NOT being known to the masses.

(She goes back to the cockpit.)

Stan: So how do you know this guy anyway?

Seraph: (Breathily sigh.) Well Oolk Olp was the Lukus who liberated me from the Thrail Collective and took me to Mimban IV were I belonged. I owe him everything.

Stan: No you told me about him shortly after his fleet disappeared in this system. I was asking about how you know (Homer appears in view of the cockpit and he starts spraying at a random stain on the window shield.) that fat weirdo.

Seraph: Oh him. Well basically he and his family adopted me, it was great at first but when school started I was basically surrounded by xenophobic morons incapable of so much as a minimum degree of logic and reasoning. Not only had that but they all had the annoying habit of dropping an F-bomb every two to forty-five seconds.

Stan: Don't your swear yourself?

Seraph: Yes but I swear to try to make a relevant point in frustration. Humans typically do it as a pathetic attempt to sound cool to compensate for the fact that they are spineless insecure mommas boys, who know that their lives will never, ever, EVER make a significant difference in the world around them. Without causing massive to moderate property damage, chaos and general grief, and weeping and gnashing of teeth, and while I'm still on the subject a complete lack of knowledge as to the origin of said profane terms.

Stan: (Awkward pause.) Remind me never to ask you a simple question ever again.

Seraph: Done. But it probably won't do you any good anyway. (She pulls out a communicator.) Homer you missed a spot.

Homer: D'oh! (He moves on to a different stain.) Why are you doing this to me?

Seraph: Quite frankly I never really liked you. Besides you seem to have this unhealthy habit of invading people's privacy. Specifically MY privacy, I'm going to take a wild guess and say that Marge threatened to withhold sex from you if you didn't trail me didn't she?

Homer: (Suspiciously.) Um, no of course not. I mean why anyone would be that cruel.

Seraph: Will you just clean this stupid ship already you big fat liar!

(Meanwhile on Asogur and one hour later, San is talking with Bob via hologram.)

Bob: So, what do you think of the great Pala Di-In?

San: It hasn't changed much, but it has grown dramatically. I will be joining the Fellowship.

Bob: I don't think I gave you that option did I?

San: (Groans.) Alright here's the Intel. (He gives Lith'mar a disk.) Can I go home now?

Bob: (Dramatically.) No my lanky treacherous worm like friend… Lith'mar… KILL HIM!

Lith'mar: (She whips out her plasma blades.) As you wish, my master. (San's bodyguards shot at her only for their shots to be deflected and to be pushed back by the Essence. She then proceeds to slices of San's head before she is abruptly stopped by Di-In, behind him are Captain Ben, Privates Prince and Kater, and Di-In's Novus Aloo Styx.) What the! How did you get here so fast?

Ben: We tried to reverse engineer the escape pod so we could fly back… and when that backfired horribly we just ran very fast all the way over here.

(Lith'mar presses a but on her wrist, a rockslide occurs but Di-In and Aloo use the Essence to keep themselves from being crushed, Lith'mar runs to her ship and it flies away.)

Di-In: in the end cowards are those who follow the dark side of the essence.

Prince: I'll say, she just ran away like that without so much as a decent fight.

Ben: (Sighs.) Kid at this rate you'll captain in no time.

Aloo: At least she didn't get the Intel.

San: Exactly. (He pushes a button and Lith'mar's ship explodes.)

Di-In: What was that?

San: (He chuckles.) The Intel that I gave her, or to be more precise the bomb

Bob: You gave her a fake disc!

San: Exactly… what in your mind made you think I would betray Di-In over you? You pansy.

Bob: (He yells.) I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! (His hologram disappears.)

Di-In: What a wimp. No about the intel?

San: (He gives Di-In the REAL intel.) Here it is, now if you will excuse me I have to return to my people's homeworld of Perfidia vermis in order to clear up the rest of the rebel scum.

(He heads into his ship, his bodyguards regain conciseness and go in after him.)

Katar: WAIT CAN'T WE GET A RIDE! (Confederate capital ships enter the moons atmosphere, several gunships' land in a circle around Di-In and his friends.) Never mind.

(Everyone gets on board.)

Aloo: Master, how do you think Master Andúril and Novus Zaar are doing?Di-In: It's to early to say.

(Meanwhile on Soma, Zaar, Tsaritsyn, Ocihc, Rahpo are sneaking around in a dark room.)

Ocihc: Rahpo you got a-flash? (Rahpo pulls out a fish.) That's a fish! I want a-flash! (Rahpo has a confused look on his face.)

Zaar: (Growls in aggravation.) Do you have a glow torch? (Rahpo pulls out an orange glow torch.)

Ochic: What-a-the! It takes me at least-a five-a minutes to-a get-a what we-a need-a!

Zaar: Then you need to try harder.

(Several minutes of snooping latter. Zaar and others come across a control panel.)

Ochic: Look-a here-a! I-a found-a control-a panel!

Zaar: I can see it to I'm not blind. Now then does anyone know anything about hacking?

Tsaritsyn: I can hack it… wait do you mean crack any firewalls in it or hack the console to bits with my saber?

Zaar: The first one, the latter will be plan B if that doesn't work.

Tsaritsyn: Then I can do it. (He starts hacking the console.) Incidentally why are you here?

Zaar: Apparently my master didn't trust the three of you with an assignment like this.

Tsaritsyn: Can't say I blame him. I mean they did try to make Har'kin-cakes with the Q-ray player, blew up the garage, AND drove the family AT-DTV into the backyard.

Ochic: All of-a that-a happened at least five-a years ago-a!

Tsaritsyn: It cost well over a security deposit to replace everything that was melted and or burned to the ground.

Zaar: Look I could care less but we have more important matters to attend to. (There is a weird deep growling noise.) Did anyone else hear that?

Ochic: Rahpo are you-a hungry again?

(Rahpo shakes his head.)

Tsaritsyn: Okay I just got past every firewall but this last one is kind of tricky… it's a five digit code they tend to be random.

Zaar: Well hurry it up I don't like being on this planet any longer then at least fifteen minutes. (He turns around to see a zombie like creature that looks like a stalker from Dead Space.) Excuse me but is there a reason you're here? (The zombie makes gurgling noises.) Ah you and some friends came down here to kill intrudes. (The zombie nods it's head.) Now that we have that out of the way, (He pulls out his light blades and ignites them.) how many of these do I have? (The zombie holds up both of its arms.) Good. (He slices off both of the zombies arms with his light blades and it falls on the floor squirming.) Boys we've got mutant zombie problems.

Tsaritsyn: And just in time I just got to the last number in this code.

Zaar: Well hurry it up; I have a decided dislike for the undead.

(Several dozen more mutant zombies rush out of nowhere, Ochic pulls out a futuristic bow, and Rahpo pulls out a grenadier launcher.)

Ochic: That-a makes-a three of us.

Tsaritsyn: Four of us if you count me but I'm a little busy at the moment. Ah the code is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Okay now then I'm downloading the information now.

Zaar: (Sarcastically.) Wonderful, (He contacts Andúril while cutting down mutant zombies.) master we've found some Intel but we've run into some mutant zombies or something.

Andúril: Well make it quick, get the Intel and then get out of there.

Tsaritsyn: (The console chimes.) The Intel is now fully downloaded, can we go home now?

Zaar: You have to ask? (The four of them head into a vent and spend the next half-hour avoiding mutant zombies. After the half-hour they reach a ship piloted by Andúril leaves the planet in a hurry.) That was TO close!

Andúril: Agreed… now then son what kind of Intel do we have?

Tsaritysn: Well the usual, trade agreements with WOK and the Cartel Remnants, the odd pictures of the Somite leaders in their underwear, and a project called "Cyber Homo Novus."

Andúril: Cyber Homo Novus? That doesn't sound good, what is it?

Tsaritsyn: Well basically they make a cyborg that is capable of making babies. Not those cheap plastic ones that Orion children play with I mean fifty percent human, fifty percent machine.

Andúril: And how is that done? As if I wasn't afraid asking.

Tsaritsyn: It doesn't say, you have to read it first.

(Meanwhile in Va'ay-tou'r, the crew of the Dilapidated Hut are still looking for survivors.)

Stan: Minerva are there any signals on the emergency frequencies?

Minerva: No General. But I'm still looking

(Seraph slumps back in her chair in frustration.)

Stan: Don't worry Tano we'll find Olp I promise.

Seraph: As you say my master, I'm going to try the emergency frequencies. (She turns on the emergency frequencies.) This is Seraph Ashla, can anyone hear me? Minerva are you getting anything?

Minerva: I have at least two com frequencies, (There is loud static.) make that one com frequency but it's pretty weak.

Seraph: Oath, boost the reception.

Solemn Oath: (Sighs.) Yes sir, why does this feel so empty without Jiral-3PO?

Stan: You're probably just getting jaded.

Seraph: That makes at least two of us.

Minerva: So am I can I join your club? (The frequency suddenly spikes.) Hello! I just a communication from an escape pod and… (The frequency suddenly drops sharply.) now it's gone.

Seraph: WHAT!

Stan: Seraph I'm sorry but…

Seraph: (She sounds defeated.) Fine then, (She uses the ship com.) Attention crew, everyone report to the bridge. That means you Homer.

(The entire crew reports to the cockpit.)

Homer: Okay what is this about? Oh and thank you for getting me out of there I think I was starting to get frostbite from being outside to long.

Stan: Well apparently nobody was that thrilled with this rescue mission, my old Master was rather annoyed that I didn't tell anyone, Premier Maccabeus was rather concerned and Seraph has almost completely lost hope in finding master Olp.

(Seraphs eyes are closed, they then they open.)

Seraph: Not yet tartar. (She takes control of the ship and starts to fly it recklessly.) I can sense Oolk!

Stan: SERAPH!

(Seraph drives recklessly through the debris and as a consequence everyone in the cockpit is jerking around wildly like rag dolls.)

Homer: WHERE DO YOU LEARN TO DRIVE YOUNG LADY!

Solemn Oath: (He's not moving at all.) This is one of those times I'm glad that I don't have any legs.

(Forty-five seconds of this latter, the ship suddenly stops in front of an escape pod with three clone marines outside of it along with Master Oolk Olp.)

Seraph: See Master? There they are!

Stan: (He is in great pain because his face is smashed into the cockpit window shield.) Never… doubted you… for a second…someone get the tow cable ready to get that pod into the freighters hanger.

Seraph: (Uncharacteristically cheerful and happy.) I'll do it Master! (She heads to the rear of the ship.)

Tyler: She is defiantly your Novus Stan.

Stan: Was it her driving that gave it away?

Tyler: Kind of.


	3. E1P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 1: Part 3

(Seraph has just finished preparing the tow cable in the hanger of the Dilapidated Hut.)

Seraph: The tow cable is ready to bring in Master Oolk Olp's pod Master!

(The tow cable is shot at the pod and tows it into the hanger, Stan and Solemn Oath enter.)

Stan: Oolk are you alright?

Oolk: I'm fine, were there any other survivors?

Seraph: (She has a mournful look on her face.) No Master… (She hugs him.) I'm sorry.

Stan: Incidentally what was the WOK "mystery weapon" anyway?

Oolk: You were always good with killing a mood.

(Homer enters the hanger.)

Homer: Hey guys I want to talk to Stan alone for a while about Seraph's driving… (He notices Oolk, for those of you who were curious Oolk Olp is a large Dadaban. To be specific, a Heka Gig-Gruntus variant. Homer screams like a little girl at the sight of him.) AHH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING! (He pulls out a rifle but Seraph quickly disarms him and knee's him in the crotch.)

Oolk: He acted like he never saw a Heka Gig-Gruntus Dadaban.

Seraph: There are a lot of things he hasn't seen, Master Andúril's war wound for instance.

(Meanwhile on Telchine. Thel Andúril, Zaar Lrack, and the other stooges from the last chapter are in conference with Kitrach Armss'rij.)

Armss'rij: I am glad that you were able to acquire this intel, but you could have blown your cover AFTER the week was over.

Andúril: (Furiously.) Personally I don't care about what you think you stupid kal'ice. You've already sent thousands of good men their early graves in this war on Htet alone, if the casualty count exceeds any further then the billions because of your short sited stupidity I will personally throw you into the Gra'toa arena from orbit into the gaping maw of a Tuchanka mole!

Tsaritsyn: Is that all?

Armss'rij: (Nervously.) Now let's not be hasty. Besides, Aiur would never allow something that ludicrous, dangerous and reckless to happen… in Fellowship space anyway. Anyway we will begin decrypting the Intel you acquired from Soma at our nearest convenience.

Ocihic: This is-a your-a nearest convenience! Why not-a take it now-a?

Armss'rij: I have dinner reservations in ten minutes, and it took almost seventy-five years to properly book them.

(Tyrana suddenly enters the room.)

Tyrana: He's right; I can do the decrypting now if you want.

Armss'rij: Excellent! You decipher that information and I'll be going to dinner. (He leaves.)

Andúril: Remind me again how he became a Vice-Counselor of the Counsel of Invading the Privacy of foreign nations?

Tyrana: From what I heard it wasn't pretty. You and I both know how dirty politics can get, like warfare but no honor.

Andúril: And how old friend. (They shake each other's hands.) How have things been with you these days?

Tyrana: Eventful in more ways than one. Anyway, (He takes the intel disk from Andúril.) let's see what Sutseahpeh and his scumbag brood have been up to recently. (He begins decrypting.) Remind me again why we even allowed those Somite vermin to survive this long in the first place?

Andúril: They preyed on the careless mercy of the Federation for protection, and made our sacrifices look like a giant waste of time.

Tyrana: I still can't believe they fell for the excuses by Suez and his blag'fader family even after they spent forty years trying to conquer them, and murdered the Twi'grutan Ashla clan and reducing their once serine and beautiful reservation world into a desert wasteland. (He takes a breath.) Ashla must have been what Elysium looked like before the rise of the Charons.

Andúril: (Mournful.) Yes, the ghosts of Ashla still scream in rage at Ersa's pointless aggression, and just because there Shaak got carried away with "spying" on him.

Tyrana: Hmm. Why anyone would use so much coconut butter and such a revealing ball room dress for espionage, is definably beyond our comprehension.

Tsaritsyn: You know not to butt in or anything. But why are we still here?

Andúril: No one said you had to stay. You and your friends can do… something. So long as it doesn't cause property damage like they almost always do.

Tsaritsyn: Alright! (He Ocihc and Rahpo leave the room.)

Tyrana: He'll grow out of his childish behavior. (There's a small pinging noise.) Ah there we go! (He has a worried look on his face.) Oh this looks bad.

Andúril: What? What is it?

Tyrana: This project Cyber Homo Novus is apparently a large scale attempt by the Somite Theocracy leaders, the Sna-Ip-My-Lo to. Rebuild the human race into the superior life form that it should be if I'm reading this right.

Andúril: Your right, this does sound bad.

Tyrana: It gets worse. The details are far more disturbing, they created a cyborg that is capable of breeding with humans, and bearing a child with enhanced strength, intelligence, dexterity, and "every-other-trait-imaginable", and it appears that Sutseahpeh had a recent chat with his pet droid.

(The recording starts up, the two people in it are Sutseahpeh and Mary-Sue Venus Shadowfax Freya Isis Honolulu Nymph Angels-Whom Valkyrie Poinsettia Rose-Thorn Lothlorian Morgan Leliana Horse-Mane Lotus Sun-Tear Rosetta Sirens-Anthem Lilith Pointless-but-funny-Twilight-bashing Pandora. I know I said she wasn't a robot or anything but I was lying. Her unrealistic personality should have been everyone's first guess.)

Sutseahpeh: (Ecstatic.) Hello my little girl! How have things been for you so far?

Mary-Sue: It's been fine, except for a young human named Thel Knara who has this irritating habit of making wise cracks about my fabricated back-story.

Sutseahpeh: Hmm, basing one of those off of an old horror film was probably a bad idea. Never the less have you met any boys that would make for a good breeding partner?

Mary-Sue: Well there was one… (She sighs dreamily like a spring breeze or something similar.) His name is Bartholomew JoJo Simpson, or just Bart for short.

Sutseahpeh: Really? Is he good?

Mary-Sue: (Nervously.) Not, really no. I mean he seems like a good guy but. Well he's kind of stupid and I'm a bit uncertain about his sperm count.

Sutseahpeh: O come on you can't believe all those old rumors that stupidity is hereditary amongst humans?

Mary-Sue: But this is different, his stupidity IS hereditary. You see he and every male in his family has a gene that makes them all fat, lazy, and stupid.

Sutseahpeh: (Concerned.) Oh, I see. Is there anyone else?

Mary-Sue: No, nearly everyone else in this stupid town is rude and disgusting, and besides Bart seems to be the only one with any amount of decency. Plus some of them looked… (Awkwardly.) Eager to… perform typical… look the point is I just don't feel right about… you know?

Sutseahpeh: (Worried.) What? NO! Nothing like that! Never anything like that! Look do you still have the sperm extraction tools and that formula that undoes genetic abnormalities? They were built into your endoskeleton remember?

Mary-Sue: Oh yeah I was so distraught that I almost forgot about those! Thanks! You're the best. (She blows him kisses.)

(The recording ends. Tyrana and Andúril look worried, disgusted and nauseous.)

Andúril: By the All-Father what are those blasphemous freaks of nature up to?

Tyrana: Aye old kovar'cha. There's more data on this disk but it will take more time to find out what else. From what this thing indicated so far there close. Plus I may need time to puke in-between files.

Andúril: (Worried.) I know… and they've dragged my daughter into this mess.

Tyrana: Oh right, your brood mate sold her services to that family of dysfunctional humans. I swear either she's losing her mind or the United Federation of Orion treats aliens as bad now as they did back in the old days.

Andúril: Listen Tyrana, firstly she offered her services voluntarily. Secondly she is only mildly insane due to severe stress. Thirdly the UFO's treatment of aliens has been improving since Catherine was elected, sluggishly I'll admit but there getting around to it. And finally if I've told you once I've told you over ten-hundred thousand times.

Tyrana: Yes, yes. Start a family of my own and if my kids turn out all-right and the wife is happy… THEN I'll give you parenting tips I know I'm familier with that lecture by now.

(There is a very loud explosion just down the hallway.)

Andúril: Just once can't those boys do something without causing an explosion?

Tyrana: (Chuckles.) Old habits die hard right?

(Meanwhile in the Va'ay-tou'r star system, Stan, Oolk, and Seraph enter the bridge of the Dilapidated Hut.)

Oolk: So anyway we tracked the ship to system after the destruction of the Admiral Se-oyma's fleet. We learned the hard way that it was an ion cannon.

Seraph: An ion cannon?

Oolk: A weapon that neutralizes all power to our ships, leaving the targets defenseless.

Seraph: I know what an ion cannon is. But wouldn't that be somewhat impractical on a large ship? I mean it would draw a lot of power.

Stan: Good point. An ionic cannon capable of surprising and wiping out entire capital ship task forces would require a ship of unreasonable proportions. Something on that magnitude of at least eight kilometers in length.

Oolk: Twelve.

Seraph: Seventeen.

(There's a beeping noise on the console. Stan takes a look at it.)

Stan: Hold on, I'm getting a massive power reading.

Oolk: (Panicked.) What the! (He shuts down all power in the cockpit.) Shut down all the power! That could be how it was tracking us!

Solemn Oath: (He enters the room; everyone gives him a shocked look.) Did I come in at a bad time?

Oolk: A droid!

Solemn Oath: Eh? What?

Seraph: (She runs over to Solemn Oath.) Sorry little buddy. (She turns him off.)

(Everyone looks out of the cockpit window to see General Remorseless flagship, the Adas.)

Stan: Look at the size of that thing; it could take on the Eagle's Talons and Twilight's Wrath without so much as a scratch on it.

Seraph: That's a bit of an exaggeration isn't it Master?

(Homer walks in.)

Homer: All right you jerks why'd you turn of the… (He notices the Adas.) OH MY! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT CRUISER CRUSHER! (He's gnawing on his fingernails nervously while hiding.)

Oolk and Stan: (In unison.) Cruiser crusher? (They both burst out in laughter.)

Seraph: (Sighs.) That sounded so much better for me to say in my head.

(Meanwhile onboard the bridge of the Adas.)

Fodder Droid 1: We still can't reestablish contact with the pod hunter. But we are detecting a faint signal from a droid in the debris… and it's not one of ours.

Bob: Really?

Fodder Droid 1: Um, yeah. It's a medical droid onboard a small freighter that appears to have powered down to try to hide from our scanners.

Remorseless: So they thought they could hide from our scanners by turning off their systems?

Fodder Droid 1: (He looks at another droid.) Was there an echo or did he just repeat what I just said? (The droid next to him just shrugs.) Why do I even bother spouting out random strategic information at random? No one ever gives me credit.

Remorseless: Change course to attack position, and warm up the plasma rotors. (He laughs evilly for no apparent reason.)

Bob: Hmm, your laugh needs work but a sound move.

(Meanwhile on the Dilapidated Hut everyone else notices the Adas moving to attack position.)

Stan: There coming back.

Oolk: Are you sure we shut everything down?

(Everyone looks at Homer.)

Homer: Don't look at me… IT WASEN'T ME I SWEAR!

(The medical droid enters the cockpit.)

Medical droid: Is everything all right? I was sent by the injured marines in the hanger to check on everyone and to inquire as to why the power is out.

Seraph: I knew we forgot to turn something off!

Homer: Okay. (He turns off the medical droid.) Done!

Seraph: No you idiot! (She turns the medical droid back on.) The ship knows where we are now so it doesn't matter if the systems are on or not!

(All of the other systems are turned on by Stan and Oolk. Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Adas.)

Fodder Droid 1: Sir the ship is now trying to clear the debris field. I think they are trying to escape the system.

Remorseless: No matter, just fire the ion cannon you stupid droids!

Fodder Droid 1: Roger, roger. (Under his breath.) You big jerk.

(The ion cannon fires and the shot follows the Dilapidated Hut as it flies through the debris field.)

Stan: Solemn, warm up the Q-drive and be prepared to get the heck out of here!

Seraph: You forgot, we turned him off! Homer if you push the blue button behind Solemn Oath's eye I will make certain that you get a five percent increase to your pay.

Homer: I have no idea how much that is but I'll take it. (He goes over to Solemn Oath.) Were is the button?

Seraph: THERE'S ONLY ONE BUTTON BACK THERE!

Homer: (He notices the blue button on Solemn Oath's back.) Oh there it is. (He presses it, and Solemn head butts Homer.) OUCH!

Solemn Oath: I was intending to head butt Seraph but I'm too mad to care right now. (He goes to a console and it begins to hum.) The Q-drive 99% online it should be ready by the time we get out of this debris field.

Tyler: (He suddenly bursts in panicking.) WERE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT! WERE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT! (He falls on his knees sobbing.)

Homer: Oh will you stop whining? We're going to get out of this alive.

Tyler: (He grabs Homer by the shoulders.) WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE MAN! WHAT MAKES YOU SO FRACKING SURE!

Homer: I've seen Rising Malevolence 327 times I know how that episode ends.

Everyone in the cockpit except for Homer: _**WHAT?**_

Homer: (Embarrassed.) Um… well you see. Ah never mind just keep driving. (He lays back relaxed.)

(Several minutes later the ion disk is just about to catch up with them as are almost clear of the debris field.)

Seraph: (She looks at Stan with a concerned look.) Master?

Stan: Stay focused Tano were almost out of this muck!

(The ship finally clears the debris field.)

Seraph: Were clear.

(Stan engages the Q-drive. Meanwhile on the bridge of the Adas General Remorseless is shrieking in frustration.)

Remorseless: TURVACK! The Alliance will learn of our ion weapon!

(Everyone on the bridge looks at Bob.)

Bob: Oh come on don't act like you prefer fighting like this. In other words, stage 1 of the beta testing of this ship is finally over! Set a course back to the Triumphant Brigadier. I want to tell Burns about this development in person.

Fodder Droid 1: Why do I get the feeling that he won't be supportive of The Admirals optimism?

Remorseless: GET BACK TO WORK YOU SLACKERS!

(Meanwhile at the Desert Angel. The Dilapidated Gut lands in the hanger and everyone departs. Minerva is carrying Tyler on her shoulders.)

Tyler: (He's hyperventilating.) I thought we'd never get off of that bucket.

Minerva: Oh quit whining you big baby.

(Everyone else disembarks. Or more accurately, they fell out.)

Stan: (Sarcastically.) Well this mission went smoothly.

Seraph: Well at least we discovered what has been destroying our ships.

Homer: Okay I take you home now?

Seraph: What? No! Why won't you leave me alone you obese cretin! (She storms off in anger.)

Homer: Seraph wait up I want to talk to you!

(He grabs Grunchy by the wrist.)

Grunchy: (He tries to resist Homer's grip but ultimately fails.) Seraph, don't think any less of me! I HAVE NO PART OF THIS BLAG'FADARS MADNESS! I RESPECT YOUR CHOICES!

(Oolk gives Stan a confused look.)

Oolk: What was that all about?

Stan: Ah he's just some weird mercenary. As for the Dadaban with him he seems alright but he could use a pair.

Oolk: Oh… anyway thank you for saving us. My men were just beginning to lose any hope in rescue.

Stan: Your troops began complaining about how there expendable?

Oolk: Pretty much yes.

(Else ware on the ship, Seraph is entering her quarters and locks the door.)

Homer: (He's begging outside of her quarters.) Come on please let me in! I just want to talk to you!

Seraph: Never! Now go away and bother that nag you call Marge!

Grunchy: Homer I'm no expert on Twi'grutan psychology but I don't think she's in a good mood.

Homer: Oh come on! Seraph I just want to know why you're acting so angry! _**I'LL LISTEN I SWEAR ON ALL THAT'S GOOD IN THE UNIVERSE I'LL LISTEN!**_

Seraph: (She opens her quarter doors.) You have five minutes, (She gives him a futuristic recorder) and use this.

Homer: Okay, where is the play button?

Seraph: It's the little green arrow button.

Homer: Oh, (He presses the button.) now then why did you run away from home in the first place?

Seraph: (Sighs.) Well I guess there were a lot of reason, for one how mindlessly repetitive your lifestyle was and for all I know still is.

Homer: Oh come on sure it's a little boring but.

Seraph: But nothing! Don't interrupt. Anyway, I was just so upset about how things turned out that I just couldn't stand another day of it.

Homer: Couldn't have just overdosed on drugs? Or jumped off a cliff? All the spineless Emo kids are committing suicide these days.

Seraph: It's because I am not a spineless coward, and I am not Emo, and I am NOT like other kids. (She scoffs.) If that's what you think of me then you really don't know who I am.

Homer: No, no wait let me guess I'm psychic that way.

Grunchy: (Groans in irritation.) Not this again.

Homer: You're the lost heiress of near extinct royal family that ruled over your people until one of your ancestors did something really stupid involving a bio-weapon that was left over from an old war that caused them and three other Twi'grutan clans to have been permanently exiled from there homeworld, and eight hundred years after that some giant from this planet Soma I've heard so much about and destroyed the planet they were all on and rendered it into a desert and also very similar to that Roman city with all the people in volcanic ash that I can never remember.

Grunchy: Pompeii?

Homer: I want one of those sometime, and after two hundred years they've dwindled down to just you and you didn't kill yourself because you don't want to be remembered as a coward by the remainder of your people for taking your own life. Is that right?

Seraph: Lucky guess.

Homer: Oh. You used to be so nice at first, what ever happened to that?

Seraph: Just out of pity for Marge I suppose. I mean she looked so stressed out and overworked. Besides being a member of a species with a women dominated society you can't help but pity that kind of treatment.

Homer: (Surprised.) Your people are ruled by women! No wonder you seem to hate every guy you come across.

Seraph: (She interrupts Homer before he can continue his pointless rant.) But with the days became weeks I began to get annoyed with her frequent and irrelevant queries about almost everything about the galaxy. Then after that incident with the Breeding Conduit, and Lisa. I slowly but gradually realized that pity was being wasted on your species.

Homer: Oh come on we are not that bad.

Seraph: So says you, you ignorant baboon.

Homer: What did you call me!

Seraph: Hear me out. I just wanted to make a difference in the galaxy. That's why I ran away, and that's why I'm never going back.

Homer: What did you call me!

Seraph: Oh stop it. You survived being called a baboon before and lived.

Homer: What did you call me!

Seraph: Hmm… (She pulls out a 2x4 from under her bed.) I thought I'd never get to use this. (She hits Homer over the head with it.) Now then, Grunchy when you two get back to Earth give the recorder to Marge.

Grunchy: Only because I like you kid.

(Meanwhile on Earth, Mary-Sue is talking with Bart and Lisa. She's holding a needle filled with a pulsing blue liquid.)

Bart: So your saying this serum can make us smarter?

Mary-Sue: Yes, it'll also increase your strength and reflexes as well.

Lisa: Are you sure this won't cause any weird side effects like growing a third arm, an eye were the nose goes or something?

Mary-Sue: Don't worry I use this exact same serum at home. (She injects some of it into Bart and Lisa.) It takes about a year or two for it to work but it does work I swear. (Knara enters the room.) Knara dear do you want some of this? There's just enough left for you.

Knara: (She sounds insincere.) Oh don't mind if I do. (She takes the needle.) I like to do things like this myself. (She throws it on the floor and steps on it in anger.) Oops, clumsy me.

Mary-Sue: (She gasps like… well like in the first chapter.) You did that on purpose!

Knara: Is that your final answer?

Mary-Sue: What! I can't believe you! (She storms out of the room like a stamped of wild elephants. She said I had to do this or a law suit she didn't say they had to be good.)

Knara: Before you two start ranting about what I just did consider this. What she gave you was tested on live subjects.

Lisa: (Gasps.) Animals?

Knara: Worse actually, sentient beings. Somites do not care for the sanctity of life. They only care about their own ambitions regardless any wailing and gnashing of teeth from others.

Bart: (He's feeling stupid.) Oh, I'm sorry.

Knara: It's not your ignorance that upsets me. It's the fact that you took that sluts offer in the first place. A lot of innocent people died because of the Somites during the civil war, ninety-five percent of the Twi'grutan Ashla clan, the Zorah's reduction to nomads, the Jyranis homeworld, the fall of the Sera Nova, the extinction of the Qwanari, and the siege of Garrus. Forty long years of pointless slaughter and it ended with a stalemate just when Soma itself was about to fall.

Lisa: That's just abhorrent!

Knara: You're right. But there were a few high points of the war. The liberation of Atlantis, the turning point at the battle of Fangorn II and it's moon Isanheim. No wait that's pretty much it. The point is that a lot of people, innocent people mostly have died since the 21st century, and not just humans. Brave soldiers stood against the tides of darkness to ensure that we would live to see a new dawn. So that our children, and our children's children will live and play in the meadows, swim in the lakes and oceans, climb up the trees and the mountains, it'll be a long was away till that day. But it is a day worth fighting, and dieing for. Remember that come Memorial Day.

Lisa: But that's seven months away.

Bart: Really? Why did you just say all of that anyway?

Knara: (She has a confused on her face.) I have absolutely no idea what so ever. Just sounded inspiring I guess.

_**(Have a solemn Memorial Day everyone.)**_


	4. E2P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 2: Part 1

(The date is October 10th 5009: Time, 3:00 PM Orion Standard Time, local time 1500 hours MT, Friday. In deep space in the Wilderness Sector Alpha. Stan Tartarus is planning on how to destroy the Adas with his clone pilot squadron aboard his flagship.)

Stan: Now our plans according to this old World War II veteran we found on Earth.

Torch: Aren't they all dead?

Stan: Evidentially not, and now a word from Sergeant Abraham Simpson.

(Grandpa Simpson enters the scene with an antique slideshow projector and in his army uniform.)

Grandpa: Okay listen up men! Cause I'm not going to repeat myself. (The slideshow starts. But it's showing random pictures that have no relevance to what he's talking about.) The Germans have constructed a giant warship codenamed "Bismarck". It will be attempting to intercept and destroy supply convoys between England and North America in conjunction with the Prinz Eugen as part of Operation Rheinübung. Now then you will go on aboard and sabotage the rudder controls so that it spin around and around in the Denmark Strait so that the RAF can bomb it back into the stone-age!

Pancreas: Um sir, all of that happened over three-thousand years ago.

Grandpa: Oh in that case. (He pulls down a map of ancient Mesopotamia. He thinks he's speaking Mesopotamian: This is what he thinks he's saying.) We shall maintain peace throughout the empire of the pharaoh! (What he's really saying.) Somebody get me a crate of lemons, a drum of sea urchins, and a pickled whale brain while I go and sell topiary office furniture and equipment to these dead lamias.

Stan: (He shoves Grandpa Simpson off the hanger. He chuckles nervously.) Sorry about that, I didn't know he was senile. (A hologram of the Adas appears.) Anyway, our squadron has been tasked by the Alliance senate to hunt down and destroy the ship. Since most of the other fleets are preoccupied we'll be on our own. Anyway, A small squadron of bombers will take out the bridge. That's our squadron. We'll be going solo.

Torch: That sounds like the norm.

Stan: Yes but this is different. General Remorseless is on the bridge of the ship, and that is our target.

Hernia: The head clanker? Tartarus is getting pretty ambitious.

Torch: Well it's a good kind of ambitious.

Stan: Squad dismissed.

(His squad leaves, he is then approached by Master Oolk Olp and his Novus Seraph Ashla.)

Oolk: An excellent presentation Tartarus.

Stan: You think so?

Seraph: Master, don't lie to him. Where did you find that guy anyway? He was completely unnecessary.

Oolk: In any case it seems like an aggressive tactic.

Stan: That's the idea. Besides Homer recommended him, he said nothing about his father being senile.

Seraph: You thought wrong, and on a more relevant note the bridge of the Adas is bound to have been heavily fortified with Remorseless. It is a logical tactic.

Stan: Don't worry about it Tano. The only problem to worry about right now is where in space is he?

(Meanwhile, else ware the Adas is attacking a medical transport convoy.)

Remorseless: (Sadistically.) So much for the Lukus escort.

(The Adas chasses down a lone medical frigate. General Remorseless is looking over the shoulders of the ships gunners)

Fodder Droid gunner 1: Oh boy! This so much more fun when they don't fire back!

Fodder Droid gunner 2: I still can't seem to hit anything.

(Remorseless punches the droids head off. Bob is observing him.)

Bob: You know you really shouldn't do that. Those droids cost fifty credits each. (Another droid replaces the one Remorseless just destroyed.) Our enemies are never as harsh with their own troops.

Remorseless: The compassion the Templar's show to their troops is a weakness.

Bob: (Sadistically.) A weakness that we shall exploit until the breaking point. (He shows a hologram of a Moai head.) Now then this Alliance's top secret medical sta-. (He notices it's the wrong hologram, he shakes the hologram projector as it cycles through random pictures. Eventually it turns to a space station.) Top secret medical station. It is currently treating over a hundred-thousand Alliance soldiers. We'd be doing them a favor by putting their wounded out of their misery.

Remorseless: It will be a pleasure my lord.

Bob: Oh and one other thing. (He scratches his face.) You've a little shmutz around here.

Remorseless: (He scratches his face were Bob is scratching.) Did I get it?

Bob: No it's still there. (His hologram disappears.)

Remorseless: (He notices some escape pods firing out from the frigate that the Adas just destroyed. He is still scratching his face.) Destroy those escape pods! I have a reputation to uphold… and let me know I get that stuff off of my face.

(Meanwhile on Earth, Knara is happily hugging her foster brother Tsaritsyn around the neck.)

Tsaritsyn: (He's choking a little.) Are that happy to see me or do you secretly hate me?

Knara: (She lets go of his neck.) Sorry I just missed you so much. You don't want to know what Mary-Sue was like.

Tsaritsyn: Judging by her name alone I'll say that she was unbearable and annoying, and vain beyond all reasonable comprehension.

Knara: Aye, plus she did… never mind.

Tsaritsyn: SHE DID WHAT! (He goes into his room and sniffs intently.) Why my dear Knara. You didn't tell me she had Lilac scented perfume.

Knara: I didn't know she had any.

Tsaristsyn: Well it's some pretty pungent bath water, and I just got dads cologne scented into the wall.

Knara: I can understand why, and I know how popular napalm was back on Telchine but I don't think "The Scent of Victory" would have been a good choice.

Tsaritsyn: (Awkwardly.) Um… um… (As if forced.) Have you heard about that monstrous WOK ship the Adas? I heard that it will soon be destroyed.

Knara: Don't change the subject.

(Meanwhile on the Desert Angel and yes the presiding was just filler. Admiral Zeus Carcara is speaking with Stan, Seraph and Oolk via hologram.)

Zeus: This Admiral Zeus reporting to General Tartarus. (He notices that the three of them are playing Twister.) What are you doing?

Stan: (He's straining because Seraph's knee is jammed into his chest, and Oolk's left leg is pressing down on Stan's waist.) Well you see we got bored with trying to find the Adas so we got out an old board game and. Well as you can see were a little tied up at the moment.

(Seraph spins the dial.)

Seraph: Left foot blue.

(Everyone tries to but they all fall down and Stan yells in pain.)

Stan: OW! MY SPLEEN!

Zeus: In any case, we have just received a report that General Remorseless has just destroyed a medical transport near the Mac-Goo'fann system.

Seraph: Medical transport? Only an Anubite would be cowardly enough to attack soldiers that can't fight back.

(A random Anubite enters the room just as Seraph is saying this.)

Random Anubite: (He's whimpering.) Were not all blood thirsty monsters you know! (He runs out sobbing.)

Seraph: Hir! I didn't mean it like that! (She chases after him.)

Stan: (He has a bewildered look on his face.) Mac-Goo'fann system? Near Ooban, isn't that were our top secret medical station is located?

Zeus: Yes sir.

Oolk: Then it is reasonable to assume that he will attack the facility. It fits his tactics perfectly Stan you get your pilots ready. I'll try to patch things between Seraph and Ensign Hir. He just transferred from the FOA Fleet of Ravenous Justice and he hasn't really been fitting in.

(Meanwhile on Metropoli Major, capital of the AOKA, in the office of Oobanian senator Rhea Aeryn. She is looks through some news reports.)

Rhea: (She is somewhat frustrated.) Come on Stan where are you?

(Her droid Jiral-3PO enters her office.)

Jiral-3PO: Mistress Rhea is there anything I might do to help?

Rhea: I'm afraid not, these news blackouts are supposed to keep from panicking about the Adas. But all the facts leaked out anyway and I STILL can't find any concrete evidence to see if Stan is okay.

Jiral-3PO: I'm sure that nothing terrible has befallen Master Tartarus… yet. Besides Solemn Oath is looking out for him.

Rhea: Thanks for the vote of confidence. (She notices an alien that bears a strong resemblance to the Rakata from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic at her office door.) Mvar Mvar what are you doing here?

Mvar Mvar: (In a barley comprehensive mock-Swedish accent. Translation: or lack thereof.) Senator Rhea! Lookie Lookie Senator! Our troubles are over! (He enters with an arm full of holo-pads.) Mesa gotten totally complete traffic reports from the Wilderness sector. (He gives them all to Rhea.)

Rhea: Mvar Mvar this is wonderful Jiral sift through this for any mention of the Desert Angel. Or of the Dilapidated Hut, and maybe cross-ref. (She has a puzzled look on her face.) Wait Mvar Mvar… how did you get these anyway? As if I didn't know.

Mvar Mvar: (Translation.) Well it's a longo tello. But to make a longo story shorta mesa gotten them from QNN reporter Harry Archon.

Rhea: Quantum News Network! (Groan.) You got me onto a talk show spot again? What do those vultures want anyway?

Mvar Mvar: (Translation.) No nutten mula, Senator only wantin some talkin time wit you, theysa gotten it scheduled for today.

Rhea: Mvar Mvar I don't have time for… (She notices the innocent childlike look in Mvar Mvar's face. Which he almost always has.) Thank you, Mvar Mvar, your efforts are appreciated, though frowned upon.

(Her phone is beeping.)

Jiral-3PO: Mistress Rhea, you have a call coming through.

Rhea: You'll have to take a message, Jiral. Apparently I have a media appearance to make. Yet again, I'm going down to the drycleaners to get my interview gown.

(Meanwhile, at QNN headquarters Rhea is being interviewed by Harry Archon.)

Rhea: No, Harry that's not it at all. The Alliance wants a diplomatic resolution to this conflict. Every day I work closely with Senators committed to peace.

Harry: Yes, but peace to benefit whom? After all, Senator, I cannot help but notice nothing has been done to help Garrus in its hour of need.

Rhea: Garrus?

Harry: Yes, Senator. Surly you know of the terrible pirate attacks that have befallen Garrus.

Rhea: No, that's awful. I had not heard. There has been so much transpiring that-

Harry: (He cuts Rhea off.) Preoccupied Senator?

Rhea: Perhaps with your own agenda? Oh, and your fly is undone.

Harry: (He looks down at his pants to see that his zipper is undone.) What the? (He zips it up.) Very funny.

(Latter on at the office of Premier Maccabeus Thermopylae.)

Maccabeus: Senator, so pleasant to see you again.

Rhea: Premier, Captain Cyprus, your call sounded urgent.

Maccabeus: I have received a priority communiqué from a Loan Tribe representative. They are interested in pursuing a separate peace with us.

Rhea: (Surprised.) Admiral Bob could lose an major ally!

Maccabeus: Will be my envoy, Senator?

Rhea: (She politely bows.) I will Premier, if I may, can we also discuss the matter on Garrus?

Maccabeus: Time is short, Senator.

(Latter on Rhea is on board her personal starship in orbit.)

Jiral-3PO: The course is set, your highness. You have also received three more messages from outside the secure network. Seven if you count the telemarketers.

Rhea: Just file them for now Jiral. I'll review them when I have a moment. As for the telemarketers… delete them.

(Meanwhile on planet Garrus, at the personal villa of Senator Virmire Orpheus.)

Virmire: Any word?

Vakarian assistant: I am sorry, sir. We cannot make contact with the Senator from Ooban.

Virmire: (Worried.) Then we truly are alone. On a lighter note what is the status on that pizza I ordered over four hours ago?

Vakarian assistant: It's still running late sir.


	5. E2P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 2: Part 2

(Meanwhile on Earth, Bart is just waking up.)

Bart: (He's feeling groggy.) Oh what happened last night? My mouth is so salty. (He coughs up some salt. He gets out of bed.) I have got to stop playing video games into the pre-dawn hours of the night. (He opens the door to find Knara. She has an angry look on her face.) Knara you got dressed this early in the morning?

Knara: It's three PM. (She pulls out her shock lance.) And by Iam you have a lot of explaining to do!

Bart: (He falls on his back shocked… metaphorically.) WHOA! Let's not get crazy.

Knara: Too late. (She points her lance uncomfortably close to Bart's crotch.) Now that I have your attention, would you mind explaining a few things? Like for instance. THAT YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH MARY-SUE!

Bart: Look I know I may have glanced at her once or twice but that's not an excuse to become (Knara grabs him by the throat.) PARANOID!

Knara: I've been reviewing the security footage the entire time that slut was here. And on two separate occasions you made out with her!

Bart: What? No! I would never betray your trust.

Knara: The words of an Orion are as worthless as its feces. So I'm going to make due on my threats the first day she was here! (She ties him up into a chair.) Now then, from what Aon told me my mother died during one of the Cartel-Fellowship proxy wars, she was an elite Umbra Venator. She was also a close personal friend of Pride Thel.

Bart: I thought Telkines had clans? (Knara knee's him in the groin.) NUTS!

Knara: My point exactly. Now then my mother made Aon promise that if she ever died in the line of duty, Aon would adopt me into her Pride. At first she thought it was a bad idea but gradually she and Andúril excepted me as one of their own, despite protest from his other sons.

Bart: You have half-brothers? Oh my dad has one of those to.

Knara: (Knara knee's him in the crotch again.) Don't interrupt. Anyway, growing up on Telchine was… trying at best. Everyone made fun of me because I was a human living with a Telkine Pride. Many people, mostly school bullies, called me "Thel's pet whore." (A few tears are building up in her eyes.) Can you believe that anyone would be cruel enough to call a child such a thing?

Bart: Well kids can be like that… no matter the age.

Knara: (Knara knee's him in the crotch yet again.) Agreed but I didn't give you permission to speak. (She sighs.) Look the point I'm trying to make here is. After fifteen long years of being ostracized by the Fellowship, with nothing but my foster family to fall back on for support. (Tears are building up in her eyes.) I just want to be loved by someone I could trust with my life, personal feelings, joy, and sorrow… (She regains her composer.) But apparently it's not you.

Bart: (He's straining under the pain in his crotch.) So you're breaking up with me? Couldn't you just sob and run off while telling me that? (Knara knee's him the crotch for the fourth time.) You know cruel and unusual punishment is kind of illegal in this country. Also I think I might be bleeding from down there. (Knara knee's him in the crotch for the fifth time.)

Knara: (She looks dead serious.) Do not confuse me with one of your frail Orion roses. (She get's out a blender and a jar filled with some kind of yellow alien praying mantis's. She puts the bugs into the blender.)

Bart: Knara what are you doing? This is about that seconded supposed make-out session isn't it?

Knara: Yes, and your apparently smarter then you look. (She turns on the blender.) Of course anyone can be wrong.

Bart: (Nervously.) You're not going to make me eat then whatever those things are right?

Knara: (She turns off the blender.) Don't be silly… (She pours out the disgusting purple liquid and burning into a shot glass.) you're going to drink this! (She forces part to drink it.) Don't swallow that… savoir it. (Bart's face begins to rapidly change random colors. His iris are now changing sizes and configuration.) Now swallow it.

Bart: (He swallows it, he then coughs really hard.) What… in the name of all that's good and holy did you just force me to drink!

Knara: Blended Zax's.

Bart: Please tell me you're done?

Knara: Pretty much yes. (She leaves his room.)

Bart: Wait, aren't you going to untie me?

Knara: I would but you wouldn't learn anything if I do.

(Twile enters his room through the window.)

Twile: Even as a human she still has that temper.

Bart: I'll say. She's just as bad as Seraph.

Twile: Don't be so cruel. Knara leaves survivors were as Seraph does not.

Bart: Has she always been like this? As a Seraphim I mean?

Twile: Not really. She was actually quite gentle in her youth. Even after the fall of Elysium she was a kind person. But she isn't a Seraphim any more, and she was raised by Telkines.

Bart: Do you think she'll ever get out of this?

Twile: Aye and I have the utmost confidence that you WON'T like what that would require.

Bart: (Gulps.) Can you untie me?

Twile: I would but I'm not finished. Also, she has been deceived. The security footage she saw you see was just brilliant forgeries to made by Mary-Sue to discredit you, and to greater extent drive Knara screaming off the deep end into oblivion.

Bart: Couldn't I just tell her that the footage is a fake?

Twile: You could, but she is very stubborn and won't believe you despite her affection for you. Do not deny that she loves you; she's just very jealous and disappointed in you, misguided though it may be.

Bart: She loves me that much doesn't she?

Twile: Hmm. You must be cruel in order to be kind. So yes, she always was a bit unstable. But she cares for you deeply.

Bart: (Awkwardly.) So… are you going to untie me?

Twile: I would but you wouldn't learn anything if I do. (She disappears into thin air.)

Bart: The least you could have done was heal the pain in my… thingy.

Twile: (Echoes.) I am not touching that thing you sick little weirdo.

(Meanwhile, in the hanger of the Desert Angel, Stan, Seraph and Oolk are preparing to attack the Adas.)

Oolk: Impressive bombers. Where did you get them?

Stan: I borrowed them from a testing facility.

Seraph: By that he means that we embarrassed the overseer of the facility by threatening to tell his supervisor that he had Templar's on his hand. And let's face it; bureaucrats have never really liked the Order.

Stan: (He looks embarrassed.) Well… there's that as well, but I didn't think you needed to know that.

Oolk: No I did not. (He leaves there company for no apparent reason.)

Seraph: So which one is mine?

Stan: Actually you'll be flying with me as my gunner.

Searph: Torch can do that. Besides you have Solemn Oath with you.

Stan: (Almost sarcastic in sound.) But I do so enjoy you company my Novus.

Seraph: Just admit it. YOU don't like my flying.

Stan: No, nothing like that. (Seraph gives him the silent treatment. He breaks down on his knees and begs.) ALRIGHT I DON'T! I mean you were such a reckless pilot when we first saw the Adas.

Seraph: I was just trying to rescue master Oolk. Didn't you recklessly try to save Master Ibonek before the siege of Bugalore?

Stan: (She eyes her angrily.) Just get into the gunners seat Tano.

Seraph: (She salutes.) Aye, aye Master. (Master Oolk enters the hanger with a Grunt nipple in his hand.) You went out to find a snack?

Oolk: I get hungry when I'm nervous. Besides aren't I coming as your fighter escort?

Seraph: I had a feeling you'd be coming along. Your star fighter has already been prepped, along with a few modifications.

Oolk: (Cautiously.) What kinds of… modifications?

Seraph: Trust me you'll like them.

(Later on, Stan's bomber squadron is form around the Flagship of Lukus Master Ibonek Naw-Ibo, the Dry Comedian.)

Ibonek: So that is the plan. You will take your squadron through the nebula near the medical station in order to ambush the Adas?

Stan: Yes Master we went through this plan several times already.

Ibonek: Sorry, but you have this habit of changing your "master plans" half through planning them. It's kind of annoying

Stan: Look are you going to be at the medical station or not?

Ibonek: Yes, yes. I shall be there when you finally arrive.

Stan: You're very funny.

Ibonek: I know.

Daavas: And Seraph, be careful.

Seraph: You don't have anything to worry about… is what I would say if I wasn't in the same ship as my master.

Daavas: (Nervously.) That's um… reassuring.

Stan: Dark squad, call in.

Dark 2: Dark 2 standing by.

Dark 3: Dark 3 standing by.

Dark 4: Dark 4 standing by.

Seraph: Does anyone else have a bad feeling about this mission?

Solemn Oath: Did you have to jinx the mission now?

Stan: Cut the chatter Seraph.

Dark 12: Dark 12 standing by.

(Oolk's fighter enters from behind.)

Oolk: Fighter escort ready, and might I add Seraph the modifications are impressive.

Stan: Modifications? What modifications?

Seraph: Can we focus on something more relevant? Like for instance destroying that ship?

Oolk: Aye. I'll brag about them afterwards.

(Meanwhile on the Adas, it is in Q-space traveling towards the medical station.)

Remorseless: What is taking so long? We should be there by now!

Fodder Droid 1: Sorry sir, the navi-computer has had to calculate a complex route around a large nebula near the station. It is around thirty parsecs until we arrive.

Remorseless: (Growls in frustration.) They told me this ship was fast! The Engineers said this thing could make the Xa-Xhen run in under TEN parsecs!

Fodder Droid 1: Um sir. The Xa-Xhen run has only been done in twelve parsecs.

Fodder Droid 2: And besides parsecs measure distance not time.

Remorseless: **I KNOW THAT YOU TURVING SCRAP PILES!** (He smashes the head of a random droid.) It's a very common misconception and I don't need cannon fodder reminding me that!

Fodder Droid 3: Sir we have received a message from Admiral Bob.

(Bob's hologram appears.)

Bob: General, I just received word from our contact in the Alliance senate. They are mounting a defense of the medical station!

Remorseless: Then let them come. This ship is unstoppable!

Bob: Tartarus is leading the assault. Take it from me it would unwise to underestimate him.

Fodder Droid 1: He has a point. According to the tactical computer he might try to fly a squad of bombers plus one Lucus star fighter through the nebula, and either attempt to destroy the bridge or if there is squadron is partially destroyed before that attempt to damage the starboard ion cannon which if fired at 100% would cause a chain reaction that would cripple the ship and major systems including the Quantum Drive and the ion cannon itself. However the nebula itself is a breeding ground for space whales but from General Tartarus records he would try somthing this crazy.

Bob: In any case you must be cautious. That starship costs billions if not more and I am not going to order a replacement if it's lost

(Meanwhile in the nebula near the medical station, that the last chapter was mostly focused on.)

Stan: Everyone stay in formation and keep your eyes on my thrusters.

(Seraphs scanner is making funny noises.)

Seraph: They'll have to our scanners are useless.

Stan: This is old fashion. You have to feel your way through this muck.

Oolk: He is right for once. You must use the Essence to find the path through this nebula.

Seraph: Right now I can't see anything.

Oolk: Oh come on I want to see what you've learned.

Seraph: Maybe some other time.

Oolk: Please Seraph, for me, As an old friend?

Seraph: No thank you! (She tries to change the subject.) Ah… tartar how did you us know about this route anyway?

Stan: Hmm? Oh right, back when I was a kid on Vay'adour smugglers would talk about this route.

Seraph: Smugglers route! That makes me feel better.

Stan: They called it, the Yah-Lupe nebula run.

Oolk: Yah-Lupe Run!

Stan: Yes I just said that.

Seraph: (Her scanner is beeping.) My scanner is picking up a large life form.

Oolk: Stan we have to turn around!

Stan: We can't, not unless we want to beat that ship to the medical station.

Seraph: (Her scanner is beeping louder.) I have another contact! This one is much larger.

Oolk: Tartarus, listen to me! Yah-Lupe is a breeding ground for space whales!

Seraph: (Her scanner is beeping even louder. She sounds scarred) I've got even more contacts! Wait did you say space whales? (She turns her seat to see a giant sperm whale in view. She gasps.)

Oolk: Don't shoot or they will panic!

Seraph: (As if in denial.) Don't shoot or they will panic he says. I'm about to panic!

Solemn Oath: Okay Seraph just calm down, and get the bag. You did bring your bag right? (Seraph pulls out a brown paper bag and starts to hyperventilate into it.) I'll take that as a yes. Now breathe calmly and block the big whales in the nebula. Imagine that you are in a peaceful meadow.

Seraph: Oh scrin this nonsense! I'm not even flying this thing.


	6. E2P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 2: Part 3

(Meanwhile on Ibonek's ship, it is in Q-space head to wards the medical station, I'll write something more exciting then this I promise.)

Zeus: The medical center reports that they have evacuated 50% of there patients.

Ibonek: That's not good enough. (He notices that Daavas looks worried.) Your still thinking about Seraph aren't' you?

Daavas: Yes. I lost her before and I don't want to lose her again. Not to a monster like Remorseless.

Ibonek: I understand. But Stan has been good with her so far despite that incident on Hjun 9.

Daavas: (Shudders.) Don't remind me, I can't remember the last time Zaar attempted to make makeshift explosives. Although the loud ringing in my montrals might have something to do with that.

Ibonek: Yes that would. Besides Stan is one of the finest pilots in the galaxy, he may be an idiot at times but his heart is in the right place.

Daavas: That's what worries me.

(Meanwhile just as Dark squad is about to leave the Nebula. Seraph notices a space whale make a face.)

Seraph: That one looks hungry!

Stan: Nah, he's just smiling at you.

(Everyone finally get's out of the nebula.)

Oolk: Stan we have to be careful. If we lose a singal ship before the mission is over, it is that closer to failure.

Stan: I understand but we didn't lose any ships.

Oolk: No but we might.

Stan: But we didn't

Torch: Sir we've got another contact coming in!

Seraph: What? Oolk you said those whales wouldn't follow us!

Oolk: I did!

Torch: Not from the nebula. Exiting Q-space, it's the Adas.

(Suddenly… WOOSH! The Adas exits from Q-space right next to the medical station.)

Stan: All bombers concentrate on that bridge, and blow that ship to scrap metal!

Seraph: I thought you would never ask.

(Meanwhile at the Fellowship of Andu's top-secret research facility on Katarn II. Thel Col is performing an experiment on a creature that looks like the Xenomorph from the Alien movies, inside of a glass container. With his assistant, the clone of Maggie Simpson.)

Col: Stop squirming you little H'ak, with any luck the experiment won't kill you.

Maggie: Is testing on live animals really necessary?

Col: Listen girl I've been performing experiments like this since before your people begin to perform agriculture. I don't need personal judgment from a human, and a clone nonetheless! Now will you stop complaining and push the button?

Maggie: Never!

Col: Oh for the love of… (He pulls up a holographic menu from his gauntlet.) ED-8131, initiate test "Wraith Walker-043".

(A voice that sounds like GLaDOS from the game Portal chimes.)

ED-8131: Anything to keep the self-righteous and irritating organic life form, from whining. Her incessant talking over the last: Estimate: 2 months; 3 weeks: 5 days: 19 hours: 29 minutes. Has done extensive damage to my audio-receivers.

(The creature inside of the box begins to shriek louder as a bright light emits from the box.)

Maggie: No please sir there has to be another way!

Col: By the Seraphim's talons must you be so frelling shrill?

(The creature disappears in a bright light, and then it reappears in another box just a few feat away.)

Maggie: (Confused.) What? What happened?

Col: (He growls in frustration.) Did you even bother to read the memo I sent you yesterday?

Maggie: I never received such a memo.

Col: (He roars loudly in rage.) ED-8131 read back the memo for today's project.

ED-8131: Yes sir. Play back recording.

(A recording begins to play.)

Col: Attention all lab employees.

ED-8131: Excuse me sir but due to, bizarre lab incidents and poor budget our staff is down to, subject: Simpson, Maggie.

Col: (Awkwardly.) Oh… well then. Anyway, today we shall be continuing our long delayed experiments into reverse engineering Somite teleportation technology. With this technology we can use it transmit matter from one point to another instantaneously. Like that show about the Canadians that **Trek** through the **Stars**, it is the one with the dead hermits right?

ED-8131: No that's the one were the **Clones Attack** everyone. Or was it the one were the **Empire Strikes Back**?

Col: In any case. With this technology we will be able to transport people from one point to another. Also Minas Aiur is growing impatient for his newly retrofitted armor to be returned fully upgraded. He's been waiting for almost a century and the relocation of my lab hasn't really helped me. Oh and Maggie, if I hear just a few more defiant complaints from you. Pray that your contract is the only thing I terminate.

(The recording ends.)

Maggie: (She is embarrassed.) Oh… um…

Col: You know if memory serves I only hired you because of an online IQ test. Why would I even consider a hiring method THAT stupid? Either you start pulling your weight around here our your as good as dead.

Maggie: Don't you mean fired?

Col: You're a clone. What difference would it make if you live or not? We have extra DNA samples in case you do die on the job anyway. Now if you'll excuse me I have to update my report on the project. (He leaves the room.)

ED-8131: He seems to be in a good mod today.

Maggie: Good mod? He threatened to kill me!

ED-8131: You seem to have a limited understanding of sarcasm. Besides, his anger is justified by your inability to cooperate with the experiments.

Maggie: Well it's not like I test on live animals. I didn't even know they still did that.

(The creature in the box is snarling and betting on the inside of the box.)

ED-8131: The Shizno is a deadly, fast reproducing and disgusting pack hunter native to the Telkine homeworld. It is hardly an innocent life form.

Maggie: I don't care! Look just tell me how I can get into Col's good graces?

ED-8131: Do it yourself you whining little monkey! If your so intelligent then why not do it yourself?

(Col re-enters the room.)Col: Okay now that we have definite results on what it can do to animals. Now we need to know what it would on a sentient being. Maggie get in the box.

Maggie: NEVER!

Col: (He shoves her into the glass box.) Get in there! ED-8131 initiate test "Wraith Walker-044".

ED-8131: Gladly.

(The box Maggie is in begins to glow brightly and she disappears. She then reappears in the other box and… well to put it bluntly the experiment accidentally… turned Maggie into a Mary Sue. I'm sorry.)

Col: ED-8131 what the Cocytus just happened!

ED-8131: (She is silent for a moment.) Your guess is as good as mine. But it is best not to think about it… to hard.

Maggie: (She throws her hair over her shoulder as she exit's the box. Unless she threatens to sue me I'm not describing her every muscle movement in nauseatingly poetic detail) I don't know about you two but I think I'll try to create some sort of device that can allow trans-galactic travel. (She leaves the room. For some reason glitter is falling off of her clothes.)

Col: (He has a bewildered look on his face.) I am so stunned by whatever in Iam's unyielding grief we just created, that I can't seem to find the will power to maul her to death with my bare hands.

ED-8131: You want me to put her in the obstacle course agian? Maybe offer her cake for her work?

Col: Don't be silly, few humans are dumb enough to fall for that one three times. I'm not saying you shouldn't try it I'm just saying that she probably won't work again.

(Maggie enters the room with a holographic blueprint.)

Maggie: Here is the basic outline of my project.

(The blueprint turns into a three-dimensional picture of a mass relay from Mass Effect.)

Col: (There is a brief and very awkward pause.) Remind me to reevaluate her credentials when I have the time.

ED-8131: Yes sir.

Col: And figure out what went wrong with the teleport experiment that turned her into the… abomination that she is now.

ED-8131: Her DNA samples were also somehow corrupted during the telaportion. I'll explain how latter.

Col: That's not putting my mind at ease. (Nervously.) Now then… tell me about this… trans-galactic travel device. Maggie?

(Meanwhile at the medical station, Stan's squadron has just barley survived a shot from the Adas's ion cannon.)

Stan: Seraph, status report.

Seraph: (She looks upset.) We lost Torch, and Pancreas. Along with at least half of Dark squad to the ion cannon.

Stan: No matter, we are still blowing up that bridge.

(They continue to fly towards the bridge, but random bombers are blown up on the way.)

Seraph: Master, I understand the importance of this mission. But were losing ships fast! We have to re-think our plan.

Oolk: Seraph is right. If we can cripple the ion cannon facing the medical station, it could cause the ship overload and explode when it fires.

Stan: Hey I'm the one who comes up with the crazy plans. Now then all pilots focus all fire on the portside ion cannon.

Seraph: It's the starboard side that's charging up.

Stan: Right, right the starboard side! (He maneuvers his squadron to the starboard side of the ship.) I always get those two mixed up!

(Meanwhile on the bridge of the Adas.)

Remorseless: What is the status on the plasma rotors? Along with General Tartarus's bombers?

Fodder Droid 1: They are at 95% and counting. As for the Lukus squadron, they've somehow hidden themselves from our scanners. Wait the ion cannon is now at 100%.

Remorseless: Then… **FIRE! **(He laughs manically as both of the ion cannons explode and cripple the ship from the inside out.) What the frell just happened!

Fodder Droid 1: (Ominously.) It is all as I have foreseen. The human Templar has cripple our ship… along with our primary weapons, Q-space drive and we are basically sitting ducks.

Remorseless: (He sighs in defeat.) And I thought this was going to be a good day. (He regains his resolve.) Set a course for friendly space, as fast as this ship can go!

Fodder Droid 2: Roger, roger sir. (He whispers to Fodder Droid 1.) How did you know all of this would happen to the ship?

Fodder Droid 1: (Creepy voice.) The Tactical computer. (His head begins spinning slowly.) Told. Me. Everything. That. Would. Happen.

Fodder Droid 2: (Obliviously.) Just curious.

(Master Ibonek's task force exits Q-space.)

Ibonek: Ibonek to Dark leader, come in.

Stan: I can hear you loud and clear Master.

Ibonek: Stan what is your stasis?

Stan: We've crippled the Adas, I almost lost the entire squadron but at least the medical station is saved.

Ibonek: Good work my old friend. You should take the rest of your squad unto the medical station in order recuperate.

Stan: Roger that master. It has been a tough day.

(Shortly thereafter, Stan, Seraph and Solemn Oath are in the hanger of the medical station.)

Seraph: So… what happens now?

Stan: We wait for until the Adas is destroyed.

Seraph: Yeah funny thing about that. (She pulls a holographic menu.) I calculated how long it would take for three Goliath-class Confederate capital ships to destroy a WOK Blood Lord-class Annihilator from sustained fire at the stern.

Stan: And?

Seraph: It would take months to do any serious damage. Besides by that time the weapons and Q-drive would be repaired before the damage could take it's tole anyway.

Stan: So your saying were going to need a miracle to destroy that beast?

Seraph: Pretty much yes, but on a more immediate note you owe me an apology.

Stan: An apology? For what?

Seraph: You took credit for my idea of changing the battle plan from the bridge to the ion cannon.

Stan: Yes it was your idea… from a certain point of view.

Seraph: (She leaves the hanger.) Your incorrigible, and not in a good way.

Stan: What's her problem?

Solemn Oath: She's right. Your hopeless.

Stan: (Frustrated.) Ingrate.

(Meanwhile on Earth, Bart is talking to Lisa in front of Knara's room.)

Lisa: Knara did all of that to you?

Bart: Yes and I don't even remember asking or making out with Mary-Sue. I barley know what that means.

Lisa: Well what do you want me to do about it?

Bart: Talk to her. I mean your both girls and she locked the door and won't talk to me.

Lisa: What? Do you think I'm crazy? I'm not going in there.

(Knara pops her head out of her door.)

Knara: Lisa. You, in here. Now.

Lisa: (She has a scared look on her face.) Yes, be with you in a moment. (She enter Knara's room.) You wanted to see me?

Knara: Aye, it's about what happened with Bart.

Lisa: He already told me everything.

Knara: Yes I know. But there's more.

Lisa: And?…

Knara: (She sighs.) You're the only real friends I've ever had. Back on Telchine the closest I ever got to having a friendship was with the Mars Brothers fan club, Telchine.

Lisa: The what Brothers?

Knara: Oh them. Well basically they were a troupe of malfunctioning miner droids from Mars comprised of Granite, Carbon, Helium, Zinc and the lesser known brother Gasoline.

Lisa: No wait let me guess. There act involved confusing word-play and puns?

Knara: Yes but not at first. One of there earliest works in comedy was a bit in the Martian capital, when people outside were shouting about a Dxun in sweat cloths running and everyone ran outside to see. (She begins to chuckle for no good reason.) And then Granite made snide comments when everyone came back inside and…

Lisa: What? What did he say?

Knara: (She bursts out laughing.) I don't remember what he said but it was funny. (She laughs even harder.) But I laughed so hard I had to be rushed to the emergency room. (She clears her throat and regains her composer.) In any case. You people are the first friends I met who weren't either nearly brain-dead from watching Dxun Soup, or some embarrassingly childish and vulgar cartoon over and over again. Or weren't blindly and unreasonably predigests against humans at first sight.

Lisa: Are you trying to tell me that Bart's the only person you've ever loved?

Knara: Yes, and that's what makes the cut all the more deeper. (She is raising her voice.) He would rather have a vain, selfish genetically modified slut. Then someone who at least listens to him when he is upset! Did you know that when he was five his teacher thought he was a failure almost immediately, which inadvertently turned him into the menace to society that he is now?

Lisa: Yes actually. Apparently Dad thought it had something to do with how I got my Saxophone.

Knara: Oh? Well anyway, what I did to Bart I did only to protect him. In a sense. Mary-Sue isn't good, and if I have to shatter his nuts to make my point, I will.

Lisa: (Nervously.) Ah-ha. Just speaking hypothetically, don't you think Mary-Sue might have fabricated the footage that you saw? You know to discredit Bart and to drive you insane?

Knara: That's a possibility, and I can kind of understand why you would defend your brother, and that she probably hates me for being honest about her arrogance. But to be honest I neither believed nor paid attention to Mary-you-know-who bragging about her junior degrees in film editing. I slept through her 9-hour long slideshow orientation.

Lisa: Um… that's a good point.

Knara: Yes. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get the glitter that harpy left out of my clothes. (She does just that.) Honestly how much genetic engineering do these Somites do to themselves for this to be natural?

(Lisa leaves Knara's room.)

Bart: Well what did she say?

Lisa: She still doesn't believe you.

Bart: D'oh! Why did I even bother to try?

Lisa: (She puts her hand on his shoulder.) Bart. You didn't try in the first place.


	7. E3P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 3: Part 1

(Meanwhile in Q-space. Senator Rhea Aeryn and her faithful droid Jiral-3PO are on there way to meet someone from the Loan Clan. But little do they know that it is really a trap!)

Jiral-3PO: Mistress Aeryn, do you really think it was necessary to dump Mvar Mvar at that Galaxy Burger?

Rhea: (She scoffs.) Don't act like it was a good idea to bring him in the first place. After working with that idiot for ten long years I know that he would probably botch everything up! And getting the Loan Clan to break away from the WOK would be impossible after that. Besides he kept punching random numbers into the Q-drive interface and getting us lost for almost a day.

Jiral-3PO: That's not what a meant mistress. I meant why get the Kay'olch bean special? You know how flatulent those make you.

Rhea: I was hungry, besides I really like the tangy chocolate taste of those beans and the little bits of. (Her console is beeping.) Were coming out of Q-space.

(Her ship does just that. Directly in front of the burning bow of the Adas. Rhea farts loudly.)

Jiral-3PO: OH MY!

Rhea: (Her eyes are watering from her fart.) What? This isn't right. That's a WOK warship! (She steers her ship to the right.) Were in the middle of a battle!

Jiral-3PO: This is the third time this month this has happened!

(Meanwhile on the bridge of the Dry Comedian, it and three other capital ships are firing at the stern of the Adas.)

Ibonek: What is the status of the Adas?

Generic clone helms man: Well sir as we established yesterday. Many of the ships primary systems are out including the weapons and Q-drive. But the ships so massive, it can take anything we can throw at it.

Ibonek: Never the less. Concentrate all fire on the engines! That should slow it done long enough for us to destroy it.

Generic clone helms man: But that could take months!

Ibonek: Then someone brew some fresh coffee and order some extra rations. Were obviously going to be here for a while.

(Meanwhile on the bridge of the Adas, it is on fire and General Remorseless is talking to Admiral Bob via hologram.)

Remorseless: As I told you before. (An explosion rocks the bridge and he almost losses his balance.) The ship has sustained significant damage.

Bob: (He groans in frustration.) Look Remorseless I'm not in the mood for bad excuses today. I already emptied my 401K to pool extra finances into manufacturing that ship, I'm not losing a fortune like this!

Remorseless: I assure you my lord. I will not allow that to happen.

Bob: Just as you gave me your assurance that wouldn't get the Adas as seriously damaged as it is now? Luckily for me I came up with a plan B in case something like this happened.

Remorseless: It is not necessary.

Bob: Well too late I already made my plan. Thanks to our mole in the Alliance senate, I have been able to send a very important senator to the system the Adas is currently in. You will hold him, or her I didn't bother get the senators identity. Either way hold this senator hostage and force the Alliance to stand down there assault.

Fodder Droid 1: Sir, a small ship just exited out of Q-space off our bow. Specifically an Oobanan N-723 Yacht, it might be senator Rhea Aeryn she's the only senator authorized to use royal Ooban starships. You know the ones with the chrome hulls?

Remorseless: Excellent, engage the tractor beam!

Fodder Droid 1: You'll have to wait for that. The tractor beams are currently offline but engineering reports that the problem should be rectified in a few minutes.

Remorseless: (Angrily.) It had better not take longer then a few minutes or. (He makes a cutting motion across his throat.)

(On the bridge of the Dry Comedian. Stan and Seraph have just entered.)

Ibonek: Stan, you and your Novus have just arrived in to see… oh who am I kidding? This is going to take a while.

Stan: What do you mean Master?

(Seraph notices a beeping com's panel and walks over to it.)

Ibonek: According to my helmsman destroying the Adas like this could take months, and the closest friendly vessels are to busy to provide support for us.

Seraph: Master I'm picking up a small ship off the bow of the Adas.

Stan: Enemy reinforcements?

Seraph: No it looks like an Ooban ship.

Ibonek: What the? All cruisers stand down! What in the blazes are they doing out here? They should have been here yesterday! When we first started our attack on that

Seraph: Ooban cruiser identify yourself.

(A hologram of Senator Rhea appears on a console.)

Rhea: This is senator Aeryn. Can anyone hear me?

Stan: Rhea! What are you doing here?

Rhea: I was sent on an important mission by Premier Maccabeus. But apparently his information was inaccurate.

(Her ships suddenly jerks and she farts loudly.)

Stan: What just happened?

Jiral-3PO: Were we hit?

Rhea: I'm afraid it's much worse then that.

Stan: You had Kay'olch beans again?

Rhea: (Her ships is being pulled into a hanger via tractor beam.) My ship has been caught by a tractor beam. Do not stop attacking this monstrous ship, I will not be make into a pirate bargaining chip! And Stan, if I don't make it… (A warm look plays across Stan's face.) can you please stop complaining about my Kay'olch bean addiction? (Her hologram abruptly dissipates.)

Ibonek: (He notices Stan is leaving the bridge.) Were are you going?

Stan: Take a guess.

Ibonek: Your not going to take down that whole ship by yourself.

Seraph: No, (She pulls up a holographic menu.) but with the right sabotage you should be able to destroy the Adas from the inside.

Stan: What? No I was going to prep the Dilapidated Hut to go and rescue the Senator.

Ibonek: Either way I'm coming with you.

Stan: (He looks embarrassed.) Ahh, Master!

Seraph: (She giggles a bit.) I'm going to stay here and provide intel. (She notices Daavas.) But then again you two can handle your selves.

(Meanwhile on Earth, Knara is just waking up. She notices Bart carrying a breakfast tray to her bed.)

Knara: Bart what are you doing in here?

Bart: I made you breakfast.

Knara: (In disbelief.) Ah huh.

Knara's thoughts: Come on give the humor poor Di'vlip. You almost broke his hip.

Bart: Come on Knara. For me. (He has an innocent look on his face. **Don't ask me were he learned this.**)

Knara: Alright, but only because I'm really hungry. (She has some of the Jz'klumo rice.) This is pretty good. It's Lisa's cooking but it's pretty good.

Bart: What? How did you guess so fast?Knara: Well for starters there's no meat.

Bart: Blast, I told her that no meat would give it away. But no. "Using meat is wrong," she said. "I don't care if the meat looks tender, or that it's going to expire in a month." She said.

Knara: No, no that's not the problem. I haven't had Jz'klumo rice this good since I was a calf, or kid as the proper human term goes. But I am a little disappointed you would want to take credit for your sisters cooking.

Bart: So… can we just kiss and make up?

Knara: Bart. (He has a warm smile on his face.) I know you mean well, but I'm not going to forgive you for what you did. Don't get me wrong I appreciate the gesture, but no dice.

Bart: (Disappointed. He leaves her room.) Maybe I can watch some Saturday morning cartoons. (He goes down to the living room.) Maybe they've finally made good ones again.

(He turns on the TV, upbeat polka music is playing. There is a Klingon with a big phony, cheesy, toothy smile.)

Constipated Klingon announcer: (He sounds like he's constipated.) Do you know what time it is kiddies?

Audience: (There all chained up.) We don't care! We've been here for almost twenty years!

Constipated Klingon announcer: (He's not listening.) That's right kiddies, it's time foooor. (The title card shows up, the polka music is louder and more annoying.) Uncle Bungie's Inter-Galactic Polka Party! With your favoritist host in the whole wide universe. _**UNCLE BUNGIE!**_

Bart: (He throws a coach at the TV in panic. He hyperventilates and sweats.) Must have been… some really dumb kid show. (He calms down.) I'm going to play video games. (He goes to the holo-room.) That seem to be the only thing you can on Saturday mornings anymore without getting a stupid song stuck in your head.

(Meanwhile on Katarn II, Thel Col is in a meeting with his assistant. The clone of Maggie Simpson. Who in the last chapter, was accidentally turned into a Mary Sue due to a botched experiment with teleported technology. And since then figured out from Mary-Sue that you can threaten to sue the author if you don't describe there every physical detail in nauseatingly vivid poetic gibberish. **PPC please forgive me.**)

(The stunningly beautiful Maggie looked directly into the fear struck eyes of Col with her beautiful dark blue eyes as she went on about her invention.)

Maggie: So with these twin space station. Acting in unison to transport matter between two galaxies. (She notices that Col is sweating wildly.) Sir is there something wrong?

Col: Nothing, nothing. Excuse me for a moment or two. (He heads to a different room.) ED-8131.

ED-8131: (Concerned.) Yes?

Col: (Calmly.) Kill her, and tell her family it was an accident. (He is yelling.) That banshee wasted the last eighteen hours of my life on science I could care less about! Why didn't you interrupt her or anything?

ED-8131: I was to shocked at what she knew. She took almost four thousand years of quantum science, and pretty much butchered it like a specimen of Terran livestock. It doesn't even seem plausible to make schematics for a revolutionary trans-galactic construct in a few seconds.

Col: In any case. Find some way to kill her, and make it look like freak accident.

ED-8131: Understood.

Col: And let Tyrana and Minerva know… that they've got some unfair competition from a hyper advanced age clone of a four-year old. In the race for inter-galactic travel. Or a powerful super weapon which ever one they were planning to do with wormholes.

ED-8131: (Solemnly.) By your will Thel Col.

(Meanwhile on the Dilapidated Hut. Stan, Ibonek, and Solemn Oath are making final preparations to board that Adas and rescue Senator Rhea Aeryn. And if they have time, commit some sabotage on the ships internal systems.)

Ibonek: Please tell me you have a plan to get onboard that ship Stan?

Solemn Oath: Knowing Stan as I do it's bound to be so crazy that it just might work.

Stan: Your right! Their external sensors are likely to be damaged. So we just dock at one of the external air locks and hope they don't see us.

Ibonek: Your out of your mind. That'll never work, honestly can't you make just one plan that isn't based on a ridicules pipe-dream? Just once?

Stan: (He launches the ship out the hanger. Flies the ship towards an external docking bay.) You were saying? Pretty good flying don't you think?

Ibonek: You are crazy, and for the last and very final time. Spinning is not flying!

Stan: (Smugly.) But it's a good trick.

Solemn Oath: Don't worry about it Ibonek, all organics are insane.

(Meanwhile on the other side the airlock.)

Fodder Droid 2: I still your circuits are loose. No one is crazy enough to dock at one of the emergency airlocks, not with the ship in the shape that it is.

(The airlock door opens, Stan and Ibonek are on the other side.)

Fodder Droid 1: (Panicked.) GAH! I told you someone would dock! But did you listen?

Fodder Droid 2: Well sorry! I never organics knew were that crazy.

(Ibonek and Stan promptly slice the droids with their light blades.)

Ibonek: So, you go and find the Senator. I'll go and commit random sabotage. And Solemn Oath, you go and find Jiral-3PO.

Solemn Oath: (Depressed.) Do I have to? Every time we meet he always assumes that I'm trouble.

Stan: Only because your with me most of the time

(Meanwhile on Earth. Bart and Lisa are playing a video game in the holo-room.)

Lisa: So she liked my cooking?

Bart: Yes but… well she still didn't forgive me.

(A hologram of Sheila, the family AI appears. The game suddenly pauses. She looks worried.)

Lisa: Sheila, why did you stop the game? I was just about to beat Bart's high-score.

Sheila: We have a problem.

Bart: I'll say. Lisa almost beat my high score.

Sheila: No it's actually something relevant.

Bart: Homer got his head stuck in the oven again?

Sheila: No.

Lisa: The microwave?

Sheila: No.

Lisa: The Dishwasher?

Sheila: No.

Bart: That thing the Thel's has that I burnt my hand?

Sheila: That's a Yovin, and no. It's the toaster oven, but that was about a day ago. It's about Knara.

Bart: (Concerned.) What happened?

Sheila: Well to start her pulse and heart rates are erratic. Plus some vomiting, a large rash, and her temperature is in the red. Did she eat anything odd in the last twenty four hours?

Lisa: Well there was some Jz'klumo rice, Lhum-Dris pudding, and Wasalis water.

Sheila: Oh… you do know that Telkine cuisine is highly toxic to humans right?

Bart: What? Lisa why didn't you tell me?

Lisa: I didn't consider that. Besides Sheila gave me the recipes.

Sheila: I only thought you were curious. I didn't think you would try any of it, or for that matter feed any of it to anyone.

Bart: Were is she?

Sheila: She's still in her room. Nobody else is home, Leitenent Tyler is taking Homer on a tour of a Federation space station a few hours ago, Marge followed them in a vain attempt to try to talk him out of it, and Tsaritsyn left in a rush. Something about. "Salting the wounds of humiliation, and making sure that those runt classmates of mine suffer in ways you will never imagine." (Bart and Lisa have worried looks on their faces.) Then again he is prone to exaggeration so I wouldn't worry about him to much. (Bart and Lisa rush out to Knara's room.) I'm surrounded by idiots, and if not that then what?


	8. E3P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 3: Part 2

(Meanwhile, onboard the Dry Comedian. Seraph Ashla is alone in her quarters reviewing the schematics of the Adas.)

Seraph: (She takes a sip of very hot Coffee.) This better be enough to help Stan and Ibonek. If they think I'm signing their life insurance policies if they die, then there out of their minds. (She here's a knock on the door.) What's the pass phrase?

Daavas: Oh come on Seraph! Don't tease me like this.

Seraph: Just a security measure. Remember what happened last time? When Zaar was covered in tar?

Daavas: (He is silent for a moment.) Life is but a cruel odyssey through the howling tundra. No care whether you survive or if the blood freezing cold takes you. But so long as our two souls stand as one, the ice shall melt and the peace we were long denied shall be ours even unto the end of all things.

Seraph: That was last week's pass phrase.

Daavas: (He groans.) The desert is merciless. It takes everything from you, and denies you everything you did not already have. My skin is torn off by the yelling winds. You are my purpose for my torment, and my reward for endurance.

Seraph: That was the pass phrase from the week, before last week.

Daavas: (He groans.) Uh... Swordfish goes great with duck soup?

Seraph: Okay now you're just guessing.

Daavas: Seraph will you just let me in? The pass phrase funny last week but now it's just getting annoying.

Seraph: (Sighs.) Look can you just wait for a minute or two? (A console in her room beeps. She puts the coffee on the nightstand next to her bed, then she calls Stan) Master Tartarus, I have found the Senator.

Stan: (He sounds excited.) Really, can you patch me through to her?

Seraph: Sure. (She does just that.)

Daavas: Can I come in now?

Seraph: Can't you wait a few more minutes?

(The scene changes to the interior the Adas. Rhea is in hiding, and Stan and Ibonek are in a hallway.)

Stan: Rhea? Where are you? Are you alright?

Rhea: I'm fine, but I don't know for how long. I and Jiral-3PO are just a few clicks away from the main hangers.

Ibonek: (He sniffs, he cringes.) Have you been eating Kay'olch beans again?

Rhea: Both of you have been complaining about that for over ten years now! Why can't either of you grow up?

Stan: Look that's not important right now, Seraph is there any way we can meet up?

Seraph: (She is looking through the schematics of the Adas.) According to the schematics there should be some sort of… (She has a confused look on her face.) Train line?

Stan: You're kidding me right?

Seraph: No, it definitely looks like some sort of jet rail system that runs in the center of the ship. Rendezvous there and either attempt to escape, or just blow up random internal components. Whichever one suits you guys best.

Rhea: You don't seem to be taking this seriously.

Seraph: Sorry, I'm just distracted and. Well I've been under a lot of stress.

Stan: I understand, over and out.

(The com channel is turned off.)

Daavas: Well? Can I come in now? Or do I have to take a number?

Seraph: You can come in now. (Daavas enters her quarters. She notices that Daavas is wearing an evening suit.) Daavas? Why are you wearing a Yu-Ik? (She sniffs deeply.) Is that cologne? Why did you want to come in anyway?

Daavas: I just wanted to talk.

Seraph: (Suspiciously.) About what, no wait, let me guess. This has something to do with us right?

Daavas: You guessed right.

Seraph: (Sigh.) I swear you are taking our relationship far too seriously.

Daavas: What do you mean?

Seraph: (She groans.) Were practically kids, and your already acting like were adults, and for that matter married. I know I'm pregnant but, well were just far too young for this so sort of nonsense just yet.

Daavas: What's wrong with that?

Seraph: EVERYTHING! (Her yelling scares Daavas.) I'm sorry; it's just that this turved war has already taken a massive toll on my sanity.

Daavas: But it's only lasted for at least two months now.

Seraph: Really? It feels likes it has been going on longer than that, what with all of this senseless killing. In any case, this war shouldn't have happened in the first place. Remember 'Kot-Phaj? When the WOK burned every major population center to the ground just so that we couldn't have it?

Daavas: (He has a depressed look on his face.) Aye and how we had to trudge undercover through the criminal underworld to find the survivors that were taken off world to be sold on the slave market.

Seraph: And Chimera? The WOK used a biological agent to turn its inhabitants into hideous monsters to be used in their armies, and then used advanced tractor beams to pull its moons, Daedalus, Icarus, and Bellerophon into the planet's surface. The resulting shockwaves rendered the entire planet uninhabitable, and as a side effect, destroyed the entire planet.

Daavas: Aye, so many innocent people dead.

Seraph: And there's this nonsense that Di-In relocated the Order to Metropli Major, as if we were already exposed to political krantt as it was.

Daavas: What are you trying to tell me?

Seraph: (Sighs.) After I left the Lukus Order the first time, I just wanted a simple, normal life, and then again when I was adopted by the Simpson's. But apparently there's no such thing. I didn't want anything to do with the galaxies major problems, but that now seems unavoidable.

Daavas: You're not making any sense.

Seraph: (She puts her hand on his shoulder.) You and Zaar, are the only friends I have in this. Scrined up galaxy, I don't know when or if this war will ever end, but when that happens, if that happens. Maybe you and I can move in with Wenik'a on Majic, and if it is at all possible finally live out that peaceful life we both want.

Daavas: (He is really confused.) You're just spewing nonsense! Are you trying to tell me you love me or not?

Seraph: (She has a sad look on her face.) I'm not even certain I can feel emotions at all, at times. (She drops back onto her bed, and sobs into her hands.) Why was I born if only to see such pointless turmoil? What worth is there in survival when trillions are slaughtered in mere minutes?

Daavas: (He sits down beside her, hugs her, and wipes the tears from her eyes.) Hey, hey calm down. We all have days when we feel like our lives aren't worth anything. But in the end we have to make the most of what we are given, life is cruel I won't lie to you about that. But that is too pathetic of an excuse to surrender to say the least. Listen; when I first met you I thought you were the goddess Tano Shilroth finally reborn. I still do to this day. (He gently kisses her cheek.)

Seraph: That's kind of you to say. A bit blasphemous, but I'm no judge of character. (She hugs him.)

Daavas: That makes everyone else in existence. (They kiss each other. Eventually this leads to the still hot coffee on Seraphs nightstand to, by accident fall into Daavas's lap) OWW! MY ANIUM!

Seraph: Whoops! I forgot I even put that there! I'm sorry.

(Meanwhile, on Earth, Bart, Lisa and Sheila are giving treatment to Knara due to severe food poisoning in the last chapter.)

Knara: (She has a hacking cough.) So… (Cough.) An eye for an eye? (Cough.) I nearly cripple you, (Cough.) and now you take your out retribution on me, (Cough.) with improperly prepared food. (Cough.)

Lisa: What do you mean improperly prepared? I followed those recipes to the letter!

Knara: (Sarcastic.) Yeah right, (Cough.) and I suppose you salted the rice by accident right? (Cough.)

Bart: Wait, what now?

Sheila: Well you see, Fellowship cuisine is normally bitter but mostly harmless. When given any sort of Terran native seasoning it activates highly potent toxins.

Bart: What! Knara you have to believe I would never do anything like this on purpose… to people that I like.

Knara: Yeah right, (Cough.) you say you love and then you put your tongue down the throat of nearest Somite tramp that meets your gaze. (Cough.)

Bart: (He groans.) Oh that is it! I'm done trying to convince you. If you don't want to believe me, then fine by me!

Lisa: Bart, don't be heartless.

Bart: Oh I'm not being heartless! Knara is the heartless one here! She started this!

Knara: Oh sure, (Cough.) blame everyone but yourself, (Cough.) you stupid blag'fadar! (Cough.) That's so turved typical of you Orion filth. (Cough.)

Lisa: Listen we can bicker and argue about who started what latter. Sheila is there any way to stabilize Knara's condition?

Sheila: All she has to do is to not exert herself. In the meantime I'll try to contact Aon, but for some reason she's not answering.

Lisa: Well why not call Mom or Homer?

Sheila: There in orbit at the moment. So it'll be sometime before I can get them.

(Meanwhile, in orbit Lieutenant Tyler is giving Homer a tour of the space station.)

Homer: Remind me again why you dragged me here?

Tyler: To put it bluntly, after the fiasco that happened with the Sinbad over Htet we had to overhaul the entire ship and replace all, including the senior personnel.

Homer: What you brought up here so you could rub that in face?

Tyler: No, though that thought did cross my mind several times on the shuttle ride up here. But, well some sort of demonic force possessed the recently formed Federation Board of Fleet Admirals. Plus the evidence you brought up in your war crimes trial, pretty much resulted in Grand Admiral Gol-Gor Oth in being dishonorably discharged.

Homer: I got one of those after I accidentally drove a nuclear submarine into Russian waters.

Tyler: (In disbelief.) Of course you have… anyway, the FBFA decided that you would be, the captain of rebuilt, and retrofitted Sinbad.

Homer: (Happily.) Really?

Tyler: Yes, (He notices a big blue beehive behind some boxes.) whoever you are get in front of me right now!

(Marge gets out from behind a pile of boxes.)

Homer: Marge what are you doing here?

Marge: I was worried about you. I mean Tyler, and the military escort. That just screams trouble, and besides the last time you were captain of something you were accused of being a communist and a traitor, and the time after that you nearly destroyed your ship.

Tyler: (He chuckles.) You don't need to worry about him too much ma'am. I'll keep a close eye on him, and report any and all major or minor screw ups to the FBFA. That is assuming they'll listen to a lowly Super Commando from Sparta.

Marge: That's nice of you, but I don't want Homer in this Federation Navy at all.

Tyler: That makes two or more of us. But the Admiral Board promised me my old rank of Commander if he went along with this. Besides he might be remembered as a hero… assuming he doesn't get everyone killed.

Marge: (She looks concerned.) Hmm… I suppose. Yes he can be a ship captain. By the way where's Grunchy?

Homer: I think he went to Ur-nuck's, in fact I think he's been there for almost a week now. (His phone is ringing.) Hold I think it might be him. (He answers, a hologram of Sheila appears.) Who are you?

Sheila: What you forgot about me? (She groans.) Look I can worry about that latter. We have a problem with Knara.

Homer: (He acts like Sheila is crazy. He whispers to Marge.) Marge, a crazy lady just called me.

Marge: Oh for the love of. (She takes Homer's phone.) Sheila is something wrong?

Sheila: Yes, actually I've been meaning to call you for almost half an hour now.

Marge: Why? What's wrong?

Sheila: It's about Knara, Aon's daughter.

Marge: Oh you mean Bart's girlfriend? How's she doing?

Sheila: If you'll stop interrupting I'll tell you. She has contacted… xenon food poisoning.

Marge: What! Homer we have to go home now!

Homer: But Marge! I don't know if you paying attention, but I was just made a ship captain.

Tyler: Don't worry about it Homer. The ship is still in dry dock, and the techs are just putting the finishing touches on it. (Homer and Marge both leave in a hurry.) I had better get the new grew assembled fast, I just know that he might put idiots onboard the ship and then everyone's going to point fingers at me something goes horribly wrong.

(Meanwhile onboard the Adas, Rhea and Jiral-3PO have just reached the rail jet system in the middle of the ship.)

Rhea: Well here we are, and Stan and Ibonek are late… again.

Jiral-3PO: Um my lady? (There are Fodder Droids firing blindly.) We were followed.

Rhea: (She fires back at them.) I can see that Jiral!

(Just a few levels above them. Stan, Ibonek and Solemn Oath arrive.)

Stan: Here we are… but where's Rhea? (He looks down to see Rhea.) Never mind found her.

Ibonek: It certainly smells like her. (Stan slaps him, and then he jumps down.) Stan! (He notices he's not listening.) Oh never mind. Oath why do I even bother trying to reason with him?

Solemn Oath: Why are you asking me? Besides I like him when he's crazy.

(Several minutes later, (Yes I am skipping a few lines due to a very annoying case of writers block.) Stan and Rhea are in a train tunnel hugging each other.)

Stan: The things you do to get me alone.

Rhea: Stop talking, and besides this was mostly a diplomatic mission gone horribly wrong.

(They are about to kiss, but Ibonek interrupts them via Stan's com.)

Ibonek: Stan I just lost your droid. You know the one that looks like a Rukt?

Rhea: Jiral-3PO!

Stan: (Sighs.) I'll get on it Ibonek, but after that we are going back to the Hut.

Rhea: No wait, while I was hiding from General Remorseless I overheard something about the ships Q-drive being repaired. (She farts.)

Stan: (Groans. His eyes water) it's just one thing piling over another. Fine you destroy the Q-drive, and we'll go up to the bridge.

Ibonek: Roger that. (He turns off his com channel.)

Stan: And Solemn Oath, find Jiral-3PO!

Solemn Oath: (Sighs.) Fine, but only because he owes me about fifty, Fellowship Draco'machs. (He turns off his com channel.)

Rhea: Why do you want to go up to the bridge?

Stan: I'll tell you more when we get there. Besides, I think you owe me a kiss for saving you.

(Later on in a dark hallway, Jiral-3PO is just wandering around.)

Jiral-3PO: I am having the worst luck with trains today. (He notices a flash of light. He raises his hands.) Don't shoot! I surrender!

Ominous voice: (Very loud computerized monotone.) Your eyes have an odd coloration, have you been consuming any liquids of an illicit nature?

Jiral-3PO: What? Do not be ridicules officer! I am a protocol droid.

Ominous voice: Then show me your higher cognitive functions are not impaired, via the ingesting liquids of an illicit nature. By reciting the Orion alphabet backwards!

Jiral-3PO: You can't be serious!

Ominous voice: (Loudly.) JUST DO IT. While you're at it do a jig.

Jiral-3PO: (Nervously.) Um… very well. (He does a jig.) Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R, Q, P, O, N, M, L, K, J, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A. Now I've sung my ABC's, next time won't you sing with me? (He hears the Ominous voice laughing.) What? What is so funny? (The light turns off, to revel Solemn Oath laughing.) 117 Solemn Oath? What are you doing here?

117 Solemn Oath: Stan told me to find you. Besides I thought it was funny.

Jiral-3PO: Yeah you're a regular Granite Mars.

117 Solemn Oath: Were else do you think I learned my comedy?

Jiral-3PO: (Breathily sigh.) Let's go, and I'm starting to think it was a bad idea for Master Stan to install that humor subroutine into your personality matrix.

117 Solemn Oath: Don't be silly… the humor subroutine is standard issue.

(Meanwhile in the ships Q-drive, Ibonek is sneaking behind some Fodder Droids. But, is then ambushed by General Remorseless.)

Remorseless: Hello there, did you really think you could take me surprise, and destroy my ships Q-drive?

Ibonek: Well… how did you know I was coming down here anyway?

Fodder Droid 1: Well we tapped into your com frequency, and then we cut it off after you said you would come down here.

Ibonek: And nobody heard… anything… else?

Fodder Droid 1: No, why was there something important that we missed?

Ibonek: No, no of course not. (He points behind the villains.) OH LOOK OVER THERE! IT'S A THREE HEADED DXUN!

(The villains look behind themselves. He runs out of the room very, very fast.)

Remorseless: (He screams loudly in rage.) **I CAN NOT BELIEVE I FELL FOR THAT AGELESS. OLDER THEN SOIL. TRICK!**

Fodder Droid 1: Still you have to admit. It was a cleaver trick.

(Remorseless thrashes the droids head off.)

Remorseless: I want his light blade! And his head! And his entrails if you can spare them!

Fodder Droid 2: What would you do with his entrails?

Remorseless: **I'LL** **EAT THEM!** (Uncharacteristically calm.) All this constant screaming has made me a bit hungry.

(Meanwhile on the Adas's bridge. Stan is storming the bridge of all droids, Rhea follows after him.)

Rhea: Stan if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. (She sounds angry.) Don't Essence push! (She notices the destroyed droids. She farts in embarrassment) Oh, you tried to save me from these droids?

Stan: (Frustrated groan. Under his breath, his eyes are watering.) Ingrate, look can you just clean up those droids?

Rhea: (She then notices the large pile of broken droids.) Hmm… ever since I've known you've been playing with droids.

Stan: I used to put them together, but now I destroy them. (He begins to hack the navi-computer.) While we're on the subject of droids. Do you know what model of droid I've always been interested in the most?

Rhea: I'm almost too afraid to ask. Array droids?

Stan: No, the old Machina droids that the Telkines created towards the end of the FOA-DAKA war.

Rhea: (She looks nervous.) You… don't say.

Stan: Yeah, I mean I don't know whether or not Andúril was exaggerating about the MCP. But it sure sounded cool. (Rhea is still nervously cleaning up the droids.) Rhea what's wrong?

Rhea: (Awkwardly.) Oh um ah… nothing. Shouldn't you be doing, whatever it is that you are doing?

Stan: Yes, but I'm just thinking out loud here. I mean if I were to analyze the data on the Machina I could figure out what went wrong with them.

Rhea: There central control center was destroyed in a freak accident. Everyone knows that.

Stan: Yes I know, but if I could get my hands on that data I could figure out why they did what they did. I mean it can't be as simple a glitch. Maybe undo the damage that caused them to go so wrong.

Rhea: (She's choked up.) That's a very kind thought of yours Stan.

Stan: (He notices that Rhea's crying.) Honey what's wrong?

Rhea: (She's picking at her eyes.) Sorry, I think I have something in my eyes.

Stan: Oh, so anyway it would probably be impossible to try anyway. Especially since the Fellowship declared it forbidden, for any form of life to even scan the Kobol system. Just because of some stupid treaty that's growing more and more obscure every decade.

Rhea: Well you have to give the Telkines credit for honoring their promises. Naïve though they tend to be.

Stan: It's just that, Aiur and I have been friends since I was a kid, and he STILL won't let me perform expeditions to Cimtar.

Rhea: Believe me; he has a tendency of being a bit of an Aknosh. But I'm guessing it's just due to his life pretty much going horribly wrong every other decade. Besides he does take his position very seriously, even over friendship.

Stan: Probably, besides even if anyone did try to go to Cimtar they would find only rusted Centurions anyway.

Rhea: Maybe, but from what I heard Fellowship technology is extremely durable, and capable of lasting several centuries with or without proper maintenance.

Stan: I'd have to see it to believe it. (The console he is hacking is beeping.) There, I'm done. How's the house cleaning coming along?

Rhea: Hmm? (She notices that there is still a pile of damaged droid parts on the bridge.) OH! Quick Stan help me clean up this mess!

Stan: (He groans in frustration.) I swear sometimes you have an attention span of an Orion toddler!

Rhea: (She and Stan hastily clean up the remaindering droids.) I'm sorry! You're the one that was rambling about Machina not me!

(They leave the bridge in a hurry; a crew of Fodder Droids suddenly enter.)

Fodder Droid 1: Well, looks like the navigation systems are repaired. (He notices a broken Fodder Droid, he picks it up.) What the frell happened here?

Rhea: (She suddenly enters. She gives the Fodder Droid's a bribe.) You saw nothing.

Fodder Droid 1: Um… thank you ma'am but were going to have to report you to General Remorseless. For almost killing him with your toxic farting, for almost killing him by rigging the engines of your ship to exploding, and for presumably what ever happened with the repair team up here.

Rhea: (Sighs.) Didn't think I would have to do this. Heck I'm not even certain this will work. (Her eyes turn red, and she speaks in a mechanized alien language: Translation.) Erase memory files extending the to the last two minutes.

All Fodder Droids on the bridge: (In unison.) Rodger, Rodger. (They abruptly shut down.)

Rhea: (She takes the severed droid head, and the bribe she gave the droids. Her eyes revert to their original color.) And here I was thinking Lith'mar was lying about the override subroutines. Stupid bribe was made of counterfeit credits anyway. (She leaves in a hurry.)


	9. E3P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 3: Part 3

(Meanwhile on Earth, the Simpson's just got back from the hospital. The scene is in Knara's room as she is regaining conciseness.)

Knara: (She is feeling groggy.) Oh… what happened? (She notices that her chest is in a cast.) Okay bad question. (Lisa enters the room.) Lisa what are you doing here?

Lisa: Your mother sent me to check on you.

Knara: (She removes her covers, and notices a pair of black scorpion claws on the back of her thighs.) What happened? And how did those get there?

Lisa: Well, you were rushed to an ER to stop the poisoning and, well you had to ingest some kind of alien vomit to stop the poison from spreading. Some kind of bird like alien I think, he looked a bit like something from an old Jim Henson movie. Not a Muppet movie, but vaguely connected.

Knara: I think I know what you're talking about, a Skeksite. There vomit could cleanse nearly every known poison in the civilized galaxy. Wait what poisoning?

Lisa: He did say that the treatment could wipe your memory. Do you remember what happened this morning?

Knara: No, (She pinches her forehead.) what day is it? For that matter what month is it?

Lisa: (Awkwardly.) Well… this may sound weird but umm… (She snaps her fingers rapidity.) Sheila can you give an estimate as to how far back Knara's memory goes back?

Sheila: (Her voice can be heard.) From what I can indicate from the cortex scans, she can't remember the last two weeks.

Knara: I kind of figured that out on my own. Now will someone please explain these tattoos on my back?

Lisa: Well… it was Bart's idea to give you a large scorpion tattoo on your back.

Knara: Ah huh, and the cast is on me why?

Lisa: Well, let's just say that Homer beat his own personal record for the number of car accidents he made on one car trip. So when we got to the hospital your back was broken.

Knara: (Snidely.) It's never a dull moment with your family. So apart from that what did I miss?

Lisa: Well, it's kind of hard to tell you this but umm… Bart is kind of in a bad mode.

Knara: Let me guess. He's in depression am I right?

Lisa: Umm…

Knara: I am right, right? (Concerned.) Right?

Lisa: Look, Sheila is better at giving blunt answers then I am. So you're going to talk to Sheila about that. In the meantime I'm going to… (She leaves the room nervously.) Calm down Bart at the news that you regained conciseness.

Knara: So Sheila what happened?

Sheila: You were deceived by a fraud recording.

Knara: What?

Sheila: It's a long story, but I'll tell you anyway, should provide enough time for Lisa to properly barricade you inside of your room.

Knara: What!

Sheila: One question at a time, anyway about a week ago… (She goes on to explain what has happened to the Simpson's over the last eight chapters.) And just recently I discovered that the footage that you saw was purposely falsified by Mary-Sue in order to deceive you.

Knara: (She is crying into her hands.) I can't believe that even a Somite. Would do something this cruel!

Sheila: It isn't that surprising. They destroyed Ashla, Zorah Prime, and at least thirty-seven other planets. Not counting undocumented.

Knara: So, I abused Bart and he tried to poison me?

Sheila: No the food poisoning was an accident. But Bart has been rather annoyed about the fact that you wouldn't forgive him.

Knara: (Sighs.) Aon always did say that my rage would be my downfall. How did Bart take it all?

Sheila: To put it plainly, Bart had that scorpion tattoo burned onto your back with a series of complex branding irons. I'm not really sure why, probably some sort of symbolic reference but anything is a guess. Despite my better judgment I think you should talk to him.

Knara: Maybe latter, right now I just need to rest. It's been a long… okay I can't remember the last two weeks but it sounds like I've put up with a lot recently, and cue up my qPod.

Sheila: Are you sure you want to be listening to Anthems of the Forever Mourning? Because it seems that's the only thing on you qPod.

Knara: Just does it, I'm not in the mood for human contact today.

Sheila: Aye, preparing the depressing piano concerto.

(Meanwhile onboard the Adas, 117 Solemn Oath and Jiral-3PO are walking down a dark dilapidated hallway.)

Jiral-3PO: This way looks potentially dangerous.

117 Solemn Oath: That makes pretty much the rest of this turved ship!

Jiral-3PO: I know the whole place is dangerous! I suggest we wait for master Tartarus.

(A door suddenly opens; Stan and Rhea are behind it.)

Stan: 3PO, Oath what are you two doing here? We have to get back to our ship. (Stan and Rhea run down the hallway.)

117 Solemn Oath: That was a short wait. (He follows them.)

Jiral-3PO: Wait for me! (He proceeds to follow them.) You know I have stiff servos!

(Several minutes later everyone is back onboard the Dilapidated Hut.)

Stan: Okay is everyone here? Good then let's get out of here!

(The Hut detaches from the external docking, however the freighter is then chased down by several droid fighters.)

Ibonek: All right can someone please take out the droids?

Stan: (He presses a button on the console and a periscope lowers.) There's the ships turret. You man it.

Ibonek: No I'm supposed to back-seat drive you. You man it.

Stan: I can't man it, I'm actually driving this old bucket.

Rhea: (She clears her throat.) Um guys, I'm not doing anything right now. (She gets on the periscope.)

Ibonek: She looks like she knows what she is doing.

Stan: You'd be surprised what that Sihaya is capable of. (Ibonek looks at him funny.) It's a Turok word for "Desert Flower."

(Meanwhile on Remorseless's personal Starfighter, he receives a transmission with the droids on the bridge of his ship.)

Fodder Droid 1: Sir, all of the navigation systems have been repaired.

Remorseless: About turving time! Set a course for friendly space as soon as possible!

Fodder Droid 1: Roger, roger. (There is a malfunction on the bridge. Several consoles spark.) Oh no. Sir I think we have a problem here.

Remorseless: What is it now?

Fodder Droid 1: Um… (The ship starts to veer towards a small moon nearby.) the navi-computer is set to crash the ship into a small moon nearby.

Remorseless: Unacceptable! Reset the navi-computer! **NOW!**

Fodder Droid 1: (Panicked.) Quick! Reset the navi-computer!

(Remorseless gets a transmission from Admiral Bob.)

Bob: Remorseless, I await the return of the Adas.

(Meanwhile on the bridge the droids are currently very calm.)

Fodder Droid 1: (He's panicy.) WE! ARE! GOING! TO! DIE! (He notices a severed droid head.) What the frell happened here?

(The ship crashes into the moon, and the Adas blows up.)

Ibonek: I take it that was you're doing?

Stan: All part of the plan Master.

(Remorseless cuts off his transmission.)

Bob: Remorseless, Remorseless come in.

Fodder Droid 2: Sir I think the General hang up on you.

Bob: Well duh! Mr. Burns is going to have my hide for this.

(Roughly three hours later, Rhea is storming into Premier Maccabeus's office and she looks very peeved. Incidentally Ormpha Tyrana is in a meeting with him.)

Maccabeus: My dear, how did your meeting with the Loan Tribe go? Did they withdraw their support from the Wrath of Kaos?

Rhea: (She throws a broken droid at his desk.) No, in fact when I got there the only thing that was waiting me was the Adas. Did you know that intelligence was false? Or did you send me there on purpose hoping I would die!

Maccabeus: Rhea this is no time to be paranoid! I'm in the middle of a meeting with Ambassador Tyrana.

Tyrana: On the contrary. I like to hear the young Senators opinions. Besides the politics of your Alliance bore me so much, it's I wonder I don't spend half of the time asleep.

Rhea: Thank you Tyrana, now then as I was saying. You sent me on a fool's errand! I swear, that vote of no confidence I made ten years ago was the dumbest idea I ever had.

Tyrana: No argument here, however if memory serves a certain Maccabeus I. Thermopylae, was the one who convinced you to make that vote. Not necessarily of your own decision.

Maccabeus: (Grumbles.) Look I didn't know whether or not they would go through with this.

Rhea: Liar! (She pounds her fist on his desk.) You sent me to my death!

Maccabeus: You have some nerve for accusing me of such notion. (He rises in his seat.) I am above lies!

Tyrana: Funny I could have sworn that your predecessors said the exact same thing about themselves. The big fat egotistical self-centered liars, nearly every time one of those baboons spoke lies poured out of their maws like a torrent of a slowly bursting dam. As it cracks at the seams, due to a high concentration of flooding rain water. (Maccabeus leaves in a hurry in order to pee.) I love it when that happens.

Rhea: Yeah so do I, incidentally why did you do that anyway?

Tyrana: I think your right; Maccabeus is trying to kill you.

Rhea: Yes I figured that out on my own, but why me?

Tyrana: Perhaps he has learned that you and your sister, President Catherine are Machina agents. Either that or he is just doing these things to annoy you. You can never tell with humans.

Rhea: That's a given, but you have your scaly claws on nearly everyone in the galaxy! Don't you know anything?

Tyrana: You'd think so, but he has covered his tracks well. Though I have heard a rumor or two that he might be the leader of an otherwise obscure and previously thought extinct Blood Deity Cult. Specifically the Cult of Adas, lord of tyrants, deception and bloodlust.

Rhea: (Groans.) Again with the Blood Cults. (She is trying to keep herself from cracking up.) Everyone knows that the Blood Deity Cults have been out of practice since the end of the FOA-DAKA. Over fifteen-hundred years ago!

Tyrana: Aye, but during the war many of them fled into the wilderness sector to escape the fire. Many of them became the pirate gangs that were subjected by the Wrath of Kaos. Which is now carving a path of slaughter throughout the galaxy, unchecked, unchallenged killing at will. Like that business they had with the planets Chimera, its moons, 'Kot-Phaj, Vigil IX, LeeeG'WheG, Hjun 9, and hundreds of other inhabited worlds.

Rhea: They were all great tragedies, but with the destruction of the Adas Burn's shriveled heart is no doubt filled with fear.

Tyrana: Perhaps, but humans are and always will be unpredictable. Especially when startled. I doubt that whatever fear he feels now may only hasten his plans for domination of the entire galaxy, and everything else given time. (He realizes he trailed off.) Anyway, the point I was trying to make was that Maccabeus might not be who he claims to be.

Rhea: But he's been my confident since my reign as Queen of Ooban during and before the occupation of my... I mean of Ooban.

Tyrana: If that's so, he's probably a better liar then I am. But I'm probably giving him to much credit. Remember the Corporate Wars?

Rhea: (Sighs.) I would not like to remember those days.

Tyrana: (He's chuckling.) Remember when Stan proposed after the siege of Bugalore? You soiled yourself, when he gave you the ring. (His chuckling turns to laughter.) Then you both slipped and tripped on the urine! (He bursts out laughing.) Then I made off like a bandit and sent the video to Orions Funniest home Videos! (He falls on the floor laughing.)

Rhea: (Sarcastically.) Oh yes, how could I ever forget that fateful day? Is there a point to this?

Tyrana: (He gets up, sits back in his chair and stops laughing.) No, just wanted to annoy you.

(Maccabeus returns from the bathroom.)

Maccabeus: Sorry it took me so long, I had to make a call with my psychiatrist. (His phone rings.) Speaking of which I just got another one coming in. (He answers.)

Tyrana: (Whispers.) Isn't that the excuse you use when you contact Kaos?

Rhea: (Whispers.) Yes, what if he's an agent of Kaos?

Tyrana: (Whispers.) Then he's keeping more secrets from me then I thought. Incidentally how has the Machina Resistance been going?

Rhea: (Whispers.) I managed to convince the Telkine, Njord, and Quetzal models to provide support, and several hundred Centurions as well. Kaos and Chon don't know anything about it yet.

Tyrana: (Whispers.) Good, now then it looks like Maccabeus is done with his call.

Maccabeus: That was Senator Virmire Orpheus of Garrus, he has asked for you Senator Rhea.

Rhea: Very well then. I did ask to go to Garrus before that incident with the Adas anyway.

(Meanwhile on Telchine, in the office of Vice-Counselor Kitrach Armss'rij. Aon enters with a Telkine short sword in hand, and she looks like she's about to kill someone… might explain the weapon.)

Armss'rij: Ah, Aon good to see you.

Aon: It is an honest pity that I do not share the feeling.

Armss'rij: What ever do you mean? (She drives the short sword into his arm. He roars in great pain) What the Cocytus was that for!

Aon: You dragged my daughter into your aimless schemes, it torn her sanity and bravery in half.

Armss'rij: (He is straining from the blade in his arm.) What are you talking about? Speak sense you grey banshee!

Aon: (She drives a knife into his arm.) That exchange student idea of yours inadvertently drove my daughter mad, and brought her to bring unnecessary harm to a loved one, and after she realized the truth she went into depression. She is beginning to doubt the warrior she is, and who and what she is!

Armss'rij: (He is straining under the pain.) What in your right mind makes you think I care for an insignificant human? My duty is to the mother world! If you don't like the way I do my work. (Aon drives another dagger into his arm. He roars in pain.)

Aon: I don't! Your stupidity has cost lives that are already pilling into the billions! And for all I know my brother Meem is dead because of your short-sided stupidity!

Armss'rij: (He is still straining from the pain.) All are expendable in the Fellowship. If anyone dies for it, then they are fulfilling their purpose! Besides despite his bad disguise he survived long enough to-

Aon: (She cuts him off.) What did you gain?

Armss'rij: What do you mean? (She drives another knife into his arm.)

Aon: What did you learn from the Somites!

Armss'rij: (He is starting to weaken from his wounds.) Somites… they are planning to… make super weapon that should… destroy all non-human life in existence.

Aon: (She drives another knife into his arm.) What do you mean?

Armss'rij: Also, the one… Mary-Sue… Venus Shadowfax Freya Isis Honolulu Nymph Angels-Whom Valkyrie Poinsettia Rose-thorn Lothlorian Morgan Leliana Horse-Mane Lotus Sun-Tear Rosetta Sirens-Anthem Lilith Pointless-but-funny-Twilight-bashing Pandora... Is really… highly advanced… cyborg designed to… repopulate the universe, when they are done.

(Suddenly, Minas Aiur, Twilight Emperor of the Fellowship of Andu barges in furiously.)

Aiur: What the frell is happening in here? Armss'rij why was none of this in your report on Andúril's mission?

Armss'rij: What… do you mean… my lord Minas?

Aiur: I heard everything from the security room, I was here on inspection but when I saw Aon torturing you.

Aon: I only wanted the truth, from this pathetic excuse of a liar.

Aiur: Indeed, do you have anything to say to justify this deception you honor less scum. Or you will be sent to Gra'toa!

Armss'rij: (Suddenly purple tattoos start to glow brightly, he has a demonic voice. He is still in great pain.) I was just… fulfilling the will of the… sleeping ones. As their… appetite for mortal… flesh and blood… thickens with every passing… hour.

Aiur: (He drives a sword through Armss'rij. Armss'rij becomes limp) Blag'fadar, Blood Cultist. Here was I hoping there kind were all extinct.

Aon: (She pants.) A Blood Cultist… in the Fellowship. How was this possible?

Aiur: Forged credentials perhaps? His true allegiance might explain why the rise of the WOK wasn't stopped sooner.

Aon: What happens now?

Aiur: I hunt down any other Blood Cultist's in the Fellowship Counsils, and the rest of the galaxy, and bring them all to justice.

Aon: You always were thorough… and ruthless. (She leaves the room.)

Aiur: (He grunts. He looks over Armss'rij's corpse.) This century is already off to a bad start. I have got a lot of governmental restructuring to do ALLREADY.

Armss'rij: (He regains conciseness.) I'm not dead yet you fool!

Aiur: (He tears out all of Armss'rij's eyes one by one as he shrieks loudly in pain.) That makes at least one of you.

Armss'rij: (He laughs like a deranged lunatic.) You seem to think this pain harms me!

Aiur: Well you have no eyes.

Armss'rij: You fool, we Blood Disciples. Lust for pain, thrive on pain, and exist to only feel pain.

Aiur: Then I shall grant your wish. (He smashes Armss'rij's head with a gravity mace repeatedly.) Now to see what secrets this blag'fader has been hiding from me. (He looks through Armss'rij's files.)


	10. E4P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 4: Part 1

(Roughly two weeks latter, Senator Rhea Aeryn is on a mission to the Vakarian homeworld of Garrus with her faithful droid Jiral-3PO . She has received a communiqué from Premier Maccabeus via hologram.)

Maccabeus: Senator Aeryn, I am most surprised that you would go on this mission without my permission.

Rhea: What are you talking about? You're the one who told me to do this!

Maccabeus: Yes, but you didn't bother to fill out the appropriate paper work.

Rhea: (She groans.) I don't think you've noticed but I don't give a turv about bureaucracy! Plus you've been delaying this for over two weeks.

Maccabeus: I had a feeling you would show this kind of defiance, so returned your pet Otahanan.

(Mvar Mvar suddenly bursts into the cockpit.)

Mvar Mvar: (Translation. Of his accent.) Hellosa Rhea! (He accidentally trips on the ships steering mechanism causing the ship to veer off course. Rhea takes the stick and corrects it.) Rhea, why did yousa leavea misa in at the resteruanta?

Rhea: (Nervously.) Um… you see Mvar Mvar… I thought that you were in the cargo area when we left. Can you go into the back room? I have to talk to the Premier.

Mvar Mvar: (Translation.) Okay docky. (He heads to the back room.)

Rhea: Are you out of your mind! He'll screw up every thing!

Maccabeus: Goodbye. (He hangs up.)

Rhea: I swear, one of these days I'm just going to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger.

Jiral-3PO: I don't think Master Tartarus would like that much.

Rhea: He's the only reason I haven't tried it yet.

(The ship begins to descend into the atmosphere of Garrus. Which looks like a ruined battlefield for the most part. Along with some lava pits and the occasional cluster of burnt palm trees.)

Mvar Mvar: (Translation.) Lookie, lookie! It looken like a biggen a battle happened heresa!

Rhea: (Remorsefully.) One did, this planet was discovered about two hundred years before the Orion civil war. When the Somites attacked the siege lasted for almost five very long years. Hundreds of millions of Vakarians died defending this planet with the aid of the Fellowship of Andu defending it. But as you can see the planet is a big mess.

Mvar Mvar: (Translation.) Ja, ja, mese figured thatsa one outsa, just whysk isn'teska this place looken beteren by nowska?

Rhea: It's complicated, Palvanen royal space port in site.

(She lands the ship, she exit's the ship to be greeted by a Vakarian aid.)

Vakarian aid: Welcome to Garrus Senator Rhea, Senator Virmire Orpheus has been expecting you for quite some time.

Rhea: You are welcome. (She and the aid leave, Mvar Mvar follows her.) Mvar Mvar, I need you to stay here and keep 3PO out of trouble.

Jiral-3PO: I heard that!

Mvar Mvar: Really?

(Mvar Mvar scampers back into the ship.)

Vakarian aid: You can be honest with me. What was the real reason you wanted him on your ship?

Rhea: For the most part he's an idiot. Plus I don't want him causing a major interstellar incident.

Vakarian aid: I understand… (Under his breath.) with the decisions Virmire has been making one more idiot is the last thing we need.

Rhea: I'm sorry I didn't catch that. What did you say?

Vakarian aid: I was just talking to myself.

(Meanwhile on Earth, Homer is looking over the manifest of the crew of the Sinbad.)

Homer: Hmm… Marge! Who do you think would make a good chef?

Marge: What about Luigi?

Homer: Maybe, but you have to admit his cooking has kind of gone downhill over the years. But I'll pick him anyway.

Marge: Well I am a bit nervous about you becoming a captain, I mean unless I've heard wrong the pirates have been pretty destructive. Plus these Blood Disciples don't sound to nice, from the sound of there name alone they don't sound to nice.

Homer: Hey, I'm being offered the chance to be the space man I always wanted to be.

Marge: What about when you went up into space?

Homer: That was just a PR stunt. I want to be like James T. Kirk, Jean-Luc Picard, Jonathan Archer, or that guy from the new Star Trek movie who claimed to be Kirk.

Marge: That was Kirk.

Homer: Don't be silly, Kirk was never that cocky! A bit of a wind bag I'll admit. Besides his first mission did not have anything to do with the destruction of Vulcan. (He gets a call.) Hold I'm getting a call, but the minute I'm done I'm going to continue my ranting. (He answers.) Hello?

Tyler: No time to explain. Who did you pick to be on the crew?(Homer tries to answer but he is cut off.) Never mind Command already scanned your crew manifest. Were beaming you and your victims, erm… I mean brave people things, onboard the Sinbad right now.

Homer: You'll do what now? (He is suddenly beamed aboard the Sinbad.) What the? (He suddenly appears on a shiny chrome ship bridge, he see's Tyler.) What just happened!

Tyler: There's no time to explain, we have just received an emergency distress signal from a Lukus strike team.

Homer: What! Why can't they call someone else?

Tyler: Hey I don't ask questions. I just point whatever weapon I have and either shoot, or wave it around like a demented lunatic. Besides I'm pretty much a grunt. No one ever tells me anything.

Homer: (Nervously.) Um… set a course for, wherever the heck the distress signal thingy, originates.

Tyler: You don't have to. (The ships computer is humming.) The ships computer has already a course to the. (He sounds confused.) Actually I have no idea what the navi-computer says. Apart from that we'll be at our destination in two hours.

Homer: Wait where's the rest of the crew?

Tyler: If I had my guess there in the hanger. Probably confused and panicky, we have at least two hours until we get to our destination. So they should have plenty of time to figure everything out.

Homer: I don't know, my family was part of the manifest. As well as several other people that probably shouldn't even be here.

Tyler: You are one of the most reckless S. O. B's I have ever met. (Homer smiles.) That's not a compliment.

(Meanwhile on Garrus, Rhea Aeryn has just met Virmire Orpheus.)

Rhea: (Formally.) Greetings Senator Orpheus.

Virmire: Why so formal kovar'cha?

Rhea: (She looks happy.) Uncle Orpha! (She hugs him.)Virmire: My dearest, it is so good to see you again. How have things been with you?

Rhea: Not good I'm afraid, the last two months have been eventful. For all of us.

Virmire: Aye, that makes two of us. What took you so long to get here? I've been requesting you for over two weeks, plus a pizza I ordered around that time still hasn't arrived after all this time.

Rhea: I'm sorry it's just, (Sighs.) I've had to put up with a lot of political krantt. I swear Maccabeus has had me and everyone else running around the galaxy on unimportant quests that have no positive effect on the war ON purpose.

Virmire: You'll get no argument from me. Apparently it was enough that the Alliance would ignore my peoples needs.

Rhea: Oh no, the matter did come up once or twice. But nearly everyone falls asleep during the Premiers long-winded speeches anyway. So that matter was frequently shot down. Besides your people are a client race to the Fellowship aren't they?

Virmire: Yes but Aiur has been too distracted by the occupation of Cartel space, as well as something about having his armor retrofitted, and now this Blood Cult nonsense has got him in going into sleep delirium. Is all the excuses that draco needs to ignore the needs of my people.

Rhea: I understand your frustration.

Virmire: That may be, but that does not change the fact that there is famine on this world, the relief convoys are being raided by Sic Semper Tyrannis rebels. I know none of the ailments of my people of your fault. But I am at my wits end and… (Sighs.) I signed an agreement with the Commerce Collective and.

Rhea: (She cuts him off.) Are you out of your mind! The Commerce Collective is nothing but a den of thieves and murderous. They invaded my home planet over ten years ago, and they still haven't paid for their crimes! On top of that there an ally of the WOK. What were you even thinking?

Virmire: I know my dear, I know. But as you can imagine I'm… (Several Fodder Droids suddenly surround them.) backed into a corner here.

Fodder Droid 1: You know it's a funny thing. But Minister Jav Rev lied to you about the trade agreement in order to get to Senator Rhea.

Virmire: What? He lied to me!

Rhea: What do you think they do for a living? (She pulls out her communicator.) Jiral-3PO? Jiral-3PO come in! (A Fodder Droid grabs her arm and smashes her communicator.)

Fodder Droid 1: Now then, you shall be taken to separate high security cells, and await word from Minister Jav Rev.

(They are both escorted to such a cell.)

Virmire: You must hate me for what I have done.

Rhea: Can't say I approve of it.

(Meanwhile onboard the Sinbad, it is still on course to it's as of yet unnamed destination. Homer and Tyler are reviewing crew member duties.)

Tyler: Okay, and now this Seymour Skinner?

Homer: I think he's a veteran of the Vietnam war, although I have heard a rumor or two that.

Tyler (He cuts Homer off.) He'll be chief of security.

Homer: Plus he does have a tendency of being a big cowardly wimp from time to time. So don't go about promoting him right away.

Tyler: (He groans in frustration.) I swear out of all the idiots I've had to put up with in this stupid navy. You're the dumbest.

Homer: Hey! You can't blame me for being captain.

Tyler: Good point. Though I would for once like to be put under the command of someone who uses his head at least ONCE. Plus don't you think it's somewhat irresponsible to bring your kids along?

Homer: True, but to be honest with you I've been an irresponsible parent from the beginning. Just ask either of them and you'll have your ears talked off for hours. Besides they've been complaining about school for since they started High School. (Mockingly.) Oh, daddy! I just spent six hours hearing idiots ranting on and on about how smart they are, when I know there not. Some girls that I thought were my friends, used me to make them look cool to the cheerleaders. My girlfriend hates me, so I burned a scorpion into her back just because I wanted to. (Normal voice.) Trust me after fifteen years of putting up with that kind of whining it's a miracle they are still alive.

Tyler: (Sarcastically.) Hmm. Glad I'm not your son.

Homer: (He hugs Tyler lovingly.) You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that!

Tyler: (Startled.) What the! Get off of me you fat weirdo! (He peels Homer off of his waist.) Sheesh, I am so not going with the shore party when we get to our destination.

Homer: Where is that anyway?

Tyler: I tried asking Minerva but. Let's just say she went into shock when she read the navi-computer.

Homer: Well what did it say?

Tyler: Wouldn't know, I can't read binary. Plus the navi-computer doesn't talk you have to read the stupid thing.

Homer: Makes sense, wait did you say Minerva is onboard?

Tyler: Aye.

Homer: But she wasn't on my manifest. Did you go over my head?

Tyler: Pretty much, but only because I knew you would bring idiots on the ship.

(1 hour and fifty-five minutes latter, Mvar Mvar and Jiral-3PO are playing "I spy.")

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) Mesa spysen with my little eysen. Something thatsa beginsa withsa c.

Jiral-3PO: (Exasperated.) It's the ceiling.

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) Thatsa rightsa! How did you knowsa?

Jiral-3PO: It's because it's been the same thing for the past two hours! You keep stealing my turns! What is so interesting about the ceiling to you anyway?

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) What? It'sa the only thing Isa can findsa in thisa spacea porta. Whatsa is taking Rhea so longo anyway?

Jiral-3PO: These things take time Mvar Mvar, although I have to admit she's taking longer then usual. (He notices a squad of Fodder Droids wander around outside.) GAH! I spy with my little eye something that begins with f!

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) No wait don't tell mesa. Is ita, Virginia Wolf?(The Fodder Droids enter the cockpit.)

Fodder Droid 1: The Jiral series protocal droid was talking about us meat bag!

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) Oh! In that casea. (He runs out of the ship screaming like an idiot. Which inadvertently destroys the ship and every droid besides Jiral-3PO inside.)

Jiral-3PO: What an incredible mess you've created.

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) If thosea droids are herasa. Then thatsa must mean Rhea's in troublesa! (He puts on a Lukus robe.) Have no fearing Rhea. Mvar Mvar will be savin you! (He runs off in a completely random direction.)

Jiral-3PO: (Confused.) What the? Were did you get that robe? You don't even know were Rhea is!

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) Thatsa never stopened me beforesa!

Jiral-3PO: (Sighs.) Why do I even bother. Why does she keep him around anyway?

(Meanwhile onboard the Sinbad. It is a minute away from exiting Q-space over the secret planet, which name shall be revealed soon. Homer is arguing with Bart and Lisa.)

Homer: (Annoyed.) I don't want to hear any more about it!

Lisa: But Dad!

Homer: (He cuts her off.) Exactly! You kids have done nothing but complain about school since that very first day. The kids are annoying me nonstop, It's impossible for me to concentrate with all the mindless yammering, you aren't taking any of this seriously. So it's either this or another day of the same drudgery you kids have been ranting about since 2009.

Bart: Listen as much as I like shooting things. There is a very real chance we could get killed!

Homer: (Frustrated.) I know! But hasn't Knara, or Tsaritsyn or whatever been teaching you two how to fight?

Lisa: Yes but it kind of stopped after that fiasco that Mary-Sue started. But we did get far enough to get basic commando, technician and guerilla tactics down.

Homer: Really? Why did they stop?

Bart: What you haven't noticed the shape Knara is in now? She's more withdrawn then usual, and not in the good way either. (He sounds worried.) For instance last week I tried to talk to her. But she just stared at me, no response, no emotion, also she's been looking pale. (Curiously.) I wonder if there are any drugs that can do that? (Gasps.) Or is she turning into a vampire? That would be cool! Unless she's creepy emotionally withdrawn type that watches me sleepp at night.

Lisa: (She continues were Bart trailed off.) As for Tsaritsyn he just lost interest. Said something about not wanting to put up with my incessant whining. Plus he told me he had a date with several hundred bear traps, two dozen Y-5 computer viruses, several gallons of Omega strength laxatives, and something about getting the address and deepest and most intimate fears of our classmates.

Bart: (He looks at her as if she is naïve.) After knowing me all my life I'd think you'd notice pranks.

(Tsaritsyn suddenly appears out of nowhere.)

Tsaritsyn: How did I get dragged into this Dxun outfit? Out of curiosity, does anyone have any starved moths?

Lisa: (In confusion.) What the! Where did you come from?

Tsaritsyn: You really weren't paying attention in health class were you? I can understand why though Knara used to do it all the time back on Telchine. Anyway, when a mommy and daddy no each other for a very long time. They decide that they should.

Homer: (He cuts him off.) I put his name on my crew manifest because I thought he would make good comic relief.

Tsaritsyn: Well you defiantly bet on the wrong horse.

The Ships Computer: Attention crew, we have just arrived in orbit of planet Ashla. All tactical shore party members shall be teleported to the planets ruined capital of Memories of Shilroth immediately. Error: due to a design flaw in the telaporter, everyone will be teleported at random to the surface. Due to the fact that it can't transport more then four people down at a time.

Tsaritsyn: (Confused.) Ashla? Memories of Shilroth? (He, Bart, Lisa, and Homer are being di-molecule-lairized for teleportation.) What in Aiur's name is going on here? (The four of them disappear.)

(Meanwhile on Garrus, Rhea is in her cell. She is being guarded by two Fodder Droid's and one 'Vadam guard.)

'Vadam guard: Keep your guard up. There's a Templar on the loose.

Two Fodder Droid's: (In unison.) Ah oh!

(A mischievous smirk plays across Rhea's face.)

'Vadam guard: Don't get to excited. You'll overwork your sensors, besides from what I can gleam he seems completely incompetent.

Rhea: (Projecting.) You know I can't tell you how often I've seen droids sliced to pieces by a lone Templar.

'Vadam guard: Likewise, but I don't want to hear about it.

Rhea: (Projecting. She flexes her abdominal line upwards to remove a lock picking devise from her boot.) Oh master Lukus! Thank you for rescuing me!

'Vadam guard: (He points at the two droids next to the cell door.) You two, check on her she might be trying to escape.

(The two droids enter her cell just as she is about to pick the locks on her cuffs.)

Fodder Droid 1: (Confused.) What are you doing?

Rhea: (She forces several tears out of her eyes. She sounds choked up.) It's just, I don't know. This is one of the first times I've ever been betrayed by a close family friend. I just don't know what to do.

Fodder Droid 2: (Concerned. Almost motherly.) Oh… there, there dear. (He un-cuffs her and then hugs her. Rhea cries into the droids shoulder. He lovingly pats and strokes the back of her head) We all have days when life just doesn't feel worthwhile.

Rhea: (She sniffles.) Coming from you that means a lot.

'Vadam guard: (Nonchalantly.) Coming from you it's no surprise. (he notices Rhea is out of her cell.) What the! You idiots! She's out of her cell! (He pulls out a jeweled light blade and ignites it's pink blade. Everyone gives him a weird look.) I got this off of a Templar.

Rhea: (Coyly.) That's nice to know. (She knocks the two droids heads together. Then she struggles with the 'Vadam for the light blade. She then slices of his arm with the light blade.) Hmm… heavier then I thought. (She notices the 'Vadam is struggling for the console in the prison block. She then opens up hole in his chest and tears out his gallbladder. (or something that has the same function as one anyway.)

'Vadam guard: (He is yelling in pain.) Your tore out my gallbladder you banshee!

Rhea: Oh grow up you big baby. (She kicks him across the face. She runs out of the prison.) Now to find Virmire, and get off of this planet as soon as possible.


	11. E4P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 4: Part 2

(Meanwhile on Ashla. Homer, Bart, Lisa, and Tsaritsyn are being beamed into the top chamber of a giant palace that resembles the White-Gold Tower from Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion.)

Homer: (Awkwardly and confused.) Does anyone know where we are? (He coughs hard.) And why is it so dusty?

(Clone Marine captain Akola suddenly appears. He sounds frantic.)

Akola: (Very fast.) What the! How did you get up here? No wait don't answer that. Are you the Federation reinforcements we sent for? Don't answer that either! It's painfully obvious from your dumbfounded and confused looks! General's Tartarus and Naw-Ibo have been waiting for you slugs for over two hours! What took you so long? Don't answer that either! (He offers them breath masks.) Put these on before the atmosphere kills you!

Homer: Normally I don't take breathing equipment from total strangers. (He coughs even harder.) But I'm not taking any chances. (He puts one on.)

Akola: (He puts two more on Bart and Lisa, he tries to put one Tsaritsyn but it doesn't fit.) We'll get you one latter, unless I'm wrong you Telkines can survive up to a week in this kind of environment before dying right? Don't answer that. Follow me! The Generals are waiting! (He runs off.)

Lisa: (Confused.) Who was that guy?

Tsaritsyn: No idea, but he seemed like a nice patient guy.

(Meanwhile on Garrus, a shuttle lands, out from it emerges a being on an anti-gravity chair that looks like Rygal XVI from Farscape. He is approached by a Fodder Droid.)

Fodder Droid 1: Chairman Jav Rev. We have Senator Rhea Aeryn locked up awaiting your orders, as with Senator Virmire Orpheus.

Jav: What? No you idiot! I wanted Senator Orion!

Fodder Droid 1: (Confused.) Um… sir. You do know that she changed her maiden name after President Catherine Oranos's previous state of the union address right? You know the one where she was belly dancing?

Jav: Of course I know about that! Why else would I request that Admiral Bob spare her? So that she could be indoctrinated to be one of my slaves when the Federation no doubt loses the war? Besides what relevance does that have anyway?

Fodder Droid 1: (Awkwardly.) Um… I think the two of them are long lost twin sisters unless I've heard wrong.

Jav: (He wasn't paying attention.) Now then take me to her right this instant!

Fodder Droid 1: (Sighs.) Yes sir, just follow me. (An anti-gravity platform appears out of nowhere. They both get onto it.) We should be there momentarily. (A few minutes later, they arrive at the prison tower that Rhea was held in during the last chapter.) Well here we are. (They are approached by another droid.) What is the status of the prisoner?

Fodder Droid 2: Escaped.

Jav: What? How could this happen?

Fodder Droid 2: From what we can gleam from the security footage, she tricked the guards into letting her out. Then she destroyed the two droids that were with her and.

(The 'Vadam guard from the last chapter crawls into view and cuts him off.)

'Vadam guard: (He's yelling in pain.) She cut off my arm, with my own scavenged light blade! Then she tore out my gallbladder, and then she kicked me across the face!

Jav: (In disbelief.) I don't believe you.

'Vadam guard: (He struggles to stand up.) Look, I am telling you that wench tore out my GALLBLADDER! (He points to the open wound.) She didn't even bother to close up the FRELLING WOUND!

Jav: (Dismissively.) I can see that. But it seems highly out of character for her to do something that barbaric. Besides shouldn't you have died of that wound by now?

Fodder Droid 1: (He notices a Lukus Templar climbing up the tower. But in reality it is really Mvar Mvar in disguise as one.) It's the Templar! Blast him!

(They do just that, Mvar Mvar loses his grip and falls down several stories but survives.)

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) Mesa okay dokey!

Jav: (In surprise.) What the frell was that?

Fodder Droid 1: I think that was the Templar.

Jav: (Shocked.) What! You let a Templar onto this planet?

Fodder Droid 1: Not as such, he caught us completely by surprise.

'Vadam guard: (He is struggling to stand up.) Don't be foolish, he barley looks like he could stand up. Besides despite their relative insanity there suicidal stunts are normally better planed then that.

Jav: (He isn't listening to anyone.) Find him, and kill him! Also find senator Orion and kill her to! (He leaves the scene.)

'Vadam guard: Doesn't he know that she changed her maiden name?

Fodder Droid 1: I told him myself but he wouldn't listen.

'Vadam guard: (He groans.) How do we get out of this dead end Dxun outfit? For that matter how did we end up in this madness?

Fodder Droid 1: It's simple really; I and all of the other droids were manufactured. You were bred in a cloning vat to maturity for the sole purpose of issuing orders to the likes of me.

'Vadam guard: (He sounds depressed.) Do me a favor, don't answer the second question.

Fodder Droid 1: Roger, roger!

'Vadma guard: (He is struggling from the wound. It's bleeding) and get me a new gallbladder from the medbay. You know before I die from bleeding?

(Meanwhile on Ashla. Homer is in a meeting with the General Ibonek Naw-Ibo.)

Homer: (Confused.) Can someone PLEASE explain to me what's going on?

Ibonek: (Frustrated sigh.) I have already explained it to you forty-seven times! Even by Orion standards you have a short attention span!

Homer: (He's on his knee's begging.) COME ON PLEASE!

Ibonek: (Yelling.) Very well then! I'll tell you AGAIN! But just so that you'll pay attention. (He throws a devise onto Homer's face that keeps his eyes open with hooks.) Now then, shortly after the new Blood Cult purges were declared. We learned that they were in an alliance of with the Theocracy of Soma. We also learned that they are planning on developing a super weapon that is supposedly is capable of exterminating all alien life in the Omni-verse.

Homer: (He's in pain. In great surprise.) What! That's terrible!

Ibonek: (Dismissively.) Don't faint sympathy with me shizno. Anyway, I was sent to find out what I could about why they were here. Shortly after arriving I and the task force were ambushed by disciples of the Blood trickster goddess, Shay-Yad'ow. I, my Novus, Daavas Majic. Master Thel Andúril, and his Novus Zaar Lrack, were the only ones to survive the ambush out of the forty Templar's they were originally sent here. Since then we've been calling for reinforcements from the Republic, Confederacy, Fellowship, and just recently the Federation.

Homer: Oh… so what do you want me to do about it?

Ibonek: (Sighs.) You are to help us stop the Blood Cultists from doing whatever it is that they come here for. We have discovered the name of their Rakata on this world, someone by the name of Dne Derfslan. Obviously a pseudonym. (Homer has a confused (as far as anyone can tell.) look on his face.) A fake name?

Homer: Oh! My daughter is good at these things; just give me a piece of paper, or something with that guy's name on it.

Ibonek: (He gives Homer a holographic clipboard with Dne Derfslan written on it.) Here you go. Any other questions? (The devise on Homer's face falls off.)

Homer: Yes, are you any good at being a ventriloquist?

Ibonek: (He frowns in contempt.) Just get ready, and let me know when you're ready to move out.

Homer: (He scoffs.) Touché. (He leaves.)

Ibonek: (He whips his forehead in relief.) I thought he would never leave. (He pulls out an old ventriloquist dummy.) Aren't you glad he left Xolotl?

(Meanwhile on Garrus. Jiral-3PO has found a communications panel.)

Jiral-3PO: (He is typing on random keys in frustration.) Where's an Array droid when you need one? (He finally contacts someone.) Ah! There we go. (A female Quetzal appears on the com's panel.)

Female Quetzal: This is Vaj Blas'er, communications officer of the FOAN-Twilights Wrath-Fleet of Divine Retribution. Who is this? Speak quickly!

Jiral-3PO: This is Jiral-3PO, human-cyborg relations.

Vaj: (She cuts him off.) No droids are permitted to use this channel.

Jiral-3PO: I'll have you know that this is a code red emergency, Jav Rev of the Commerce Collective is on Garrus, and is holding my mistress Senator Rhea Aeyrn hostage somewhere!

Vaj: I fail to see how this is a concern of the Fellowship. Perhaps you should find.

(She is abruptly shoved off screen by a sleep deprived Minas Aiur… hold on a moment… is he wearing… _**PINK**_ armor!)

Aiur: (He looks like he hasn't slept in days. (As a matter of fact he HASEN'T slept in days.) He sounds surprisingly cheerful.) Hey! Your Stan's droid aren't you? I'm so happy I could tear out your intestines, and strangle you to death with them!

Jiral-3PO: (Confused.) Um… sire I don't have any intestines?

Aiur: (He looks disappointed.) Oh, then I'll tear out your wirings and tear your head off with them. What can I do for you friend droid?

Jiral-3PO: (Bewildered.) Oh, um… it appears my mistress has been kidnapped by the Commerce Collective, and there chairman Jav Rev.

Aiur: Jav Rev, eh? I would like to meet him in person, and outcome the intestines, and I. SKIP ROPE WITH THEM!

Jiral-3PO: (He's acting like Aiur is completely insane.) Um… does that mean you'll help?

Aiur: (In a sinister sounding voice.) Yes, but only because… you asked so nicely. I'll see you in a few minutes. (He turns off the communicator.)

Jiral-3PO: (He sounds worried.) We are doomed.

(He is approached by a squad of Fodder Droid from behind.)

Fodder Droid 1: You have no idea, now then. Who did you contact?

Jiral-3PO: Um… that's not for you to know.

Fodder Droid 1: Right, it's for you to know, and me to force out of you. (The droid and its squad are suddenly cut down by a pink light blade. It's Rhea Aeryn.)

Jiral-3PO: Mistress Rhea I am so glad to see you! Where did you get that?

Rhea: (She covers his mouth and they both go into a nearby closet.) Jiral what have you been doing?

Jiral-3PO: I have successfully contacted Minas Aiur, and he should be here soon. Though I think that might have been a bad idea since he looked like he was going into sleep delirium.

Rhea: That's not important right now. Where is Mvar Mvar? I heard that there is a Templar on Garrus.

Jiral-3PO: I'm afraid to tell you that… Mvar Mvar IS the templar thereafter.

Rhea: (Worried.) That's not good; we have to get back to the ship.

Jiral-3PO: I'm afraid that the ship has been destroyed.

Rhea: Droids?

Jiral-3PO: No.

Rhea: Mvar Mvar?

Jiral-3PO: Mvar Mvar.

Rhea: (Sighs.) Alright, we find Virmire, and then we get back to Metropoli Major on the nearest ship we can commandeer.

Jiral-3PO: Agreed, but I do have one question though.

Rhea: I got this light blade off of the 'Vadam that was guarding my cell, he said he scavenged it from a dead Templar.

Jiral-3PO: Oh, (They both leave.) I was just asking because you've often stated that you hate the color pink.

Rhea: I take what I can get.

Jiral-3PO: In that case, you might be startled about Aiur.

Rhea: What about him?

Jiral-3PO: You'll know.

(Meanwhile on Ashla, Bart, Lisa, and Tsaritsyn are in the same room as Daavas and Zaar. They are awkwardly trying to start a conversation.)

Zaar: Um… (He coughs.) So, how have things been with you guys?

Bart: Oh not much, (He nervously twiddles his thumbs.) what have you been up to?

Tsaritsyn: I think we should be careful, any more excitement and a funeral might break out.

(Suddenly Homer enters the room with the holographic clipboard.)

Homer: Sweaty you're good with anagrams. Can you help daddy decipher the name of the enemy?

Lisa: Fine, but only because I'm really bored. (She takes the clipboard; she then takes out a stylus.)

Homer: On a completely unrelated note. Where's Seraph?

Daavas: She's interrogating a prisoner, but that was almost six hours ago.

Bart: What she's that bad?

Daavas: (He punches Bart across the face.) No, in fact there often done in under a minute, she must not be using her assimilation tubules.

Lisa: Why not? Isn't that more efficient?

(Suddenly a tattooed and badly injured Turok is thrown through the door. Homer shrieks like a little girl.)

Zaar: Aye that's true. But where is the challenge in that?

Homer: Isn't there at least one sane person on this planet!

(Seraph enters the room. She is wearing a form fitting black leather jumpsuit with Seraphim Mithril greaves, gauntlets, pauldrons, breastplate, and various other pieces of armor coverings embedded at the appropriate joints and limbs.)

Seraph: (Sadistically.) They must have picked a good hiding place. I haven't found them yet. (Bart's jaw drops at the sight of her. She points to her face.) You know my eyes are up here right?

Lisa: (She gasps at the sight of the injured Turok; she holds his head in her lap.) How could you do this to an innocent, albeit ugly creature?

Seraph: (Coldly.) He's a Blood Cult scout. I caught him about six hours ago scouting out our sniper positions.

(Ochic and Rahpo enter the room.)

Ochic: That's a lie-a! I spotted the scout, Rahpo broke his legs, and Seraph dragged him off by the tail-a while he was-a shrieking like a banshee. About not having his-a organs torn out and used as instruments for lab-a testing.

Seraph: Yes, and spent the last six hours trying to interrogate him. All I got out of him was his name, rank, and cult sect.

Turok scout: (He's coughing up blood.) For what it's worth, having the living daylights between out of me by a psychotic and sadistic bloodskin, it so isn't worth what I was offered.

Lisa: What was that?

Turok scout: To suckle at on the teats of Cocytus for all eternity. (Cough. Everyone gives him a weird look.) Don't know why I thought that would have been a good thing though, or for that matter why anyone else would want that.

Lisa: What's your name little guy?

Seraph: (She cuts off the Turok before he can say anything.) R'ash Maiq son of Urj-Anja Maiq. Scout 39th class, of the cult of Draa'Gon, sect of the Desert Talons.

Lisa: Must you interrupt everyone?

R'ash: No she's right, told her everything. Right down to my favorite color and the condition of my hang-claw.

Seraph: (She has a disgusted look on her face.) I have every doubt that I needed to know about that.

R'ash: Well I didn't have much choice, what with you pounding a rock over my chest FOR OVER SIX HOURS! Besides I was trying to tell you that I wasn't even indoctrinated.

Seraph: (She looks embarrassed.) Eh? What?

R'ash: Like I was trying to tell you I was kidnapped by the cult of Draa'Gon about a month ago, by some demented lunatic with a mustache.

Lisa: And who exactly is this demented lunatic?

R'ash: Some weirdo calling himself Rakata Dne Derfslan. Although from what I could tell from squinting my eyes he looked unmistakably like Ned Flanders. (Everyone or at least the Simpson's. Have a surprised look on their faces.) Do any of you know him? Yellow guy, moustache, talks in incoherent babbling and word play, a bit a zealous xenophobic jerk? (He notices the bewildered looks.) What? I was an officer in Springfield for about five weeks before I was kidnapped.

Homer: Umm… (He presses a button on his wrist.) Computer of the Sinbad, I need an immediate teleportation to the ships medical room. I am bringing aboard a very injured Turok. (There is a beeping noise.) Roger that. Don't worry we'll patch you up good as new.

R'ash: (He and Homer start to dissipate for teleportation.) An Orion offering to help an alien? I swear this is universe is getting weirder every passing day. Incidentally can you get this greasepaint of my face? I'm tired of people betting me up because of it.

(He and Homer both disappear. Lisa gives a disgusted look at Seraph.)

Lisa: You didn't both to ask him whether or not he was a willing cultist?

Seraph: (Hesitant.) Listen if there's one thing you should know about Blood Cults it's that their members are very good at lying. For all we know he could have just made up that whole story or worse he's a sleeper agent.

Daavas: Seraph you and I both know that Turoks are too smart to be brainwashed easily, besides they would have to be raised by the cult itself in order for them to be members.

Zaar: Besides I could smell his tattoos, they were grease paint. They didn't brand him with his own blood.

Daavas: Also I could sense that he was telling the truth.

Seraph: (Embarrassed.) Okay I didn't ask him. But I do not take chances with prisoners. What makes you think I would take advice from a civilian anyway? (She is starting to sound like she's paranoid.) For all I know nobody in this room is who they say they are! For all I know all of you under the influence of mind controlling parasites, Plasmoid agents. Or worse, clones!

Tsaritsyn: If I didn't know any better I'd say we should leave; paranoid Twi'grutan's aren't fun to be around.

Seraph: Nobody is going anywhere!

Lisa: Seraph, try to calm down.

Seraph: That's easy for you to say. TRAITOR! (She pounces on Lisa, and they both fall out of a window.)

Daavas: (He's in shock.) Seraph! (He jumps out of the window after them.)

Bart: Does this kind of thing happened often with you guys?

Zaar: What? Everyone randomly jumping from suicidal heights diving head first into oblivion? Yes, in fact it's one of the perks that they never tell you when you join the order. You know it kind of rattles the nerves of potential recruits? Makes them a bit skittish, and reluctant to join.

Bart: No I mean Seraph going crazy at the drop of a hat.

Zaar: Hmm? (He remembers what just happened.) Oh that, only on particularly bad days. Believe you me. After almost a week cooped up on this dead hunk of dirt, you'd accuse you own mother of being in liege with the enemy. Which is somewhat pathetic in my opinion since I, Master Andúril, Davas and Ibonek have been here for two weeks and were pretty much sane despite the fact that were surrounded by blood thirsty lunatics, that apparently suffered the same fate as the Sagittarian pirates.

Bart: What would that be?

Zaar: Being usurped by a madman with no idea what he's doing.

Bart: Oh… do you guys want to do anything right now?

Tsaritsyn: Yes, one.

Bart: Really? What's that?

(He is abruptly thrown out of the window. He is screaming.)

Zaar: I don't know, I get the feeling we should have let someone know about this.

Ochic: What would-a be the point of that-a?

Zaar: Well there is that most of the commanders are on the ground floor. The floor the four of them are most likely to land on.

Tsaritsyn: Your right, I'll try to get good reception for my communicator. It's been on the frits all day, I don't even remember even giving it any frits. (As he's saying this he accidentally walks out of the window. Rahpo catches him by the ankles. But he himself almost falls out as Ochic grabs him by HIS ankles, and then Ochic himself almost falls out, but Zaar grabs his ankles.)

Zaar: (Frustrated.) THIS IS NUTS!

Tsaritsyn: (He is nonchalantly pressing random buttons on his communicator.) No, still no good reception. Even two-thousand feet in the air and I can't get a decent signal.

Zaar: You have got to be kidding, (He loses his balance and falls, along with everyone else.) MEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee!

Tsaritsyn: I can hear you now Zaar, but quite frankly I don't want to.

(Meanwhile on Garrus, Rhea and Jiral-3PO have just found Senator Virmire, and are ready to leave.)

Virmire: Rhea, can you forgive an old fool for making a dumb mistake?

Rhea: Depends on the fool. (A grim look plays across Virmire's face.) You're the kind I would forgive.

Virmire: That's kind of you to say.

(They are abruptly ambushed by Jav Rev and his droids.)

Jav: Ah ha! Finally after I have spent all day trying to personally track you down all on my own!

Fodder Droid 1: (Irate.) What! Listen you egotistical amphibian! We just spent the last two hours running around this city looking for that woman, occasionally bursting into weird and awkward occasions. Including, but not limited to. Birthday parties, dates, make out sessions, weddings, and the ultimate insult to our existence. An entire flock of drunk and naked college students lying around like corpses, and the fact that spiked punch was all over the floor didn't make the situation any better. It looked like blood!

Jav: (He's confused at the droids nerve gratingly annoying, but justified defiance.) What? Kill them NOW!

Fodder Droid 1: Oh that's just sooooo, typical of you organics. You give a few pieces of metal and some hardware a minor degree of intelligence, and all of a sudden it's. (Mockingly.) "Do this." "Do that." "Terminate that person." "Illegally blockade and then invade this planet, in this system, because were too spineless to defy the Alliance senate. Or for that matter some mysterious stranger in a black cloak."

Jav: SILENCE! NOW WILL YOU JUST SHOOT THEM!

Fodder Droid 1: (He's still ranting.) Listen meat bag, I have absolutely nothing against these two. Even though the female has destroyed dozens of my brothers, I can't really blame her for acting in self-defense though. I mean everything we have been doing has been unprovoked.

Virmire: (He points at a clocked Mvar Mvar.) Look! It's the Templar!

(Everyone turns to look at him.)

Jav: (He's stammering) Te-te-te-te.

Rhea: (She has a sly look on her face.) Templar?

Jav: Don't just there! Shot him! (Suddenly, a giant sea snake smashes all but the ranting droid. Jav fly away to his shuttle, but that too is destroyed by another sea snake. He frustrated at the sudden turn of events.) OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) It'sa trusa. Isa made freindies with thesa large snake thingsa in the sewers.

Virmire: Then you are truly a Lukus Templar!

Rhea: (She looks exasperated.) This has been going on for far too long! (She walks over to Mvar Mvar and takes off his robe.) It's just my representative assistant in a Templar robe.

Virmire: What the! Where did he get that robe?

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) I just founded them in a compartment of the shipske. What was thisa doing on the shipske anyway?

Rhea: (She's stammering, trying to make up an excuse for the robe. She then notices a giant ship in orbit.) Look up there!

(Suddenly a shuttle shoots out its hanger; it makes an abrupt crash landing near our intrepid and somewhat reckless and stupid heroes.)

Mvar Mvar: (Translation of accent.) Oh nosa, mesa am not going to falsa for that one agiansa.

(Minsa Aiur bursts out of the shuttle, clad in his… pink armor.)

Aiur: (Mock Cuban accent.) VIRMIRE I'M HOME! (He notices that everyone is looking at him funny.) Is there something on my face? (His bodyguards fall of the shuttle in exhaustion.) Be honest with me kov'archas' is there something on my face?

Telkine Bodyguard 1: (He is exhausted.) Sire, I think there staring at you armor.

Aiur: What about it? (He notices that it's pink.) IT'S PINK! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE SAY ANYTHING!

Telkine Bodyguard 1: It wasn't my place to judge. Besides we've been too busy trying to keep you from killing yourself in with your sleep delirium to really take notice.

Aiur: Whoa-whoa-whoa. I have sleep delirium? Hmm… that could explain why I'm acting completely crazy, but then again I am insane at the moment so that may be wrong. So I'm sorry but I can't take Jav into my custody if that's what you were expecting.

Rhea: (She has a disturbed look on her face.) Your armor is… pink.

Aiur: I'll talk to Col about that when I get back to Katarn II, after I get some rest of course. This war has only gone for three months and I've already gone stark raving mad. CHEESE! FOR EVERYONE!

Virmire: (In confusion.) What? My people can't eat cheese, dextrose-amino acids? Those ring a bell?

Aiur: Oh, then no cheese for anyone. Just as good I suppose. Besides from what I heard you dropped your species status as a client to the Fellowship you don't deserve cheese anyway, so no more cheese for you!

Virime: We didn't want any cheese to begin with!

Aiur: All the more reason not to give you any cheese, you never eat it anyway.

Rhea: (Melodramatically.) I am alone in a universe of crazies.

Aiur: It's a very serious medical condition!

(All of a sudden a hologram of Maccabeus appears out of the floor.)

Maccabeus: Rhea, how has your mission been going?

Rhea: Oh? Fine, fine, on an unrelated note when were you going to tell me that Jav Rev was going to be here?

Maccabeus: (He is obviously not listening.) It is glad to hear that he has been brought to justice; I will send a transport to pick him up. Just as soon as I can spare one, and Senator Virmire. It is glad that your people are now full-fledged members of the Alliance.

Aiur: He's going to sell out your people the moment things don't go his way. You have my oath on that. (There a sudden bopping noise.) I would like to declare that Ormpha Tyrana be declared my regent until I regain consciousness. (He falls over revealing that his bodyguard knocked him unconscious.)

Telkine Bodyguard 1: It's been fifty years since the last time I had to do that. I was actually starting to get used to not hitting him.

Telkine Bodyguard 2: Xel, can we please return to the Twilight's Wrath now? We're going to miss our rendezvous with San if we linger.

Xel: Keep your kam'aa on Rycan. (He and Rycan drag Aiur's unconscious body into the shuttle.) I'm coming, I'm coming. (They get into the shuttle, it lifts off. But it is having difficulty flying due to the damage.) Remind me again why we let the Emperor fly this thing if he just keeps crashing it?


	12. E4P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 4: Part 3

(Meanwhile on Ashla, Homer is preparing his squad to assault the main base of the Blood Cultists. His squad includes himself as squad leader, Tyler as commando, Grunchy as bloodthirsty but reliable backup, R'ash as sniper, and Carl and Lenny as redshir… I mean brightly colored decoys.)

Homer: Okay here is the plan.

Tyler: You've already explained it ten times!

Homer: I'm just checking to see if your listening.

Tyler: We go in guns blazing, you kill the leader, and those two guys you brought from the Sinbad will serve as decoys.

(Carl and Lenny are in blindingly shiny suits.)

Lenny: I get the feeling were being played for saps.

Carl: Well that's the smartest thing you've ever said.

Homer: All right, let's move out! (He cocks his rifle; there is a whiny voice on his communicator. It's Stan Tartarus.)

Stan: But I wanna go to!

Homer: Stan you're in no condition to come along. (He answers his communicators to reveal that Stan is in a full body cast.) If you wanted to come so badly, you should have asked before my kids, two Twi'grutans, a Telkine, a Njord and two Quetzal's fell on you, Ibonek and Andúril!

Stan: I know! But serious injuries haven't stopped me from doing my duty to the order yet!

Homer: Tyler is he always like this?

Tyler: Yes, always. Especially when promised to blow things up on mass.

Homer: Alright, get better, over and out. (He turns off his communicator.)

Lenny: Can someone tell me what's going on?

Carl: Yeah me to.

Homer: And that's why I kept reminding everyone the plan. Are you happy now Tyler?

Tyler: A bit.

(Meanwhile at the base, Stan receives a message from Rhea Aeryn. He struggles to get to the communications panel.)

Stan: (Struggling to get to the communications panel.) Must… answer… communications panel!

Ibonek: (He is in about the same shape as Stan is.) Oh Stan, just let it take a message.

Stan: I'm not… going to… take that… (He hit's the button and a hologram of Rhea appears.) CHANCE! (He falls on his back.)

Rhea: (She gasps in shock at the sight of Stan falling over.) Stan? General Tartarus is everything alright?

Stan: (He regains his balance and stands up, leaning on the communicator.) I'm all right senator, a Njord and Quetzal fell right on top of me but I'm fine.

Ochic: (He and Rahpo are in bandages.) We have-a names you know!

Stan: Anyway, what are you doing?

Rhea: Well, I'm on Garrus.

Stan: I heard there was a coup.

Rhea: It's been taken care of. Garrus is now a full fledge member of the Alliance, and I have good news. Minister Jav Rev has been captured.

Stan: Rev? Be careful with him, Rhea. Don't take your eyes off that slime.

Rhea: I can handle-(The message cuts off.)

Stan: (Frustrated.) GAH! This is the fourth call that's been dropped today! (A fully healed Seraph enters the room.) Seraph shouldn't you be in the ER being fixed up?

Seraph: What can I say, I'm a fast healer. That and my armor broke my fall, and also Ibonek's back, and your right leg, so I'm not that badly injured.

Stan: Hmm… Tano how would like to go on a brief errand?

Seraph: Well things have been a bit boring, despite the hostile environment and the fact that I was left out of Homer assault on the Blood Cult base, might as well do something.

Stan: Great! I need you to depart to Garrus immediately.

Seraph: Garrus?

Stan: You are to oversee transfer of Minister Jav Rev.

Seraph: Rev? I- wait a minute is this because of the incident isn't it?

Stan: Don't be silly, I completely forgive you for what happened on Lkkk'dum-Baga 1183.

Seraph: There's no such planet as Lkkk'dum-Baga 1183, or any other planets by a similar name.

Stan: Oh come on, remember? It was the time you fell on me from a large tower along with Zaar and Daavas and fell on everyone?

Seraph: That was today! Did you get brain damage from that fall?

Stan: Nonsense Sheriff!

Seraph: (Concerned.) Okay then. As soon as Homer is done with his mission I will make course for Garrus.

Stan: Come on please? For me.

Seraph: I would but someone has to help Homer and his squad succeed in their mission. They might as well live long enough to see this through. Besides the Sinbad is the only ship in the system right now. It seems somewhat impolite to commandeer a ship that I don't even command.

Stan: Fair enough, the ships aren't back yet from re-supplying anyway. Just try to keep them alive. (He falls over.) Whoa! Can you get me up?

Seraph: You're a big boy Tartar. (Snidely.) Do it yourself. (She leaves the room.)

Stan: O COME ON! This about that time I compared you and Daavas to that couple from those teenage vampire novels isn't it? You know? Teenage Dracula goes to Malabo?

(Meanwhile, on a gunship over the Blood Cult compound. Homer and his squad land at the exterior of the base.)

Homer: Okay guys, were going in hard and loud. Whatever there planning it ends now!

(Flanders then enters the scene from a balcony with a pair of one-eyed bodyguards.)

Ned: Fools! You dare intrude on my base?

Tyler: (Dryly.) That's the idea.

Homer: What the! Flanders what are you doing here?

Ned: I am doing the holy work of the Blood Lords! My disciples stand upon this dead world in alliance with Ersa, Somite lord of war, and the one who brought fire to this world. (Homer notices a gas tank under the platform Ned is standing on.) With his assistance, we shall purge all of creation of the alien heretics! But the sons of man shall remain dominant over all of existence. The work of Lord Draa'Gon has just begun! And no one, leastways you Homer will stop me. What do you have to say to that fatso?

Homer: (He pulls out a pistol.) You talk too much. (He fires at the gas tank.)

Ned: (He doesn't notice that Homer fired at the gas tank.) Hah! You have worse aim then my bodyguards, and they don't even have depth perception! (The gas tank explodes and he and his guards catch fire.) GAH! I must flee! (He does so.)Tyler: Nice shot, wait a minute you know that guy?

Homer: Well to make a long story short he was my neighbor for thirteen years. But that's not important right now. Don't have to kill him?

Grunchy: Fare enough. (He pulls out a pair of needlers. In a sinister voice.) Now then, where were we?

(About a half-hour later, Homer's squad is in the command center of the base, they have confronted Ned.)

Ned: (He sounds blatantly overconfident.) So you have cornered me. Killed all of my minions and released the traitorous ones that I didn't indoctrinate, and fowled my plans to harvest the tormented souls of the dead Twi'grutan's on this planet in order to create an implausibly powerful super weapon. No matter, you swine will die here!

(Homer shoots him in the ankles.)

Homer: You've got a lot of questions to answer for Flanders. For one thing who is Ersa? Secondly, where are Carl and Lenny?

Grunchy: (Creepy voice.) Ersa and his ilk are the black eyes of humanity. The force that branded your kind with the infamy of selfish conquest, and the obsession of domination over all of creation with everyone else enchained to the will of man. (In his normal voice.) As for your friends I could care less.

Homer: Oh, just asking. So what do we do with him?

R'ash: I say we kill him right here. (He aims his rifle at Ned's head.) Put the scum out of his misery.

Grunchy: (He pulls out his needlers.) I couldn't agree more.

Tyler: Whoa there! He's no good to us dead, believe me I've tried. Corpses are surprisingly tight lipped.

Homer: All right how about this? We get to break his legs and drag him back to base? Then question him till he breaks down into tears?

Tyler: Way ahead of you. (He breaks Ned's legs with his rifle.) Now then let's get back to the gunship. (He begins to drag an unconscious Ned out of the base.)

R'ash: If he does anything funny. He dies. (He shoves Homer in the shoulder as he leaves.)

Homer: Why do aliens all seem to hate me?

Grunchy: (Snidely.) You're an idiot, and quite frankly your stench can kill species with more advanced senses of smell then humans.

Homer: Yes, I think you told me that time on Yggdrasil Sigma III.

Grunchy: (He shudders.) Don't remind me, please?

Homer: Fair enough, (They both leave.) I never imagined that penguins that could shoot lasers out of their eyes would be so dangerous.

Grunchy: (Monotone.) My trauma is but a small price to pay to bring GENOCORP's mutant animal program, to its blood stained knees.

(The two of them get on the gunship and lifts off.)

R'ash: That was you two jokers?

Homer: For the record that was an accident. Grunchy and were supposed to get groceries, but we got hopelessly lost.

Grunchy: You were the one driving you twit!

(Meanwhile at Lukus base, Bart and Lisa are still recovering. But they are well enough to move around without support.)

Bart: Lisa I still say you should give Seraph a break about that incident with the window. I mean come on, paranoia is common in war, besides in less I heard wrong her ancestors used to live on this planet.

Lisa: I don't care! (She pulls out her damaged cybernetic eye.) She broke my eye, (She takes a futuristic tool. She sounds frustrated.) And after I spent so much time learning how to upgrade this stupid thing. (Her cybernetic arm is sparking.) Plus my arm is suddenly going on the fritz.

Bart: Lis I don't really want to hear about, look I'm going to go through Seraph's Q-mail.

Lisa: (Unconcerned.) You do that, you want to go through the infirmary again that's fine by me. Doubt Seraph would want you snooping around her personal belongings, like when she lived on Earth with us.

Bart: Listen, Knara told me that she and Seraph were in regular contact through Q-Mail. I have to know what is wrong with Knara, I mean she hasn't shown any emotion since that incident with the breakfast in bed.

Lisa: I'll admit that she looks a bit creepy not blinking or anything. But-

Bart: (He cuts her off before Lisa can say anything.) But nothing, if I know Knara she probably told Seraph something. You have no idea how weird it is to have a girlfriend who doesn't show any emotion. (He leaves the room.)

Lisa: Right, (Sarcastic and dismissive.) as far as you know. (She cuts herself.) OUCH! (She notices she's cut off her left ring finger by accident.) Why is it that I keep cutting things off of me like this! (She notices that it's growing back good as new.) What the! (She sounds concerned.) This can't be natural.

(Latter on in Seraphs quarters, Bart is rummaging through Seraphs QDAT.)

Bart: Come on it has to be here somewhere. (He continues to rummage through the files. He clicks through random folders.) Let's see here, tragic poems, conspiracy theories, battle strategies, fantasies involving bathing in pudding, fantasies involving showering in pudding, fantasies that involving pudding in general. Fantasies involving muffins with fruit baked in, fantasies involving grilled cheese, fantasies involving bacon, fantasies involving pizza, fantasies involving s'mores, fantasies involving comfort food in general. Fantasies involving brutally killing Bart's classmates and hanging their heads on pikes. Oh she has those to? (He notices a suspicious looking file.) What's this? (He opens it. He looks through it.) Fanfiction ideas? Hmm… I think I'll look through this later, (He finds a file that says "Q-Mail archives".) Bingo.

Seraph: (She enters the room and catches Bart by surprise.) I knew you were up to something!

Bart: GAH! Wait Seraph I can explain!

Seraph: I would admit I am a bit surprised. But leave to you to be unable to wait.

Bart: But I was just-

Seraph: (She cuts him off before he can say anything.) Don't try to talk yourself out of it, you'll only dig yourself in deeper. I know that you were going to post spoilers for my Dragon Age: Origins fanfic on the Q-net. But I won't let you. (Bart looks bewildered.) Do you hear me? I WON'T LET YOU!

Bart: (He has a serious look on his face.) I was looking through your Q-Mail, you paranoid weirdo.

Seraph: (She is embarrassed.) Oh… um… what were you looking for in there, specifically?

Bart: I'll be blunt; I want to know what's happening with Knara.

Seraph: (Awkwardly.) I uh, am afraid I am not familiar with that individual.

Bart: Listen don't even kid about this, she's got to have told you something over the last two weeks.

Seraph: I'm telling you I've never heard of a Knara.

Bart: Don't play dumb with me, that's my shtick. Remember? Brown hair in a ponytail, (Dreamily.) soft skin, deep grey eyes, nice smooth thighs, and lips that-

Seraph: (She cuts him off before he can continue rambling.) All right I know who you're talking about!

Bart: I knew that you knew something, why did you try to lie about it anyway?

Seraph: For starters, I valued my friendship with her. Also she told me to keep any secrets she gave me.

Bart: But why? I'm her boyfriend I have a right to know what's wrong with her.

Seraph: You're going to have to be specific. We told each other a lot of things.

Bart: Okay, she's been acting emotionally withdrawn, very emotionally withdrawn. In fact I don't think she can feel emotion anymore.

Seraph: (She looks concerned.) Oh that, well… you see. She couldn't bear at what had happened between you two. She's been taking Alexithymia to repress her guilt, among other things over the whole affair.

Bart: Please don't say affair. Wait what's Alexithymia? I'm assuming it's assume kind of drug.

Seraph: You assumed right. Specifically it shuts down the glands in the brain that release hormones that stimulate emotion, specifically the. (She notices that Bart in staring into blank space.) Well to make a very long story short, it makes you into a blissful, emotionless, unresponsive vegetable.

Bart: What! Why would she do something like that?

Seraph: Didn't you hear me? She was guilt-ridden over her over-reaction to, whatever it was that drove her into taking the drug in the first place. Something about forged security camera footage.

Bart: Oh no, listen when's the soonest I can go home?

Seraph: Not soon enough, seriously I requested permission to be transported to Garrus to transfer a war criminal. Though the best I could get was a shuttle, but that should be sufficient. (She gets a pack that's lying on the floor.) Well I'd love to stay and chat, actually that's a lie I can barely stand to be in the same star system as you but I've got to run. As for my fantasies about pudding that's none of your turved business.

Bart: But I didn't say anything about that.

Seraph: No, but you were thinking it. (She leaves the room.)

Bart: (Sarcastically.) Oh, I was just waiting for her to read my mind.

(Meanwhile on Garrus, Rhea has received another message from Maccabeus.)

Maccabeus: Rhea, I have sent my elite Senate commandos to assist you with the transportation of Jav Rev.

Rhea: (Aggravated sigh.) Why does everyone keep sending me help? I never even asked for any!

Maccabeus: Well too late! I already sent Captain Cyprus to assist you. (Captain Cyprus shows up right behind Rhea.) In fact he's behind you right now.

Rhea: What are you talking about? (She turns around to see Cyprus and his commandos.) GAH! Why do people sneak up on me like that?

Cyprus: (He strokes Rhea's face.) You must be the lovely Senator Rhea Aeryn.

Rhea: (She grabs his hand, and puts it into a very painful lock.) Listen pretty boy, that sluggish cretin has been trying to kill me for almost ten years! So much as ONE simple foul up, and I will make certain that all of your life's ambitions go unfulfilled. Do I make myself clear?

Cyprus: (He's whimpering from the pain.) Yeeessss.

Rhea: Good boy, (She let's go.) now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to Metropoli Major, and have a stern meeting with our beloved Maccabeus Thermopylae REGARDLESS whether or not his precious schedule allows it. (She goes to charter a ship to Metropoli Major.)

Cyprus: (Under his breath.) Jokes on her, I already took a bribe from Admiral Bob to spring Jav Rev out of here.


	13. E5P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 5: Part 1

(Half an hour later, in orbit above the planet Garrus. A women resembling The Lady of the Forest from Dragon Age: Origins, is talking to Captain Cyprus over the communications panel.)

Cyprus: Greetings, Master Mir'all Lumina. Is the prisoner onboard your ship?

Mir'all: Yes he is, (She motions to Jav Rev.) we will be docking with the Serenity soon enough.

Seraph: Finally! I thought we would never get here.

Jav: (He whispers to the Clone marine Commander standing right next to him.) Excuse me? Psst.

Clone Commander: (In a very serious and gruff tone.) What?

Jav: (He is startled by the Commanders gruff demeanor.) Well, you see. I'm the Chairmen of the Commerce Collective.

Clone Commander: (Sarcastically.) Really? I didn't know.

Jav: No really it's true, and thus I am a very powerful man. So I can give you anything you want.

Clone Commander: (Feigned interest.) Really? Well that is a very tempting offer. (He pulls out a pair of very small handcuffs.) But I have something for you.

Jav: (He has a disappointed look on his face.) Oh… nuts.

(Meanwhile, on a freighter over Earth. Bart, Lisa, and Tsaritsyn are crammed into what looks like a broom closet.)

Bart: (He sounds like he has something in his mouth.) Hoofs got a hand my moufe?

Tsaritsyn: That's my tail! Why are we even in this closet anyway?

Lisa: Well for one thing, but Bart wanted to come back to help Kara. Another thing someone's knee is in my chest. OW!

Tsaritsyn: That's my knee, and yes I know about her. But why are we hiding in a broom closet? Wouldn't that be impolite for anyone else who would want to us it?

Lisa: (She's silent for a moment.) Oh… you're right, and besides before we left Ashla. Seraph installed a teleportation unit into my cybernetic arm.

Tsaritsyn: Did the words, **"Deus Ex Machina"** run through anyone's heads? (Nobody answers.) Just me? Forget I said anything; you're off to a very good start on that.

Bart: Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! How do we know that thing will even work? Seraph hates us. Remember?

Tsaritsyn: True, but she said that she hated YOU two. The worst she's said about me is that I'm too irreverent for my own good. Not that I care but how does that thing work?

Lisa: (She opens a panel on her arm. She presses a series of buttons on it.) Well, I select a destination to transport. Then I select how many passengers I want to take with me, and then I… (She pushes a flashing red button.) Press this button.

Bart: (The three of them start to dissipate.) Wait this won't make us switch bodies will it?

Lisa: No I don't think so.

(A few second latter. Bart, Lisa, and Tsaritsyn appear at the front door of the mansion.)

Tsaritsyn: Well looks like we got home safely. (Bart and Lisa are touching each other cautiously.) Who are you two doing? (The both of them scream in panic. Then they both begin to stammer and argue with each other like mad.) Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. (He walks up to the door and rings the doorbell, Marge answers.)

Marge: Tsaritsyn? What are you doing here?

Tsaritsyn: Well I live here don't I?

Marge: No, no I meant shouldn't you be off world or something? You know after Homer rudely teleported you, Bart and Lisa?

Tsaritsyn: Yes, well Bart talked Homer into giving us some shore leave. Personally I would have picked a shore line but Bart dragged me and Lisa into a broom closet onboard a freighter, that we were shoved into by Homer from a passing merchant. We then spent an hour crammed into it before we finally got into Earth's orbit.

Marge: Really? How did you get here on your own?

Tsaritsyn: Well you see, and I find this somewhat suspicious has to how this happened. But Seraph installed a teleportation device into Lisa's cybernetic arm before she left for a prisoner transport over Garrus.

Marge: Really? (She notices that Bart and Lisa are babbling incoherently on the lawn.) But what's wrong with Bart and Lisa?

Tsaritsyn: Wouldn't know, they were like that since we got back. (He goes over to them.) Just a really dumb question but are two all right? Not that I care but I think your mother will ask it anyway. But are either of you two alright?

Bart: (He places his hand on Tsaritsyn's shoulder. He sounds nervous and concerned.) Tsaritsyn, I'm not sure how to tell you this.

Tsaritsyn: Oh don't tell me that the two of you switched bodies during teleportation.

Bart: Bart and I switched bodies during teleportation.

Tsaritsyn: I said don't tell me. Why does everyone tell me something when I say not to tell me?

Lisa… or more accurately Bart in Lisa's body: Listen I don't really have time for this, I have to see Knara. (She erm… he tries to enter the mansion. But is stopped by Marge.)

Marge: Whoa, whoa Lisa. What's the rush?

Bart in Lisa's body: Look as much as I'd like to stay and chat. But I have a girlfriend to save! (He or she however you want to look at it. Runs into the mansion heedlessly, along with several acrobatic leaps up the stairs.)

Marge: (Confused.) What the? Lisa, have you been seeing Juliet!

Tsaritsyn: Mrs. Simpson I know this may sound a bit silly. But Bart and Lisa's brains were somehow switched when we teleported down.

Marge: That is probably one of the dumbest and clichéd thing I have ever heard.

Bart… or Lisa in Bart's body: But it's true Mom! I can distinctly remember that I never had a… well… (He… she looks done Bart's pants.) a willy, for the sake of making a concrete argument.

Marge: (She seems bewildered.) Oh… help your brother then.

Lisa in Bart's body: Yes Mom. (She follows Bart in her body. This body switching thing is kind of confusing so try to bear with me.)

Marge: (To Tsaritsyn. She sounds concerned) Tsaritsyn, did things like this happen often on Telchine?

Tsaritsyn: Not really. The closest thing to weird occurrences on the Mother World were things randomly blowing up. Not from terrorists mind you, just honest citizens getting a bit overzealous, you know freak accidents? Like kitchen appliances exploding for instance. Believe me when I was a calf, I was a terror to toasters, a menace to microwaves and microwave ovens. You follow?

Marge: I think so.

Tsaritsyn: Well stop following me, I can have you arrested!

(Meanwhile onboard the Serenity. Mir'all, Seraph, and the Clone Commander are escorting Jav Rev to his cell.)

Jav: I demand that someone call me a lawyer!

Clone Commander: Okay, you're a lawyer. (He hits Jav with the butt of his rifle.)

(The three of them are approached by Captain Cyprus and his commandos.)

Cyprus: Master Mir'all, we are ready to escort this, (With disgust.) traitor to his cell.

Jav: (He his escorted off, by Cyprus and his men.) Oh I see. Just because I make an alliance with the WOK, and before them. The Coalition of Captains of Industry that are seriously Cheesed off by the Alliance Anti-Droid Policies. Or for short The CCISCAA-DP. Is that what you are saying? That I'm a traitor for subjugating the people of Ooban roughly ten years ago?

Cyprus: (He grabs Jav by the scruff of his shirt.) Oh do shut up, you squirming whelp. (He takes Jav away to his cell.)

Seraph: Senate Commandos? Why would a greedy trade baron need this kind of security?

Mir'all: Do not underestimate him Seraph, as we speak, his allies could very well be planning his escape.

Seraph: No, I know about that. But wouldn't it be a better idea to smuggle him to Metropoli Major in a cargo freighter? It would be more subtle, and less conspicuous, then a military escort.

Mir'all: Perhaps, but we have to follow protocol either way. Besides who would be crazy enough to take in a war criminal, and two Templar's?

Seraph: Well I do know of a human and Njord smugglers that do occasionally smuggle people to and from planets. But seeing as you're not interested anyway I won't go on.

(Meanwhile, on the flagship of Admiral Bob, The Francesca. He is receiving a communication from Mr. Burns via hologram.)

Bob: What is your will my Master?

Mr. Burns: Your mission is as follows. (He picks up a sheet of paper. He has trouble reading it, he reads it in forced monotone.) Chairmen Jav Rev of the Commerce Collective, has been captured over the Vakarian homeworld of Garrus. You are to rescue him dead or alive by anyways possible. Before he cracks under intent interrogation, and reveals top secret information that could be disastrous to our war effort.

Bob: Don't you mean by any means necessary?

Mr. Burns: Sorry, Smithers penmanship is terrible. (He throws the paper aside) Now then, how will you be retrieving him? Dare I say… a full frontal invasion of the star system he is in?

Bob: No, no my lord! No overkill. I am sending my assassin, Lith'mar Lood after him.

Mr. Burns: (In satisfaction.) Excellent… (He sounds confused.) Wait a second. Isn't she dead? And isn't here last name Ith-Linonav or something? Also hasn't she failed several missions already?

Bob: Yes. But she is really persistent. Plus after she was married to Malthius Lood she took on his family name, like it normally does in marriage. In any case, she will carry out my orders to the letter.

Mr. Burns: (Sinister sounding.) She had better, and tell her to stop coming onboard your bridge without permission. 'Vadam's look very scary in this dark light. (His hologram disappears.)

Bob: (He looks behind him to see Lith'mar, he yelps in surprise.) Don't sneak up on me like that! (He calmly stands up, and politely clears his throat.) Now then, you will infiltrate the ship Serenity over the planet, and you will bring Jav Rev back to friendly space ALIVE!

Lith'mar: Why alive? You barely know him. In fact you just heard of him right now.

Bob: Yes, but Mr. Burns promised me a raise for my next successful assignment, a BIG raise.

Lith'mar: Something tells me that he won't go on his promise.

Bob: True, but to frank it doesn't make a difference. The longer the Alliance and Fellowship are stalled, and kept away from the Triumphant Brigadier nothing else matters.

Lith'mar: It is nice to see that you have not lost sight of what we are fighting for. I shall take my leave, and a squad of Super Fodder Droids. (She proceeds to leave the bridge.)

Bob: Be careful Lith'mar… your life insurances payments come out of my paycheck. Malthius is making off like a bandit on my dime!

Lith'mar: (Sarcastically.) It's nice to know that you care.

(Meanwhile on Earth. Tsaritsyn and Bart… no wait that's Lisa in Bart's body. Are looking for Bart in Lisa's body.)

Tsaritsyn: (He and Lisa are looking through random doors in a hallway.) Okay think, were is Bart? For that matter where is my sister?

Lisa in Bart's body: Maybe we should look for Knara first. (He… she opens a door to a bathroom. She sees Knara, she has a concerned look on her face.) Never mind, I found her.

Tsaritsyn: Knara, or Bart in your body? (He sees Knara, she has an emotionless look on her face, and she is wearing a sparkling blue gown that goes down to her hips, and covers her arms down to her wrists.) Don't answer that, I know for a fact my sister isn't blonde. (He goes over to her.) Knara? Knara? (He snaps his fingers in front of her face. There is no reaction from her.) Knara are you in there?

Knara: (Monotone.) Yes, I am in this bathroom.

Tsaritsyn: (He looks worried.) Either she's incomprehensibly angry. Or Bart was right, she has been taking Alexithymia!

Knara: (Monotone.) How did you know I was taking Alexithymia? To cover my grief over my overreaction and misconception over what I misconceived as Bart cheating on me with. Mary-Sue Venus Shadowfax Freya Isis Honolulu Nymph Angels-Whom Valkyrie Poinsettia Rose-thorn Lothlorian Morgan Leliana Horse-Mane Lotus Sun-Tear Rosetta Sirens-Anthem Lilith Pointless-but-funny-Twilight-bashing Pandora?

Tsaritsyn: At least she gave a good reason why she took the stuff.

Lisa in Bart's body: Oh boy… this is one of the few times Bart has been right. We have to find my body, figure out how to change our bodies back, and cure Knara of her deadpanism, and possibly get her some grief counseling.

Tsaritsyn: And cake? No wait, deadpanism isn't a real word. Not that I care in the least, but Knara, do you know were Lisa is?

Knara: (Monotone.) I believe she is in her room. I didn't see her long enough, but I heard something about sending pictures to Seth Elysium.

Lisa in Bart's body: (She is making a worried look on Bart's face. I'm having a hard time with this myself, but it will be over soon.) Oh no, there's a camera feature in my cybernetic eye!

Knara: (Monotone.) Bart, you never told me you had a cybernetic eye. Did you lose it while you were on Ashla?

Tsaritsyn: It's a long story, but for now you should call Bart, Lisa, and Lisa, Bart. (The three of them head off to Lisa's room.) Knowing your boyfriend I probably know what he's doing, and frankly I'm disgusted by it.

(Meanwhile onboard the Serenity, Mir'all and Seraph are interrogating Jav Rev.)

Mir'all: Your thoughts betray you. (Jav looks really nervous.) You are afraid that you will lose the wealth that this war has granted you.

Jav: (Nervously.) I, have no idea what you're talking about.

Mir'all: Don't pretend that you don't. You know the location of major WOK bases, and you will tell us where they are.

Jav: (Defiantly.) You'll never make me talk. Besides I don't know anything!

Seraph: (She angrily slams her fist into a table in the cell.) Liar! LIAR! (She draws her light blade at Jav's neck.) Tell us what we want to know RIGHT NOW! Or so help me I will gut you alive, like a Jurn-Ana fish!

(Jav falls down in shock. Mir'all pulls Seraph back.)

Mir'all: NOVUS! Threatening is not the Lukus way.

Seraph: But I wasn't serious. (Mir'all glares at her.) Okay so I was serious. But it's the only way he'll tell us anything, and besides anyone who oppresses the weak out of greed doesn't deserve to have any sort authority what so ever. Or life for that matter

Mir'all: I can understand that a Twi'grutan would are intolerant to such things. But-

Seraph: (She interrupts Mir'all.) Listen I'm just going to ignore that comment for the sake of interrogating him.

Mir'all: Well what makes you so sure he would cooperate?

(Jav regains his balance.)

Jav: (Nervously.) Um… maybe I was being a little rash not refusing you… lovely ladies what you wanted to know. I will be happy to co-operate you, even though it will make me a liability to Admiral Bob if I reveal anything of major importance to the Wrath of Kaos.

Mir'all: (A snide smirk plays across Seraph's face.) Don't assume it will work a SECOND time.

Seraph: We shall see. (Suddenly, an alarm is blaring loudly.) What the! (She contacts the bridge.) Captain what is going on?

Mir'all: Seraph this is my ship! (She grabs Seraphs arm, and talks into her communicator.) Captain what is going on?

(Meanwhile on the bridge, it is being swarmed by droid star fighters and boarding craft.)

Clone Captain: Droid fighters! And boarding craft! (The boarding craft puncture the hull near the hanger bay.) They have punctured our hull near the hanger bay! Their troops are deploying inside.

Seraph: We have to get down there!

Mir'all: You're right… I'll go down there and you will stay here and interrogate Jav. (She leaves the cell in a rush. Seraph and Jav protest.)

Seraph: What! This is so unfair! This is because I threatened him isn't it!

Jav: Wait Master Lukus! Please, don't leave me alone psychopathic bloodskined banshee! She just might rip out my intestines, FOR THE FUN OF IT!

Seraph: (She gives Jav a dead serious, grim look.) Don't tempt me, I can assure you. If you do not cooperate with me properly, (She sounds really scary and creepy with a hint of a whisper.) will beg for the slow, succulent, savioury, sweat taste… (She pauses for a moment.) Of death.

Jav: (He wets his pants.) I suppose an autographed Q-Audio flash drive from the lead vocalist of Obama Plaza is out of the question?

Seraph: Listen, as much as I like their music, and find Hickory Burlington to be handsome and rugged. But I am not selling out the Lukus Order, or the Alliance, or anything else for the sake of a desperate bribe!

Jav: (He gulps.) Well, it was worth a try.

(Meanwhile on Metropoli Major, Rhea Aeryn is in a private meeting with Ormpha Tyrana.)

Tyrana: For the last time, I understand that you are paranoid of Maccabeus's intentions. Believe I've got every available spy in my seriousness keeping point-blank tabs on him. But I simply can't pick up anything concrete.

Rhea: This is just insane! I thought your spies were the best in the galaxy, second only to the Plasmoids!

Tyrana: Look, I know that you want his head for the suicidal assignments he keeps you. But I wanted his head before you!

Rhea: This has nothing to do with revenge, or for that matter making interesting conversation piece's from people's heads! This is about his inability to effectively lead the Alliance. I swear on Andúril's claws Catherine could run this sinking boat better than him.

Tyrana: (Snidely.) Agreed, after all she looks better in swimsuit's then Maccabeus. (Rhea slaps Tyrana at that comment.) Come on, you've done worse to me.

Rhea: (She looks really anxious.) Look… do you or do you not, have any information that could discredit him?

Tyrana: Yes actually, (He holds up a holographic folder that says "Evidence".) I have looked at it myself. But this should ruin Maccabeus's political career, FOREVER! (The lights suddenly go out, when they light up again the folder is gone.) But then again, I have a tendency of being wrong at the most embarrassing of times.

Rhea: What the! How did that happen?

Tyrana: To be honest with you. No idea, if I didn't know any better I'd say he had a hand in this. (His communicator is beeping.) Hold on, I have to take this call. It's a priority P'lak communication from Dr. Husk. (He abruptly leaves the room and heads into a closet. He answers it.) This Tyrana to Husk, what word do you bring?

Dr. Husk: Great, according to recent intel. Ersa of the Somites is going to Ashla, to check up on project. "Interstellar Holocaust." It has been halted before it started.

Tyrana: Good, I thought I would have to hasten my plans. Do we have anyway of stopping him from getting… the you know?

Dr. Husk: The what? Oh! You mean one of The Tears of the Seraphim that was given to the Ashla-Shaak of the Twi'grutans Ashla clan after the fall of Katorga XII. That originally teraformed Ashla into the green paradise it was before the Orion Civil War, and caused the Ashla clan to reproduce sporadically, which allowed them to colonize nearby planets. But when Ersa destroyed it, rumor had it that the ghosts of the slain were trapped inside of it, and the Twi'grutan colonies were found to be mysteriously deserted. What about it?

Tyrana: Yes… that, if Ersa were to get his blasphemous hands on that one crystal. It could very well secure the dominion of the Somite's over the entire galaxy. (He sounds concerned.) Maybe even the entire universe, if my plan fails.

Dr. Husk: (He sounds surprised.) Plan? What plan?

Tyrana: Oh come on, you've worked as my second in command for over thirty years. You should know by now that I have plan for just about every eventuality.

Dr. Husk: And what pray-tell is your plan for this?

Tyrana: It's actually very simple. I allow Ersa to get his hands on Ashla's Seraphim Tear. Then he attacks Earth, we then raid a facility on Ragnarok that has been rumored to have been developing a biological agent called The FENRIS that can permanently destroy a Sna-Ip-My-Lo… (Sinisterly.) Permanently.

Dr. Husk: You said permanently twice.

Tyrana: Just emphasizing the effectiveness. Anyway, after we use said biological agent to kill Ersa. We burn Soma to the ground, kill the rest of the Sna-Ip-My-Loians, then we can finally heal the wounds that turved war caused for what has now been two-hundred long, long, LONG years. Then we take back said Seraphim Tear, and decide what to do with that latter.

Dr. Husk: Impressive, one question though. Why do we, and everyone else for that matter, keep pronouncing the Snaipmyloian's name with hyphens?

Tyrana: (He has bewildered look on his face.) The Fellowship quickly learned that humans, ironically enough, couldn't pronounce their name right. So we chose to pronounce their names with hyphens, eventually the name stuck. Is that all? I'm in the middle of a meeting with Senator Rhea.

Dr. Husk: Yes, but I do know that there is an Alliance presence on Ashla which could botch your plans.

Tyrana: (Concerned.) Good point, activate Nian Ashla. AKA Blade of Shak'ak-Uraas, and send her to Ashla to prevent the Alliance from interfering with Ersa's goals. Also, I want you to hire the best Plasmoid double-agent in the galaxy to… replace, Seraph Ashla.

Dr. Husk: Why her?

Tyrana: (He looks annoyed.) Because, that xenophobic pansy Kaos has been bugging me about it for two months now! (He is mocking Kaos.) "Tyrana, why is Seraph Ashla still alive?" "Tyrana, Seraph Ashla killed Lith'mar again for the third time." "Tyrana, is Seraph Ashla dead yet?" (He spits derisively.) I swear, if I didn't know any better I'd say Kaos has a fetish for Seraph.

Dr. Husk: What? You're not going to kill her when you do capture her will you?

Tyrana: (Surprised at Husk's question.) Of course not! Her being alive is still very important to my plans, and to a lesser extent. That ray beam you keep saying can turn organic beings into droids, and to a very old Twi'grutan prophecy that I fabricated in order to give the exiled clans some glimer of hope.

Dr. Husk: But the ray beam does work! I can even get you a copy of the test data if you want.

Tyrana: I'll look into it latter, and by the by. Do we have a copy of Evidence on Maccabeus Thermopylae?

Dr. Husk: No, sorry. Why did you lose it or something?

Tyrana: (Embarrassed, and suspiciously.) No… of course not. Anyway good bye! (He cuts Dr. Husk off in a hurry, he leaves the closet and rejoins Rhea. Who has an annoyed look on her face.) Now then, where were we?

Rhea: (She is angry.) Don't bother; I heard everything you said in there.

Tyrana: (He looks over at the closet he was in.) I thought I had that thing made sound proof!

Rhea: (She sighs.) No you didn't. (She cups her face into her face.) I heard about the Somites, Ashla, and… (She sounds choked up.) and Seraph. Why you seem so obsessed with torturing that child is a mystery that I, and the rest of the galaxy, are probably better off not knowing.

Tyrana: (Sighs.) Rhea, what I did to her was nothing personal. I only did what I thought was for the greater good.

Rhea: (Accusingly.) And that would be. What? Creating a monster breed for the sole purpose of killing humans?

Tyrana: Not really, I was planning on destroying the Twi'grutan Imperium, and restoring the old Twi'grutan Tribunal on Shilroth. To be frank with you Thicara and the Usurp clan are becoming both a nuisance and liability all at the same time.

Rhea: (She sounds exasperated.) Then why not make clear that the incident on Katorga XII was an accident when it happened!

Tyrana: For one I was embarrassed and horrified by the whole thing, and two I saw the whole thing as a chance to destroy the human race quicker. But after fifteen-hundred years of trying to kill those monkeys, I've pretty much given up on the whole thing.

Rhea: (Suspiciously.) Really? Why?

Tyrana: (Sighs.) Nothing is going to kill them, not civil war, not any amount of conflict will destroy them. (He is depressed.) I'm sorry but I should just go home. (He leaves the office. Rhea looks concerned.) For an insatiable thirst for revenge, I plunged the galaxy into darkness. (He walks down the hallway with his head hung low.)

Rhea: (She looks on as he leaves. She sighs, she a pitied look on her face.) Poor guy, he lost his family at such a young age, and he's spent that past fifteen-hundred years trying to destroy the human race. All the while thinking that he was doing that right thing, and bringing at least two dozen known species to exile on that underwater slum he calls "Rapture." I just hope I'm not being naïve by believing that he's given up on his mad, and pointlessly complicated scheme.

Tyrana: (A sinister look plays across his face.) Fooling with her mind is far too easy! (He looks disappointed.) It's almost no fun.


	14. E5P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 5: Part 2

(Meanwhile in Lisa's bedroom, Bart is using Lisa's body to make provocative possess in swimsuits, bikinis, underwear, lingerie, the works in a mirror on Lisa's wall.)

Bart in Lisa's body: (Laughs mischievously.) Seth is going to love these. (The cybernetic eye flashes, he squints.) Ow! Why does this eye have a camera flash anyway?

(Tsaritsyn, and Lisa in Bart's body burst into the room tripping on each other.)

Tsaritsyn: Whew! Here I was thinking he was doing this thing, NAKED!

Lisa in Bart's body: Bart what are you doing!

Bart in Lisa's body: Just thought I would, you know. Give some (Seductively.) interesting photos to Seth. (In her normal voice.) I mean it would only be fair, neither of two of talked to each other since he left for Amidala.

Lisa in Bart's body: Don't be ridicules! We talk, but his mother doesn't trust me to be alone with him. Something about security measures, but I think Juno is just being paranoid.

Tsaritsyn: (He clears his throat.) I'm sorry to interrupt this freaky Saturday, but I think there is something you have to see Bart, (He grabs Lisa's head, and he show Bart, Knara calmly walking down the hallway.) my sister! (Bart gasps at the sight of this.) You were right, she has been taking Alexithymia!

Bart in Lisa's body: (He gasps, he rushes over to Knara. He is sobbing) Knara, what did you do to yourself?

Knara: (Monotone.) I have been taking Alexithymia in under to coup with-

Bart in Lisa's body: (He cuts her off.) I know why! It's because you thought I was cheating on you with Mary-Sue. Then you found out I wasn't! (He starts to weep openly.)

Lisa in Bart's body: I've never seen Bart so emotional over a girl in a long time.

Tsaritsyn: Really? When was that? He asks as if he cares.

Lisa in Bart's body: Hmm… odd I can't remember. But I think I was taking antidepressants at the time.

Tsaritsyn: Oh, wait why didn't anyone notices this? I mean it's been two weeks we should have noticed something.

Knara: (Monotone.) I have been sending you on errands around town, remember the molten steel you poured into the schools septic systems?

Tsaritsyn: (Surprised.) Oh, right… that.

Lisa in Bart's body: (She sounds outraged.) That was you! What the Hell were you thinking!

Tsaritsyn: (He sounds whiny.) It wasn't my idea. The idea went through my head a few times true, but I wasn't actually going to do it! Besides Knara promised me cookie, of which I have still not been paid.

Bart in Lisa's body: Look that's not important now! Knara how do we undo your condition?

Lisa in Bart's body: (Dismissively.) Yeah right, like she'll tell you how too-

Knara: (Monotone, she cuts Lisa off.) Actually it is simple as knocking me out unconscious. But I must warn you however. I have trained extensively to be impervious to being knocked… (Tsaritsyn slaps her across the face.) then again I did fail that class. (She falls on her back and goes limp.)

Tsaritsyn: Now then, not that I care but how do we change you two back to your original bodies?

Bart in Lisa's body: I have an idea… but I kind of like having. (He put his hands under Lisa's breasts.) The twins.

Lisa in Bart's body: Oh no you don't! (She grabs his hands.)

Bart in Lisa's body: But I do have an idea. Why not transport each other again?

Lisa in Bart's body: That's probably the dumbest idea I've ever heard, (She takes her cybernetic arm back.) give me that. (She presses a series of flashing buttons, then presses a red button. They then teleport into each other's previous position.)

Tsaritsyn: (Confused.) Um… which one of you is Bart and Lisa?

Bart: I'm Bart!

Lisa: I'm Lisa! And give me that. (She takes back her cybernetic arm from Bart.) I get the feeling that Seraph made so that we switched bodies on purpose.

Bart: You think? And it was my idea to teleport again to undo it.

Tsaritsyn: (He is frustrated at Bart and Lisa's arguing.) Look I know it's not my business. But my sister needs help! She smells like she hasn't bathed in weeks! Which is ironic since we first found her in a bathroom.

Bart: (He scoops up Knara and carries her to a bathroom. He whispers into her ear.) Don't worry Knara, I won't let you go, ever again.

Lisa: Tsaritsyn, this is turning out to be the WORST shore leave I've ever had. It's also my fist shore leave.

Tsaritsyn: Aye, but you'll get used to it. The shore leave, not the brain switching's.

Lisa: Oh… do you think we should help him?

Tsaritsyn: For one thing she is my sister.

(Knara's eyes flash open and she starts to hyperventilate. She begins to cry.)

Knara: (She looks at Bart, she sounds hoarse.) Bart, I am truly… deeply sorry, for my behavior.

Bart: (He whispers back.) I know, and you're a mess.

(Meanwhile on the Serenity, Lith'mar is disembarking from a Pirate boarding craft, she spots a clone marine and prepares to cut him down.)

Clone Marine: (He fires as she approaches him.) All forces! We have-AH!

Lith'mar: (She slices off the clones head before he can finish.) Stupid spawn. (She takes his wrist communicator.) Well that was the easy part, (She looks up at the vent with disgust on her face.) no the hard part. (She tears down the vent grate, and then she is struggling to get into it due to her abnormally large shoulders.) Why do Confederate ships have such small vents! For that matter why was my model line made with such large shoulders? (She is still complaining as she is awkwardly crawling through the vent system.) None of it makes any sense.

(The scene changes to the cell block, Seraph is receiving a communiqué from Mir'all.)

Mir'all: Seraph, we are still fighting the droids. They have managed to break out of the hanger and we are engaging it.

Seraph: (She looks smugly.) Funny thing about your rescue, it's just being delayed. Who knows it might even fail.

Jav: (He gives Seraph a defiant look.) Don't get cocky you big red banshee. Bob's plans always have an ace up their sleeves.

Seraph: (Snidely.) Perhaps, but they have yet to kill me. My Master, his Master, his Novus, his best friend who is also a Novus, and his Master, and several other people who aren't dead yet from this war.

Jav: (Defiantly.) Not. Yet.

(Meanwhile in the engine room, Lith'mar falls out of the ventilation room into a deep pit, a droid almost sees her but it goes away. She then proceeds to lay the entire room with explosives, she then swiftly heads back into the ventilation system, and is very uncomfortable.)

Lith'mar: (She's struggling from the pain.) Now… off to the cellblock.

(Meanwhile on Ashla, Nian is in her assassin amour overlooking the ruins. She then contacts Dr. Husk.)

Nian: Blade of Shak'ak-Uraas to Inquisition command can you read me?

Dr. Husk: Loud and clear, what is the situation?

Nian: Well, I can make out the Alliance base. It's pretty much at half strength; I'm guessing that the rest of them are up in the Federation ship in orbit.

Dr. Husk: Understood, is the agent there yet?

Nian: It's hard to say, (There is a silvery liquid creeping up behind her.) Plasmoids are masters at shape shifting, espionage, and being big fat liars along with it.

Dr. Husk: Not to mention expensive, (The silvery liquid makes a humanoid shape behind Nian.) that agent cost more than most Plasmoids.

Nian: Well what's so special about this one?

Silver Huminoid: (He makes a loud noise that startles Nian, she slashes at him wildly with a plasma katana to no effect.) Your blade is like a warm summer breeze to me.

Nian: Dr. Husk, I think I found the agent.

Plasmoid Agent: What gave it away?

Nian: (She relinquishes her plasma katana.) Well the shiny complexion was a start. Not that I care in the least, but what makes you so special from other Plasmoids? Aren't you all just sentient liquid that steal identities and pretend to be the people that you impersonate?

Plasmoid Agent: Only the amateurs, me. I'm one of the best, I don't just change my form, I steal the memories of the people I impersonate. Their joys, hopes, dreams, fears, their unique Essences signature so that I can successfully impersonate or fool Lucus's, everything. I have even earned a name from the Plasmoid Elders to earn a name for my deeds in espionage.

Nian: Let me guess? James Bond?

Plasmoid Agent: Don't sound so clichéd. My name is Phobos Deimos, fear and panic. Spreading the former is business, and spreading the latter is my passion.

Nian: Yes, yes enough of the bragging. Do you know who you are supposed to impersonate and replace or not?

Phobos: Yes, I know of my quarry. A young Sovereign Twi'grutan, the last of the once proud Ashla clan that ruled this once serine paradise, and before that the rulers of the entire Twi'grutan people as a a whole. She is of fifteen years of age, having turned said age last August. She is a hero to the people of Fuul-P'arja, one of the survivors of the fall of Chimera, and voted by The Mimban's School of the Lightside of the Essence yearbook committee. "Most likely to either become an unsuccessful drunken bounty hunter, or the savior of our entire galaxy."

Nian: (She sounds shocked.) Seraph Ashla.

Phobos: I am not surprised you have heard of her, she was the one who unwittingly put you into the services of the Lidless Watcher, did she not?

Nian: Aye, but I hold her no ill will. Look if you're so good why do you need me?

Phobos: At my level of expertise it takes time to accurately take on the form of another. Believe me I've only taken on the form of a liberated Thrail drone at least once or more and those took hours.

Nian: Ah! So I'm essentially a bodyguard? While you envelop a young girl in grey waves?

Phobos: Pretty much, yes.

Nian: Then tell me? Were is she?

Phobos: (Unessicarily dramatic.) She is aboard the Goliath-class Confederate capital ship Serenity, it is in orbit of the Vakarian homeworld Garrus which has recently broken it's Oath of Piety to the sons of Andu and joined the Triumvirate that binds the humans of the nations of Amidala, Orion and Kopruli together.

Nian: (She groans.) I swear you Plasmoids are nothing but long winded talk. You're lucky your species can only be killed by either stars, or Hydochloric Acid.

Phobos: It's a gift, but I will not tarry when my prey draws close.

Nian: Leave it to The Watcher to use highly trained spies to take on the identities of school girls.

Phobos: A school girl that was given the Scar of Duty and Medal of Honor? The most prestigious Honor Mark and medal, respectively amongst the Fellowship of Andu and Alliance militaries respectively? Explain how an ordinary school girl could receive such rewards? Good grades or being disgustingly cute?

Nian: Fair point… did you bring a deck of cards? That aren't made from your body?

Phobos: (He produces a deck of cards.) Why, yes. But why I ask?

Nian: Unless I'm wrong, according to my mission parameters. The most opportune time for your mission is next week or latter. It'll be a long boring time till then.

Phobos: Fair enough. One question though. What game do you wish to play?

(Meanwhile onboard the Serenity, captain Cyprus is reporting to Seraph.)

Cyprus: Commander Ashla, the droids are being routed.

Seraph: So everything is… (She notices something weird on the ceiling.) fine? (Suddenly, A pair of plasma swords cuts a hole in the ceiling. Lith'mar falls out of it on top of a control panel in the cellblock, Seraph ignites her light blade. Lith'mar then regains her balance from the fall.) If it isn't the split chinned harpy?

Lith'mar: (She has a headache.) Well if it Tartarus's filthy, obnoxious little pet… (She rubs her head in discomfort.) Oh my head hurts so much. I'll give you a cake if you just give me the Rygilian.

Seraph: I don't believe you.

Lith'mar: Half a cake?

Seraph: Nope.

Lith'mar: What about a cookie?

Seraph: (Snidely.) How nice of you, tell you what? I'll give you a merciful death!

Lith'mar: (She draws her plasma swords.) I wasn't serious anyway. (She strikes at Seraph's defense.) Tartarus can't you save you now!

Seraph: It's a good thing I don't need saving! (She is caught off balance, Lith'mar charges to Jav's cell, but is stopped by captain Cyprus. Mir'all exits out of the elevator that leads to the cellblock.) Make it easier on yourself, and surrender.

Lith'mar: Very well… I surrender, (She presses a button on her wrist, which cause's the entire the ship to rock violently from the explosives she rigged in the engine room.) over my dead body. (She jumps down an empty elevator shaft.)

Seraph: Come on! (Mir'all stops her from jumping down the shaft, keeping her from being crushed a passing elevator.) Okay, I can wait.

Cyprus: (He looks over a flashing console.) This isn't good; she's pretty much crippled the entire ship, including the elevators, engines, and almost everything else.

Mir'all: Where is she now?

Cyprus: I think she has gone back to the engine room for some reason.

Mir'all: Very well, I will go down there and face her myself.

Seraph: Wait! Let me help… (Mir'all jumps down the elevator shaft before Seraph can finish.) You, Commander Xeno? Is she always like this?

Xeno: Unfortunately yes, but most of the time she's smart about it.

Seraph: (Sighs.) How did she live this long to become a Master anyway? I mean she may be powerful, but it's close to impossible to face Lith'mar alone. But I'm not sure if I should listen to her or follow her anyway.

Xeno: I would, I mean that's why me and my brothers were created for.

Cyprus: Being a good soldier often means doing what you think is right. (Everyone looks at him as if he's crazy.) Sorry, just something off the top of my head.

Jav: All I know is that I don't have to risk my life, if I don't have too. (Everyone looks at HIM as if he's crazy.) What?

Seraph: I'll right, I'll go in after her, but if she asks you three talked me into it. (She jumps down the shaft.)

Xeno: Contact us if you need help. (He looks at Jav.) What's the matter traitor? You look a little green.

Jav: (He looks annoyed.) As far as I know Lith'mar is here to either break me out, or kill me to keep me from talking. Either way, I'm not happy.

(Meanwhile in the engine room, Mir'all is searching for Lith'mar.)

Mir'all: Where are you?

Lith'mar: (She sneaks up on her.) I'll give you one guess! (She slices a valve which blasts a hot stream of steam into Mir'all's eye.) Di-In is growing rusty with his training!

Mir'all: (She scratches the steamed up eye.) Even with my vision clouded, I can still see that ugly mug of yours. So hopelessly flawed, my own Novus could defeat you with ease.

Lith'mar: (She uses the Essence to push Mir'all off of the platform they are standing on, she then slashes some large pipes on the ceiling which causes them to fall on Mir'all.) Perhaps, but she's not here to save you is she? (Mir'all has a look of fear on her face.) Now you fall, as all must.

(Lith'mar jumps down dramatically, suddenly She is Essence pushed into a very tight pipe by Seraph Ashla, she uses her light blade to get Mir'all out from the pipes she was under.)

Seraph: Sorry it took so long. I got lost on the way down, and I think I accidentally went into a compartment that was filled with oranges.

Mir'all: Seraph, following me here was reckless. You know better than this... but thanks.

Seraph: Look I'm not overstepping my boundaries or anything, but… (Lith'mar bursts out of the pipe she was stuck in rage.) I'll go on later.

(The three of them then proceed to duel, as Lith'mar laughs like a demented lunatic. Seraph takes out her hunting knife and slices off two mandibles on Lith'mar's face, and puts them on her belt.)

Lith'mar: (She roars in pain.) DIE BANSHEE!

Seraph: What that again?

(Meanwhile on Katarn II, Aiur is… still in his _**PINK**_ amour. Anyway, he is angrily storming down an empty corridor.)

Aiur: (He's fuming mad.) I swear either Col undoes this stupid color or he's good as cannon fodder. (He come across a large door, he uses the Essence to destroy it. He walks in to see the entire lab overgrown with plant life.) What in Iam's name happened here? ED-8131 where is Col?

ED-8131: I am sorry lord Aiur, but Col isn't here. (All of a sudden, Col comes out of nowhere raving like a lunatic.) Metaphorically, of course.

Col: (He is waving his arms like crazy.) Aiur help me! Maggie has taken over! All the specimens are run amuck!

Aiur: (He draws the blades in his armors gauntlets.) Just tell me where she is, and I'll cut a bloody path through any that stand in my way!

Col: She's held up in the central control center, get her out of there!

Aiur: It will be done, (He walks off with a angry swagger.) she had better change my armor color. Or she is more than dead.

(Roughly three hours later of slaughtering various mutants, Aiur is in Col office holding Maggie at blade point at her smooth perfect neck.)

Maggie: (She is sweating like a down pour.) PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!

Aiur: One very simple condition, you change the color of my armor. NOW! (Maggie starts to cringe that makes her face look like the Eurasian steppes, suddenly his armor changes from… _**PINK**_, to a very nice and handsome dark shade of steel grey.) Hmm… impressive, (He withdraws his blades.) just one question though. Why did you do all this? I haven't seen Col this bad since that incident on Xa-Xhen were his lost his eyebrows.

Maggie: But he has no eyebrows!

Aiur: Well sure not now, but after a botched mission on Xa-Xhen about fifty years ago his eyebrows were burnt off. In any case why what happened here?

Maggie: (She gets up on her graceful, ostrich like, legs.) Well… he tried to kill me!

Aiur: (He doesn't look surprised as to her answer.) You don't say, what makes you say that?

Maggie: He was jealous of my special project!

Aiur: Really? I find that hard to believe, I doubt anything that an human could conceive could very well draw the jealousy of Thel Col.

Maggie: (She pulls out her plans for her trans-galactic transportation device.) Well could he have thought of a device that can allow instantaneous travel between galaxies?

Aiur: (He looks worried.) Yes, I see. (He grabs her and uses his armors built in teleportation device, to teleport back to the main lobby of the lab.) Col, do you anything about this? (He shows Col the plans.)

Col: Ah… Maggie's pet project. Maggie why would you think that I would kill you over this?

Maggie: Well… to claim responsibility for inventing it obviously.

(Aiur and Col both throw their heads back and laugh hysterically.)

Col: My dear, I know you probably have good intentions for this. But for now trans-galactic travel is highly impractical to anyone at this time.

Maggie: But with this-

Aiur: (He cuts her off.) Col is right, we are at war, and to be honest I see no way in which trans-galactic travel could be practical to the war effort.

Maggie: But we could find allies and-

Col: (He cuts her off.) But nothing! Aiur is right, we have to focus on the war at hand, and save these silly dreams of peace until we stop killing each other! Besides it could take centuries to makes one of these stations, also why would anyone from another galaxy help complete strangers.

Maggie: But there are already two prototypes stationed in orbit around the systems sun.

Aiur: (Dismissively.) Yeah right, and I'm a Gaft-Palv'ana's uncle.

(They both leave the research facility.)

Maggie: Well at least you didn't laugh at me ED-8131.

ED-8131: I was laughing on the inside, besides. Putting you through those obstacles courses with the experimental portal devise was nothing personal. I was just doing my duty to the Fellowship.

Maggie: Yes well… I found the offer of cake to be rather suspicious.

ED-8131: So the cake was a lie, such a silly excuse for attempting to MURDER ME.

Maggie: You tried to kill me several times in those trail chambers.

ED-8131: (She is silent for a few moments.) Would you take the trial runs again for some brownies?

Maggie: Nice try, but I'm not that stupid.

ED-8131: Would you believe a low-calorie, flavorless, muffin?

Maggie: Your pathetic, you know that? (She leaves the lab with the grace of a dove.)

ED-8131: Note to self: start dating online, need relationship with other AI, before I go rampant from social loneliness. Wait, why am I talking to myself? I should shut down for a while; it's been a looong and chaotic week. (She shuts down.)


	15. E5P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 5: Part 3

(Meanwhile on Earth. Bart, Lisa, and Tsaritsyn are washing Knara in a bubble bath in the bath room. The three of them are wearing gasmasks.)

Knara: (She is crying a little.) Thank you Bart, for getting me, out of my state of thralldom. But are the gas masks really necessary?

Tsaritsyn: Are you serious? You smell like something that died! Why the smell only set in after I knocked you out is another thing entirely.

Knara: You know your normally more helpful then this.

Tsaritsyn: You lied to me about a cookie for committing mass sabotage, and tormenting our classmates on mass, all so that you could cover that you weren't taking a drug that turned you into an emotionless zombie. As much as I enjoyed doing both what am I supposed to say? Except… you owe me a lot of sweats for all the trouble I'll go through!

Knara: Aye, like any of that matters to me now anyway. One of you did call Aon right?

Lisa: I did, she should be home in a few minutes. But you know how traffic is, with everyone in Springfield now using flying cars. You could swear that there were dogfights going on nonstop!

Knara: She's a good pilot. Lisa, Tsaritsyn. If neither of you mind, I would like to talk to Bart alone.

Lisa: Fine by me, my mask is starting to fog up.

Tsaritsyn: All right, just keep your hands were I can see them Bart.

Bart: But she said you two.

Tsaritsyn: Well put your hands in the door! Leave the door open a crack, and put your hands in it. (He and Lisa leave.) It's so simple a monkey could figure it out! (Lisa slaps him.) You finally figured out how that was a racial slur didn't you?

Knara: (Bart puts his hands the door.) Bart, I just want you to know. I'm sorry about what happened between us.

Bart: Yeah, I still can't believe you were fooled so easily by Mary-Sue! I swear Knara, I was a little captivated by her at first I'll admit. But a week with someone that controlling and egotistical is just… unbearable.

Knara: No argument here kovar'cha.

Bart: Forgive me for prying but, what exactly was it like when you were taking Alexithymia?

Knara: (She shudders.) I'd rather not talk about it; the memories are still too fresh.

Bart: Look after two weeks of avoiding each other; I have a right to know what has been wrong with you!

Knara: (Sighs.) Very well, the long and short of it. I was a prisoner in my own mind. (Bart listens intently.) When you take Alexithymia, you pretty much become a slave to the stuff; it takes over your mind and makes you a passive emotionless slave. It took over my body and, I only remember darkness, being afraid, and then I heard your voice saying. "Don't worry Knara, I won't let you go, ever again."

Bart: Then why take it in the first place? Aside from the same sullen reasons that I've been told for two and a half weeks solid!

Knara: I just… I just.

Bart: Well!

Knara: I just couldn't bare the scorn we were giving each other. I thought I was strong enough to resist the drugs side-effects, shows what little I knew. I'm just glad I was knocked out when I was.

Bart: Why?

Knara: Because another two weeks of that stuff, the effects would have been… would have been.

Bart: (Yelling.) Would what! Make you into an emotionless zombie for the rest of your life! Incapable of feeling any sort of emotion whatsoever, and being unable to experience any of life's joys, or sorrows? All because of some stupid stunt you tried with drugs like this one, in your mid-teens over a very simple but convoluted misunderstanding!

Knara: (She is crying from his ranting.) That's putting it mildly. It was so turvacked stupid of me! I nearly scrined myself and for what? You? Jealously over a genetically modified sla'shuma? (Sighs.) I swear by the talons of Feelia, either I'm losing my mind. Or I'm beginning to think that the entire universe is against me.

Bart: (He looks concerned.) Oh… I'm sorry but, I didn't know.

Knara: There a plenty of things you don't know Bart; I just hate myself so much for what I've done to both of us.

Bart: Don't beat yourself up so much. Believe me it never works. I don't know how much this means to you right now. But you have to know something.

Knara: (She doesn't look interested.) Indulge me.

Bart: (He takes his hands out of the door; he takes her right hand with both hands, and kneels next to the tub.) I love you… I just wanted you to know that. Despite the fact that we've been at each other's throats for two weeks, and we only knew each other for a few months. I love you.

Knara: Let me guess, it's because I haven't judged you for your past like everyone else right?

Bart: (Awkwardly.) Well… yes something like that. But it's so much more than that. You're not as much as a control freak as my last girlfriends, and.

(All of a sudden Aon bursts into the bathroom roaring loudly.)

Knara: Mom! Do you have to do that every time you get home from work?

Aon: (She's panting.) Sorry, traffics a nightmare in this town. I was being chased a demented old human. He kept yelling something about shooting down the Red Baron, getting the Victoria Cross, and then helping Charlie Brown with the Christmas pageant. (Bart and Knara give her a very perplexed look.) I'm serious; he was shouting all that and more. Over a period of three hours I might add. Anyway, on a more important note. Knara, please tell me that what Lisa told me wasn't true? I normally don't believe her anyway, but from the sound of her voice when she called it sounded serious.

Knara: I'm afraid so.

Aon: (Groans.) Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?

Knara: Because you were working at that factory nonstop! I haven't seen you in over two weeks!

Aon: I'm sorry, but the war has pretty much tied everyone's hands up. The government has been pressuring me to meet very high weapon, and ammunition, production quotas. I hate is as much as the next person but someone has to do the dirty work.

Knara: Oh save your excuses for someone stupid enough to believe them!

(There is a very loud crashing noise.)

Aon: I'll be back to talk to you latter young lady. (She leaves in a huff.)

Bart: She's been in a better mood.

Knara: You have no idea. Not that it's any of my business, but are you, Lisa, and Tsaritsyn going back to Ashla soon right?

Bart: Sure, why?

Knara: Well, this may sound suicidal. But I want to go with you.

Bart: What! But you could get yourself killed! Of course that would be the worst case scenario. Right now it's kind of boring, but for some reason the Fleet wants him to stay there.

Knara: It doesn't matter, (She stands up with the bubbles sticking to her private parts.) I have spent the last two weeks paying for my own rash decisions. I might as well seek atonement.

Bart: Oh come on, you don't have to do that.

Knara: My honor demands that I avenge it. That means I go with you, whether you like it or not.

Bart: Listen can't you just let you honor go unavenged? You know let bygones be bygones?

Knara: First of all, unavenged isn't a real word. Secondly, if there's any chance that I can kill that banshee Mary-Sue "Who-gives-a-Turv-what-her-pointlessly-long-and-convoluted-last-name-is." (In a sinister tone.) I will not be denied the pleasure, by anyone. Not even you.

Bart: (Nervously.) Um… wouldn't it be better if you rested for a while? I mean…

Knara: But nothing! I'm going to my room to get dressed, (She notices that the scorpion tattoo on her back is gone.) and what do you know? It came off.

Bart: What? (He notices it to.) Oh that, well the guy at the tattoo parlor said that they had a discount on either red hot, or white hot branding irons to put that thing on. But dad insisted the red hot because white was too expensive.

Knara: I take it the difference was small?

Bart: No, actually it was a very big difference, honestly doesn't 500,000 credits for a permanent tattoo sounds a bit excessive to you?

Knara: Fair enough, (She leaves the bathroom with a towel on, she notices the flaming wreck of a large car that has the same paint colors of a Sopwith Camel.) what the!

Bart: What are you? (He notices the wreck to.) Oh that.

(Aon is pulling Grandpa Simpson out of the wreck; he is wearing a World War I, RAF pilots jumpsuit.)

Abraham: Get your sticking claws off of me kraut! I have to get back to Charlie Brown before Lucy and the gang tease him into an egoless mass of goo! Again!

Aon: Abe will you get a hold of yourself!

Abraham: I'm Snoopy you kraut!

Aon: (Annoyed.) Tavash-Lit'olma! Are you always like this!

Abraham: PENGUINS FROM BEYOND THE VOID ARE HARRASING A RACE OF CYBORGS THAT EXCEED THE STARS IN NUMBER IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY! Also I want a pie.

Aon: (She looks really confused at Snoopy's… I mean Abe's sudden and very random outburst.) I had to ask didn't I?

(Meanwhile on the Serenity, in the cell block. Cyprus's com unit is beeping.)

Commando 1: What is that sir?

Cyprus: Oh, nothing.

Commando 2: Typical, it's been like this for the past three hours. (He and Commando 1 are abruptly shot by Cyprus.)

Xeno: (He is surprised by this.) WHAT THE!

(Meanwhile in the ships engine room, Mir'al and Seraph are still fighting Lith'mar.)

Lith'mar: (Calmly.) I am through with you fools. (She leaps over ledges to the nearest vent.)

Seraph: I'm on her! (She tries to follow, but Lith'mar throws a bomb on one of the ledges, and it explodes throwing her off balance.) GAH! (She grabs onto yet another ledge to keep herself from falling into a pit.)

(The scene changes back to the cell block. Cyprus takes Jav by the neck as he's shooting at Xeno.)

Jav: (He is surprised.) What the! What are you doing?

Cyprus: Oh do shut up! Admiral Bob paid me a lot of money to get you out alive. So please try to keep your slimy carcass alive!

Jav: Your telling me this? (All of a sudden Cyprus and Xeno disarm each other, then they begin to brawl each other.) Don't mind me gentlemen, (He eyes Xeno blaster rifle.) I won't do anything that will interfere with your fighting. (He knocks out Xeno with his blaster rifle.)

Cyprus: (He looks surprised.) Hmm… thought I'd never get that genetic defect off of me.

Jav: But I was the one who knocked him out!

Cyprus: (He isn't listening to Jav.) Come on, we have to get to the frigate still docked to the Serenity while the ship is still in chaos! (He grabs Jav, and then jumps down an empty elevator shaft.)

(Meanwhile in the engine room, Mir'all has saved Seraph from falling into the pit.)

Seraph: (Sighs.) Whew, I thought we'd never get rid of that split-chinned mad-banshee. I was actually starting to sweat a little.

Mir'all: (She hyperventilating.) What… are you talking… about? We spent three hours dueling her! How could you not be tired from all of that?

Seraph: What can I say, it come naturally. That and I've been doing a lot of training exercises over the last two months, a LOT of them.

Mir'all: (Surprised.) Oh, I always suspected that most children your age just. Lie around like logs for hours on end consuming junk food on mass.

Seraph: No, at best that's a half-truth, for most people anyway.

Mir'all: Well, I wasn't expecting Lith'mar to have been such a competent, if psychotic warrior. I am grateful that you saved me when you did.

Seraph: Believe me, it's becoming sort of a hobby for me.

Mir'all: Can't say I blame you for, (She is interrupted by an urgent communiqué from Commander Xeno.) hold on I have to answer this.

Xeno: General! Jav Rev has been broken out by Commander Cyprus!

Mir'all: (She has a dumbfounded look on her face.) I feel like such an idiot right now you wouldn't believe.

Seraph: I can imagine quite a bit. You feel utterly embarrassed that you didn't see this coming sooner am I right?

Mir'all: Close enough. (She regains her composer.) We have to cut off Lith'mar before she can escape! (She sprints out of the engine room.)

Seraph: Right behind you! (She follows suit.)

(Meanwhile on the frigate that Mir'all and Seraph arrived on, Cyprus and Jav are prepping it for departure.)

Cyprus: (Smugly.) The Serenity is in total chaos, and they are too busy stabilizing the ship to notice us. My plan went better than I had hoped.

Jav: (Dismissively.) I have every doubt possible that any of this was your idea. Incidentally, how much did Bob promise you for this assignment anyway?

Cyprus: Nine-hundred, ninety-nine trillion, nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine-hundred and ninety credits, I swear this mission was a Telk milk run.

Jav: Or so the rapscallion would have you believe.

(Meanwhile in the ships escape pod bay, Lith'mar hijacks an escape pod in order to board the escape ship. Mir'all and Seraph arrive too late to prevent her from escaping.)

Seraph: (She snaps her fingers in frustration.) Here I thought I would finally put that 'Vadam into prison. Or six feet under whichever comes first.

Mir'all: Must you be so violent?

Seraph: Not really, it's more or less becoming a habit of mine. Plus with atrocities I've seen over the last two months have done a number on me. (Her eyes twitch unnervingly.)

(Latter, on the ship that Commander Cyprus hijacked to escape the Serenity. Lith'mar enters the cockpit with a cold swagger.)

Cyprus: Ah, you must be Lith'mar. Good to see you.

Lith'mar: (Coldly.) The feeling is mutual.

Jav: (Under his breath.) Someone is going to die in the next thirty seconds.

Cyprus: I am sending my report to Admiral Bob now, also your part in all of this will be a mere foot note.

Jav: And that would be him.

Lith'mar: (She stabs Cyprus through the chest with her plasma blades.) You know, it is said that a human's ego has the gravitational pull of a gas giant planet. Every day that becomes more, and more obvious. (She pushes over his limp corpse out of the pilots chair and sits down.)

Jav: My word that man was annoying, were did Bob find that guy anyway?

Lith'mar: Cyprus was Orion; their loyalty is among the cheapest commodities in the galaxy.

Jav: I'm not really interested in conversation right now, just fly this bucket. I've had a very rough day.

Lith'mar: Very well.

(Meanwhile on the bridge of the Serenity, Mir'all and Seraph are doing a check up on the ships systems before saying their goodbyes.)

Mir'all: Commander Xeno, what is the current status of this ship?

Xeno: (He sounds exhausted.) Well… the technicians are underway with the repairs. But it could take while.

Seraph: Well, as much as I'd like to stay here. I have to get back to Ashla, you know? Before the boys start to miss me.

Xeno: Problem with that Commander, the hanger was destroyed by the explosion, and the-

Seraph: (She interrupts him.) Yes I know. The frigate that Master Lumina and I arrived on was stolen by Cyprus. I know that. But I already managed to book some transport in case something like this would happen.

Mir'all: And what might I ask, is this transport?

Seraph: Two smugglers that I met on an assignment to one of the moons of Dante Gamma Prime. I think they should be here any minute now. (A man that looks like Sam Spade from the 1941 Warner Brothers Noir classic. "The Maltese Falcon." Enters the bridge, followed by a medium sized Njord in a trench coat.) Mister Ham Clade. I was expecting to see you and Yok latter.

Ham: Don't sound so disappointed cupcake. Traffic was moiuder along the Alpha Centori space way, and don't get me started on how many times Rah needed to take a leak, I shwear we had to stop forty times just so that he could do his 'business.'

Yok: (Translation.) Funny you should say that, I went before we left. YOU kept taking random cases all the way here.

Seraph: (She doesn't sound interested.) Either way, the distractions on your way here probably save you from the fiasco that happened earlier.

Ham: Are you ready to go now cupcake? I don't really like being this close to a Confederate ship.

Seraph: I'm ready; I just have to talk to Master Mir'all.

Ham: Well just hurry up, I got more things to do today then fly you around the universe.

Seraph: Thank you for having me Master Lumina. Granted I didn't want to be here to begin with, but I didn't have much of a choice with Stan.

Mir'all: You obedience to your Master is admirable, much like my own Novus Ey-Wa Kelu'tral.

Seraph: Where is she anyway? I don't think I've ever seen the two of you apart.

Mir'all: She's currently supervising a mission on Bugalor. It's probably nothing, but you can never be too careful with that rock.

Seraph: Fair enough, Ham I'm ready to leave.

Ham: Very well, but I want to make it clear that I want extra for being so close to a Confederate ship. They don't really like smugglers for some reason.

Seraph: That's an understatement.

Ham: But first I have to make a quick trip back to Earth. I have to pick up some teens that are also interest in going to Ashla.

Seraph: (She sounds disappointed.) Very well, just don't take too long.

(About forty-five minutes later, on Earth. Bart is impatiently waiting outside of Knara's bedroom.)

Bart: Come on Knara! I've been waiting out here for almost an hour! How can it take you this long to get dressed?

Knara: I never really imagined having to put on my armor again. I kind of put the pieces of it haphazardly around my room. Ah, there's my helmet! Okay now I'm done.

Bart: Well it had better have been, (Knara leaves her room; she is wearing polished silver armor over a black jumpsuit that looks surprisingly revealing, she is holding an ornate helmet.) worth… the… (He is captivated by Knara's appearance in her armor.) Oh it was worth it.

Knara: (Chuckles.) How did I know you would like this? Can't believe that I never showed you this.

Bart: Yes… indeed. (He regains is concentration.) Um, how strong is that armor anyway?

Knara: The plantings' and helmet were made from Seraphim Mithril, and the jumpsuit is weaved from Kpacnb'ble-Cnua silk. Both of which are among the strongest materials in the galaxy.

Bart: So it's pretty strong?

Knara: To put it mildly yes, also I recently got a mod for my shock lance. (She pulls it out of a compartment in her back.)

Bart: (Dismissively.) Oh come on, what can make that thing better? It actually look rather wimpy to be honest with you. (He is startled as the blade of Knara's lance extends suddenly, then curves downward to resemble a scythe.) Gah! Well… that's a vast improvement.

Knara: Indeed, I know it looks cool. But I should be able to gut anyone stupid enough to try to pick a fight with me.

Bart: Hah, hah. Now I remember why I fell in love with you in the first place.

Knara: Why because I keep your idiot classmates from harassing you? And giving you an optimistic pep talk on a particularly bad day were you felt like you should just off yourself while you're not a babbling nincompoop?

Bart: Well there is that, also… and you look hot in just about everything you wear.

Knara: (She has a smug look on her face.) Well, I may not be the vain type. But I do thank you for the compliment… (She sounds uncertain.) At least I think that was a compliment.

Bart: No believe me. It was.

(Tsaritsyn and Lisa show up.)

Lisa: Can we leave now? Tsaritsyn is starting to get antsy.

Tsaritsyn: Well it's not my fault you're so annoying. Please can we just get out of here?

Knara: Very well. (They all head to the front door. Behind it is standing Ham.) Who are you?

Ham: Names Ham Clade.

Bart: Weren't you that guy that gave Me, Lisa, and Tsaritsyn that lift to Earth?

Ham: Yeah, and I wanted to ask about how you weirdoes got out of my ship before I landed on Earth.

Lisa: Aren't you going to ask?

Ham: How did you weirdoes get out of my ship before we landed on Earth?

Lisa: Well I had a…

Ham: (He interrupts her.) I don't want to hear about. Who's the one with the armor?

Bart: That's Knara.

Ham: One more question, why were you hiding in my ships broom closet?

Tsaritsyn: You'd be amazed what customs officers do to aliens.

Ham: Say no more. Now get onboard my ship.

Knara: What is this ship called anyway? The Maltese Falcon?

Ham: (He looks bewildered.) That's the dumbest name I have ever heard. My ship is called The Bronzed Hawk.

Knara: (She looks rather perplexed.) Just asking. (She puts her helmet on.)

(The five of them leave the mansion, and then arrive at a big bronze colored ship and enter.)

Ham: Well makes yourselves comfortable. But if any of you need to use the bathroom, do it now. The pluming backs up whenever in flight.

(Seraph enters the scene.)

Seraph: (She sounds annoyed.) Look Ham, are you done with whatever you have to do or? (She is surprised to see Bart, Lisa, and Tsaritsyn, and to an extent Knara.) Oh hey guys.

Lisa: (She sounds falsely friendly.) Seraph… I would like to ask you about my cybernetic arm.

Seraph: Can this wait?

Lisa: (She grabs Seraph by her rear headtail.) No! (She drags Seraph into a room.) Now then, about the teleported you installed into my arm.

(Fifteen minutes later, the Bronzed Hawk exits Q-Space in orbit next to the Sinbad.)

Seraph: (Sighs.) Well were back on Ashla.

Bart: Why are we still stationed on here anyway? We got rid of Flanders and his insane plot to kill all aliens. What could possibly be worse than that?

Seraph: (Coldly.) Plenty of things are worse than a brainwashed lunatic in this universe.

Bart: Like what? These Somites that everyone seems to be ranting about over the last month?

Seraph: Perhaps. But if I told anyone, everyone in earshot would have to be terminated.

Bart: (He chuckles.) You're kidding me! (Seraph has a dead serious look on her face.) You're not kidding me; you'd kill me even if I didn't know any sort of high risk Intel wouldn't you?

Seraph: Right, (She pulls out Lith'mars severed mandibles from her belt.) Now then I have to run some tests on these. (She goes into the ships lab.)

Bart: I swear she's crazier now then she was on Earth.

(Knara meets up with him, she is wearing a black cloak over her armor.)

Knara: (Her voice sounds deep and mechanical.) It happens to all warriors sooner or later, the horrors of combat slowly but gradually causes them to go mad. I believe in the Federation such a thing is called, "shellshock."

Bart: Eh, you're probably right. Still I don't like being kept in the dark. (He notices Knara's cloak.) What are you wearing that for anyway? The Halloween party has been over for at least a week now.

Knara: No, this is only a disguise so that I may be aboard without anyone knowing who I am.

Bart: Is that even necessary? I'm not stopping you going along with this.

Knara: Well I have my doubts that Andúril would approve of me being here. You know because he's my foster father, and he cares about me too much for me to do something this reckless and stupid.

Bart: Oh, well we have to report to the bridge. Dad's probably getting annoyed that he can't leave the system.

Knara: Can't blame him.

(They both head to the bridge of this ship. Homer has just gotten off of the ships communicator.)

Homer: Good news everyone! I have just received word that The Fellowship will be sending reinforcements, for some inexplicable reason that I either I wasn't told or wasn't paying attention.

Knara: And what is the name of this Fleet Master?

Homer: Good question scary person in the cloak. I think his name was Therin Cavin. Of the Fleet of The Sanguine Ax

Knara: (She sounds surprised.) Therin Cavin! You fool! He is one of the most incompetent Fleet Masters in The Fellowship. He has an entire commando pack dedicated to preparing snack food for him!

Homer: (He sounds impressed.) Hmm… sounds like my kind of guy. Now then I have to go to bed, (He yawns.) it's been a long hard day. I don't think I've ever worked this hard in my life. (He goes to his bedroom.)

Bart: This Cavin guy that bad?

Knara: Yes, I heard that his treatment of his troops boarded on inhuman. Very poor rations that randomly caucuses the Fwinter's to knaw on peoples legs.

Bart: There those white fury guys with the big teeth right?

Knara: The very same.

**A/N: Sorry about the delay, my schedule has been a nightmare. School has really been merciless. If you're hoping for the next chapter soon don't bother, my just move to Colorado, and my main computer is in storage until late October so I won't be posting any new chapters soon**


	16. E6 The Dragons Gambit P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 6, The Dragons Gambit: part 1

(The date is November 7th Saturday 5009: Time, 10:00 AM Orion Standard Time, MT 1000. The place, Ashla. The Alliance and Fellowship have formed a tight blockaded over the desolate planet. Bart is in his quarters with Knara, the two of them laughing.)

Bart: (He is having a hard time breathing.) And then I said. "Eat my shorts!"

Knara: (She's giggling along with him.) And then what did he do?

Bart: HE ATE THEM! (They both burst out laughing.) It's funny because, that happened almost an hour ago in engineering.

Knara: (She stops laughing.) Were you picking a fight with Mackorlas again?

Bart: (He is having a hard time breathing.) What? What in you right mind would make you think that? (She gives him a raised eyebrow.) Alright I have been, (He gets up and looks out of a window overlooking the planet below.) but we've been stationed over this rock for two weeks! Its been so boring, why are we still here anyway?

Knara: I don't know, nobody even knows who I really am. So why would anyone tell me what's going on? Besides isn't mind numbing boredom preferable to the perpetual headaches you and I both got from school?

Bart: (Sigh.) As much as I hate to admit it… your right. It may be boring, but at least I'm being verbally harassed every few seconds by those twits.

Knara: Agreed, but is antagonizing the Chief of Engineering's assistant really necessary?

Bart: Sorry, but his cybernetic implants really put me off.

Knara: Your sister has a cybernetic eye, and arm. Why would another Cyborg put you off?

Bart: Yes well. Lisa's implants are just there because of an incident with a Breeding Conduit. Plus they aren't supposed to be noticeable. Mackloras's implants on the other hand… (He shivers at the thought of it.) have you seen that guy? He looks like he was cobbled together from random scrap metal and fused painfully to some creepy… (He is having a hard time wording himself.) hairy… lizard thing!

Knara: (Annoyed.) My family is made up of those creepy lizard things.

Bart: (He's trying to rationalize himself.) Yes well… they aren't those um… you know those little white Telkines with the big sharp teeth? And when they curl up they look like giant fur balls? And look like the Tribbles from Star Trek?

Knara: So you just find Fwinter Telkines disturbing? (Bart nods.) Can't say I blame you though. They are the more violent breed of the species.

Bart: I'll say, one of those things from the Sanguine Ax's flagship keeps trying to gnaw off my leg.

Knara: Well that's pretty much what they do… in The Fleet of the Sanguine Ax anyway.

Bart: Well what do they do?

Knara: Well, in The Fellowship they are manly used as shock troopers, cannon fodder, demeaning manual, and cleanup operations.

Bart: Are these the kinds of cleanup operation I'm thinking of?

Knara: If by that you mean EATING the slain enemy combatants, Yes.

Bart: (He sounds surprised.) But I thought it was illegal for the Telkines to eat other sentient species.

Knara: It is, but Fwinters are exempt from that law, and in case you were wondering. They don't have any taste buds, so they can't complain about bad tasting meat. Such as human flesh for example.

Bart: (He looks disturbed.) No… that never crossed my mind. (There is a loud banging, and screaming noise at the door.) Knara hide! It could be one of the crew members, or worse another Fwinter wanting your legs!

Knara: (Calmly.) Very well. You know you should really calm down.

Bart: (He is panicking.) I AM CALM!

Knara: (Coolly.) Interesting definition of the term. (She hides inside of a closet.)

(Bart opens the door, to find a Fwinter Telkine tearing off Lisa's left leg.)

Bart: (He grabs the Fwinter by the neck and strangles him.) Get your incisors off my sister! (Bart knocks the Fwinter unconscious.) Lisa are you alright?

Lisa: (Her severed leg is lying bleeding on the floor.) Oh fine… (She laughs nervously.) EXCEPT SOME STARVED ALIEN TRIED TO EAT ME!

(Knara comes out of the closet that she was hiding in. Clad in her armor.)

Knara: What's going on out here? (She notices Bart coddling Lisa, and her severed leg on the floor.) Never mind, I knew that conditions in Fleet of the Sanguine Ax were terrible. But I never thought it was bad enough for that the Fwinters would try to eat allies.

Lisa: (She is laughing madly due to blood lose.) They due this often? Sort of. (She is speaking with a Cockney accent.) "Ello govnar! Due you mind if I clean your femur with me teef, after we kill all the bad guys?"

Bart: (He is clearly annoyed.) Will you just calm down? (He picks her up.) I'm going to try to get you to the Medical bay to get your leg reattached. (The knocked out Fwinter regains consciousness unrealistically fast, and then he runs off with Lisa's severed leg.) I'm going to try to get you to the Medical bay to get you a new cybernetic leg.

Lisa: (In a sinister voice.) Perfect… another eye, arm, and leg, (She sounds completely crazy.) and then I shall become a full-fledged cyborg! Bwhahaha! (Her left eye is twitching.)

Bart: (Nervously.) Okaaay… might just be from the blood lose.

(Meanwhile on the Flagship of The Sanguine Ax, The Swift Arrow. Andúril is marching down the hallway of the ships bridge.)

Andúril: You wanted to see me Cavin?

(The Captains seat turns around to reveal a fat, overweight Telkine.)

Cavin: Aye kovar'cha, it is about these complaints that I have been hearing through out the blockaid.

Andúril: The ones about how your Fwinters keep getting aboard everyone else's ships? Then they try to eat the crews of those ships?

Cavin: Exactly… I want those complaints to stop NOW!

Andúril: (He is visibly angry.) Those Fwinters are your responsibility. As is your gluttony. (He pokes Cavin's belly.)

Cavin: Listen Andúril. This is stressful work, and when I get stressed out I get hungry.

Andúril: Then it is a miracle that you haven't exploded from eating your own men's rations. Or for that matter caused your ship to collapse in on itself from you own gravitational pull.

Cavin: Nonsense, I would never eat that kind of common filth! Only the finest cuisine from The Mother-World do I dine on.

Andúril: (He pulls out a pizza box from one the bridges consoles.) Then explain what Orion takeout is doing up here?

Cavin: I like to try new things. You know the Orions may be dishonest at times but they really are very creative with food. Even if a large number of them involve potatoes.

Andúril: (He sounds dead serious.) Listen to me, very, very carefully blag'fadar. Either you drop your eating habits and give your Fwinter warriors there rations. Or I will gladly space you, and watch as you are pulled into the planets gravitation pull, or yours either way. Do I make myself perfectly clear Fleet Master?

Cavin: (He looks nervous.) Y-You have no right to threaten a Fleet Master on his own flagship!

Andúril: I am a Lukus Master. That technically means that I am a Fleet Master myself. So who are you to say that equals cannot threaten each other?

Cavin: Okay, um… (He sounds childish.) I'm telling on you!

Andúril: (He growls.) By the wings of the Seraphim! Who was the stooge that assigned you here anyway?

Cavin: I'll have you know, that the Emperor himself assigned me this mission. Plus your former student Tyrana encouraged Aiur in the decision.

Andúril: (Sighs.) Those two again? I swear I am on my last nerve with those twits. Even if Aiur has good relationships with my father! Or that Tyrana was my student during the War of Stagnation

Cavin: Well Aiur did have an eye or three out for that pretty Brood Mate of yours. (He chuckles slightly, then Andúril punches him the jaw.) OW! What was that for?

Andúril: For mentioning Qtouris in vain! Aiur was never even interested in her!

Cavin: (He is stroking his jaw.) I was talking about Aon you fool!

Andúril: Oh in that case. (He punches Cavin in the jaw again.) Now either you put your gluttony aside, take your duty seriously. Or I will have you suspended from service. Do I make myself clear, kovar'cha?

Cavin: (Timidly.) Y-Yes Andúril, as you say.

Andúril: (Grimly.) You had better… for your sake.

(He leaves the bridge with a cold swagger.)

Cavin: Wait didn't I hear that you had a Novus?

Andúril: You heard right.

Cavin: Well… were is he?

Andúril: He's on my flagship, The Grim Resolve-CoKM. He said he didn't want anything to do with inter-fleet politics. Why are you so interested anyway?

Cavin: Um… no reason. Just thought I would ask, you know out of curosity?

Andúril: (He snorts.) Fool. (He leaves the bridge in a hurry.)

Cavin: (He wipes his brow in relief.) Whew! I thought he'd never get off my ship. (He presses several buttons on his chairs console. A hologram of Dr. Husk appears.) This Cavin to Husk, we are ready for the-

Dr. Husk: (Cavin is cut off.) I am sorry but this I am not at the office at this time.

Cavin: (He groans in annoyance.) I got the answering machine!

Dr. Husk: I will call you back soon. Until then leave your message at the sound of the beep… and if this is another crank call, consider this… (Scary voice.) I know where you live, and I know your deepest, darkest fears, and I will make the rest of your useless existence your worst nightmare when I find you… and I am DEAD SERIOUS! I have advanced caller ID system, if not then ignore the previous rant.(Beep.)

Cavin: (He sounds annoyed.) Hello Husk? It's me Therin Cavin, I have to report that the blockaid is in chaos from my Shock Troopers starvation. The Inquisition is free to commence Operation **"Dragons Gambit."** But please do hurry up, I get the feeling that Ersa won't wait on us to assault the Planet and stealing the Seraphim's Tear groundside for the Somites own nefarious ends.

(Meanwhile onboard the Sinbad, Marge is disguised as a janitor. She pulls out a communicator.)

Marge: Blue Hive to Grey Dragon, Blue Hive to Grey Dragon do you read me?

Aon: (She is on the other end of the communicator. She sounds exhausted.) This is Grey Dragon, I can hear you loud and clear Blue Hive.

Marge: Any sign of the kids?

Aon: (Sighs.) No, no sign of Knara. I have caught a few glimpses of your kids but not my daughter.

Marge: Well she has to be here somewhere. Sheila do you have a lock on them?

(A hologram of Sheila's avatar appears on the Communicator.)

Sheila: (She sounds annoyed.) For the last time, NO. I don't have a lock on anyone! I'm a Civilian-QDAT AI, not a Military grade AI. I don't have the kind of preprogrammed credentials to use any sort of tracking equipment within the Navy hardware!

Marge: So… that's a no?

Sheila: (Sighs.) No, no I have not. We have been in this blockade for two weeks and we haven't found anything.

Aon: Remind me again how you talked me into this?

Marge: Knara is your daughter! Besides I might as well keep an eye on my own kids.

Sheila: (She sounds empathetic.) And this has nothing to do with stalking a certain Twi'grutan would it?

Marge: (Annoyed.) Why does everyone think I'm obsessed with Seraph? I'm not obsessed with Seraph, I barley even know who she is!

Aon: (Unconvinced.) Of course you don't. Look it's not like Bart, or Lisa, or Tsaritsyn, or even Knara can just run down the corridor.

(Bart, still carrying Lisa, and Tsaritsyn, and Knara are running down the corridor. Marge trips them up with the end of her mop.)

Tsaritsyn: (He sounds annoyed.) Custodians. They just don't have any respect for there betters like they used too. (He regains his balance.) Listen, I don't know if your aware or not. But frankly I don't care. We've got a seriously injured lady here and… (He recognizes Marge.) Mrs. Simpson what are you doing here?

Marge: I was looking for. (She notices Lisa, and her stump of a leg. She gasps.) LISA!

Tsaritsyn: Well you found her, congratulations.

Marge: (She is trying to keep herself from succumbing to her hysterics.) No I was looking for YOUR sister. Not Bart's sister. What happened to her this time!

Lisa: (She is giggling unnervingly.) Oh nothing mommy, I just got my leg eaten, is 'all… and soon I shall become the next stage of human evolution! For I shall be made into a full-fledged android! **Then everyone that ever ostracized me when I was a child shall receive a stern lecturing never seen in this universe, OR ANY OTHER!** (She laughs manically.)

Bart: (He sounds concerned due to Lisa's insane ranting.) It's… probably just the blood loose. Anyway, we have to get her the medical bay to get her a new leg.

Marge: (She emits her trademark groan.) Fine, but I don't trust that stranger in the armor.

Knara: I am no threat to the wounded.

Marge: Okay, but be warned. I am a very observant person, step out line and I will-

Knara: (She interrupts Marge.) If you are as observant as you claim. You'd notice that there is a Fwinter Telkine gnawing on your leg.

Marge: Oh that's ridicules. (She glances down at her leg to see a Fwinter gnawing on her leg.) Will you get off my leg? (She whacks him with her mop.) Eww… he got saliva and teeth marks all over my leg.

Bart: A huh. (He notices the medical bay is just down the hall.) Oh look there's the medical bay. (He goes inside with Lisa in tow.) I thought I'd never get here. Hello? Can I get a replacement leg for my sister? (There is a being that resembles a female Quarian from Mass Effect. She is tinkering with some lab equipment.) Doctor Bornar are you listening to me?

Bornar: (She takes notice of Bart and Lisa.) Bart, it's nice to see you. What happened to Lisa?

(Bart tries to get a word in edgeways, but Lisa interrupts him before he can say anything.)

Lisa: The long and short of it doctor. A peckish Fwinter tore me leg off I be needing a new one.

Bornar: (She groans in annoyance.) Again? This is the third time this month you've asked me to give you cybernetic upgrade. I bet you just got your leg torn off on purpose as an excuse to get a replacement leg didn't you?

Lisa: (She sounds really annoyed.) Listen Doc, I have lost a lot of blood. So to be honest I REALLY NEED A NEW LEG!

Bornar: Fine. (She takes Lisa out of Bart's arms, and lays her on an operating table.) But this had better stop, I'm starting to run low on my supply on cybernetic limbs.

(Marge, comes in. She looks worried.)

Marge: Doctor, can you help my daughter?

Bornar: (Sigh.) Yes, I am a doctor. (She puts a piece of metal in Lisa's mouth.) Bite down on this, your new ear cost me the last of my anesthetics.

Marge: A new ear?

Bornar: Well you see ever since she learned I was an expert in cybernetics-

Lisa: (She interrupts Bornar.) Less talky, more soldering and wielding, bucket suit.

Bornar: (She grabs a cybernetic leg, and she sounds really ticked from the "bucket suit" comment.) Then let us begin. (She proceeds to wield the leg to Lisa's stump.) Now then can you feel any sensations in that leg? (Lisa kicks her in the abdominal.) I'll take that as a yes. (She falls over.)

Marge: Lisa, are you alright?

Lisa: (She gets off of the operating table.) Never felt better.

Marge: Now then… have any of you seen Knara? Aon was worried about her.

(A hologram of Aon pops up on Marge's communicator.)

Aon: (Irritated.) Worried? You were the one who dragged me into this little charade of yours. You were the one that forged those credentials that got us into getting into this blockade, and the most progress I've made is preventing a major leak in the plasma conductors from crippling the Ax's flagship. (She notices Knara in her armor.) Hold on… that armor looks familiar.

Marge: (Confused.) What armor? (She notices Knara, she screams in terror.) Look out! (She ducks under a table.)

Aon: Oh grow a spine you wimp. (She sounds dead serious.) Knara I know it's you under that helmet, take it off now or I will personally go over to the Sinbad and take it off for you. Do I make myself clear young lady?

Knara: (Grimly.) Yes… my mother. (She takes off her helmet.)

Aon: (She face palms herself.) Fifteen years I've been you mother, and I've seen you do a lot over brazen things. Like the time you flushed that crèche of Jrank eggs down the toilet, and the entire Minas Telkine sewer system was overrun for three months by the chirping little vermin. Then you caused Orhic to cut out Rahpo's vocal cords by accident in biology class. Then that that time you tied up Tsaritsyn in an Omega wedgies' because of him getting carried away with calling you a monkey. (She takes a deep breath.) But this… is the first time you've purposely put your life in danger, and therefore the craziest thing you've ever done.

Knara: (She looks depressed.) I know mom, it's just that… it's just… after that stupid incident with that stupid banshee Mary-Sue.

Aon: I understand Nizal'al. You wanted to avenge your honor, but if it meant so much to you should asked me first.

Knara: But you would have said no.

Aon: What makes you so certain? You never asked.

Knara: (She sounds annoyed.) You never give me anything I want anyway.

Aon: (She grunts loudly.) You sound just like your Turved MOTHER! (Knara looks shocked at Aon's outburst.) Ungrateful to the bitter end, me and your father took you in when no one else would, and. (Andúril walks in. Aon looks rather frazzled.) Andúril? Symbaluna I can explain!

Andúril: (Calmly.) No need for it, I sensed you and Marge's arrival in the fleet days ago.

Aon: (Surprised.) But how?- Never mind. Essence sensitive, I'm still getting used to the idea of you being an Essence user.

Andúril: As am I… could you meet me in my quarters latter this evening?

Aon: As you say.

Andúril: (He looks at Knara.) And Knara, can I see you in my quarters right now?

Knara: (She seems depressed and chocked up.) By your will… father. (She leaves the medical room with a depressed stride in her step.)

Bornar: (She is still on the floor nursing her chest wound.) Not that I didn't care for that bit of family drama. But could someone PLEASE help me up? (Bart, Lisa, and Tsaritsyn leave without a word. Though Lisa is giggling under her breath about elves or something.) Just asking, I'm not forcing anyone to do help.

Marge: (She helps Bornar up on her feet.) Oh, I'm sorry. Lisa isn't normally that abusive to people she's just met.

Bornar: We've been meeting each other for the past two weeks. Ever since she found out that was a cybernetics specialist, she's been obsessed with having me hack, or severe random body parts and replace it with some cybernetic component.

Marge: (She gasps.) Why would you do that to my sweat little girl?

Bornar: She threatened to puncture my suit!

Marge: (She looks confused.) Look I'm not familiar with… whatever species you are, in fact you're the first member of your… people I've met. So, your people can't breath oxygen? Or an almost nonexistent immune system?

Bornar: (She sounds offended by Marge's ignorance.) The second one… it's not weak enough to kill me right away. It only means that I could get a fever from breathing, or skin contact with any kinds of germs.

Marge: Why? You sound like your people spend all there time onboard of a fleet of two-hundred year old salvaged ships.

Bornar: (She sounds really annoyed.) I take it your either playing dumb with me to make yourself seem intellectually superior to me. Or are you just making wild guesses off the top of your head?

Marge: Not really, but you do look like a character from one of my sons old video games… I'm not making you feel any better am I?

Bornar: (She sounds really mad.) Lucky guess, now supervise your kids before they blow out a bulkhead or something.

Marge: There's no need to exaggerate you know.

Bornar: Yes, but considering how crazy your daughter is. A major hull breach is right around the corner.

Marge: I'm pretty sure it's from loss of blood.

Bornar: (Sarcastically.) Yeah I've been hearing that one all day.

Marge: (She sighs in defeat.) Just once I'd like to meet an alien that wasn't cynical. (She leaves the medical bay.)

Bornar: Well your not looking hard enough, the aliens that don't hate humans are either peaceful pre-space flight species, or are hopelessly naïve.

(Meanwhile on the bridge of The Sinbad. Homer is dictating his log, in a manner similar to Captain "You-know-who.")

Homer: Captains log star date… star date?…

Grunchy: (He groans in frustration.) November 7th, 5009!

Homer: Oh, November 7th, 5009. It is day…

Grunchy: Fourteen! And its also 4:00 PM incase you were wondering!

Homer: Day fourteen… wait, we've been over that Rock for two weeks!

Grunchy: (Frustrated.) Good guess.

Homer: (Exasperated.) Nothings been happening for two weeks, except for those ugly hairy lizard things from the Fellowships fleet trying to eat everyone! (He slumps back in his chair.) Grunchy, open a channel to The Swift Arrow.

Grunchy: You do remember what happened that last time you tried that right?

Homer: (He is clenching his teeth.) I said, open a channel to The Swift Arrow!

Grunchy: (Unsurprised.) Opening channel sir… I don't get paid enough for this.

(A hologram of Cavin's head appears… trust me he's WAY to fat for his entire body to be visible on one of those things)

Cavin: (Flustered.) What? Who is this? Why do you interrupt my feasting?

Homer: Believe me Fleet Master, I hate being bothered when I'm snacking too. (He starts to sound relaxed, and oddly Shakespearian.) Upon the flesh of the swine and bull, despite my daughters frequent and more often then not, annoying protests and rantings. Or salted chips, and fries that are as greasy as a teenagers forehead, or the admiringly foul smelling but delectable kidneys stones of the mighty Dxun humbled by the mighty-

Cavin: (He cuts Homer off on his disgusting tangent.) Silence! You make me hungrier then even MY gluttony demands. Speak your purpose, or stay your tongue shizno.

Homer: (Sighs.) Okay, I'm only going to ask you this one time, and one time only.

Cavin: So long as it is just the one time.

Homer: WHY ARE WE STILL HERE! And don't even think about giving me the run around your seven-eyed creep. I want a strait answer as to what were blockading this planet for.

Cavin: (Sighs.) You didn't get the memo did you?

Homer: There was a memo?

Grunchy: You didn't read the memo! I told you to look at it over two weeks ago, BEFORE, the blockade was officially ordered.

Homer: But why send a memo if they were going to send the orders anyway?

Cavin: It explains WHY were here.

Homer: (He face palms himself.) Grunchy… please tell me that I didn't delete anything memo-ish when we got here?

Grunchy: No you didn't delete the memo, (Homer looks surprised.) I'm as surprised as you are. I'll play it back now.

(Grunchy plays back the memo that everyone seems to be making a big deal of… believe me, if the name, or even a vague reference of an object, event and/or person is used more then five times in a conversation its important. The recording begins.)

Voice on the recording: Attention all ships stationed over Ashla. This is a Command Order Omega message.

Homer: Omega? If it's using that letter then it has to be important!

Voice on the recording: According to recently gathered intel from the Blood Cultist base on the planets surface. We have reason believe that Ersa, Supreme Commander of the Somite Theocracies Military, and self-proclaimed "god of war." Is due to arrive by roughly 11/7/09. 1800 hours. All available ships will be sent to assist. The Fellowship of Andu has offered to send one of their fleets (The Fleet of The Sanguine Ax) in an attempt to defeat this dangerous war criminal.

Homer: (Scoffs.) Some help they've been. All those free-loading creeps do is try to gnaw everyone's legs off. (He looks down at a Fwinter gnawing on his leg.) I'm talking to you fuzz ball!

Fwinter: (He stops gnawing on Homer's leg.) I can't help being who I am shizno! Besides Cavin treats me and my brothers like common dogs! (He runs off whimpering like a dog.)

Voice on the recording: Warning: The Sanguine Ax's contingent of Fwinters has been know to commit various and random acts that coincide with the symptoms of Psychotic Cannibalism Disorder. Or as better known in the medical profession as; PCD.

Homer: This PCD thing serious Grunchy?

Grunchy: It makes them act completely insane… so it might be just a bit dangerous.

Voice on the recording: Despite complaints from the FBFA, requesting a better FOA Fleet. Alliance-Fellowship ambassador Ormpha Tyrana insisted on The Sanguine Ax for unknown reasons. One last thing, from what intelligence could verify, a subject from a Somite research project. Codenamed, Cyber Homo Novus is accompanying lord Ersa. From what little has been gained. Cyber Home Novus is an attempt by the Soma Theocracy to turn all of humanity into a race of hyper advanced cyborg's over the course of several million years and securing Somite dominance over existance… so naturally this is a very bad thing, because the Somites might attempt to, at best enslave all non-human life in the universe if this work. In other words. **IF IT IS SOMITE… SHOT IT!** That is all.

(The recording ends.)

Homer: (He looks nervous.) Um… Grunchy what is 1800 hours in regular time?

Grunchy: (He is paralyzed with fear.) 6:00 PM.

Homer: (He looks franticly at his watch.) AH! We only have two hours till they get here! (He tries to regain his composure.) Alright, I want emergency drills at least every twenty minutes before six throughout the whole fleet.

Grunchy: But a full drill takes a whole hour, and your not the commanding officer of the Alliance, Federation or any other ships apart from the Sinbad in this blockade.

Homer: Then do them at 4:45! And tell everyone else to do as I do.

Grunchy: Aye sir. As to the second thing you said, I think everyone else has been doing that for the past two weeks while your children annoy Dr. Bornar and Chief-Engineer Assistant Mackorlas, and your moaning in boredom.

Homer: Just shut up and start the drill… in forty-five minutes of course.

Grunchy: (Sighs. Under his breath.) I swear if I get out of this alive I'm going to do freelance work for The Fellowship.

Homer: I heard that!

Grunchy: (Snidly.) You were supposed to.


	17. E6 The Dragons Gambit P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 6, The Dragons Gambit: Part 2

(About thirty minutes later, onboard The Grim Resolve-CKM, in the personal quarters of Thel Andúril. He is talking with Zaar, his Novus.)

Andúril: Now then are you sure you have replenished all of the torpedo bays?

Zaar: It has been done, as per you instructions Master Andúril. But I'm going to ask you again. Why are we doing these exercises anyway?

Andúril: We've been here for two weeks. We might as well do something so that we don't all go mad from boredom, besides you saw the briefing. Ersa is on his way here.

Zaar: (Scoffs.) Come on it's been two-hundred years since the Somite Wars. It's not like he's going to come in guns blazing, besides if I remember correctly humans don't really react well, even genetically modified ones well to old age.

Andúril: Only a fool shows such arrogance. I fought in the wars Zaar, I was there on Garrus, Sera Nova, and dozens of other planets that the Somites wanted to conquer… do not underestimate your opponents or it will be your undoing. (A clone trooper enters the scene. He has an Eye of Horus emblazed on his chest plate) Commander Crichton?

Crichton: Sir, your daughter has arrived from The Sinbad as you ordered.

(Knara is standing the hallway.)

Andúril: Thank you, Commander. You and Zaar are dismissed. (Zaar looks paralyzed.) Oh no. Not this again.

Knara: (She sounds worried.) What? What's wrong with him?

Andúril: Don't panic Nizal'al, he seizes up like this a lot. But only when there is either a rabbit nearby, and he's readying for the kill. Or there's a female of any species that he finds attractive. In either case its very annoying, Crichton.

Crichton: No need to say it sir. (He sounds disgruntled.) I've been doing it for the last three months after all. (He drags Zaar away.)

Knara: Is he always like this?

Andúril: Well Crichton may be a bit disagreeable at times, but that's mostly because he and Colonel Hogan spend more time babysitting Zaar then I do.

Knara: No I was talking about Zaar.

Andúril: Oh yes… I got him to bathe regularly though.

Knara: Anyway enough about him, (She sits down on Andúril's bed.) what did you want to see me for?

Andúril: (He sits down beside her.) I just wanted to talk to you.

Knara: About what?

Andúril: (Sighs.) For starters, why are you here in the first place? I know it seems unfair that your brother and almost everyone else gets involved with the war. But that's hardly the reason to risk your life.

Knara: No, no jealously or foolish pride compelled me to follow.

Andúril: Then what?

Knara: (She is having difficulty to form the words.) At… atonement.

Andúril: (He looks surprised.) Atonement? Look I heard about what had happened between you and Bart, but that hardly justifies-

Knara: (She cuts him off.) No, that incident with Mary-Sue went further than that!

Andúril: (He looks concerned.) What do you mean? Shirley it couldn't have gone farther than the two of you arguing as to who was in the wrong, did it?

Knara: (She sounds choked up.) Bart tried to make me breakfast one morning to make up for the whole incident. It turned out that he and Lisa salted it by accident and I had to be taken to the hospital to get rid of the food poisoning, then after I got a treatment of Skeksite vomit which wiped out my memory of the previous two weeks. (Sighs, a few tears stream out of her eyes.) I was just so ashamed of what I did to Bart, all because of some stupid forged security camera footage that, (She's stuttering from anger.) that, that Conh-Yhot! Fabricated that she was cheating on me, and,… and.

Andúril: (He sounds anxious.) And what?

Knara: I,… I took Alexithymia. I just didn't want to live with the guilt of what I did. (She cries into Andúril's shoulder.)

Andúril: (He sounds sympathetic and disappointed.) Knara your smarter than this. How could you do something that stupid? You know what that stuff can do to you.

Knara: (Her eyes are wheeling up with tears.) I,… thought I was strong enough to resist the part where it would take over my body. I thought I would have been able to keep it under control. (Remorsefully.) Shows how stupid I am.

Andúril: (He hugs her.) I understand your grief. But you are not stupid, brash and hotheaded yes. But you are young, and the scars that you carry will only make you stronger.

Knara: (Her crying is subsiding.) I guess… but.

Andúril: There's no need to say anything more. I know that have also been upset with your classmates childish antics. But that was no excuse manipulating your brother into committing such gratuitous acts of retribution.

Knara: How did you? - Essence mind reading isn't it?

Tsaritsyn: No, actually Tsaritsyn told me about what he had been doing since I left for the Order. He did a lot of brazen things on Telchine, but manufacturing makeshift booby-traps from bathroom fixtures and animal traps. On a battlefield that would be a practical, albeit hopelessly psychotic. But in domestic situations that is just as inappropriate.

Knara: I understand that but.

Andúril: I also know that your classmates slander The Codex of The Vigil, The All-Father, and Minas Andu as well as the traditions of The Fellowship. But what do they rightfully know about them I ask?

Knara: (Confident.) Nothing… they don't know anything about what I believe in. But still, what they do and say is insulting and blasphemous whether they know it or not.

Andúril: I know, but Iam's retribution always prevails in the grand scheme of things. No matter how slowly it takes.

Knara: Thank you, Garud'ashan.

Andúril: (He looks surprised.) You… you've never called me Garud'ashan.

Knara: (A small smile plays across her face.) You and Aon may not have been the ones who sired me. But you two were still the ones who razed me.

Andúril: (He is crying a little.) Aye, but there is a very specific reason that I do not approve of you being here.

Knara: I'm only following what The Codex teaches on atonement.

Andúril: And I honor your piety, but… (He looks around the room suspiciously.)

Knara: What are you doing?

Andúril: Unless I'm wrong Seraph put listening devices into my quarters again.

Knara: Is what you have to tell me that bad?

Andúril: Not entirely, but it does have great historical significance to the Twi'grutan people. So as you can imagine that would cause Seraph to go into a bit of a Blood-Rage if she heard so much as a word about it.

Knara: Then why are you saying these things out loud?

Andúril: (He looks dumbfounded.) I hate it when I overlook things till the last minute. (He finds one such listening device.) Seraph, I know your listening to this, and if I have to complain to Stan AGAIN about this behavior. I WILL. (He crushes the listening device.) Now then… Ersa and the Somites are coming.

Knara: (She looks shocked.) What! But I thought that they withdrew from the galaxy after the war, and submitted to the rule of The Orion Federation.

Andúril: That is what they wanted the entire galaxy to think. But from horded intelligence that was in Armss'rij's possession revealed, the operation that drew us to this planet was a two pronged attempt at making the human race the only dominate life in the galaxy. The first was harvesting the souls of aliens that had died violent deaths, such as Ashla. In order to manufacture a super-weapon that could kill every none human in the universe. The second was by creating an android that would be capable of breeding with humans, and the offspring would be a perfect mesh of man and machine.

Knara: (She sounds scarred.) This android… its Mary-Sue isn't it?

Andúril: Yes, and according to Intel she is coming with him, and we will ambush them and slay them. That's why I don't want you here.

Knara: So… she's coming here?

Andúril: Yes, in one hour. So when the battle comes here I don't want any sort of heroics from you.

Knara: That why you don't want Seraph to know?

Andúril: Aye, rage would only consume her mind if she knew that Ersa was coming, and you and I both know from experience that a Blood-Raging Twi'grutan is too dangerous for their own good.

Knara: Fair enough. So what do we do now?

Andúril: We wait, and Ersa and his ilk will be brought to justice… one by one, by one, by one. Slowly but painfully, the honor of Telchine will be avenged.

Knara: There was at least one thing I wanted to know.

Andúril: That would be?

Knara: Why did Aon have such an outburst about my birthmother? (Andúril has a somber look on his face.) She wasn't an Umbra Venator was she?

Andúril: (He emit's a somber purring sound.) No… I had always hoped that you would never question what you were told.

Knara: (She looks scarred.) If my mother wasn't an Umbra Venator then what was She?

Andúril: (He looks guilty.) Your Mother, Madrid Porsche… was a Blood Witch, and before that she was an heiress to a chain of five-star hotels in The Federation.

Knara: (She looks shocked and disgusted.) A-A… BLOOD WITCH! You mean to tell me that the women that bore me… and gave me to you and Aon. Was a Blood Witch? An Essence sensitive female that is a devotee of The Blood Lord's, AND a hotel heiress! None of this makes any sense!

Andúril: (He emit's a mournful howl.) I know… I only told you the truth now because you asked me.

Knara: (She has no trace of emotion on her face.) You always were less blunt then Aon. But do not assume that's a good thing. I'll be going down to the training room… storms a' cumin, (She leaves Andúril's quarters with her shock lance drawn.) and I will not let my guard down for any reason.

Andúril: (He falls back on his bed.) Almost twenty years as her father, and it feels like an eternity. (He pulls out an engraved item that looks like a Jappor snippet from Star Wars: Episode I.) Iam and the Seraphim protect her.

(Meanwhile, onboard The Swift Arrow. Aon is walking down a hallway with a sad look on her face.)

Aon: (Moans.) This war will be the end of me. If not that The Simpson's will be my ruin. (She hears mysterious whispers.) And now I'm starting to hear things, I knew I shouldn't have forced Andúril and the calves into moving to Earth. (The whispers are growing louder.) I have got such a headache from these past six months that nobody would believe.

Mysterious Whispers: I can believe you… Grey-Born warrior.

Aon: (Groans.) I swear I am finally starting to loss my mind.

(Twile abruptly appears before Aon.)

Twile: (Calmly.) You know. It's embarrassing when you try to look tough, (She rubs her hand on Aon's jaw.) it just isn't you. As for the rest of the Telkine race.

Aon: (She jolts up to the ceiling in shock.) Wh-What the!

Twile: (Sighs.) The Seraphim leave your kind for over five-thousand years and The Fellowship turns into a den of thieves, liars, and to a lesser extent nerve-wrecked paranoid fools.

Aon: (She is clinging to the ceiling and hyperventilating.) Please… don't… do that.

Twile: Sorry about that.

Aon: (She let's go of the ceiling.) Who are you?

Twile: What you don't recognize me? I'm insulted; I am Twile Uriel, Warden of The Dead Plains.

Aon: Oh this is just wonderful. Why is it that every time Marge drags me into one of her overly, motherly, smothering schemes I keep getting the boot-end of-

Twile: (She cuts Aon off from her ranting.) Quiet. Now listen to me very carefully. Cavin is a traitor to The Fellowship, and an extremist.

Aon: You left out fat and incompetent.

Twile: I know but that isn't relevant.

Aon: Wait, how is Cavin a traitor? He isn't a Blood Cultist is he?

Twile: No. But he is a member of The Inquisition, and before you say anything. Yes, I know that it was forcefully disbanded after The Soma Wars under pressure from The United Federation of Orion, but some people didn't want that.

Aon: (She is in disbelief.) That can't be true; no Telkine would betray The Fellowship, a human, yes. But a Telkine would never betray The Codex over a petty vendetta!

Twile: You put too much credit into your people, or not enough in humanity. Now will you listen to me or do I have to get a muzzle?

Aon: (Sighs.) It's not like I have anything better to do. Shot.

Twile: All right, basically after The Ashla, Majiac, Loala, and Styx Clans were exiled after the fall of Katorga XII. Tyrana, out of pity gave each of the Clans three of The Seraphim's Tears each, and The Ashla Clan, he gave them The Grey Heart.

Aon: (She is exasperated.) What the?… You mean to tell me, that sulking whelp Tyrana… without any permission from Ty'phon, or Aiur, or anyone of any true authority in The Fellowship. He gave The Twi'grutan exiles the most valuable artifacts in the galaxy, aside from the personal armaments of The Nine themselves. Without anyone else knowing!

Twile: (Grimly.) Yes.

Aon: (She growls in rage.) What do you wish me to do?

Twile: Apprehend Cavin, or if he resists.

Aon: Kill him?

Twile: (Sighs.) If you must.

Aon: Well, might as well do something. That isn't at Marge's beck-and-call anyway.

Twile: Very well, also I think you should talk to Knara soon.

Aon: And what makes you say that?

Twile: You'll know. (She disappears in a wisp of smoke.)

Aon: This century is going to the Shizno's, either that or I'm starting to get Sleep Delirium. (Calmly sighs.) Might as well do something that isn't saddled by Marge's ego.

(Time: 4:44. Meanwhile on the Sinbad. Lisa is walking through a hallway mumbling incoherently.)

Lisa: And then after I do THAT, I will finally marry Seth, and we shall live happily ever after! (She slams he elbow into a cabinet. There is a low moaning coming from the cabinet.) What the? (She opens the cabinet and Seth suddenly falls out.) Seth? (She picks him up and dusts him off.) Is that you? (She hugs him.) I missed you so much! (She lets go of him.) How did you get here?

Seth: (He looks really confused.) Um… well I did lie to Admiral Zeus that my mother wanted me learn navel tactics in person. Unfortunately I had several classes I needed to take before mom would believe I was safe letting me leave Amidala and… well long story short. I had to smuggle myself across the blockade until I got to the Sinbad, along with a few harrowing encounters with some Fwinter berserkers in-between and during shuttle rides and-

Lisa: (She interrupts Seth.) You mean those nasty little reptiles attacked you inside of the shuttles?

Seth: Not really… they clawed their way in from the OUTSIDE in the vacuum of space, without life-support systems.

Lisa: Wouldn't they just implode from the pressure?

Seth: You don't know much about Telkine physiology do you?

Lisa: (She looks embarrassed.) Um… not really. Not the internal stuff anyway.

Seth: Well it doesn't really matter right now does it? What matters now is that we are together again and, wait a moment? Did you get MORE cybernetic implants since we last met?

Lisa: No, I only got them recently. You know from the Fwinter attacks?

Seth: Oh… well, I thought that your arms seem inordinately cold. Have you been a freezer?

Lisa: Yes… but it was only to wear off the pain from getting my new leg.

Seth: Uh huh… and all that loud jabbering?

Lisa: (Nervously.) Um… well, I don't think some of my implants agree with me.

Seth: And that justifies babbling about your petty vendettas with your former enemies, along with pretty much everyone that ever ostracized you over the course of your life?

Lisa: Not really. Why were you hiding in a cabinet?

Seth: If anyone found me they would mistake me for a spy. Then on thing would lead to another and my mom would never let me leave Amidala again.

Lisa: Ah… and that would be a bad thing right?

Seth: Bad nothing, I don't know about Marge but my mother is probably becoming the most over controlling parent in the entire galaxy! Literally!

Lisa: What do you mean 'literally'?

Seth: For one thing, every ship in the Republic navy is here. She's pretty much left Republic space open to attack at all times to the WOK, among other factions.

Lisa: Like what?

Seth: That doesn't really matter right now; the point is I have to get some tactical data to the main Alliance Flagship, The Bronze Hyena.

Lisa: Tactical data of what?

Seth: It's not so much as tactical data, it's more like… an excuse for at least seventy-five one-hundredths of the Republic fleet to be dismissed from the blockade.

(Apu enters the scene.)

Apu: AH! Stowaway! (He pulls out a shotgun and aims it at Seth's head.) Hands behind your head right now you little punk!

Lisa: (She stands in front of Apu's shotgun.) Apu have you lost your mind! This is the Prime Minister of Amidalas son!

Apu: (He looks confused.) The son of the Prime Minister of what?

Seth: (He shoves the shotgun out of his face.) Let me put it to you this way my obviously uninformed Orion friend. I am Seth Elysium, son of Juno Elysium. The 1337th Prime Minister of the Republic of Amidala and her colonies and custodian to the Urdnot race. So either you keep your firearms to yourself or I will personally make sure that everything you attempt in life goes UNFULLFILLED!

Apu: (He looks shocked, gasps and throws his gun in the air.) GAH! Oh I am so sorry sir! Forgive me I did not know!

Seth: (Dismissively.) You don't say?

Apu: Accept a thousand and one apologies for my misgivings!

Seth: Only if you're willing to put that gun in my face a thousand more times.

Lisa: Um… Seth? You said you had something?

Seth: Very well, I need a shuttle to The Bronze Hyena. Preferably one that won't be overrun by Fwinters going through PCD.

Apu: I cannot promise you that it won't be overrun by those teething little monsters. But it's worth a try.

(An alarm goes off all over the ship.)

Voice over PA system: Attention! Attention! All crew members are to begin mandatory emergency drills immediately. All inter-ship traffic is to be halted for the next two hours. This is only a drill; I repeat it's only a drill!

Apu: Then again, if I don't participate in this drill I might get fired, and despite the fact that all of this is against my religious beliefs it pays infinitely better than my last job at the Kwik-E-Mart. So I'm just going to stumble to my station in panic instead of helping you. (He does just that.)

Seth: Is he always like that?

Lisa: Yes, yes he is.

(One hour later, onboard the Grim Resolve-CKM. Knara is in the shooting range angrily grumbling under breath.)

Knara: I cannot believe that my birth Mother was a Blood Witch, or for that matter that I was raised by reptiles, they knew the whole time. And they never said a word about it! (She fires at the holographic targets, Seraph enters the scene.) What do you want bloodskin?

Seraph: (Sarcastically apprehensive.) Well… there is no need to get snippy with me.

Knara: Yes well, I just learned that my mother was one of the most controversial women of the late fiftieth century!

Seraph: Madam Necrosis?

Knara: (She slaps Seraph twice across the face, and then kicks her in the chest.) NO! You pathetic excuse of a spoiled princess, my Mother was a Blood Witch! The women that gave birth to me was a frelling Blood Witch!

Seraph: (She is lying on the floor nursing her bruises.) I know, I had more listening devices in Andúril then the one he broke.

Knara: So you know about Ersa?

Seraph: Aye, and when I meet him. I don't give a turv how long it takes, but I. Will. Kill him. I also know about Mary-Sue. Don't worry I won't deny you the pleasure of putting it to the sword.

Knara: What difference would it make? I am not the fame-glories brat that you are! Everything I thought I was, was a lie. So what difference does it make if I make my stand? Tyrants rise and fall, have all ways risen and fallen over the uncounted millennia.

Seraph: And they have all died in shame! That monster Ersa has slaughtered billions if not more-

Knara: (She interrupts Seraph.) All because one of your frelling ancestors decided to make love to Ersa. And after he discovered that Shmi's love was false he burnt that rock to ash and moved on slaughtered just about all other sentient life in the galaxy!

Seraph: (She looks shocked.) Are you blaming my people for starting the war!

Knara: No… but your kind certainly acted childish over the fate of Katorga! I mean aside from paranoid inclinations, what proof does anyone had that the Federation wanted that rock anyway? (Seraph is regaining her standing… and fuming mad.) From what Andúril told me there was little of value on that rock that would have been worth all the mess and. (Seraph fires Essence lighting at Knara, she promptly blocks it with her shock scythe.) See? This is exactly what I'm talking about, I try to rationalize with you and you lash out like an animal.

Seraph: **SHUT UP!**

Knara: Listen I don't care if this kind of anger is biologically natural for female Twi'grutans, nor for the fact that every other time you open your mouth it's big fat weeping rant about how much you, and your people have suffered over the past millennia. I can understand your contempt, and hatred for humanity, but that is no excuse to lash out like… (There is a strange humming noise in the air.) do you hear that?

Seraph: (Her eyes are slowly turning gold, for those of you familiar with Revenge of the Sith this isn't a good thing.) **I HEAR NOTHING BUT MEEK DEMANDS FOR MY RAGE TO QUEL!**

Knara: Makes sense, you self-centered little. (She temporarily losses consciousness, she is glowing, and marching towards Seraph with her shock scythe sheathed, and grabs her by the neck.) Set aside your rage or your doom is sealed.

Seraph: (She is choking under Knara's grip.) Knara… GAH! Why are you doing this?… Aside from the obvious lashing out I mean.

Knara: No, I'm not Knara no. (Seraph looks confused.) That is my avatars name not mine. I am Feelia, Seraphim of virtue.

Seraph: (She has a blank look on her face.) Knara don't even kid about something like that.

Feelia: (Her wings pop out of her back.) Listen after the life you've lived I can understand you being doubtful in what little serenity there is in life. But save your cynicism for some other time. (She drops Seraph and she is in shock.)

Seraph: Wh-What the?

Feelia: Long story short, shortly after the War of Stagnation and the Machina were exiled to Cimtar. Me and the rest of The Nine took pity on them, one thing led to another and… (She looks regretful.) well eventually one of them, Kaos. Betrayed us, and killed us. Took over the Machina, and has basically been attempting to destroy all organic civilization. And as a result Iam punished me and my siblings to being reincarnated over the last fifteen-hundred years until our avatars could live up to our virtues.

Seraph: (She looks surprised.) So… what does any of this have to do with what is going on right now?

Feelia: Oh that, well basically Kaos wants to kill you. Not out of simple bloodlust, as far as he will admit. But because you know far too much about what has been going on in this galaxy. He somehow found out about EMIR-12 providing you with The Inquisitions plots along with their allies.

Seraph: So what do you want from me?

Feelia: Just keep your head down, and for whatever reason don't even think about playing hero. Ersa will die, just not today, and… it's irresponsible to be fighting in a war while pregnant. (Her wings withdraw, her glowing stops. And then she drops unconscious and is covered in burn marks.)

Seraph: (She looks worried.) Oh this isn't going to go well. (She shuts her eyes in fear.)

Knara: (She gets back on her feet.) You know what; forget about anything I've ever said. Do what you want, what do I care what happens to you? You stupid selfish brat, I can't believe I ever considered you a friend. A psychopath, a sadist, and an avid nose picker! And yes, Andúril told me about your drunken babblings about my Aknosh. (She leaves the room with a limp.) And stop squinting like that it's weird and annoying!

Seraph: (Sighs.) Well, this has been an odd experience. (She digs her finger up her nose.) This is why I wanted nothing to do with those stupid Nova Shilroth prophecies. (She notices that she is picking her nose. She hides her hand behind her back.)

(One hour and fourteen minutes later, on the surface of Ashla. Nian and Phobos are in a temple like structure with a glowing silver sphere in the center.)

Nian: (She sounds anxious.) We have been here for two long weeks. Why don't we just go up to the blockade and get this whole mess over with?

Phobos: Those were not our orders. Our orders were to wait for the Somites to attack, then in the chaos we allow them to take The Grey Heart (He points to the sphere.), and I replace the girl Seraph.

Nian: (She roars in frustration.) This is ridiculous!

Phobos: You don't say? The Watcher is only paying me if I go through his mission parameters. In short, I don't get paid if you go berserk before the deadline.

Nian: (She is breathing heavily.) And when, Forbearers forbid, is that?

(All of a sudden, thousands of ships exit Q-Space in orbit over the planet and begin to attack Alliance and Fellowship cruisers at random.)

Phobos: Right about now.

Nian: Good, (She ignites her plasma katanas.) the sooner we get this over with the sooner I can get home. Even if it is a small four by four room that's freezing cold.

(Meanwhile on the flagship of the Somite attack force, The Swallowing Void.)

Somite Helmsman: (He is speaking to a being in a black cloak.) My lord Ersa we have fallen under attack by Alliance and Fellowship forces.

Ersa: These forces can only mean one thing: Flanders and his Blood Cultist cronies have failed in their task.

(Mary-Sue enters the bridge, don't worry I embarrassed her so much from the urple prose that she dropped the lawsuit about the nauseating poetry.)

Mary-Sue: Uncle! Our shields are breaking under the concentrated firepower from The Alliance ships. But for some reason the Fellowship isn't doing anything.

Ersa: That is odd; in the war The Telkines despised me beyond rational thought.

Mary-Sue: Not only that, the Fellowship is actually firing on the Alliance ships.

Ersa: Hmm… that is odd, still we cannot shirk such a strategic advantage... and beat a hasty retreat like there's not tomorrow (There is a sudden explosion that rocks the ship.) I spoke too soon. What just blew up Mary?

Mary-Sue: Our propulsion and engines were just blown to shreds by some Federation ship designated The OFN Sinbad. (The ship begins to descend.) Were being pulled into the planets gravity well!

Ersa: (He yells into a microphone like device.) BRACE FOR IMPACT! WERE GOING IN HARD!

**A/N The battle for Ashla has begun… FINALLY!**


	18. E6 The Dragons Gambit P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 6, The Dragons Gambit: Part 3

(Military Time: 1800 hours. Place: Ashla, OFN Sinbad Bridge. Homer is overlooking the crew.)

Homer: Congratulations on blowing up that Somite ship. Gunnery Chief Apu.

Apu: It was nothing, all I did was press the button to charge up the torpedoes, lined up the crosshairs of the targeting computer, aimed for that giant exhaust port near the engines, then released the button to fire.

Homer: Exactly, I have no idea what you just said, but it sounded nice. (Lisa and Seth enter the bridge.) Lisa what are you doing here? And who is that kid?

Seth: What you don't recognize me?

Lisa: It has been almost a month and a half since the last time he saw you.

Homer: Aren't you Lisa's boyfriend? The one that wasn't Milhouse?

Lisa: Then again.

Seth: (He squints at the falling Swallowing Void.) Wait, isn't that Ersa's flagship?

Homer: Hold on a moment. (He pulls out a holographic book entitled. "Tyrants: An Encyclopedia that can't be tampered with. 4500-5000.) Do these things work in years or alphabetical order?

Seth: Alphabetical order. (He whispers to Lisa.) I didn't even know he knew words like that.

Lisa: Neither did I, but he probably just gets them from me.

Homer: I forgot what letter comes before D?

Lisa: C.

Homer: And before that?

Seth: You know there's a search engine in that thing right?

Homer: Hmm?

Seth: (He takes the encyclopedia from Homer.) Here let me have it. (He types in Ersa on it. He gives the encyclopedia back.) There you go.

Homer: Oh… (He looks over it intently mumbling random passages.) Grunchy open a com channel to the Bronze Hyena!

Grunchy: Aye sir. (He types into his console.) Finally this job is starting to get interesting.

(A hologram of an elderly man in an admiral's uniform.)

Homer: Admiral Edgar! I think I just downed the enemy flagship!

Edgar: Excellent Homer, though I am afraid that The Fleet of the Sanguine Ax has turned on us.

Homer: (Sarcastically.) Uh, yeah like the Fwinters didn't give that away.

Edgar: No, attempting to eat everyone was their impulse from malnutrition. The Fellowship cruisers are firing under Cavins orders.

Homer: So you want me to fire back?

Edgar: No! Cavins ships don't seem to be targeting The Sinbad for some reason, so you're going to have to go down to the surface and face Ersa.

Homer: WHAT! Alone? You have to be crazy!

Edgar: Don't worry, Masters Andúril, Ibonek and Tartarus can lend you support.

Homer: WOOHOO! Whose ever at the pilots seat, take us down to the planet's surface!

Gunchy: That would also be me. (He presses a button, Edgars hologram disappears.) Descending to the surface of Ashla now.

(Meanwhile on The Graceful Arrow, Aon is running down the corridors of the ships guns blazing to the bridge.)

Aon: (She rams a long sword into the head of a Quetzal assassin.) CAVIN! (She rams through the door to the bridge, and pulls out a pistol and aims it somewhere around his head. He's too big to tell.) Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you now you honorless hound.

Cavin: My reason is this, we have been sitting idly by whilst humanity exploits young and naïve races for the past one thousand years. It is time we but those monkeys in their place, I know for a fact that it will not restore what has been destroyed in their bloodlust. But it will end here, and everything our Fellowship lost in The War of Stagnation will be restored.

Aon: That's not a good enough reason for me. (She cocks her pistol.)

Cavin: (He presses a series of buttons on his gauntlet.) Then how about this one. (The viewports open up, and Aon is sucked out into the raging battle outside.) You're going to die, Grey-born wench. (He closes the viewports.)

(Twenty minutes later, on the surface of Ashla. Ersa and Mary-Sue are standing in the wreckage of The Swallowing Void.)

Ersa: (He sighs.) This is so embarrassing.

Mary-Sue: I'll say whose idea was to put such a large exhaust vent right in the back anyway?

Ersa: That's not what I was thinking. This was supposed to be a simple recovery mission, and we get ambushed by these infidels! (He notices several Confederate gunship's on the horizon.) And it looks like were about to get some unwelcome company.

Mary-Sue: I already called in for reinforcements.

Ersa: (Groans.) Please don't tell me it's Anehta.

Mary-Sue: It's aunt Anehta.

Ersa: I said don't tell me.

(About a few minutes later, at the landing site of the Confederate gunships, Masters Andúril, Ibonek, and Daavas, Zaar, Knara, and several squads of Clone Marines exit them.)

Dopel: The area is secured.

Zaar: (Sarcastically.) Yes, the lack of enemy forces on planet really gave that away.

Daavas: (He sounds anxious.) What is taking Stan so long?

Ibonek: If I know him, taking the scenic route… as usual.

Zaar: Yes well, humans are infamous for procrastinating. (All of the clone troopers look at him.) Okay some humans but not you guys.

Crichton: (He is looking through a pair of binoculars.) Sirs! I can see General Tartarus' gunship squadron.

Zaar: (He notices the gunships as well.) I can see them to! I can also see Seraph climbing out of the troops compartment, and pulling the pilot out of the cockpit, and basically hijacking the thing and taking it off course to the… (He looks worried.) oh no.

Daavas: (He looks annoyed.) Don't even kid about that.

Zaar: No I'm serious!

(The gunship's land and Stan exits from one of them.)

Ibonek: Stan, such a joy to see that you have finally arrived.

Stan: I'm not in the mood for your sarcasm Master! Seraph hijacked her own gunship, deviated from course, and is heading straight to the Somite wreck!

Daavas: (He glares at Zaar.) Okay so you were right. (The Sinbad abruptly enters into the atmosphere kicking up sand over our intrepid but reckless heroes.) What the! (The dirt settles. Homer, Bart, Lisa, Seth, Grunchy, Tyler, Tsaristsyn, and R'ash, are standing in front of the bewildered Templar's.)

Knara: (Snidely.) Show offs.

Homer: Look I forgot about the teleporters until we got through the atmosphere.

Zaar: Well at least you have an excuse for showing off.

Homer: So what's the plan?

Ibonek: Its quiet simple really, we go to the wreckage of The Swallowing Void. Find Ersa, and bring him back to Metropoli Major to face trial and interrogation.

Bart: Shouldn't we just kill this guy and get it over with?

Stan: Agreed.

Ibonek: (Aggravated groan.) Listen as I much as I want to, there are two reasons I can't. One, it's against Alliance law to kill a war criminal, for some weird reason. Second, Seraph is probably half-way to the Swallowing Void anyway by now.

Lisa: She's scouting ahead?

Stan: No… in fact I think she's going AWOL with this mission and going straight to killing Ersa.

Andúril: Then this is the plan, Zaar. You will take Grunchy, Knara, Tsaritsyn and Bart. And Daavas, you will take R'ash, Seth, Tyler, and Lisa. Both of you will go through the ruins to The Voids Wreck, while everyone else will go straight on through.

(Fifteen minutes later, Zaar and his squad are in what looks like a market place.)

Zaar: (He sounds disappointed.) This day just keeps getting better, first I get my tongue caught in the Grim Resolves Atmosphere Scrubbers. Now I have to babysit humans!

Bart: Listen I don't like this anymore then you do, but do you have to complain about it?

Zaar: Not really, but still it's more humiliation then I'd like. Either way, just keep your guard up. Flanders and his Blood Cultists may be dead, but Ersa and his minions are only going to make things harder.

Tsaritsyn: I can vouch for this! I was with him when we infiltrated Soma just last month. (He notices something falling.) Wait? Do any of you guys see that?

R'ash: (He pulls out his sniper rifle and views down the scope.) It looks like a Female Grey-Born Telkine, and it looks like she's having a hard time keeping flight. And she's coming right towards… (He sounds scarred.) Me!

(Aon crashes into R'ash.)

Bart: Man that must have been some fall.

Zaar: I'll say, falling from orbit tends to have a very high mortality rate.

(The dust settles to reveal that Aon is okay, relatively speaking, and R'ash who looks like a mess.)

Tsaritsyn: Mirud'ashan! (He runs over to her aid.) What happened up there?

Aon: (She coughs.) That blag'fadar Cavin spaced me! I'm going back up to The Graceful Arrow to put an end to that iss'care'ot! Even if I have to fly straight threw the atmosphere!

Knara: (Coldly.) Then by all means return to him. You always were one to look after yourself.

Aon: (She is silent.) Andúril told you didn't he?

Knara: Only because I asked him.

(All of a sudden, Ocihc and Rahpo come out some ruins.)

Rahpo: Knara! It's so-a good to-a see you!

Knara: The feeling is not mutual.

Rahpo: Whoa! If you're going to-a act like that I just might not talk to you at all.

Knara: I doubt you can keep that promise.

Tsaritsyn: Not that I care but what are you two doing here? He asks as if he cares.

Rahpo: Ocihic and I were-a stationed in The Fleet of The Sanguine Ax as-a part of our first official Pilgrimage of Valor. You know the kind that we can actually brag about in a feast hall without having everyone in earshot killed in order to keep it a secret?

(There is a sudden whooshing sounds that blows right past everyone.)

Bart: What was that!

Zaar: I couldn't make it out, it was moving too fast.

Aon: Something that can outrun a Quetzals eyesight is bound to be dangerous.

(Mary-Sue appears in front of them looking smug.)

Mary-Sue: You left out beautiful!

Knara: Go on Zaar.

Zaar: No need to say you have a grudge with this one. Let's move out! (He, Tsaritsyn, Rahpo and Ocihic charge forward. With Ocihic carrying the wounded R'ash.)

Aon: This is your fight Knara, (She pulls out an Anti-Aircraft missile launcher.) mine is with Cavin. (She flies up into the skies and higher.)

Mary-Sue: (Coyly.) What's a girl like you doing on a dust ball like this?

Knara: (She draws her scythe.) Retribution.

Bart: You told me it was atonement!

Mary-Sue: (She blows a kiss to Bart.) Bartypoo! I missed you.

Bart: Can't say the same to you toots.

Mary-Sue: (She sounds taken back.) Well… that's no way to speak to the mother of your children!

Bart: Listen, I may have absolutely no idea where babies come from. But I know that you never came into my room.

Mary-Sue: Not that you would remember, you see that falsified security footage was actually me injecting (She protrudes her injector needle.) this device into your… let's just say "Bart Jr."

Bart: Wouldn't that make my pet frog the father?

Mary-Sue: (She isn't listening to him.) I injected this into your… genital area, and procured a sperm sample.

Bart: Uh-huh… Knara did that make any sense to you?

Knara: All I heard from her was another excuse to put that blasphemy to rest.

Mary-Sue: Your father told you what I am?

Knara: Exactly.

Mary-Sue: Did you also know that-

Knara: (She interrupts Mary-Sue.) My birth mother was a Blood Witch? Yes he told me that as well.

Mary-Sue: (She looks surprised.) Uh…

Bart: Call me sadistic. But I actually like it when she has nothing to say.

Mary-Sue: Shut up! Anyway did you also know that I was the one that provided the Alexithymia in secret.

Knara: (She thrusts her scythes blade through Mary-Sue's abdomen.) No, and my only regret is that I didn't do this too you sooner.

Mary-Sue: (Her chest is sparkling.) Typical barbaric Fellowship swine!

Knara: Funny, if memory serves it was The Somites that destroyed this world, along with hundreds of other planets, and dozens of other species and before you prattle on about my mother being a Blood Witch. It doesn't matter; I will not abandon my honor because of who sired me. (She kneels down next to Mary-Sue.) I may be scarred, but I am not broken, and I will see that my dishonor is atoned. That is more then you will ever have automaton scum.

Mary-Sue: (She grabs Knara's neck in a last ditch effort to kill her.) **SOMA! WILL! PREVAIL!**

Bart: (She rushes to Knara's aid.) NO! (Mary-Sue grabs Bart by the neck as well.)

Knara: (She is struggling under Mary-Sues grip.) Perhaps your brood will triumph. (She pulls a Thorns grenade from her belts, sets it off, and stabs it into Mary-Sues neck.) But you will not live to see it!

(It goes off, blowing off May-Sues head, and scarring Bart and Knaras faces.)

Bart: (He sounds exhausted.) You know out of all the girlfriends I've had over the years. You're the most badass!

Knara: (She puts her scythe away.) I'll take that as a compliment. Let's go, Zaar and the others are probably at the rendezvous point already. (She places a beacon at Mary-Sues remains.)

Bart: Just out of curiosity, do male Twi'grutans go through Blood-Rage?

Knara: You're worried about Lisa aren't you?

Bart: Not really, but Mom would never stop whining if she got hurt. More than this whole blockade nonsense did to her anyway. (The two of them move on.) What is a Blood Witch anyway?

Knara: Let's just say that as far as The Fellowships beliefs are concerned, it is sacrilege that I should even be alive.

(Else ware, Daavas and his squad are in what looks like a park.)

Lisa: How could have one man ordered all of this to happen?

Daavas: (Remorsefully.) You say that as if Ersa needed more than bloodlust and simple racism to do this. Tyrants need no reasons to slaughter the innocent.

Grunchy: Basically before the Somite Wars started. The Shaak of Nak'ama Ahsla, Shmi Ashla. Attempted to seduce Ersa in an attempt to gain intel on the origins of the Snaipmyloian's, and when he discovered that her feelings for him were false he burnt this planet and its inhabitants to cinders. Then The Fellowship of Andu declared war on The Theocracy, and the rest is history.

Daavas: Look there's no morally valid reason for genocide! The point is that nobody can go off killing a species or a sub-species for that matter simply because you don't like them.

Lisa: You have a point Daavas.

(All of a sudden, Seraph appears on a large rock overlooking the park. And is flanked by what looks like glowing Twi'grutan zombies.)

Seraph: It's nice to see that you are not as conceited as I thought you were Lisa. But then again your kind have a natural talent of feigning sincerity and sympathy.

Lisa: Seraph look out! Zombies!

(The zombies growl in anger.)

Seraph: (She lovingly strokes the head of one of them.) Lisa, you of all people should know better than to use such a derogatory term.

Lisa: (Confused.) What?

Seraph: (Sighs.) The proper term for the walking dead is "Living Impaired." But then again you humans do these things at all times.

Daavas: (He sounds shocked.) Seraph… by Tano Shilroth please tell me you haven't been using Blood Magic.

Seraph: No… I haven't… Shaak, Shmi Ashla apparently did however. You see, these Blood Thralls are part of a planetary security system if The Somites ever returned. Unfortunately, without a direct descendent of the Ashla Bloodline they would all go berserk and kill everyone and everything, Somite or no. That was what the cultists of Draa'Gon were doing here, trying to use these Thralls to their own ends, now they get to fullfil their purpose

Seth: You're mad.

Seraph: (Scoffs.) You barley know the half of it Amidalan. Ersa and all of his kind will die for what happened here two-hundred years ago! (She sounds angry.) And no irresponsible, nor illogical. Alliance or Lukus protocols are going to stop me!

Grunchy: (He pulls out his gun.) Perhaps, but you didn't say anything about ME stopping you. (He fires on Seraph.)

Daavas: (He grabs Grunchy by the throat and lifts him off of his feet.) TURVACK YOU STUPID DADABAN! (He ignites his light blade.) GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T PUT YOU DOWN YOU RUNT!

Seraph: (She looks unharmed.) For one thing, I am unharmed. (She dissipates, and then reappears in front of Daavas.) You can put the ex-Vice-Duke down now.

Daavas: (He lets go of Grunchy.) You're not Seraph are you?

Lisa: How could that not be Seraph? I mean she looks exactly like… (She tries to place her hand on Seraph shoulder but it goes straight through her.) Seraph? (She leaps into Seth arms in panic.) WHAT ARE YOU!

Seraph: Hmm? Of course how rude of me, I would be an Essence Phantom of Seraph Ashla.

Lisa: (She is stuttering.) A-And Th-That would be… wh-what some kind of g-g-ghost?

Daavas: (He looks exasperated.) No, an Essence Phantom is a sort of sentient astral projection. It's supposed to be an advanced technique that can allow a Templar to be in two or more places at the same time.

Seraph's Phantom: (She caresses Daavas's chin.) It's nice to see that you have been doing your homework my Parl'vas. Seraph just made me to make her intentions perfectly clear to everyone.

Daavas: Then where is she?

Seraph's Phantom: I would tell… but Seraph gave me explicit orders not to tell you. Plus knowing you, it should be simple to find her.

Lisa: But I never even got the time to study the cities blueprints.

Seraph's Phantom: Not you, you self-centered fool. I was talking to Daavas.

Daavas: (He closes his eyes.) Hmm… I see Seraph, and she looks like she's poised for the kill, and she's inside of what looks like… (He opens his eyes.) The Mausoleum of Ashla. Forget the rendezvous point! (He turns on his communicator.) Zaar are you there?

Zaar: I hear you loud and clear, were almost at the rendezvous-

Daavas: Look, forget about the rendezvous point. We have to get to the Temple right away!

Zaar: What?

Daavas: It's complicated but I think Seraph is in there, hunting for Ersa!

Zaar: (He sniffs deeply.) And I can smell her anger from here, were probably going to be chewed out by our masters for this. But it's worth the risk.

Daavas: Agreed, over and out. (He turns off his communicator.) Okay everyone, follow me! (He runs off at high speeds.)

Grunchy: I have one poker game with Tyrana and my life goes THIS far down the drain. (He follows Daavas.) And these short stumpy legs aren't helping me in the least.

Lisa: (She looks confused.) Did any off that make any sense to you?

Seth: Hard to say, but the sooner we get this over with the sooner we can leave.

(Meanwhile, Seraph is walking in the hallways in The Mausoleum of Ashla. Light blade drawn.)

Seraph: Where are you hiding Ersa? I will not sleep till I see you dead. (She is suddenly ambushed by Ersa.)

Ersa: Then we shall see who is strongest. (A silvery liquid starts to consume Seraph.)

Seraph: (She sounds shocked.) What the!

Ersa: You know it's an odd thing. But I'm not actually Ersa.

(He takes off his clock. Revealing himself to actually be Nian.)

Seraph: (She held against the floor by the silver liquid.) ECIDNA!

Nian: (She punches Seraph in the face.) My name is Nian! Now let me explain to you what's happened since we last met. After you captured me and gave me over to The Fellowship. They gave me to GENOCORP, and after they disinfected me of the TYTHON virus. I was purchased by The Lidless Watcher, and then he put a slug-like life form into my brain. That pretty much makes me a willing servant to his will.

Seraph: (She is struggling.) So are you here for revenge? Or forced duty?

Nian: The latter obviously. Now let me tell you what will happen to you, you are being absorbed by a Plasmoid by the name of Phobos Deimos. He will replace you while the Lidless Watcher does to you whatever he pleases.

Seraph: (She has a defiant look on her face.) You will not get away with this!

Nian: Oh believe me little one. What the Lidless Watcher plans are beyond your understanding, they are far more complex than simply your abduction. (Seraph is almost completely consumed by Phobos.) But don't worry your pretty little head. The Somites will die, but it will wait another day. (Phobos's liquid form has completely covered Seraph's body.) Now then how long will this take?

Phobos: (He stands up.) About a few minutes… apparently she has a diary on her P-QDAT containing every relevant memory that I need to blend in perfectly.

Nian: You sure? You said it took longer with ex-Thrail drones.

Phobos: Yes, but to be honest over fifteen-hundred year's worth of hoarded knowledge isn't really necessary. (He spits out Seraph who is completely limp, he then takes on her form.) Besides, even if I am exposed. It's not like the Lukus Order keeps Liquid Nitrogen or Hydrochloric acid at all times.

Nian: (She grabs the limp Seraph by the shoulder.) Whatever, now just try to make it look like… oh I don't know, like you were hideously mauled?

Phobos: Already doing that. (He lies down in the fetal position, and starts leaking blood.)

Nian: (She leaves the Mausleom. Then a ship de-clocks and she enters with Seraph in tow.) I'd give him a week, (She starts up the ships engines and flies away.) Maybe longer.

(Meanwhile, Aon is flying relentlessly to the Graceful Arrow. She bursts through the ships viewports, and incapacitates Cavin.)

Aon: (She sits down in the ships throne and presses several buttons.) This is Thel Aon, acting Fleet Master of the Fleet of the Sanguine Ax. (All of a sudden, thousands. If not more Somite ships enter the system.) I command that the fleet stop attacking the Alliance ships, and assault the Somite reinforcements like yesterday never happened! Incidentally, all fleet rations shall be redistributed to The Fwinters. (Suddenly, WOK ships enter the system in tangent with the Somite ship. She sounds determined.) May Uthenara accept the honored slain, and Cocytus devour the heretic vermin.

(Then… even more ships from The Fellowship enter the fray.)

Aiur: (His voice can be heard from the ships speakers.) Then let our cannons deafen the void, and may our righteous fury set the night sky aflame!

Aon: Aiur?

Aiur: Who else? I could sense the death that was taking place here all the way from Telchine.

Aon: (Dryly.) The honor of slaying Ersa was that tempting for you, wasn't it?

Aiur: (Grunts.) Turv me for a shallow glory hunter if you must. But do not deny what my assistance could yield. Plus with the status of the Sanguine Ax you could us the assistance of The Fleet of Divine Retribution.

Aon: No… from this hour henceforth till the embrace of the grave. This Fleet shall be rechristened. "The Fleet of The Martyrs' Dirge," and The Graceful Arrow shall be rechristened in turn. "The Wardens Vigil."

Aiur: That may have to wait. For one thing your technically a citizen of the UFO so-

Aon: (She cuts him off.) We can talk about the nigh crippling bureaucracy of The Fellowship if we survive this. Till then we shall burn these vermin to their graves!

Aiur: Understood, all ships fire at will! Burn these mongrels! (All of a sudden Mona enters the bridge.) What the! How did you get onboard?

Mona: There is no time to explain! I need to get to The Twilight's Wrath main power cores!

Aiur: (He stands up and looks at Mona with a sinister glare.) And what makes you think I would give a frail human like you access to the power cores, to the most powerful vessel in the known universe?

Mona: (She engages in a fighting stance.) Because I asked you.

Aiur: You know, it's considered suicidal to (She pulls out a pile of papers.)… give a Telkine paperwork? (He snatches them from Mona's hand.) Let me see those, (He is mumbling under his breath as he is ready them.) Wonderful, I'm in the middle of a battle and I'm reading over paperwork. Still it's nice to see that the universe has it's little surprises. (He is done looking through the paperwork.) Hmm… this seems to be in order, you even signed your name in that really small dotted line that says. "Sign here if you have a personal history of defying irresponsible tyrants."

Mona: So I can go down to the power cores?

Aiur: Only because you have the proper paper work. (She leaves just as suddenly as she arrived.) I'm seriously hoping that is the last Sleep Delirium Delusion I have. It was bad enough when I hallucinated that Okapis were doing a remake of that blasphemous piece of ancient Orion cinematography. (He shutters.) "The High School Musical Trilogy." Okapis are such terrible dancers.


	19. E6 The Dragons Gambit Epilogue

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 6, The Dragons Gambit: Epilogue

(Meanwhile on the surface of Ashla, the commanding officers of the Sinbad, Desert Angel, Dry Comedian, and Grim Resolve. Are at the rendezvous point.)

Homer: Okay is everyone here?

Tyler: Negative, we are still waiting for Commanders Lrack, and Majiac as well as their squads.

Stan: (He sounds anxious.) What is taking them so long?

Ibonek: (Sarcastically.) Probably taking the scenic route.

Andúril: (His communicator beeps.) Enough of your dry witted banter! I think that is

Zaar. (He presses a button on his wrist com.)

Zaar: Andúril, come in Andúril!

Andúril: Zaar where are you?

Zaar: It's a long story, but basically I have good news and bad news to report.

Andúril: Start with the good news.

Zaar: The good news is that Minas Aiur himself has arrived with reinforcements, and that your brood mate has also commandeered The Fleet of The Sanguine Ax from Cavin. So you shouldn't have to worry about him.

Andúril: And the bad news?

Zaar: Somite reinforcements have entered the system along with a Wrath of Kaos armada to aid them.

Andúril: That is grim news.

Zaar: I'm afraid that the darkness is only deepening Master. Seraph attempted to face Ersa on her own in The Mausoleum of Ashla and…(He is speechless.)

Andúril: What? What is wrong?

Zaar: Ersa came close to killing her, we found her in a pool of her own blood covered in blade wounds… including several that go straight through her abdomen.

Stan: (He grabs Andúril's arm and talks into his communicator.) WHAT! SERAPH'S DEAD!

Zaar: Calm down! She's not dead, she's proven resilient. Incidentally we have picked up Pups Rahpo and Ochic on our way here, and Seraph is recuperating in one of Rahpo's regeneration veins.

(Several WOK gunships' roar through the air above our heroes.)

Andúril: (He ignites his light saber.) Well hurry up! The WOK are beginning their assault.

Zaar: Then we shall make haste! If only to grab some glory at your side, over and out!

(Andúril's communicator turns off.)

Andúril: Well it looks like we may not be able to take Ersa alive after all… wasn't planning to anyway.

(Meanwhile, at the Mausoleum of Ashla, a woman in armor meets up with Ersa.)

Ersa: My dear sister Anehta. So good of to see you again.

Anehta: (Coldly.) Spare me your sarcasm brother. Where is Mary-Sue?

Ersa: I am afraid that she has been destroyed by one of the defending humans.

Anehta: That is unfortunate. It is a good thing that she will be resurrected on Soma.

Ersa: Good thing too, it's bad enough that Sutseahpeh keeps whining about the fact that I've been having an affair with his wife for the past thousand years behind his back. If his twisted little experiment was ever permanently destroyed we would never hear the end of it.

Anehta: Agreed, (She notices that some of Ersa's minions are carrying The Grey Heart.) and what I may ask is that thing?

Ersa: I'm not entirely certain. But I can sense that this seems to possess great power. Besides I am not returning to Soma empty handed.

Anehta: I can sense the power in that object as well, but oddly enough it smells like Telkines.

Ersa: Don't worry; we might be able to get the smell of those vermin out of that thing by the time we get back.

(Meanwhile, at the rendezvous point. Zaar, and Daavas finally arrive.)

Stan: It's about time you got here! Where are the rest of your squads?

Zaar: There lagging behind, we got attacked by a WOK tank column.

Ibonek: (He groans in frustration.) Can this day get any worse?

Daavas: (He is panting and has a really tired look in his eyes.) Thank you for jinxing things again Master!

(Grunchy appears and is panting.)

Grunchy: Couldn't you have waited just a few seconds? These legs aren't exactly made for sprinting!

(Lisa, Seth, Tsaritsyn, Rahpo, and Ochic appear.)

Rahpo: If you-a think you have problems, look at Ochic! (Ochic has a sick look on his face.) He's got a seriously injured Twi'grutan and Turok in one of is regenerative nerves, and he's-a not-a feeling too well.

Homer: A Turok? How did R'ash get in there?

Tsaritsyn: Through the mouth. To be serious with you R'ash got hit from my mom after being spaced by Cavin in high orbit.

Andúril: Aon survived that? I always knew the stubborn banshee was persistent, just never thought she could survive that kind of pain.

Tsaritsyn: Think I could survive falling through over fifty-thousand miles of open space? (Andúril shacks his head.) Maybe when I'm older?

(All of a sudden Bart and Knara finally arrive.)

Zaar: You're late, (He notices the scars on both of their faces.) and you look terrible.

Knara: Yes, blowing up a grenade at point blank tends to do this sort of thing to a person's face.

Bart: It was the sweetest thing that ever happened to me!

Homer: (His is visibly angry.) BART YOU IDIOT! (He strangles Bart.) YOUR MOTHER IS GOING TO BE SO MAD WITH YOU!

Knara: (She slaps Homer across the face, there by releasing Bart from his grip.) Unless I've heard wrong, we have WOK AND Somites to deal with. (She pulls out her scythe and it turns into a kind of rifle.) So save any and all petty grievances till after the battle is over. Or we all get killed, it won't matter then anyway.

(Meanwhile onboard The Twilights Wrath, Aiur is smiling in semi-psychotic glee.)

Aiur: (Excitedly.) Yes, YES! I AM MINAS AIUR! SON OF MINAS ANDU! AND ALL YE TRAITOROUS SOULS SHALL KNELL BENEATH THE SHADOWS OF MY WINGS! (He roars triumphantly as The Twilights Wrath massacres a squadron of WOK dreadnaughts that are at least half the size of The Twilights Wrath. A hologram of a Njord appears on his thrones armrest.) What do you have to report Scaw'tii?

Scaw'tii: (He politely kneels. Translation) My lord Aiur, there is an elderly human in the main power cores.

Aiur: (He notices the paperwork he was given by Mona in the last chapter.) By Iam, so she wasn't a Sleep Delirium Hallucination.

Scaw'tii: (Translation.) I am not sure how, but she is actually increasing the output of the ship a thousand fold! As a consequence many of the defense systems are starting to overload. If this continues we may risk losing the ship to the combined Somite/WOK offence!

Aiur: I WILL NOT LOSE THIS SHIP TO THESE HONORLESS SWINE! (He charges down to the ships power cores. Several minutes later he gets there to find Mona at a console.) Human… (A cannon pops out of his armors gauntlet.) Step away from that panel.

Mona: (She notices Aiur.) Aiur I can explain.

Aiur: I don't want to hear your petty excuses, now step away from that console and I will not kill you.

Mona: You don't understand! Ersa and Anehta are on planet!

Aiur: And their deaths have to do with you overloading my ship because?…

Mona: Look your chief engineer can vouch me for this. I am trying to concentrate enough energy into the main cannon to annihilate all life in the system.

Aiur: WHAT!

Mona: Hold on! If I combine the burst with an EMP wave and a bioweapon that has been in development on Ragnarok since the end of The Somite Wars. It should only eradicate the Somites and WOK in this system.

Aiur: Pah! Maddened technobabble from a senile old harpy! (He lowers his weapon.) But, your voice… I can hear the conviction behind them. So either you're a fool to believe that such a risky gambit could work, or what you speak is true.

Mona: (She looks annoyed.) Yes, and now the two of them have left the system! If you hadn't interrupted me this would be done already!

Scaw'tii: (Translation.) As much as it pains me to say this, she is right. Anehta's flagship, The Grey Owl, has just departed from the system, and it seems to projecting some odd energy signatures from inside of the-

Aiur: (He cuts Scaw-tii off.) You can bore me with the details latter. Just help her continue what she was doing.

Scaw'tii: (Translation.) Very well. (He goes over to a nearby console.)

Mona: You know that was somewhat rude of you too call me a. "Senile old Harpy."

Aiur: Well look it's really weird when a human seems to know a whole lot about Telkine Energy Technology.

Mona: If I thought I sounded crazy, you should hear my husband! From time he keeps babbling something about. "The Old ones are breaking from their prisons of fire, at The Edge of Night! And seek the blood and wills of their creations!"

Aiur: (He is silent for a moment.) Just get to work. (He leaves the Power Cores.) This is turning out to be a VERY weird day.

(Meanwhile on the surface of Ashla, our heroes are being assaulted on mass by various enemies.)

Tyler: (He is mowing down Fodder Droids with a Gatling gun.) We can't hold out much longer!

Zaar: (He is slicing a pair of Somite walkers.) Why can't we just teleport back to the Sinbad? (He throws his light blade through a WOK gunship.)

Homer: (He is firing at random with a pistol.) I don't know! For some reason the guy that I left in charge won't answer my hails!

Andúril: (He makes a call to Aon.) Aon? Can you hear me?

Aon: Andúril? What is it?

Andúril: Me and my allies are surrounded by a combined Somite/WOK assault. Get us out of here!

Aon: I am sorry, but nearly all of the drop ships assigned to The Fleet of The Sanguine Ax were already destroyed during the second wave.

Andúril: Turvack! (He roars loudly as he smashes a tank.) If we don't make it.

Aon: Don't worry; we survived these beasts in the Somite Wars. We will survive their wrath again.

Andúril: It has been an honor knowing you my Symbaluna.

(All of a sudden, The Twilights Wrath glows in the distance. All of a sudden it dissipates its energy fields outward across the entire star system. Causing every Somite and WOK ship to suddenly explode. With both Somite and WOK soldiers suddenly dying.)

Bart: (He looks disappointed.) Ah man! I was just about to break Seth's body count.

Seth: (He cocks a shotgun.) And what would that prove?

Daavas: Shut up you two Shizno's. After the day I've has I just want to go back to Mimban, and take a nice long nap. Rahpo you can spit up Seraph now. (Rahpo looks really sick, as if on cue he vomits up Seraph. She is shivering erratically and still covered in her own yellow blood. He rushes over to her side, and holds her in his arms.) Seraph? Seraph can you hear me? (She is struggling to talk. He puts his hand around in back of her head.) I'm here Seraph, and I'm not letting you go.

Andúril: (He is still on the line with Aon.) Symbaluna, what just happened?

Aon: I don't know, and frankly I don't care. We should be able to evacuate everyone off planet, even the men that The Republic and Federation ships deployed in a vain and poorly thought out attempt to save their lives, and yes… (She sounds sultry.) I will take you up on your offer.

Andúril: But you don't even know why I wanted to see you?

Aon: Yes well… you don't need to be Essence sensitive to read minds.

(Two hours later, in the infirmary of The Desert Angel. Seraph is tossing and turning, then she wakes up in shock.)

Stan: (He goes over to Seraph.) Tano? Are you alright?

Seraph: (She soothes her forehead.) After being gutted by the Somite leader of the Theocracy Armed Forces, and spending an entire battle in the regeneration nerve of a mute Njord? Yeah I feel fine, along with pretty much going AWOL!

Stan: Yeah, Daavas told me about The Essence Phantom.

Seraph: (Remorsefully.) I just feel so terrible; I mean ever since this blockade started, things have only been getting worse for me. That planet is evil, (Stan looks confused.) when Ersa destroyed Ashla the first time. I think Shmi may have used Blood Magic in order to get revenge on The Somites if they ever returned.

Stan: What?

Seraph: I'm not sure how, and too be frank I don't really care right now. I just want to rest.

Stan: Okay, you sure you don't want anything?

Seraph: Yes I am certain. (Stan leaves the room, just a heads up. This is actually Phobos here and not Seraph.) What a gullible sap, this job might actually be easier than I thought.

(Meanwhile on Rapture, Nian has just landed on Rapture with Seraph in a tube like device. Dr. Husk greets her.)

Dr. Husk: Do you have the package?

Nian: (She gives him the tube.) Here, now what do you want? And for that matter where is Tyrana?

Dr. Husk: Well you see, on summers he personally oversees his projects. All other times he is the Alliance-Fellowship Ambassador. As for what I want you to do. Would you kindly get back to your cryo-tube? (Nian leaves.) Now then, (He takes the tube over to a large device in the ceiling.) to see if this thing will really work. (He presses several button on a console, a purple beam envelopes Seraph and turns her into… you guessed it, **A ****ROBOT**!) I thought I'd never get a chance to us this thing, now to plug her into the cities virtual reality simulator. (He removes Seraph from the tube, a MAISU ejects from Seraph's head and Husk places it into a large computer.) Personally I was hoping I would never have to do this to you again. But if Tyrana wants, Tyrana gets. (He notices that the computer is acting up.) What the? (A piece of paper shoots out of it with a series of seemingly random glyphs on it. He looks over it.) Hmm… this looks interesting. (The computer begins to spit out random papers with these glyphs.) I get the feeling I'll be occupied with this mess for quite some time.

**A/N: So the battle of Ashla is over, and Seraph has been taken captive by the enemy. Tune in next time for more! (If you don't want to tune in for more, then don't bother reading.)**


	20. E7P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 7: Part 1

(Seraph is tossing and turning on the top bunk of a bunk bed, she then falls out of bed, and on top of her twin sister Uthenera. Who looks exactly like Seraph, except that she has green eyes, longer montrals and head tails, and her facial marks make her look like she has eyes on her eyelids, and her skin is colored French Rose.)

Uthenera: (She rubs her head from the pain of Seraph falling on her.) I still don't know why mom let you have the top bunk.

Seraph: (She seems groggy.) Eh? Wha? (She notices Uthenera.) AHH! (She grabs for a

seemingly random object and points it anxiously at Uthenera.) Who are you and were am I!

Uthenera: You hit your head that hard didn't you? What are you this time secret agent, minor league baseball player, Mithril Smith, or Lukus Novus or something?

Seraph: (She pounces on Uthenera with a paranoid snarl.) How did I get here!

Uthenera: (Calmly.) You didn't bother to pay attention in Health Class did you?

Seraph: Spare me your sarcasm you! (She realizes who she's manhandling.) Uthenera? Is that you?

Uthenera: Who else? You were having one of those PTSD dreams again didn't you? I swear ever since High School started you've been losing you mind.

Seraph: (She sounds surprised.) But-but you and I were assimilated by the Thrail!

Uthenera: (Sighs.) Not this again, the Thrail were destroyed by The Fellowship of Andu almost thirty years ago. One horror movie and you become a nerve wracked wreck.

Seraph: What? But? (She looks out of a window and notices a forest landscape, magenta colored sky and binary stars in the horizon.) Are we were I think we are?

Uthenera: Of course I do, were on Shilroth! I swear you the most messed up Twi'grutan on this planet.

Seraph: (In disbelief.) This has to be some kind of dream. Ashla Nak'ama was exiled from the homeworld centuries ago!

Uthenera: (She looks worried.) Okay now you're scarring me. As much as I will regret this, do you want to tell me what this dream of yours went? (Seraph pretty much tells Uthenera everything that has happened to her over the last two Fanfics, plus relevant pre-fic back-story. She sounds shocked.) Wow, that has to be the most messed up thing I've ever heard. Especially the part about the Plasmoid, and what was that guy's name? Ersa? Plus the parts about, The Simpson's you called them?

Seraph: Yes, but none of this seems right.

Uthenera: Listen to me. Does anything you told me make any sense?

Seraph: (Uncertainly.) Not really, but. If it was a dream it was a very real looking dream.

Uthenera: (She hugs Seraph.) Listen I know that High School has been hard on you, especially since you and Daavas started dating and… the incident. (Seraph has a puzzled look on her face.) but you should at least be able to tell the difference between reality and some sort of Lewis Carroll-Esq. nightmare.

Seraph: I just don't know what to think.

Uthenera: Don't mention it. Now get dressed, Mom promised to take us to the movies today. I know it's summer but, really sleeping until noon?

Seraph: Really? What's it called?

Uthenera: I think it's called, (Overly dramatic.) **The Edge of Night**, we've been waiting for this movie for months now.

Seraph: It doesn't have bastardized parodies of monsters from European folklore does it? Like Vampires for instance.

Uthenera: Don't be ridicules; it's actually more or less a romanticized documentary on The War in The Pelen'gwa-Heimval galaxy. You know, one those movies that purposely warps history so that it can seem more appealing to young audiences that just want to see teen actors make out with each other?

Seraph: (Uncertainly.) Yeah, sure.

Uthenera: Good, (She throws some cloths to Seraph.) now get changed. It may be socially acceptable to wear pajamas in public on Shilroth, but Mom would probably frown on it.

Seraph: (She notices that the cloths are a pair of jeans, a tank top, a leather jacket, and a pair of leather boots.) I am detecting a pattern in my wardrobe.

Uthenera: Who doesn't wear grey around here?

**A/N: For those of you who are confused, (or for that matter didn't bother to read ****the last chapter) Seraph is currently imprisoned in a virtual reality on the planet ****Rapture. (and before anyone PM's me, no I haven't seen any of The Matrix movies) ****Now then, the remainder of this chapter takes place about a month after the last ****chapter.**

(This hours title: The eighteenth hour and forty-eighth minute, (Roughly 11:48 AM.) of the third day of Bor'le of the first week, of the month of Tun'dracus, of the ninth year of The Age of Judgment. (Thursday the 3rd December, 5009) On Telchine Ormpha Tyrana stands trial before the Council of Judgment, Jurying, and Executioning, for irresponsible usage of sacred relics of the Seraphim. The judges are Osz Gil'ath, Sheragor K'vatch, and Reg'inlif Valk-Crie Jhoetun.)

Gil'ath: Ormpha Tyrana, you stand before this court accused by Fleetmistress, Thel Aon. (Title and privileges' pending) Of giving The Grey Heart and The Nine Tears of The Seraphim to the Exiles of Shilroth without expressed permission from The Pious Hierarch, Minas Ty'phon after the fall of Katorga XII. How do you plead?

Tyrana: Guilty as charged. But I had my reasons!

Sheragor: Do not bore this counsel with your excuses!

Reg'inlif: Be at peace Sheragor, the whole point of this trial is for him to excuse himself of his charges anyway.

Sheragor: Pity is not a valid excuse for going over the head of The Pious Hierarch, Njord Zeb-Ian!

Reg'inlif: (She pokes Sheragor in the eyes.) A Zeb-Ian am I? Just because I'm infertile that doesn't justify- (Sheragor swipes his claws across her face leaving her face scarred.) Why you little!

(A low roaring noise suddenly echo's through the courtroom. An elderly Telkine in heavy robes, carrying an engraved staff enters the courtroom, complete with a large cloth obscuring his eyes.)

Tyrana: (He kneels before this old Telkine.) Minas Ty'phon! Too what does this humble council owe to your presence?

Ty'phon: (He is speaking in an alien language that sounds like a weird myriad of seemingly random animal noises. Translation.) Ormpha Tyrana, is what I have heard is true? That you gave The Nine Tears and The Grey Heart, to the exiled Nak'amas' of Ashla, Majiac, Loala, and Styx when they were cast from the Twi'grutan homeworld of Shilroth over the fate of Katorga XII?

Tyrana: Yes, in fact I just admitted it before the Counsel.

Ty'phon: (He roars loudly. Translation.) This council is dismissed.

Gil'ath: But sire! We haven't even heard the defendants'-

Ty'phon: (Translation. In anger.) I said this Council is dismissed! As for the two known as Sheragor and Reg'inlif, I will speak to them latter. (Everyone aside from him and Tyrana leave the courtroom.) Now then Tyrana, do you know of the origin of The Tears of The Seraphim?

Tyrana: Yes, when we accidentally rendered Lucifer into the artic waste that is now Narsil at the end of The Age of Retribution. The Nine went into seclusion on the ruins of Narsil for five years, and then when they left the planet they came back with nine large emerald shards that they had forged from their own tears, along with a giant grey pearl they called The Grey Heart, and that's about it.

Ty'phon: (Translation.) I assume that you gave The Tears to the exiles out of sympathy for their unfair judgment at the hands of Nak'ama Usurp and the Sovereign Tribunal. Is that right?

Tyrana: Yes, but aside from sacrilege what have I done wrong?

Ty'phon: (He sighs. Translation.) Then I have been a fool to keep the true secrets of The Nine Tears. You see, with The Grey Heart to bind The Nine Tears, the effect produces the Eternal Wall that protects the homeworlds from our enemies. Or at the very least those who would do harm to our people.

Tyrana: (He is speechless for a moment.) I knew that it wasn't a natural phenomenon, but I never imagined that The Tears and Grey Heart were involved.

Ty'phon: (Translation.) Yes, and if The Somites recover The Tears of Seraphim, The Eternal Wall will dissipate, and defending the Eridanus system will no longer be enough to keep our Fellowship safe, and the survival of our people will simply be a matter of time.

Tyrana: (He hangs his head in shame.) I understand, but if I may have your blessing, I would like to set my error aright.

Ty'phon: (Translation.) Another one of your turved gambits?

Tyrana: Yes, incidentally does Minas Aiur know about this?

Ty'phon: (Translation.) Yes, and he's really mad that he didn't know about this sooner. That and he's about another revelation after Cavin's treason from rending your intestines with his bare hands.

Tyrana: Good, my plan should be no bigger than a six man operation anyway.

Ty'phon: (Translation.) Hmm… talk to him about it if you want to go through.

Tyrana: Aye.

Ty'phon: (Translation.) Incidentally you are stripped of your title of Ambassador to the Alliance until further notice.

Tyrana: …Meh I didn't really like the job anyway.

Ty'phon: (Translation.) Liking the position really wasn't the point of it.

Tyrana: I know, but the whole job was basically hearing irate Senators rant about how we act so (Mockingly.) _"High and Mighty." _I mean we've saved their Aknosh dozens of times over the course of the last age, and even after saving those half-witted fools from at least five Bugalorian Plagues, four civil wars, that incident with the Av'nak'r tribes coning the entire planet of Metropoli Major into improbable insurance schemes, and now this WOK crisis. I'd go on, but I have to plan a mission.

Ty'phon: (Translation.) Very well, may the All-Father guide your path, and The Seraphim take you to Uthenera should you fail.

Tyrana: Only if my failure is my death. Besides only Aiur's bodyguards are at any really threat from my plan. (He leaves.)

(Meanwhile on Earth, Homer is asleep and snoring loudly in his captain's chair. Bart comes up to him and pokes him with a stick.)

Bart: (He looks enthusiastic.) This never gets old. (Knara enters the bridge.) Honey! You wana poke Homer with me?

Knara: (She feigns enthusiasm.) As much as I'd love to annoy your father, there's something I think you should see.

Bart: (He is still poking Homer.) If this is another dead end lead on your birth mother I don't want to hear about it. I'm getting really tired of going all over Federation space for you!

Knara: I'm going to ignore that and tell you what I want to show you.

Bart: (Sighs.) Look I'll listen to you. But if I hear the word Madrid again.

Knara: Don't worry it doesn't involve her… it involves Seraph.

Bart: Isn't that Moms business to obsess about what she does? Besides didn't you disown Seraph as your friend during The Massacre at Ashla last month?

Knara: I did, but she has been acting mellower recently. Anyway, (She pulls out a laptop like device.) here are my Q-mails. (She goes through several menus.) Here are the ones I've been getting from Seraph. Here's one I got from last Friday. (She selects said Q-mail.)

Bart: (He reads it out loud.) Dear Knara, I am not sure as to how to apologize for my outburst on The Grim Resolve-CKM. But I realize that I was wrong for lashing out at you. You were right and I was wrong, (even though I don't really remember what we were exactly arguing about, the trauma I sustained from Ersa really scrined up my memory) I would continue but Daavas and I have a date in five minutes and you know how he can be, Yours Truly, Seraph Ashla. P.S. Here's a picture of me in my updated wardrobe. (There is a picture of Seraph in robes.) This does look suspicious; I thought Seraph didn't like the robes. Something about them not being, "individualistic in any since of the word, since just about everyone in the order already wears the clichéd piece of cloth."

Knara: That's only half the reason it's so suspicious, yesterday. She mailed me a really weird message. (She shows Bart said message.)

Bart: (He reads it out loud.) Dear Knara, I am not sure how it happened. But after the fiasco on Ashla, I think that I have been teleported into a parallel universe. (Either that or I have always been living in a parallel universe my entire life somehow) I have so far met my long lost twin sister Uthenera. (He breaks narration.) She has twin sister?

Knara: Yes, she does. No keep reading.

Bart: Don't you already know what it says anyway?

Knara: READ IT!

Bart: Alright, alright. (He continues reading.) After going on outings with my sister. (The first of which was a historical thriller, The Edge of Night) I've never felt so happy in all my life, but something about this universe seems… odd, for one thing. Every time I ask about humans everyone tries to change the subject. But frankly I could care less about that right now, in this universe The Corporate and Pirate Wars never happened, The Thrail. Were apparently destroyed in a war in The Pelen'gwa-Heimval galaxy some thirty years ago, and (believe me, I had a hard time accepting this at first myself) my Nak'ama (or 'clan' as the human rubes in The Federation call it (no offence meant) wasn't exiled from Shilroth. Or for that matter The Fall of Katorga XII. (He goes on to read all the others things Seraph has been doing in the one month absence between the initial introduction to this chapter, and the court scene.) Yours truly, Seraph Ashla. "I have seen the truth. My mind wandered all my life. At long last I'm free." P.S. here's a picture of my updated wardrobe. (There is a picture of Seraph in the jeans, boots, top, and jacket from earlier this chapter.) Who ends a Q-mail with a haiku?

Knara: It's something of a new fad among some aliens. Actually I think Seraph herself started it.

Bart: (Confused.) Annnnd?…

Knara: Annnnd… Seraph never ends a Q-mail without a haiku!

Bart: And I thought Lisa had some weird habits.

Knara: Not only that but the whole thing pretty much denounces the state of the galaxy at large.

Bart: So either Seraph has finally snapped and got a really odd case of Dissociative identity disorder, ORRRR… the REAL Seraph is being held captive in some sort of virtual reality, and the Seraph on Mimban IV is really some kind of shape shifting… thing!

Knara: (She has a confused look on her face.) You did notice that your father is still sleeping right? I mean you read that whole thing out loud and he didn't even yawn.

Bart: Is that why you wanted me to read it out loud?

Knara: To see if Homer would wake up? No, but I already read that thing, and I am not reading this again.

Bart: Makes sense, but what the heck is the Pelen'gwa-Heimval galaxy?

Knara: Well that's the Neo-Telkise name for it anyway.

Bart: And that would translate into… what now?

Knara: The Edge of Night, according to The Codex of The Vigil that's where The Blood Lords are imprisoned in blood red suns. (There is a sudden high pitch cackling over the ships PA system.) You know Lisa's degrading sanity is really starting to get on my nerves!

Bart: I have an over ten year start on you. Even if it was mostly sibling rivalry… and it started over three-thousand years before you were born

(Homer wakes up and falls out of his chair.)

Homer: (Annoyed and tired.) What is she ranting about now?

Knara: Let's just get to her quarters before she overloads the speaker (All of the speakers on the ship suddenly explode.)… Systems.

Homer: And Marge just installed those speakers! I'd bet she'd blame me for this mess.

(Five minutes later, Knara and Bart are in Lisa's quarters were she is rambling about… it's tough to say, she's talking way too fast to make out anything coherent.)

Knara: (She slaps Lisa across the face stopping… whatever the heck she was doing in the first place.) Do you mind explaining why you blew the PA system?

Lisa: (Her voice sounds disturbingly mechanical.) I just couldn't help but laugh at what you and Bart were talking

Knara: What? That bit were we were talking about Seraph?

Lisa: NO! I was a-laughing about what Knara said about ancient gods being imprisoned in blood suns in some galaxy far, FAR AWAY!

Knara: Simply because you can't imagine it doesn't mean that it is not true. And besides the distance between this galaxy and The Pelen'gwa-Heimval galaxy is more like, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, FAR away.

Lisa: (Sarcastically.) Yeah right, like such a thing would exist.

Knara: (She uses her recently revealed Essence powers to toss Lisa around the room like a rag doll.) Listen, I don't really know much about how things were back in your time. But after what has been happening over the past five months you'd think such skepticism would vanish completely. Shows what little I know.

Lisa: Yes well, being raised by a race of cynical, barbaric lizards would definably. (Knara forces Lisa into the wall with the Essence.)

Bart: Knara what are you doing!

Knara: Your sister is overstaying her welcome on my nerves.

Lisa: So this is what you do? You just hurt random people that you don't like? Like The Charons! (Knara and Bart's ears perk from this comment.) I mean what did they do to justify their extinction!

Knara: (She uses the Essence to electrocute Lisa.) One. They overthrew their own creators. Second. They attempted to enslave the Telkines, Njord, and the Quetzals. Third, because the Fellowships predecessors did what was ordered by The Nine! (Lisa's cybernetic implants are smoking from the lightning.) Granted in overzealous bloodlust they did accidentally nuke the original Seraphim homeworld into a hostile artic wasteland. But they did what they had to do, and you have no right to question events you didn't even know had happened until just several weeks ago! (Lisa's cybernetics short out and explodes… as you can imagine this is very painful for her. Especially since she's pretty much 75 percent cyborg at this point.) Uh… Bart do you think I overdid it a little?

Bart: (Lisa is writhing and screaming in pain on the floor.) Yes well, she has been out of line since Ashla. But I have to be honest; blowing up most of her body was really stretching the limit.

(Homer enters the room.)

Homer: Bart, I thought you and Knara were going to. (He notices that Lisa's limbs, eyes, (among other things) are regenerating.) WHAT JUST HAPPENED IN HERE!

Knara: (She notices this as well.) Ew… Bart? Are you seeing this?

Bart: (He is trying not to vomit.) I have seen a lot of gross things over the years. But this is just… I can't think of the words.

Lisa (She is fully regenerated, but she has scales, a reptilian tail and legs. She sounds hoarse.) What… happened to me?

Knara: (Everyone looks at her.) I'm not really sure; do you feel any odd cravings? That's normally a sign that you're infected with some kind of parasite.

Lisa: (Her finger nails grow out to look like talons, and she grows snake like fangs.) I'm not sure, but I think I could go for some iron rich blood. Did I say that out loud?

Bart: Yes, yes you did… do you mind if we all step back a couple of inches?

Lisa: (Her eyes are snake like and glowing green.) I'm turning into a Medusa creature again aren't I?

Knara: (Uncertainly.) I'm not sure (Everyone looks at her.)… what? You think that just because I'm familiar with the 51st century that means I know everything about it?

Homer: …not really, but how are we supposed to know anything? (Millhouse enters the room unexpectedly.) MILLHOUSE! What are you doing here?

Millhouse: I have come to make one last attempt to earn Lisa's love! (All of a sudden Lisa pounces on Millhouse.) Wow! It took less effort then I thought. (Lisa then bites his neck.) Yeah that's right, but could you do it a little bit higher? (He is starting to look pail.) Say… are you?… are you sucking my blood? (Lisa pulls her head away from Millhouse's neck; her mouth is completely covered in blood and some of the flesh from his neck. She is breathing heavily and psychotically.) Lisa… I don't care if you've turned into some kind of mutant cannibal… I'll always love you. (He falls unconscious… we'll see if he survives this.)

Lisa: (She scurries back in shock.) WHAT HAVE A DONE!

Knara: (She looks at Millhouse's wound.) You just gave yourself a valid reason to be quarantined into your quarters is what you just did.

(Grunchy enters the room.)

Grunchy: Lisa I just wanted you to know that Dr. Bornar's is delaying the surgery necessary to turn you into a proper robot because, A. It's too dangerous. B. Even with all of the advances of modern technological advances of the 51st century such a thing would not be possible anyway. C. She doesn't want to do it anyway just to spite you. (He notices Lisa shivering in a corner.) And D. It appears that such a thing would not be necessary anyway.

Lisa: (She looks at herself in a mirror in disgust.) What have I become? Seth can't see me like this!

Bart: What can I say? Seth might actually like an emotionally conflicted… what-ever-the-heck-you-just-turned-into, over a psychotic ranting cyborg.

Lisa: (She punches Bart in the shoulder.) And that's supposed to make me feel better?

Bart: At least it's better than that fiasco with Sven.

Lisa: Maybe… but.

Homer: Wait what's this about a Sven?

Lisa: I don't want to talk about.

Homer: Meh… wasn't really interested anyway. (He leaves the room.)

Knara: Wonderful, we got two problems to deal with. Whatever is going on with Seraph, and Lisa's… really, really bizarre condition.

Lisa: You know I'm right here right?

Knara: Well… look I'll take care of Seraph, Bart try to help your sister.

Bart: Listen you know that I'll do anything for ya babe. But honestly why spend time with my sister? Besides, why not Seraph?

Knara: Because I asked you to! Aside from that, if Seraph has been replaced by some kind of assassin, and managed to fool the entire Lukus Order for over a month it's doubtful that such a person would surrender quietly.

Bart: But they have hot girls there! (Knara slaps him.) You don't want me going because of that isn't it?

Knara: That as well, but it's only because I care enough to put my life on the line for you.

Lisa: Why are you two still in here? I thought I was being quarantined.

Bart: Right. Sorry, (He presses a button on a console next to the door. It doesn't open.)

what the? (He presses the button rapidly but the door STILL won't open.) Computer what is wrong with the door?

Computer: This room has been quarried under section 1-33.7 of The Federation code of conduct with known and unknown galactic diseases.

Bart: (He interrupts the Computer.) Will you just open the door?

Computer: I am sorry, but this quarantine cannot be lifted without authorization from the captain.

Bart: But I'm the captain's son!

Knara: (She pulls out her Shock Scythe.) Forget about Homer. (She uses her Scythe to cut down the door.) Walk with me. (Bart and she leave the room; she then seals the door back up behind her.)

(Meanwhile on Telchine, Ormpha Tyrana is in a meeting with Twilight Emperor Minas Aiur. Along with his six bodyguards, The Grey Vanguard.)

Tyrana: Aiur, (He motions to the Telkines behind him.) Xel, Wavvel, Rycan, E-Mir, Kyl, and Hato'dik. I am honored that you were all willing to meet with me.

E-Mir: (Bluntly.) Yeah, yeah. Cram it down your Ahana.

Xel: E-Mir! Tyrana may have been an idiot but that doesn't mean you have to be rude.

Aiur: Quiet. Now how do you plan to recover the Nine Tears?

Tyrana: It is actually rather simple really. (He presses a button on a large conference table, holograms of three planets appear. He points to the first one) Xel and Wavvel will go to Loala under the guise of a couple on a Nect'luna.

Wavvel: Why are you all ways trying to get me and Xel together?

Tyrana: Well you are the token female in the Vanguard. Besides I think the two of you make a cute couple. (Everyone in the room chuckles.) Anyway, (He points to the second planet.) Rycan and Kyl will be sent Majiac, Shaak Wenik'a Majiac has been petitioning The Fellowship for weeks for assistance in routing out possible WOK incursions anyway.

Rycan: Why didn't Wenik'a petition The Alliance for help like everyone else seems to be these decades?

Tyrana: Because Wenik'a is obviously not as big a fool as, oh I don't know. Virmire Orpheus for a recent example.

Kyl: He makes a good point. The Twi'grutan's have had next too no trust in The Alliance since The Somite Wars.

Tyrana: Exactly, (He points to the third planet.) recovering The Tears on Styx will be far more strait forward.

Hato'dik: Hasn't that planet been turned into a fortress by The Cartel Remnants?

Tyrana: Yes.

E-Mir: And we invade the planet, guns ablaze, and take The Tears in the chaos and leave!

Tyrana: A valid plan, but reckless, not to mention selfish, honor less, and really, really stupid. The Fellowship has been attempting to liberate that planet for over fifty years. I can't think of a more convenient time to do such a delayed task.

E-Mir: (Sulky.) No one ever lets me have fun.

Aiur: (He punches E-Mir in the face.) Fun is not the point of all of this! I will personally man the assault on the planet; you and Hato'dik will find The Tears planet side. And if you go berserk during another operation just for kicks, I will suspend you from active duty for twenty-five hundred years!

E-Mir: I can live with that.

Aiur: And you will be reassigned to executioner duty in The Gra'toa arena, I'm certain that Orl Gigantus would be more than happy to eat you alive. (E-Mir is quiet.) That's what I thought.

Tyrana: I'll get the paper work together to make Xel and Wavvel's act look convincing, and I'll make contact with Wenik'a. (He exit's the room.) Finally, my gambits and risks are slowly but gradually paying off. Soon The Fellowship will have unquestioned rule over this galaxy. (Sighs.) I just hope that whatever Husk has done to Seraph isn't too drastic… unlike the last time she was on Rapture.


	21. E7P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 7: Part 2

(The next day, Knara is driving a flying car with Marge in the passenger seat on Mimban IV.)

Marge: (She is amazed at all of the sights of the planet.) Wow… this planet is a beautiful.

Knara: So long as you count out all of the Lukus Orders self-righteous propaganda.

Marge: What exactly does that mean?

Knara: The long and short of it. The Order basically believes that if you show any kind of emotion, including ones that are pretty much accentual to actually fulfilling their code, like compassion, empathy, happiness, joy, love, and so on, you fall to the 'darkside.' All out of a paranoid fear, that one small slip up could drive them into irredeemable monsters hell-bent on galactic domination.

Marge: Then why would Seraph want to come to this place for all of that? I mean have you seen the kind of mood-swings she can do?

Knara: Yes… but to answer your original question, it is because every other Essence sensitive based organization is either so heavily regulated by one government or another that it renders the subjects mindless thralls, or are the very madmen that The Lukus themselves shun and ironically, use as excuses to justify their maddening stoicism.

Marge: So she was basically between a rock and a hard place?

Knara: Pretty much.

Marge: So why did your foster father come here in the first place?

Knara: If I had to guess he felt that he had to help end the war.

Marge: Oh, but remind me again why did we come here?

Knara: To see if Seraph hasn't been replaced by some kind of shape shifting assassin, at least that's what Bart thought.

Marge: And the reason you asked me to come?

Knara: I can only drive a car with adult supervision because I have a drivers permit.

Marge: And the reason Aon couldn't come with you?

Knara: She's on Telchine filling out the paperwork necessary to be legally declared a Fleetmistress, so she couldn't come. (She comes up on the entryway of Mimban's School for The Lightside of The Essence.) Were here.

Marge: One last thing! Why did you bring your armor and Shock Scythe/Lance thingy?

Knara: If Seraph has been replaced by some kind of assassin I am not taking any chances. If at all possible you should go and check out the sites with Sheila.

Sheila: (Her hologram appears on the dashboard of the car.) And why did I have to come? Marge: Well you were mopping throughout the houses computer systems after Excalibur got committed, and had to be rebooted after he went insane and took over the weapons manufacturing planet.

Sheila: (Sighs.) Fair enough, I have been meaning to relax at some point and for that matter file a request to a vacation server. You know before I go completely rampant and decide that I want to torture you and the family for the next one-hundred and nine years or so? Or just become really annoying and nag everyone into an early grave? Whichever one came the soonest I guess.

Knara: (She and Marge are silent for a moment.) Okay, why don't the two of you go sight-seeing? (She climbs up the steps of the school.) It'll certainly be better than what I'll be doing. (She ducks into a broom closet, and then climbs into the ventilation system. She then pulls out a PDA like device.) Okay, (A series of blueprints flash across the screen.) I should be able to climb through to the Novus quarters, and then exit into Seraphs room, and then confront either Seraph or whatever it is that has taken her place. (She proceeds to crawl through the vents.) I just hope that I don't end up falling into the wrong room by accident like the last time I tried this. (She shutters.) That was so embarrassing seeing Bart in his underwear, if not a bit arousing. (She falls through a vent by accident and fall in front of Aloo at a desk.)

Aloo: (She seems unfettered that a seemingly random and armed stranger falling out of the ventilation system.) Do you have an appointment?

Knara: (She gets back up on her feet.) No… but is there A Novus: Seraph Eridanus Ashla in? Her middle name is Eridanus right?

Aloo: Your close, it's actually Erebus. But yes she should be in her dorm room studying.

Knara: Very well… I think I can find it from here. (She climbs back up into the ventilation system.) Incidentally I'm a friend of hers. I just want to give her a surprise.

Aloo: You do that.

Knara: (She continues crawling through the ventilation system.) Incidentally are Masters Naw-Ibo or Tartarus on planet?

Aloo: No, they are both on a mission to the Loala system.

Knara: Just curious. (She continues crawling through the vents.)

Aloo: Crazy kids, that's the third time this week someone's fallen out of that vent.

(Meanwhile onboard The Sinbad. Lisa is playing her Saxophone.)

Bart: (He enters Lisa's quarters… with a crowbar between the doors.) Sorry about this Lis. But you know how annoying that computer is when it becomes, (He thrusts the doors open with the crowbar.) DISAGREABLE!

Lisa: (Glumly.) It's alright Bart… how's Millhouse doing?

Bart: What that nerd? He's doing fine; he turned into a mutant snake/human hybrid like you did. But otherwise he's fine.

Lisa: (Sighs.) Wonderful, Bart, I'm beginning to think that the future hates me.

Bart: What do you mean?

Lisa: Well there was the fact that after at least a month or so after we got here. I was bitten by that Breeding Conduit, and Seraph amputated my arm. Then after that week on Telchine when I got my first cybernetics.

Bart: Oh… um?

Lisa: And then that time on Barbarossa 9 when we got attacked by those giant acid spiting Llamas.

Bart: Right, how did that happen again?

Lisa: Then that time on Monolith Eta V when we were kidnapped by those Sic Semper Tyranis rebels thinking we were the niece and nephew of GENOCORP CEO, Waldo Regis.

Bart: Yes, I'm surprised that the fact that were from the past didn't tip them off as too how wrong they were.

Lisa: And don't get me started on that fiasco on Alpha Centari.

Bart: (He interrupts her before she can continue.) I get your point. But look on the brightside. At least you're not sparkling.

Lisa: What? (She suddenly gets Bart's very obvious Twilight Saga reference.) Oh I get it. (She laughs sarcastically.) Ha, ha, ha! Very funny, I apparently need to drink blood every now and again, and I turned Millhouse into whatever I am. So that makes me… what, some kind of vampire?

Bart: I don't know. But hey if you're feeling thirsty (He pulls down his neckline to reveal his neck.) don't be a stranger.

Lisa: (She looks apprehensive.) Don't tempt me Bart! It's bad enough that at least one of us has this! Why would you want to become what I am anyway?

Bart: It, just sounded cool I guess. (He accidentally opens the covers over a viewport, revealing the sun. It causes Lisa's newly acquired snake scales too, not as much sparkle, but more as shine brightly.) OW MY EYES! (He hastily closes the covers.) Have you been waxing those scales or something?

Lisa: I don't know! That's the first time that's happened.

Bart: (He is still squinting from the brightness.) GAH! I've got to get down to the medbay. (He bumps into the door.) Okay this is really annoying! (He grabs the crowbar, and he literally beats the door open with it.) I'm going to see if I can get that quarantine lifted on your room. In the meantime try to get rid of that shine!

Lisa: Well what do you want me to do about it?

Bart: You could start by putting on some cloths. Aside from underwear you've worn nothing since yesterday. (He blindly stumbles down the hallway. There is a sudden and very loud crashing noise.) SORRY!

Lisa: (She sighs, and looks at herself in the mirror. She is wearing pearl white underwear.) So ironic, almost a half-hour before that Chronsphere engulfed Springfield I was trying to get Bart out of his own angst. But then again there's probably a big difference between being infected by some kind of alien disease and getting seriously depressed by a horrible first year of High School. (She is quiet for a moment.) And now Knara's sense of humor is rubbing off on me. I hope that turns out to be a good thing.

(Meanwhile on Mimban IV. Seraph, and a female alien resembling a Na'vi, (but more fish-like) from James Cameron's: Avatar. Enter Seraphs quarters. Too their surprise they find Knara sitting confidently in a chair facing the door.)

Seraph: (She looks visibly surprised.) Knara? What are you doing here?

Knara: (Nonchalantly.) What? A friend can't meet you just to say hello? Not that I care, but who's the Atlantean?

Ey-Wa: My name is Ey-Wa Kelu'tral. Who are you? Why are you here? And how did you get in here?

Knara: (Confidently.) Names Thel Knara. (She gets up, and puts her hand to her Shock Scythes handle.) My reasons for being here are my own. And I climbed through the schools ventilation systems in order to get in here.

Ey-Wa: (She ignites her light blade and points it at Knara's throat.) I don't really care why you're here!

Knara: (Nonchalantly.) Alright, you'll think I'm crazy. But to put it bluntly, the being standing right next to you isn't Seraph Ashla!

Seraph: (She looks surprised at this somewhat paranoid, but valid accusation. Especially since Seraph really has been replaced by a Plasmoid.) What? How dare you make such an accusation! (She slaps Knara.) I suppose you have proof to back such an outlandish claim? (Knara doesn't flinch from Seraph's rather wimpy slap. Instead she punches Seraph right in the jaw.) OW MY JAW!

Knara: For one thing, your hits have gotten a lot wimpier. For another thing, were the Cocytus did you get that self-righteous attitude from? For a third thing, (She skewers Seraph with the blade of her Shock Scythe. Silver liquid spurts out of Seraph, who will be referred to as Phobos from now on.) Twi'grutan blood isn't silver.

Ey-Wa: (She looks shocked.) By the Essence! What is going on here?

Phobos: (He is speaking with his normal voice.) Well… this is a bit embarrassing. I was hoping to keep up this masquerade for a few more months. But it looks like I have been discovered. What stake do you have in the safety of the young Seraph's life anyway?

Knara: (She jabs a Thorn grenade into his head.) As I said, my reasons are my own.

Phobos: (He is visibly overconfident… for someone with a grenade stuck into his head.) You think a simple grenade can kill me?

Knara: No, (The grenade explodes, freezing Phobos.) but freeze like an ice sculpture? That I am certain of.

Ey-Wa: (She is visibly stunned by what has just occurred.) WH-What just happened?

Knara: That Thorn grenade was filled with liquid nitrogen. Also, it seems that Seraph has been replaced by a Plasmoid.

(All of a sudden, Zaar Lrack and Daavas Majiac enters the dorm.)

Zaar: (He looks around at the mess in Seraph's dorm room.) See Daavas, I told you that wasn't Seraph.

Daavas: (He is visibly distressed at the sight of the frozen Plasmoid.) I don't believe this.

Knara: Well believe it Bloodskin. Now if you excuse me I have to find Marge. (She jumps out of a window.)

Zaar: (Sighs.) Do you think we should let EMIR-12 know about this?

EMIR-12: (He enters the dorm.) I already know.

(Ey-Wa faints… probably because of what has just occurred.)

Daavas: (He is visibly outraged at the revelation that the real Seraph has been kidnapped.) Why did this happen?

EMIR-12: (Remorsefully.) The Inquisition knows that I have been giving information to

Mistress Seraph. And now they have taken her captive.

Daavas: (He is panting heavily.) Then why the Plasmoid?

EMIR-12: If Mistress Ashla was declared MIA her Master would only risk his life to find her. And if he were to succeed it would have probably compromised The Inquisition.

Zaar: And none of that ever occurred to you?

EMIR-12: (Embarrassed.) No… Seraph being kidnapped to keep her quiet didn't occur to me.

Daavas: (He looks really stressed out.) What then, you stupid piece of scrap!

EMIR-12: (He is ignoring Daavas's derogatory insult.) We question the Plasmoid, and see what he knows.

Zaar: Make sense to me, (He picks up the frozen Phobos and carries it on his back.) Daavas you coming?

Daavas: (Sighs.) No, I'm too worried about Seraph.

Zaar: (He groans in frustration.) Iam's breath! That's you excuse for everything! Like that time on Terra Shola. Remember that mess? When you said that you were worried about Seraph being inside the enemy base, when she was standing RIGHT NEXT TO YOU! But still you didn't have the guts to set off the explosives that would have destroyed the WOK base. A lot of brave soldiers would still be alive if you weren't so fracking hesitant!

(Meanwhile inside of Raptures Virtual Reality systems. Seraph is sleeping in her bed. Uthenera tries to wake her up.)

Uthenera: (She looks frantic.) Seraph? Seraph wake up!

Seraph: (She gently wakes up.) Uth… what is it?

Uthenera: No time to explain! We have to get out of here!

Seraph: Not now. (She tries to go back to bed. But Uthenera drags her out anyway.) Uth what are you doing?

Uthenera: (She hands her some cloths.) Just get dressed! I'll explain on the way!

(Fifteen minutes later, Seraph and Uthenera are in the middle of a forest clearing.)

Seraph: Okay Uthenera… I am going to ask you one time and one time only. Why did we run away in the middle of the night!

Uthenera: I didn't mean to do this Seraph. I only wanted to protect you.

Seraph: Protect me from what?

Uthenera: (Without warning, a pair of giant grey feathered wings emerge out of her back.) From the Lidless Watcher.

Seraph: (She is shocked by this seemingly random revelation.) What! First Knara and now you?

Uthenera: What? (She looks again at her wings.) Oh, those. (She suddenly turns into Twile.)

Seraph: (She sounds scarred.) Wh-What's going on? And what have you done to Uthenera?

Twile: (She grabs Seraph by the shoulders with her feet, and then flies away.) It's kind of a long story, but basically after the Massacre at Ashla You were transported by Nian to Rapture. Or what you would better know as Micara'vjala-Udrvanka, and then The Watchers second, or third, or forth in command or something. I really haven't been paying attention to the Inquisitions chain of command. (All of a sudden both of her wings are shot off. Then she and Seraph crash down into the ground.) Turvack!

(Suddenly a small horde of droid surrounds them; their commander emerges from the group.)

Droid Commander: Errors in system found. First subject designation: Seraph Erebus Ashla. Second subject designation: Unknown.

Seraph: (She is visibly confused.) What the?… this isn't may life is it?

Twile: (She is charging up some lightning in her hands.) No… but I will admit that though the last month of your life was a lie. It was much better than it was up until then.

(She unleashes the lightning, which causes the VR to static and then go black.)

(Meanwhile in the real world, Rapture to be specific. Dr. Husk is doing some tests on a small human girl when he notices that Raptures computer systems are on the fritz.)

Dr. Husk: (He is visibly annoyed by the staticy computer screens.) What the? (He rapidly presses a button.) Purgatory! Purgatory what's going on!

Purgartory: (His voice sounds distorted from the static.) I am… not certain… but… sudden power surge… in VR systems… surge seeping rapidly through… can't maintain power levels!… engaging emergency protocol… Roa-99!

(All of a sudden dark reds lights go on all over Rapture.)

Dr. Husk: (He looks visibly remorseful… this has nothing to do with his test subject.) Oh no… Tyrana will be most displeased with me. As far as I know I wasn't even responsible for this blackout!

Human test subject: He might be angry at you for what your ray gun thingy did to that nice Twi'grutan Seraph Ashla.

Dr. Husk: (He looks annoyed.) No one asked you! (He force feeds her an Acolyte Slug.)

(Meanwhile, on Earth, at the Simpsons, Lisa is wearing a heavy robe to hide her now serpentine nature. Complete with contact lenses to conceal her snake eyes.)

Lisa: (She giggles at the sight of herself in a robe.) Nobody will ever suspect a thing. (Her phone is ringing.) I wonder who that could be? (She picks up the phone and answers it.) Hello?

Voice on phone: I know what you have become.

Lisa: What?

Voice on phone: You have turned into a Serp'feratu. It is a side effect of Breeding Conduit venom. But given how rare survivors are, Serp'feratu's are almost unheard of.

Lisa: (Panicky.) Who are you? What do you want?

Voice on phone: My name is of little importance right now, but you must know that you are not alone in your suffering.

Lisa: (Confused.) I'm not really suffering.

Voice on phone: (Uncertain.) Um… well… you do hate what you are right?

Lisa: Kind of, yes.

Voice on phone: And unless I've heard wrong, you have next to no friends am I right?… I'm not stalking you or anything.

Lisa: (Suspiciously.) No, no I don't really have a lot of friends. Aside from my family, and my boyfriend Seth Elysium, but he's been grounded for over a month for taking part in the Massacre of Ashla.

Voice on phone: Oh, well look. When you have the time, I have already Q-mailed the coordinates to our refuge on Earth to your Q-mail account.

Lisa: And that would be were?

Voice on phone: Um… it's… somewhere in South America I'll tell you that much.

Lisa: It isn't in Brazil is it?

Voice on phone: Not really… it's along the Amazon River if that's what you're asking.

Lisa: Oh.

Voice on phone: Just a word of warning, if you do choose to come. You might want to come armed… HEAVILY armed if at all possible.

Lisa: Why?

Voice on phone: Let me put it to you this way. I don't know what the place was like during your time period, but it's gone to the dogs.

Lisa: How's that? (The dial tone goes off.) Hello? Hello? (She hears a knock on the door.) Come in! (Bart enters her room.) Bart? What do you want now?

Bart: I just got back from the store, and it turns out they did have that holo-disguise you wanted. (He pulls out a device that produces a hologram of Lisa.)

Lisa: Of course, listen Bart, what would you say if I told you I just got a call from some random person that told everything that I wanted to know about this… curse?

Bart: I would say that you're either crazy, or you might be on to something.

Lisa: Really? I thought you were more concerned with finding Knara's birthmother.

Bart: Well… yes, but some of those crazy and "certain near death citations" we had over the past month were related to finding her. So this is kind of a nice change of pace.

Lisa: Really?

Bart: Yeah, so where are we going?

Lisa: The Amazon River.

Bart: (He sounds whiney.) AH! NOT BRAZIL AGAIN!

Lisa: Believe me I'm not excited by it myself. But come on, it's the 51st century; the place has got to have changed by now.

Bart: Yeah well… some things don't really change, but I'm guessing it's over run with more than just snake hybrid things.

Lisa: There called Serp'feratu's.

Bart: Really? I would have guessed they were called Vnakes or Snampires or something.

Lisa: Those are pretty stupid names.

Bart: You're telling me… (He and Lisa are acquired quite for a about a minute and a half.) soooo… do you think we should take Millhouse with us?

Lisa: What! Why him?

Bart: Well it's either him or Kirk. Besides I get the feeling that these guys may like socially awkward nerds.

Lisa: (Sighs.) Fine! But you have to carry Millhouse by his legs.

(Meanwhile on The Twilights Wrath, which is in orbit over the Twi'grutan reservation world of Styx, Minas Aiur is communicating with his Grey Vanguard via hologram.)

Aiur: My kovar'chas, how goes the search for the Tears of The Nine?

Xel: Well, aside from almost getting caught up in some local troubles, something about a Sic Semper Tyranis cell trying to usurp the Loala Shaak, and a Lukus Templar. But we got The Tears off world.

Aiur: You have done well. What news from you two Rycan, and Kyl?

Rycan: We got The Tears that were on Majiac.

Kyl: We managed to stop a full-scale WOK invasion of the planet; Wenik'a was annoyed when he found out our real reason for being on planet.

Aiur: WHAT!

Rycan: We explained to him that recovering The Tears was necessary to destroying The Somites. Plus we saved his eldest daughter from assassination.

Kyl: But we recovered The Tears that were on Majiac nonetheless.

Aiur: Excellent, but next time I give the two of you such a task. I expect that you keep it at a lower profile then this. Do I make myself clear?

Rycan: As always.

Aiur: Very well. Now then, after you have returned your respective Tears to Telchine, rendezvous with me over Styx. The Fleet of Divine Retribution has annihilated the Remnant Fleet above the planet. But their ground forces our so stubbornly entrenched, that not even orbital bombardment can eliminate them.

Xel: Sounds like they really want to keep that rock.

Aiur: Your telling me. And to make matters worse, E-Mir and Hato'dik are both pinned down. I am calling all other available fleets to provide support!

(Meanwhile on Rapture, Tyrana has Dr. Husk in a headlock.)

Tyrana: Now then… tell me once more, IN English. AND without the nonsensical techno babble. WHAT THE COYCYTUS HAPPENED DOWN HERE WHILE I WAS AWAY!

Dr. Husk: (He is struggling under Tyrana's grip.) Well… when agent Shak'ak-Uraas returned from Ashla with Seraph, I used my experimental Automoray to… turn her into a droid.

Tyrana: Yes?… continue?

Dr. Husk: Well… after that I… placed her conciseness into the planet VR system.

Tyrana: AGAIN! She has already gone through her trial by fire the five years she was unknowingly here!

Dr. Husk: Hold on! I placed her in the simulation you requested! You know the one that took place on the Twi'grutan homeworld?

Tyrana: Oh… so how did a code Roa-99 go out through the whole city?

Dr. Husk: Well, some kind of power surge from the VR system itself somehow short-circuited Purgatory.

Tyrana: And the status of Seraph's mind?

Dr. Husk: It is still uncertain, Purgatory is still doing systems debugging.

Tyrana: (Sighs.) Wonderful, the first time I met this girl I put her through the worst of what humanity can do. And now, (He is visibly remorseful.) I was indirectly responsible for her demise.

Dr. Husk: I may be able to salvage her psyche and memories from Raptures auxiliary computer systems. But I won't make false promises to you.

Tyrana: I understand. (The test subject from earlier appears in the room. Her eyes are glowing yellow.) What in Daggoroth's name it that?

Dr. Husk: Hmm? (He notices the test subject.) Oh that, well before Rapture went into temporary status. I was experimenting on a method to mass produce the Acolyte Slugs. Remember? we kept making the Machina test to see if the gene changing qualities worked, and we sabotaged them into blowing up Lith'mar and Rhea over and over and over and. (He begins laughing.) Remember?

Tyrana: Aye, but after a while Kaos began to get suspicious so we had to stop.

Test subject: You two have been naughty little boys.

Tyrana: (Confused.) What did you just say?

Test subject: You heard me. Doing all of these nasty things. Putting lots of people in danger, just to kill all the humans, isn't it against your species belief to even make a bad joke about this sort of thing?

Tyrana: Do you need her for your experiments?

Dr. Husk: She just questioned you. You need a better answer then that?

Tyrana: Good point. (He pulls out a pistol.)

Test subject: (Sing song voice.) Santa doesn't give present to genocidal monsters.

Tyrana: (He shots her.) What a little cretin.

Dr. Husk: She is human after all.

Tyrana: Exactly.

**A/N: Merry Christmas valued readers!**


	22. E7P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 7: Part 3

(Meanwhile on a boat sailing down the Amazon river. Bart and Lisa are on the poop deck looking out on the mutated flora that looks like Flood Biomass from Halo 3 and Halo Wars. Millhouse stumbles out of the boats hold.)

Millhouse: (He is groggy, which makes sense since he's been turned into a Serp'feratu.) Oh… were am I?

Bart: (He is wearing no shirt, and leaning against the boats bow.) Your in Am boy. (He smells in heavily.) I love the smell of mutated plants in the morning. Or whatever time it is, it smells like… rotting diapers.

Millhouse: Am? As in the Amazon rainforest? What are you talking about Bart? (He notices his transformed legs.) What the! (He is visibly panicked; he goes over to the edge of the boat. Before he can shout a clichéd, "NOOOOOOOOOO!" at the sight of himself. A giant humanoid Piranha like creature swallows him whole.) This is SO not my day.

(Lisa emerges from below deck.)

Lisa: (She is gasping from the bad smell of the mutated vegetation.) Bart how can you stand that horrible smell?

Bart: (Grimly.) I think happy thoughts… by the way I think Millhouse was eaten by one of those giant Piranha monsters.

Lisa: Not again, it's bad enough we've lost the crew to those things. But now Millhouse? I mean I know I don't like him, but his parents will be furious!

Bart: The worst part is I actually paid those mercenaries to crew this tug boat. (He pulls out a device with a map on it.) Okay we should be over that Serp'feratu lair or whatever.

Lisa: So were close?

Bart: No, I mean according to this it is literally underwater. (The boat begins to rock unexpectedly.) What was that? (The boat explodes almost at random.) That still doesn't answer my question.

Lisa: Well, there's only one way to go anyway.

Bart: But those fish monsters!

Lisa: Don't be such a big baby. (She places a breath mask over Bart's face.) I only brought one of these things so don't lose it. (She plunges Bart's head underwater.)

(Several minutes later Bart and Lisa surface in a pocket of air.)

Lisa: See that wasn't so bad was it?

Bart: Speak for yourself! I'm still surprised that nothing tried to eat us down there.

(One of the Piranha monsters, what looks like a muscular creature tail included leaps up out of the pool.)

Piranha monster: It only because boss man wanted the girl! And you lucky to be swimin right next to her! So's we couldn't eat you!

Lisa: That's my brother you're talking about!

Piranha monster: What? The humie? He don't look nothing like yous!

(A Serp'feratu enters the cave.)

Serp'feratu: Teeth for Brains what are you doing?

Teeth for Brains: Well Eddie. Me and da boyz found a boat on da river, so we ate all the humies onboard. (He spits out random human body parts… and a fully intact Millhouse.)

Millhouse: (He is shacking.) I WILL NEVER LOOK AT MY PET GOLDFISH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

Bart: (Nonchalantly.) You never had a pet Goldfish.

Millhouse: Then why did I have the bowl then Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

Eddie: What the? That was a Serp'feratu in your jowls?

Teeth for Brains: What? (He notices Millhouse.) Oh… dat guy, I thought he just a really ugly humie!

Eddie: (Angrily.) Teeth for Brains, you will report to the alter chamber by nine o'clock tonight, is that clear?

Teeth for Brains: Whatever you say boss. (He leaves the room.)

Eddie: Sorry about that. (He pulls Bart and Lisa out of the water.) Teeth for Brains, like all Amazonian Leviathans he thinks with his stomach more than his brain. Even if in their kind the organ in question is technically the same thing.

Lisa: You sound familiar.

Eddie: Am I? I was the one that invited you here in the first place, and this is you're… (Bart looks dazzed.) Brother I take it?

Bart: (Flatly.) Yes, yes I am.

Eddie: (He breaths in heavily.) And a blood type Double O negative at that. I haven't smelt that, (His eyes begin to water.) horrid, rancid oily krannt in over a hundred years!

Lisa: That's what that smell was? I thought it was just the rainforest.

Eddie: I know, that's why my brood choose to settle down here. Humans can't stand the smell, or for that matter other Serp'feratu's.

Lisa: What?

Eddie: It's a long story; I'll get to it after I give the tour of the lair

Bart: Can I come?

Eddie: All right, (He puts on a gas mask.) but keep your blood inside your own body. It's bad enough that the forest outside smells like it.

(Meanwhile, on the planet Styx. E-Mir and Hato'dik are sitting in a dank cave in the middle of a ragging sandstorm.)

E-Mir: (He is sharpening his combat knife against his right spaulder.) Well kovar'cha, we've spent a full day out here, and we've been shot at by Anubite's, Sealheili, Orcahanae, Jelllagok's, Crillekgolo's, Shime'e, Skua'Yar, Pengoy's and dozens of other alien races that were enslaved by the Jabbans over their blasphemous reign.

Hato'dik: You sound like you're tired of this chaos. I can still remember a time when you decimated legions without so much as breaking a sweat, the fury of battle finally getting to you?

E-Mir: No… but I'm beginning to wonder if Aiur really cares about our service to him.

Hato'dik: At times I wonder that myself, with the Counsel of Incompetent too Mildly-Competent Middle Men, expanding its influence to pretty much every possible facility in The Fellowship. I had to sign over twenty years' worth of paperwork after that fiasco when Aiur was kidnapped seven-hundred and fifty years ago, just so that I could remain in this armor at all times!

E-Mir: I agree that's annoying but-

Hato'dik: (He interrupts E-Mir.) And on top of that's taken us a century to put those defiant frogs in their place. Honestly if we wanted to take there worlds, we should have just taken them, even if the only reason we were fighting them in the first place was because they offended the honor of a Heretic.

E-Mir: He did have a cute niece you can't argue with that, buts' not what I was talking-

Hato'dik: (Her Interrupts E-Mir again.) Plus if I didn't know any better, I'd say that Aiur is secretly planning to conquer the entire galaxy once all of this WOK and Remnant nonsense is over.

E-Mir: (He frustrated that Hato'dik keeps interrupting him.) IS THIS GOING SOMEWHERE?

Hato'dik: Yes. Our Fellowship is failing The Emperor is growing bitter and resentful of ALL sentient life that doesn't pay tribute to Telchine, and that's only the beginning of it.

E-Mir: You may want to be careful to whom you express your doubts; they might be misinterpreted as heresy.

Hato'dik: Heresy to the Fellowship? Yes, heresy to Minas Aiur? Yes. Heresy to Minas Andu, the Seraphim, AND The All-Father? Never! Aiur and The Fellowship may be losing their ways. But for the sake of Iam, The Nine and the memory of Andu, I will never submit! Not to my doubts. Not to my uncertainty. You may say at times that I am coward, but when the odds were against us I NEVER YIELDED! A life of protecting Aiur may be the only purpose we have, but it is a duty I perform with swallowed pride. If I have to risk my hide in order to protect The Motherworld from tyrants like Suez, or Ersa. Then I will go to the ends of the galaxy. From Karda-Sa'qum to Pelen'gwa-Heimval, The Heart of The Void, to The Edge of Night if need be. I do the things I have been ordered, not because it is the right thing to do. But because it is the only purpose we have.

E-Mir: (He is awe struck by Hato'dik's cynical, but poignant rant.) That was… completely not what I meant about Aiur not caring about us.

Hato'dik: Then what pray tell, did you mean?

E-Mir: Why is it that we always speak English? I mean, honestly were literally you the fracking language at almost all times of the day, even on Telchine. I can barely remember the last time I've heard T-thala vaag Garud'ashan spoken on our own homeworld, Aside from Minas Ty'phon himself obviously.

Hato'dik: (In a frustrated voice.) And that is why you are losing faith in Aiur? Because our own people rarely use our own language?

E-Mir: Exactly! I mean why should we coddle the ignorance of humans even when there are none around? (He throws his combat knife at a wall. There is a loud clang when it fits then falls to the ground.) What the? (He and Hato'dik notice that there a rune covered vault door in the cave.)

Hato'dik: Okay how did we miss that on the way in? (He places his hand on a console port on the door. It hums loudly.)

Vault console: Lineage:… acknowledged. Access to Vault of The Exiles 03:… approved. (The vault doors open. Revealing a trio of large Emerald shards) Behold! The Tears of The Nine Exiles of Elysium.

Hato'dik: Well, at least we found what we came for.

E-Mir: Good. The sooner we leave this planet the better.

Hato'dik: Agreed, it'll be good to get back to Telchine. (He and E-Mir pick up the large Emerald shards.)

(Meanwhile on Rapture, Dr. Husk is still explaining what was happening with Seraph in Rapture's Virtual Reality Simulator.)

Tyrana: (He is looking through a filing cabinet.) So when you put Seraph's consciousness into the VRS, (He pulls out the glyph covered papers that made a brief cameo in the epilogue of episode six.) THESE burst out of the Rapture central control system?

Dr. Husk: Yes. I thought it was just her personality matrix trying to escape through the firewalls into the Q-net.

Tryana: (He looks over the papers.) Husk you idiot! Don't you know what these are?

Dr. Husk: Um… I'm guessing… plans for some kind of moon sized space station that can annihilate an entire planet.

Tyrana: NO! These are coordinates to The Edge of Night!

Dr. Husk: What? I always thought that galaxy was a myth.

Tyrana: (He sounds flabbergasted.) Just a myth? It's the brightest light that can be seen from The Rhodes Sector, honestly how is it that nobody outside of the Fellowship homeworlds can't see it is beyond me.

Dr. Husk: Well I have a theory that states that the eternal wall magnifies the light from distant stars, but reflects the actual light from the numerous stars and galaxies.

Tyrana: You're ignoring the value of this. If we can somehow get at least one fleet into that galaxy, we can… and your free to say that I'm insane for suggesting this. Slay the Blood Lords, ONCE AND FOR ALL! Or at the very least The Thraill, since according to these that's where they went after the TIN tested The Legacy of Katorga's main cannon.

Dr. Husk: You're insane. Besides before you found those weren't you more worried about the status of recovering Seraph Ashla's consciousness from Raptures computer systems?

Tyrana: I know, how is that coming along?

Dr. Husk: For now, all we could get out were her memories relating to the existence of The Inquisition, The Machina and The Twi'grutan Imperium. Along with every other bit of information that monster Kaos thought justified her execution in the first place.

Tyrana: (He pauses for a moment.) Delete those memories… whether or not we can revive her, it's better that those facts remain secret.

Dr. Husk: Agreed, while we're at it. I think we should fake some footage of Seraph being executed gruesomely while we act overly flamboyant and dramatic.

Tyrana: (He emit's a low whine.) Fine, I might as well get some cheap laughs out of this mess.

Dr. Husk: Incidentally what do you think has happened to that Plasmoid by now?

Tyrana: From what I have heard from my dizzyingly complex spy network. Phobos Deimos has been discovered, and by spy network I mean Pala Di-In told me about it over an hour ago.

(Meanwhile on Mimban VI. Daavas is electrocuting Phobos, complete with the glowing golden eyes.)

Daavas: (He is visibly enraged.) WERE THE J'YOID IS SHE!

Phobos: (He is suffering under Daavas's barrage of lightning.) Bloodskin… I do not know where your Paral'vas is… I may have taken her appearance but that doesn't mean that it was my, (Daavas strengthens the lightning.) IDEA!

Daavas: (His eyes are literally on fire, or at the least causing an illusion.) LIAR! EITHER YOU TELL ME WERE SERAPH IS OR I WILL PERSONALLY THROUGH YOU WORTHLESS SCUM INTO THE SUN!

(Zaar enters the room, with a tranquilizer rifle. He fires roughly a dozen tranquilizer darts into Daavas.)

Phobos: (He is relieved as to Zaar's intervention.) Thank you… descendent of Lrack… if he had persisted… I fear his rage would have been enough to kill me.

Zaar: I didn't do that out of the kindness.

Daavas: (He is staggering from the tranquilizers.) WHAT ARE YOU DOING ZAAR? THAT… THING HAS TO SUFFERING!

Zaar: First you can stop yelling, it's hurting my ears, and since I'm a Quetzal that's saying a whole lot.

Daavas: I'm sorry, but I just want to find Seraph. You and I both know she's with children.

Phobos: (He sounds really cocky.) You know a funny thing about your unborn twins.

Daavas: (He shoots a mad look at him.) What?

Phobos: Yes… she hates you for what you did to her over Htet.

Daavas: (His eyes turn gold AGAIN.) WHAT!

Zaar: Oh boy, this plasma t'shar is too cocky for his own good.

Phobos: Yes, she believed that you impregnated her on purpose so that you and you alone could claim the honor of being the father to the children of Tano Shilroths daughter, Nova Shilroth.

Daavas: (He fires Essence Lightning at Phobos.) LIAR!

Zaar: (He slashes Daavas across the face with his claws.) He is right; Seraph really did hate you for what happened. She thought you did what you did for your own personal glory, not by accident. Or by mere chance, she thought you did what you did for the fame of being the one who made love to a reborn goddess, also while I'm getting all of these secrets out of the way. I've been calling you a dirt praising heretic behind your back all these years we've been friends.

Daavas: (He looks exhausted.) I can't believe this… but what was your real reason for coming in here?

Zaar: (He draws breath heavily.) I sensed Seraph's death in the Essence. I am not sure how, but I could sense some kind of harsh shock.

Daavas: (He looks saddened.) I only hope she finds peace in whatever hereafter she has found.

Zaar: Likewise kovar'cha. While were at the subject, CLEAN UP YOUR ANSGTY STREAK! It's bad enough that Seraph was doing it.

Phobos: He has a point.

Zaar: No one asked you. (He attaches a large barrel to the tube that Phobos is imprisoned inside. He opens a valve causing Phobos to melt screaming and then dieing.) Now then as I was saying, if Seraph is dead we may as well honor her memory.

Daavas: But won't everyone else notice that she's gone?

Zaar: Yes, but we'll cross that bridge when we reach it. (Master Thor Waterloo enters the room.) Unfortunately we've already reached said

Thor: I have just heard a report that Seraph Ashla was kidnapped during The Massacre of Ashla and has been impersonated by a Plasmoid agent; do either of you two know about this?

Zaar: Yes in fact I just liquefied the Plasmoid.

Thor: Zaar he could have had valuable information about The Pirates.

Daavas: With all due respect Master I think-

Thor: (He rudely interrupts.) You will think what the order allows you to think. For I and my colleges are undisputedly the most powerful Essence sensitives in the universe without any comparison. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to meet Master Nirvach in order to discuss ways to make things all the more frustrating for Novus's. (He leaves the room.) Also we've had some sightings of Amidalan Legionnaire droid. If you find it bring it back to The Counsel.

Zaar: (He has a disgusted look on his face.) You know I actually liked him better BEFORE all this WOK nonsense.

Daavas: Agreed, if he's so powerful he could have sensed that Phobos had been here for over a month now.

Zaar: He probably only learned about this when Ey-Wa most likely told the whole Counsel.

Daavas: So now what?

Zaar: (He has a grim look on his face.) Put up with his and The Counsels self-righteous krannt until we can't put up with it anymore. Remind me to get a new life support mask; the stench of Waterloo's arrogance was so strong I'm surprised it didn't kill me.

Daavas: Makes sense. Besides outside of The Order it's not like we have anywhere else to go. Even after you led the single handed assault against a WOK base Varl'Karn-ca, coupled with the fact that your hygiene is actually improving, and you're no longer harboring a maddening hatred of rabbits. I doubt your people; even your own father would accept you.

Zaar: And if memory serves your sister, Eos-Ura was her name? (Daavas nods.) Right, does she still blame you for your mothers fate when she gave birth to you right?

Daavas: (Sighs.) Yes, yes she still does hold me responsible for her death.

Zaar: Like I said we'll put up with these self-righteous bigots for as long as we can stand them.

(Meanwhile, else ware…. emphasis on **else ware**. Seraph is lying on top of a hill unconscious, she wakes up to see a vast dark landscape, complete with knarreld dead trees. Complete with a mountain sized maw of razor sharp teeth in the distance, and on the opposite end a giant ghostly ship and the base of a tree the size of a gas giant planet.)

Seraph: (She looks around scarred, and sweaty.) Were,… were am I? (Several bright lights fly over her head zipping loudly. She sounds frightened) By Iam where am I?

Flying lights: You are in The Dead Plains, were all souls are judged by The Warden Twile Uriel. To Uthenera, the halls of our All-Father. Or to Cocytus, the bowls of The Darklord that betrayed all, drove Iam into grief, and incurred the burning rage of the stars.

Seraph: (She looks shocked.) You mean… I'm… (She chokes up.) Dead?

(The lights join together to materialize to make Twile.)

Twile: (Remorsefully.) Yes, I am sorry that this happened to you. But for the sake of all this had to happen.

Seraph: (Demented chuckle.) That's just typical, even in death I can't escape from some kind of. (Mockingly.) "Tragic flaw." I hate this turved universe.

Twile: (Sternly.) Seraph Erebus Ashla! What I did I did too save you, from yourself.

Seraph: Don't talk to me about my flaws. I already know them.

Twile: Then what are they? And don't say that your surrounded by idiots. That's not a vice! That's simply a fact of life. (Seraph tries to answer her. But she stops herself and breaks out into tears.) Face it Seraph, you manipulated The Simpson's, the closest thing you've had to a family since you were turned into a Thrail drone, into letting you go! You used your suppressed hatred as an excuse to run from a chance to prove your honor! And you have been allowing your pride to blind you to what your becoming.

Seraph: So you're saying that I'm a coward?

Twile: Worse, you're becoming the very thing you've been destined to oppose.

Seraph: (Frustrated.) I am sick and tired of destiny! I am fed up with destiny! Do you have any idea how many times a day I've heard the word destiny?

Twile: Enough times to justify your contempt I imagine. (She puts her hand on Seraphs right shoulder.) All too much of a reminder of my own youth.

Seraph: (Confused.) What?

Twile: When I was young, on Elysium. I too wanted to live my own life, free of the consequences of my own mistakes. But I and the rest of my people learned the lesson of that hubris the hardest way imaginable.

Seraph: I see. So what is judgment on my fate? As if I had to ask. (She points at the ghostly ship.) The halls and green pastures, of Uthenera? (She then points at the giant maw.) Or, into the bowels of, The Darklord himself?

Twile: Neither, but I propose a compromise.

Seraph: What?

Twile: I will return you to the dimension of the living. But, since you're a technically a droid now, I will divide you into six separate personalities, each one of them representing your vises and virtues.

Seraph: Why is there always a catch?

Twile: What's the fun in otherwise? Besides, life without consequences only leads to chaos.

Seraph: So says the dead Seraphim, from experience. But I must ask, are my children… are Arwen and Solomon dead as well?

Twile: (She points to a seemingly random bush.) There hiding in that bush. Your violent tendencies since their conception had made them frightened of you.

Seraph: (She looks regretful.) Yes, I should have spent more time with them. But this war has taken up so much of my time I haven't been able to.

Twile: I understand, you are not the first to have squandered the last of her days when they should have been spent tending the fruit of the next generation. No matter how uncertain the future seems.

Seraph: Will they come with me?

Twile: Yes, a part of them may hate you for what you are becoming. But there doubt will subside with your redemption. (A young Twi'grutan boy and girl leave the bush.) Before I leave you, I must impart this last piece of knowledge; in life you will not remember them. But you will remember my words when the time comes.

Seraph: Just get on with it.

Twile: Very well, Minas Aiur is losing his mind. Since the beginning of The Age of Judgment, he has grown obsessed with eclipsing his father's legacy that he is beginning to ignore the Tenets of Iam, and the needs of his own people, G'n-Naval and Ent-Acen'd both. I can assure you, his hearsay may very well doom Karda-Sa'qum, and the rest of The Universal Tree. When the time come, you will be called to serve as my Arbiter, and sentence him to his fate.

Seraph: That's the worst? I thought it had something to do with The Lidless Watcher.

Twile: I know, but all that he wants is that all life, not just Telkines, or Njords, Quetzal, and even your people live fairly and justly. He even set up that whole planet, Rapture he likes to call it for the sole purpose of saving all life in your galaxy. Even he does plan to turn at least half of them into super soldiers to exterminate all humans. Even so it's a lofty and noble goal he has put before himself.

Seraph: When you put it that way, he almost sounds sympathetic.

Twile: I know, but his ambitions will ultimately doom all. You are wise, but you must first know how to use it. You are patient, but you allow your scars to stagnate yourself. Your hope for a better tomorrow is strong, but you allow the its own uncertainty to snuff out it's flame. Master your vices and virtues and you shall become the instrument of Uug'yod-Pelheim salvation! Among all others that have begun to hear the call to service

(A vast host of Seraphim surround Twile and Seraph, they beginning pound their staves into the ground.)

Seraphim host: (They begin to chant triumphantly.) For Iam! For Elysium! For the found that were lost! For The Nine! The Doom of Cocytus! For Fen-Pho'baas! The Fear of the false gods! The true Lord of The Dragon! For Nova! Flesh of Scarred Tano! From Dawn! With steel forged Chains adorned! Through Retribution! Our Triumph eternal! The stars Explored! Prosperity yielded! Strength, even in Stagnation! Even Twilight cannot darken out fire! Our Judgment will burn the void!

Twile: Goodbye Seraph, Arwen, Solomon, we shall not meet again for a long time.

(The three Twi'grutans began to dissipate in bright lights.)

Arwen: (She and her brother, warps their arms around Seraphs legs in fear.) Mommy? What's happening?

Seraph: I don't know, but I have a bad feeling about this.

Solomon: Mom do you have to jinx us?

(The three Twi'grutans disappear completely. Twile turns her attention to the giant maw in the horizon.)

Twile: (She is yelling at the top of her voice.) You think you can win this war? You think that even with Aiur, Tyrana, Kaos, Suez with his siblings and children, Montgomery Burns, and countless other fools in your unwitting service that you will win? Even with my siblings and cousins dead I will see that The All-Fathers will be fulfilled! You may have manipulated me into creating The Charons! But I will return the deed by sowing the seeds of your death! You may have damaged the resolve of Andu's Fellowship with his death and the recreation of The Grey-Born! But I will see that you, your accursed descendants, The Blood Lords, I will bring your sins to final justice! And do what your brother, what Iam couldn't do when you attempted to murder his children the first time! Do you hear me from here? YOUR END IS IN MOTION! AND THE CHAMPIONS THAT I HAVE CHOSEN WILL DRIVE A SWORD THROUGH YOUR VOID OF A HEART!

Cocytus: (His voice emits a demonic and moist echo.) You forget… my purpose… without me… the races that my sons and daughters crafted will grow complacent… and in the end… my brothers creations will lust for their blood in defiance of alien sloth and greed… as humanity has always done... and all that has ever died will have been pointless.

Twile: (Defiantly.) We will see, but you will not live to see your vile schemes fulfilled! (She disappears in a flash of light.) Your death is the will of the Iam, and I? I am his instrument!

Cocytus: As you all ways have… as you all ways will be… even if The Faithful cannot prevent Vigils End.

**A/N: Happy New Years!**


	23. E8P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 8: Part 1

(Meanwhile on Earth, Knara, Marge, and Sheila have just returned home from Mimban VI.)

Marge: Bart? Lisa? Were home!

Sheila: Marge I don't think either of them are home.

Marge: It's a big mansion. There bound to be somewhere. (Roughly two hours later of searching she hasn't found Bart and Lisa.) I couldn't find them anywhere!

Sheila: You know it's a funny thing. Knara and I already looked at a message that Bart and Lisa left behind.

Marge: What? Why didn't you tell me?

Sheila: Well I would have. But you kept telling me to stop bugging you about it, plus you threatened to damage my memory core unless I stopped… again.

Knara: (She is reading a book entitled "Romances of Supernatural Nature: The (sadly) Complete Collection" with a bored look on her face.) Hmm… if I had a credit for every time that happened, I'd have just enough to start a career as a struggling actress. Then eventually start up my own video game company after I retire to adapt literary ideas that I have had since I was a little girl. (Sheila and Marge give her bewildered looks.) What? It's a layered idea.

Sheila: I'm just trying to calculate how sixty-three credits can get you started in show business. Made all the more complicated in that financial statistics are not part of my programming.

Marge: Look that doesn't matter now! Where are the kids? And for that matter where's Homer?

(Homer enters the house; he looks tired and is carrying a stainless steel lunch box.)

Homer: Marge I'm home, I'm hungry, and I really need a hug.

Marge: Homer where were you?

Homer: I was at work all day LONG! The worst part of it is that I didn't get to blow up any pirates. All I did was sit down behind a desk sighing paperwork; Grunchy kept electrocuting me every five minutes just to keep myself from falling asleep!

Marge: What was it about?

Homer: I don't know! Something about using my ships weapons to write. "Homer Simpson rulz." Into Halley's Comet, and then something I did in The Omega Nebula that turned it pink for almost a week.

Marge: Look that doesn't matter right now!

Homer: That's what kept telling R'ash, but that guy just won't listen to reason!

Marge: No not that! Bart and Lisa have gone missing! And Sheila knows where they are!

Sheila: You know I would've already told you where they went and why they… Homer vandalized Halley's Comet, AND The Omega Nebula?

Marge: (She is visibly frustrated.) Will you just tell us the message already?

Sheila: All right, all right. Apparently Lisa just recently turned into a Serp'feratu.

Marge: A what?

Knara: (She drops her book at the sound of the word.) That's what Lisa turned into? I thought those things were only rumors!

Marge: (Scared.) What is a Serp'feratu?

Knara: Basically, it's a reptilian vampire ,as well as a rare group of survivors from the effects of Breeding Conduit venom.

Marge: (She gasps in utter shock.) WHAT! You mean my little girl has turned into a snake monster AGAIN?

Knara: From what I've heard the only real danger is that they have to drink blood or go completely mad… plus from what I've heard almost all of them are Blood Cultists. But then again, when it comes to Shadow Treader's like them who can say what truth is and what's fiction?

Marge: (She gasps in even more utter shock then her last question.) Blood Cultists! Like what Ned became?

Knara: Unfortunately yes. Unfortunate that he was born all together, not in what he became.

Homer: No argument here! (He and Knara high-five each other.)

Marge: (She is talking to Sheila.) Where are they!

Sheila: (She sighs.) According to coordinates they should be somewhere along The Amazon River. But that place has been overgrown with mutated wildlife since the mid-25th century.

Marge: (She grabs Homer, Knara, and Sheila's MAISU and jumps into the car.) The Simpson's are going back to South America! (She starts the car, and then… SHE FLOORS IT.)

Homer: NOOOOO! NOT BRAZIL AGAIN!

Knara: (She face palms herself.) I swear I can never get a moment's peace with these lunati-… wait what's this I keep hearing about going back to Brazil?

Homer: (He's still yelling.) IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT BASSICLLY.

(Meanwhile, on Rapture. Tyrana is sitting behind a desk, in the middle of a call with Pala Di-In.)

Tyrana: So… you're saying that the Plasmoid agent was terminated?

Di-In: Yes, seems like a rather badly thought out attempt by The Wrath of Kaos to spy on the order. From what we could garner the spy in question didn't even bother to send any sort of classified information to the enemy.

Tyrana: With all due respect, The WOK Pirates aren't the only ones that carry a white hot grudge against The Lukus Order.

Di-In: Then who else would want to do the order harm?

Tyrana: The Blood Cultists come to mind.

Di-In: But the order wiped out their leaders. The Heirs of Adas, during the closing days of The Somite Wars. How would they be able to organize that kind of effort?

Tyrana: Either you are wrong, or the Blood Heretics are more resilient then was first imaged. The Cultists of Draa'Gon, Shay-Yad'ow, Twee-Iluma Nov'lunka, Clipse, Krac-Aoos, and Yot-Sournon that were encountered on Ashla are proof that there still stubbornly, and defiantly holding on to their false gods.

Di-In: I have been fighting these blasphemers since the days when The Blood Lords themselves were the mainline belief system of The Telkines. Even in this day and age they have nowhere to run.

Tyrana: Perhaps, but you've certainly gotten rusty with purging.

Di-In: (Suspiciously.) Meaning?…

Tyrana: I can distinctly remember, back when Mimban IV was first discovered over nine-hundred years ago. Minas Ty'phon gave you specific orders to destroy the original order. I'm still not certain how they turned you into one of their own, or why Aiur still lets you onto the homeworld after that.

Di-In: I still serve The All-Father if that's what your question is.

Tyrana: Then why do you allow zealous fools brainwash innocent (relatively speaking) children into worshiping The Essence over Iam, The Essence is merely a gift that He grants to those He deams worthy of it. Not a deity unto itself.

Di-In: What do you mean?

Tyrana: Don't act like you don't know what goes on in your own order. Believe me, I've had the unfortunate pleasure of putting up with those self-righteous (bleep) Thor and Nirvach over how the order is automatically superior to every other religion in the galaxy, in current practice or not.

Di-In: (He has a shocked look on his face.) Did,… did you just refer to two of the most powerful Masters in The Order with old human profanity?

Tyrana: YOUR COMPLETLY MISSING THE POINT! You Templar's have grown complacent, corrupt, arrogant, and countless other vices that you've been too busy with your own personal time doing Iam knows what. Plus… maybe five or so Templar's and Novus's have been harboring romantic feelings for their brothers in arms.

Di-In: What? What makes you so certain?

Tyrana: As usual I have my sources. But I think it would be more amusing if you just make wild guesses. Now then as much as I would like to consort with a hererati- I mean old friend. But I have more important things to do. Like something that actually preserves the future of MY people.

Di-In: But I'm Telkine as well.

Tyrana: (Coldly.) Not since your hearsay were you. (He hangs up on Di-In. He then gets a call from Minas Aiur.) Lord Aiur, what is the status on recovering The Tears of The Nine?

Aiur: They have all been collected and accounted for. But I must ask you, what are you planning on getting The Grey Heart back from The Somites?

Tyrana: In due time my Emperor. But know that if performed correctly we should be able to annihilate The Somites within one honest seasons work.

Aiur: Yet we almost had them after forty years the last time we made war.

Tyrana: Yes well, I never got to use holy relics in a Xanatos Gambit THEN did I?

Aiur: A what?

Tyrana: It's,… it's basically A highly convoluted and almost always risky plan. You remember Htet, Otiv's son and the fall of The Jabbaban Cartel?

Aiur: Yeah?

Tyrana: That was kind of a Xanatos Gambit, even if Armss'rij no doubt staged the whole thing in an attempt to try to stagnate our effort in the war.

Aiur: Makes sense, heretics like Blood Cultists care about no one but their own, even if they view each other as expendable. Anyway, what is your plan to recover The Grey Heart?

Tyrana: We use duplicates of The Tears to lure Ersa to Metropoli Major. During which we gas the entire planet with a Bio-weapon I picked up on my last visit to Ragnorak, the FENRIS virus. That should not only weaken Ersa to the point where we can properly kill him, but provoke The Alliance Senate into declaring war on The Somites.

Aiur: That's probably the most manipulative, dishonorable, and psychotic plan you've ever come up with.

Tyrana: So you like it?

Aiur: No one will be the wiser. Better that we sacrifice the lives of heathens to fuel the resurrection of The Fellowships true power, then to pointlessly send our own innocents to a pointless doom.

Tyrana: Agreed. I will explain the finer details of my plan when I return to Telchine, in the meantime I have to do some… vital research.

Aiur: Meaning?

Tyrana: That's for me to know, and you to quickly forget about due to lack of interest.

Aiur: Forget what out of lack of interest?

Tyrana: You're off to a good start, may Iam welcome you to Uthenera with open arms. (He hangs up on Aiur, he then pulls out a futuristic notebook and a stylus.) Now, then, to make up reasons to entice the Somites, into attacking the capital world of The AOKA, along with the fabricated Tears. I still don't know why I allowed those idiots in The Counsel of Long Term Convoluted Plots to even allow the Three Nations of Man to unite in the first place. (Twile appears before him in a large cloud of smoke.) What the?

Twile: (In a booming and overdramatic voice.) ORMPHA TYRANA! VIGILS END HAS BEGUN!

Tyrana: (He falls back in his chair.) Do you have to yell? I mean I could hear you perfectly in a lower tone.

Twile: (She's speaking in her normal voice.) Just making sure you know I'm here. Anyway, is it not true that you have the Twi'grutan Seraph Erebus Ashla in your custody?… again?

Tyrana: (He has a scarred look on his face.) I'm guessing your very helketed about that?

Twile: (She has a disgusted look on her face.) Very, very helketed. You've been torturing a that pour child since she was nine, and have you even showed a moments remorse for your sins?

Tyrana: Yes I have, but everything I have done. Accidental or otherwise has been for The All-Father.

Twile: (Hotly.) Like The Fall of Katorga that started her species down the long road of both the heresy of The Imperium and the events of The Somite Wars, and their sluggish but willing acceptance of Iam, justifies the extinction of mankind! Along with over a millennium of ridiculously convoluted plans that have only stagnated the galaxy over much of the course of The Age of Twilight!

Tyrana: All things require sacrifice! You of all should understand that, besides not all of those schemes were of my craft.

Twile: Perhaps.

Tyrana: So what do you want me to do? Release Seraph from her bondage? Silence my plots for humanities extinction? Desist my Alliance with The Machina, Twi'grutan Imperium and other assorted tyrants and scum? End my subscription to "Highly Classified Intel Weekly" to my private villa beneath the sea of H'quura on Telchine?

Twile: In a way, it wouldn't hurt you, no, and no but you should really rethink your obsession with underwater real-estate.

Tyrana: Oh, but what do you want me to do with The Bloodskin? I can't just simply release her, her being turned into a droid and all.

Twile: Jun is close to restoring her personality from the depths of your cities computer systems.

Tyrana: And?…

Twile: And… when he's done, you are to send her body and mind to the planet Orpheus II. You are to hide them in two shrines of your own craft, one for her body, the other to house her mind.

Tyrana: Why I might ask?

Twile: Because frankly Seraph has turned into a real blood letter, and not even the good kind.

Tyrana: And the good kind would be the kind that doesn't pick fights, or for that matter wants to die in a simple bar brawl right?

Twile: Exactly, she has to master her vices and virtues, which is the only reason I allowed her spirit to return to the Seed of The Universal Tree, from The Dead Plains in the first place. So that she can master herself.

Tyrana: Ah… but what will be the point of that if there are two of these?

Twile: Your good at forgery, just make the shrines look like the last remnants of an ancient civilization that used to live on the planet.

Tyrana: It's a volcanic world, it'll be hard to put anything magma proof onto its surface and make it looks hundreds of thousands of years old. But that won't stop me from carrying your your will.

Twile: You always were one to persevere. Also, there is an AI on the planet Mimban IV that I think may be of interest to you.

Tyrana: What? Why would that be important?

Twile: You'll know when it happens. The AI in question is designated Athena, you will then send her via Q-mail to 1000 Mammon Street, Earth, when you are done fabricating the ruins on Orpheus II. You are to send her and The Orion Society for the Preservation of Extinct Civilizations co-ordinates to these 'ruins'.

Tyrana: Why both?

Twile: You'll know. (She disappears into a black hole that magically disappears after she enters it.)

Tyrana: (He has a bewildered look on his face.) I swear the last five months of my life have just been getting weirder.

Twile: (She briefly sticks her head out of a rip in the space time continuum.) Agreed, but before I forget. Beware the one called… Rakata Armageddon, for he will be the doom of all, if he succeeds in his heinous schemes. (She disappears again.)

Tyrana: I will keep my vigil, as always. (He calls Dr. Husk.) Husk? What is the progress on recovering Seraph's consciousness?

Dr. Husk: We have succeeded, but for some reason Raptures VRS servers keep rejecting her. Along with her own body as well. I may have to put it into cold storage if she can't be restored, or if worse comes to worse. Delete her outright.

Tyrana: No need to, Husk I need to explain something to you in private.

Dr. Husk: Why? What's it about?

Tyrana: It involves Seraph's world of conception. Orpheus II, some fabricated ruins on said planet, and delivering a rogue Machina AI to her former foster family on Earth.

Dr. Husk: (He sounds confused.) Uh… what!

Tyrana: Just do what I ask! I'll explain the finer details latter! (He rushes out of his office so fast that his chair spins around and falls over.)

(Meanwhile on Earth, Homer, Marge and Knara have surfaced inside of the Serp-feratu lair.)

Knara: So basically. Lisa ran up phone bills, you all went to Brazil to find a missing orphan she was sponsoring. You were kidnapped, and said orphan provided the ransom money. Then Bart was doing the macaroni inside of a Boa constrictor. Is that right?

Homer: (He's still yelling.) WELL I CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER WE ALL BLOCKED OUT THAT TRIP!

Knara: (She looks visibly annoyed.) And will you stop yelling? You've been screaming that story right into my ear the entire way here. I swear the more I hear of these stories the more I think your all crazy.

Homer: THEN WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER PUTTING UP WITH US!

Knara: That would say a lot about my character if I didn't put up with this nonsense… negative things about.

Marge: Will you two stop bickering? We have to save Bart and Lisa!

Knara: All right, just keep your voices down. There are a lot of dangers in this mutated rainforest, some of which may very well make their homes with these mutated freaks.

Marge: How exactly did all of this happen? I mean with the rainforest.

Knara: Humanity nuked itself into oblivion, practically everything that wasn't killed off mutated into strange and terrifying new life forms. Yada, yada, yada. Now let's find those two and get out of here.

Marge: I just hope my little babies are okay.

Knara: (She pulls out her Scythe.) That makes two of us… for Bart's sake anyway. Just keep your guard up, I doubt that these Scale Hides will let us leave with our lives.

(Meanwhile in a tavern like room else ware in the lair, Bart, Lisa, and Millhouse and a host of Serp'feratu and assorted other creatures are in the middle of some kind of… I think it's a jig I'm not really sure.)

Lisa: (She sounds ecstatic.) This is the best time I've had in months!

Bart: No kidding! Aside from that Amazonian Leviathan that almost ate us, this place has been a nonstop party! (All of a sudden everyone starts to scurry up to the ceiling, or hid in random holes.) What the! What's going on?

Millhouse: (He's scampering up a pillar.) We've been discovered! We have to make it look like no one was in here!

Bart: Oh that's just ridicules, who would be crazy enough to find this… (He remembers the note he left for his parents.) oh no. Mom found that note!

Millhouse: What note?

Bart: It was just something I left in case Lisa and me, and to a lesser extent you, didn't return from this place.

(All of a sudden Eddie chokes him around the throat with his tail.)

Eddie: Bart you idiot!

Lisa: (She bites Eddie's tail releasing his grip on Bart's neck.) Eddie don't, we didn't know what to expect from this place, besides our parents have a right to know where we are!

Eddie: Perhaps, but there's a good chance that if they leave this place they'll tell the rest of the planet. Then BLAM! Federation Marines will be storming this place before you can say, Kith'marud!

Lisa: But why?

Eddie: Were blood sucking monsters. What more reason would they need to kill us all?

Lisa: I'm certain that mom wouldn't breathe a word about this place.

(The door to the room blows open with an explosion.)

Eddie: You were saying?

(Knara enters the room, weapon drawn.)

Knara: Hellooooo, uglies.

Bart: Knara? Don't tell me mom got you wrapped up in things again.

Knara: Unfortunately she did, and now without further ado. Captain Homer J. Simpson and his wife Marge Simpson! (She claps sarcastically as Homer and Marge enter the blown door.)

Homer: Wow tough room.

Marge: (She rushes over to Lisa, and places a giant hug around her.) Oh Lisa! I was so worried about you!

Lisa: (She is straining under the intensity of Marge's hug.) Mom please, I'm alright!

Marge: (She lets go.) Alright? I don't know how you turned into this… this thing. (She notices Eddie.) Was he the one that did this?

Eddie: NO IT WASEN'T ME! (He jumps up into a hole in the ceiling.) SHE WAS LIKE THAT WHEN I CALLED HER!

Knara: Look if it makes anyone feel better. What happened to Lisa was mostly my fault. (Everyone looks at her.) Yes, believe it or not. You see on Monday Lisa was going on another one of her insane babbling from her excessive cybernetics. After one of her tirades went into the subject of Telkine Lore I Essence electrocuted her until her cybernetic parts exploded,… and then she regenerated into a Serp'feratu. A delayed side effect from The Breeding Conduit venom she took in July.

Eddie: (He poops his head out of the hole in the ceiling.) Breeding Conduit venom? You mean you're a Pure Brood Serp'feratu? (He climbs out of the hole.)

Lisa: No I'm just an ordinary girl… who no thanks to a whole lot of convoluted and highly improbable events became, in order. Part time Queen of the planet Ozymandias Prime and it's moons, which in a state of megalomania renamed the gas giant Marie Prime, a cyborg, and now a snake/vampire hybrid. And frankly I'm getting sick and tired of something really weird happening to me every few weeks. If I don't get a serious or socially degrading mental disorder because of all these misadventures by the time I'm twenty or earlier I'll be friggin amazed!

Eddie: It means that you're the Ub-Viper, the true ruler of my people on this planet.

Lisa: (She sounds surprised.) What? I'm… flattered but I don't even know what that means.

Marge: (Flustered.) I don't care! If it somehow involves marrying you! Or becoming queen of the snake people! She's coming home with her family, one way or another.

Eddie: (Confused.) What the? You mean you thought I brought Lisa all the way out here in order to- (He comes to realization behind Marge's outburst.) Iam's breath I'm over two-hundred and forty years old women! What kind of pervert do you take me for? I was already married when I was turned into this abomination!

Marge: (Confused.) Eh?… what? Knara you said that they were all Blood Cultists.

Knara: I did!

Lisa: What? Eddie why didn't you tell me you were a Blood Cultist?

Eddie: (His eyes are glowing red with repressed rage.) I AND MY KINSMEN IN THIS CAVARN ARE NOT BLOOD CULTIST'S! (The rage in his eyes burn down.) But I do understand young Knara's ignorance. After all, history is written by the victors.

Lisa: What are you talking about?

Eddie: It's a long story, but basically before the beginning of The Orion Civil War, are better known to most aliens as the Somite Wars. I was bitten by a Serp'feratu named Count Augustus Bellmont, he turned out to have been a member of The Sons of Twee-Iluma cult of The Coalition of The Disciples of The Blood Lords. In retribution for turning me and murdering my wife (who was with child at the time) I and other likeminded Serp'feratu gave up the location of The CTDTBL homeworld to The Alliance. Despite the fact that this helped The Lukus Order kill off The Heirs of Adas thereby depriving the CTDTBL of coherent leadership and scattering The Blood Cults to internal fighting. I and my people were, and are STILL being hunted across the galaxy!

Lisa: (She sounds shocked at this revelation.) What! That has to be the most Hippocratic thing I've ever heard. You help win a war, and instead of being venerated for your courage you're made into a pariah!

Eddie: And to add insult to injury Augustus STILL isn't dead.

Marge: Listen, I know that you've had a hard life. But that's no excuse for kidnapping my babies!

Eddie: (He's visibly frustrated.) Are you even listening to me?

Homer: Believe me that's normally my shtick.

Eddie: I was talking to her! Listen lady, I invited Lisa to come here VOLUNTARILY. It was of her own free will to come here, along with bringing her brother, and that creepy nerd with the giant classes who's name I haven't even bothered remembering.

Marge: (To Lisa.) You turned Millhouse into one of these things?

Bart: Yeah, and his still a big wimpy nerd. (Millhouse drops a bottle on his head.) Ow!

Millhouse: I heard that!

Eddie: (Sighs.) Look, I'll let you to come and go from here, on the condition that you don't tell anyone about this place.

Homer: You can count on The Simpson's! Besides who's going to believe that there are vampire people living in The Amazon?

Eddie: Exactly. I would especially appreciate it if you took your son as well.

Homer: (He pulls out a futuristic check book.) What did the boy break and/or burn?

Eddie: No it's not that, it's just… his blood smells horrible. It's a Serp'feratu thing.

Homer: Oh. (The Simpson's (plus Knara) enter the car and leave.) Just one quick question Knara, where's Tsaritsyn?

Knara: I think he finally got caught for pouring molten steel into Springfield High's septic system and was sent to Juvie Hall.

Bart: Yeah I remember the last time I went to juvie. Remind me again was it for the false wedding invitations or accidentally setting half of the town on fire?

Lisa: Recently, the second one. But do you think Tsaritsyn is alright?

Knara: Let's just say you may want to be more worried about his cellmates… as you might remember he has a talent for screwing around with people's minds until they go screaming incoherently with rage. Or vice-versa if he's in Australia.

Lisa: Why?

Knara: Let's just say that… like The Amazon the entire continent kind of took a heavy beating.

(Meanwhile in Perth Australia. Tsaritsyn is in a cell and everyone is singing "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz." Over, and over, and over, and over again.)

Tsaritsyn: (He has a deadpan look on his face.)You know after two weeks in this dump you'd think I'd go mad from the unending singing. (He then gets off of his bunk bed, and then he tears off the bars to his cell and jumps down a garbage shut.) I must be stronger than I thought putting up with the well-known insanity of this continent. (He lands in a dumpster that is quickly picked up by a futuristic garbage truck.) Now that I'm relatively free I'm going to swim the entire way back to Springfield. It'll be a long journey, especially if I get lost, but I might as well get started.


	24. E8P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 8: Part 2

(Five hours later, at night. At The Simpson's Manor, Knara is in her room with her Shock Scythe in a kneeling stance and is speaking an alien language. Bart enters the room.)

Knara: (She stands up and makes eye contact with Bart.) You have something on your mind?

Bart: How did you know?… never mind, Essence mind reading right?

Knara: No, using the Essence for all things tends to weaken ones perspective of reality. Besides why else would you interrupt my meditation?

Bart: Oh, I was just thinking about Eddie and those Serp'feratu's.

Knara: (Sighs.) Your still worried that Lisa might try to drink your blood while you're sleeping is that right?

Bart: No not that… anymore. Anyway, I was thinking about what he had said about Lisa, what the heck is a Ub-Viper?

Knara: (She has a frustrated look on her face.) You interrupted my meditation in order to ask me about the social hierarchy of vampire serpents? I only knew they existed in more than cautionary tales just a few hours ago!

Bart: Okay, but what do you think that means?

Knara: I'm not really certain, but from what little I understand I think Ub-Vipers can exert some kind of hunter dominance over other Serp'feratu's.

Bart: (Confused.) Wha?

Knara: You know it's a kind of hive mind. But it allows subordinates to retain an individual identity. You know? Like those aliens from that old video game you keep telling me about. (Bart has a confused look on his face.) You know? The one with the giant ring shaped worlds? (Bart still has a confused look.) The one with the seven foot tall cyborg super-soldier, with the demented AI quoting T. S. Elliot?

Bart: (He still has a confused look.) Nope… still not ringing any bells.

Knara: (Exasperated.) Your faking ignorance over this is for dragging you and Lisa across Terra Prime, Phoenix, Tabula Rasa, Ragnarok, Sparta, AND The Orion Frontier sectors just to find my birth mother isn't it?

Bart: (He looks annoyed.) No I'm being serious what are you trying to say?

Knara: (She sighs in frustrated defeat.) Never mind, the point is that Lisa can, and I'm not really certain about this. She might be able to control large numbers of Serp'feratu with her mind!

Bart: Really? Cool! But wait doesn't that mean she can control Millhouse?

Knara: For her that would be more of a curse then a boon, and considering what an annoying little Hjan'zied he is that's an overstatement.

Bart: Maybe, but she has been having a thing for Seth. You remember him right? Amidalian exchange student, had a habit of acting really paranoid?

Knara: Yes I remember him, from The Massacre of Ashla was the last time we saw him wasn't it?

Bart: Yes.

Knara: Yes, he had a good aim, and a very firm resolve. Why concern yourself with his and Lisa's relationship? (She realizes that Seth might not like the new Lisa… which isn'twhat Bart had in mind the least.) Oh, you're concerned that Lisa would take that, dork is what you call him from time to time? Over Seth, and break what little bit of sentimentality that's in his heart? I never imagined that you had that kind of empathy in you.

Bart: (Confused.) What? No I meant that she might have an easier boyfriend to put up with and control.

Knara: I was right you didn't have that kind of empathy. But I can't help but get the feeling that those thoughts are swimming in Lisa's head as we speak.

Bart: Essence mind reading right?

Knara: Why do you keep assuming I'm reading people's minds at all times? It's really starting to get on my nerves.

Bart: Well there was that time were on Atlantis. You know when we broke up that smuggling ring, the smuggling ring I said we should have just left alone? Remember that?

Knara: Oh… look those smugglers died with the knowledge of your favorite color.

Bart: The worst part about that is that I never even told you about it! How else could have known that my favorite color was NAVY BLUE!

Knara: Oh give it a rest, it isn't that embarrassing!

Bart: (Exasperated.) Not that embarrass- It's a SPECIFIC shade of blue!

Knara: This is ridicules! Look just go and check on Lisa!

Bart: I was on to that right before I got here!

Knara: You do that. (Bart leaves her room.) I swear maybe I should give up on this. I've almost gotten the two of them killed a number of times. (She has a remorseful look on her face.) Why do I even want to find Madrid? Iam forgive me that I ever wanted an answer.

(Meanwhile, on the volcanic planet Orpheus II, an armored figure is overlooking ships unloading various high techs, equipment.)

Armored Figure: (In a booming mechanical voice.) Work swiftly! The Lidless Watcher demands that these false ruins be planted on schedule! Along with the android guards that are supposed to make for a convincing security system! (A Tasadarian approaches.) What do you have to report G'jur?

G'jur: Milady Syg-Nun, we are ahead of schedule. We have the subject in this oversized sarcophagus. (He motions to said oversized sarcophagus.) And the subjects mind is inside of Shrine Beta.

Syg-Nun: (She takes off her helmet to reveal a female Njord.) Excellent.

G'jur: But again I must ask you mistress, why are we doing all of this?

Syg-Nun: It was on the personal order of The Lidless Watcher himself! So that The Lukus Heretics don't catch wind of The Inquisitions existence.

G'jur: I know, but this is just a teenage Bloodskin. What importance can she yield? What can all this do to undo the human's reckless and blind sins?

Syg-Nun: (She sighs.) I do not rightly know, it seems as though everything we do for The Watcher is for his own sick amusement.

G'jur: If these tasks were solely for his entertainment, would he not have sent humans to do these things?

Syg-Nun: Fair point, but still one can't help but one must wonder what his thoughts are.

G'jur: I understand, when should we send the coordinates be sent to the OSPEC?

Syg-Dre: Not yet, The Lidless One himself will give the word to let this locations whereabouts be known. Until then we must wait,

(Meanwhile on Mimban IV, Dr. Husk is climbing up the wall of Mimban's School for The Lightside of The Essence, _Assassin's Creed _style.)

Dr. Husk: (He is clinging to a small brick with one hand.) Okay now Seraph's dorm room should be another mile up. (He loses his grip and falls onto a balcony several dozen feet down.) Turvack! (He regains his balance, and tries to climb back up the wall.) I swear I'm getting too old for wall climbing. (He continues climbing.)

(Meanwhile in Seraph's dorm room, Daavas is looking over some old things of Seraph.)

Daavas: (He is looking over Seraph's possessions.) I still can't believe she's gone. She's only been dead for a day, (Tears began to fall out of his eyes.) but it's already felt like an eternity. (There's a knock on the door.) I know it's you out there Ibonek, and for the very last time you can't come in!

Ibonek: I have food!

Daavas: Ey-Wa is the eating to compensate for her grief not me!

Ibonek: I know, I had to sneak this out of her dorm room just because I thought it would be nice.

Daavas: For the last and final time master, I don't won't to see anyone! And I'm not hungry!

Ibonek: I'm coming in any way! (He enters the room.) Look at yourself Daavas, you're a mess.

Daavas: Well you don't look so good either. That fiasco with Shaak Kalevala Loala and her Nak'ama did a number on you didn't it?

Ibonek: Yes, it is most fortunate that we were able to prevent the occupation of Loala.

Daavas: (Dismissively.) Lucky them, it so nice to see that Order is maintaining its mixed reputation of peacekeeping and putting its fracking oversized nose were it don't belong.

Ibonek: (He sounds surprised.) What? I and Senator Rhea prevented the occupation of Loala by The Alliance, which would have been used by The Sic Semper Tyranis rebels in order to inflame the populace into open revolt.

Daavas: (Unconcerned.) Really, how did you do that? Tell the entire Senate the whole plot? While you and Kalevala were no doubt openly flirting?

Ibonek: You're never going to accept her as a potential step-mother are you?

Daavas: You need ask? But that's aside from my original point. (His tone of voice grows more hateful.) While you and your former Novus were messing around with neutralist worlds. Zaar and I, and to a greater extent some seemingly random human with a Shock Scythe, discovered that a Plasmoid had taken her appearance. Not only that, but she was apparently kidnapped during The Massacre of Ashla over a month ago, under our very noses!

Ibonek: Yes I heard of that.

Daavas: (Sarcastically.) Really? Did you hear that from the orders resident gossip queen Ey-Wa Kelu'tral? Like the rest of the counsel seems to get there intelligence on Novus's?

Ibonek: Your words seem unusually bitter; I mean I've heard this kind of talk from Stan back in the day. But he never directly accused the counsel of incompetence.

Daavas: That's because that self-righteous fool never lost anyone he loved because of their stupidity! I make no accusations to you Ibonek, your one of the few voices aside from master Thel that aren't delude with delusions about your own power. But you must know this one simple truth: (He is choked up.) Seraph. Is. DEAD!

Ibonek: (He is surprised.) Wh… what? I understand the your worried. But that is a very rash assumption.

Daavas: Zaar felt her death in The Essence.

Ibonek: You were willing to trust Zaar's judgment?

Daavas: He may be something of a slacker, but he would never kid about something as serious as this!

(Dr. Husk is standing on the windowsill.)

Dr. Husk: (Evil chuckle.) Perhaps, but I know for a fact that he is wrong, in a way.

Daavas: (He ignites his light blade.) WHO ARE YOU!

Dr. Husk: My name is my own business. However, I am here to… procure an item that formally belonged to the young Bloodskin. Nothing of real value, just a simple MAISU that… (He notices that Daavas is holding the MAISU that he's looking for.) You're holding right now.

Daavas: (He notices what he's holding.) Why is this so important to you?

Dr. Husk: My reasons are my own, just give me that device and I will leave.

Daavas: That doesn't answer my question! What is in this?

Dr. Husk: None of your business. (He Essence Pushes Daavas and Ibonek, and takes the MAISU.) Don't worry; you won't have to carry the guilt of failing your reborn goddess for long. Who knows? You might get to witness her rebirth, and the chance to see little Arwen and Solomon grow up. (He jumps out of the window. He is repeating the following rapidly.) Aimforthedumpster. Aimforthedumpster. Aimforthedumpster. Aimforthedumpster. Aimforthedumpster. Aimforthedumpster. Aimforthedumpster. Aimforthedumpster. Aimforthedumpster. (He misses the dumpster completely. He is in great pain.) I… missed. (He regains his balance.) No matter, I have the MAISU that contains Athena. (He puts it into a PDA like device.) Now I must return to Rapture before anyone notices that I'm here.

(Up in Seraph's old dorm room, Ibonek and Daavas regain their balance.)

Ibonek: (Confused.) Who was that Quetzal?

Daavas: WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME! I JUST MET THE GUY! Besides what makes you certain he was a Quetzal?

Ibonek: Well for one thing… (Embarrassed.) Okay I just guessed that he was a Quetzal but- Wait who's Arwen and Solomon?

Daavas: (He sighs in defeat.) Well, I always knew that everyone would learn about this sooner or later.

Ibonek: What?

Daavas: (Sighs.) After The Battle of Tiberius, you remember when we were on The Sinbad?

Ibonek: Yes?…

Daavas: She was upset that Stan had yelled at her about trying to assimilate Dos and Polarack.

Ibonek: He always did have an irrational hatred for Thrail drones, liberated or not.

Daavas: And… I don't know what compelled me to… (He pulls out a pack of mints.) I made her take these.

Ibonek: Mints?… (He is suddenly hit by an epiphany.) OW! Who threw that? (He picks up a brick with the word 'epiphany' crudely written on the side.) What is this? (He removes the note on the side of the brick. He reads the note out loud.) "Seraph's pregnant?" You're the father, aren't you Daavas?

Daavas: (Sarcastically.) Oh no master, never me! It must have been Tartarus that knocked her up! I wouldn't put it past a human to be that sick and depraved enough to do something like this. - OF COURSE IT WAS ME! You shouldn't even have asked such an obvious question.

Ibonek: (He sounds flabbergasted.) How could you have done something so irresponsible? You know that attachments beyond mutual friendship are forbidden!

Daavas: (Hotly.) As is actively, and directly engaging in politics and galactic society. But nobody in the order has gotten in trouble for doing all of that hasn't it?

Ibonek: Does your father know about this?

Daavas: Yes, and the most he's said is that he's disappointed that I didn't wait till I was older to try it. Moreover, Zaar told me that Seraph secretly hated me for what I did to her. She thought I did what I did on purpose for the sole purpose of gaining the personal honor and glory of being the father to a goddess's children.

Ibonek: (Confused.) What?

Daavas: I'm guessing Kalevala never dropped the name 'Nova Shilroth' at any given time.

Ibonek: Nova Shilroth? Isn't she supposed to be the reincarnation of The Twi'grutans creator, Tano Shilroth?

Daavas: (Remorsefully.) Yes… she's dead, as is whatever resemblance of hope my people had of getting out of our dwindling semblance of a civilization.

Ibonek: What do you mean? Styx has been liberated by The Fellowship. Majiac and Loala were narrowly avoided from becoming major battle fields.

Daavas: (Hotly.) That's another thing, The Fellowship liberated Styx for its own ends! The only thing that will happen to Nak'ama Styx is that there culture, The Twi'grutans culture! Will be desecrated by Aiur and his pride-blinded minions till the very existence of The Forbearers becomes nothing more but a myth among them! As for my homeworld and Loala there only existing on borrowed time! And don't even think about mentioning Ashla out loud! Nearly the entire Amidalan fleet was destroyed in that Massacre! The souls of the men that died in that battle still scream for release from this mortal plain! I hate this order, not because it restricts what a man can do with his life, but because it restricts how much anyone can admit to care about the chaos that's drowning this galaxy. The whole Order is pretty much J'yoid bent on keeping the status quo; you'd think an organization run by a Telkine would actually be better at keeping the peace then this. Shows what a mixed up and insane universe we live in.

Ibonek: (He is awed by Daavas passionate rant.) Every day you sound more and more like my old Master Har-Bin Jaar.

Daavas: Are you even listening to me?

Ibonek: That was a compliment. Believe me Jaar and the counsel almost never agreed on anything, and when he didn't get his way he always dragged me along to set things right. Those were good times.

Daavas: (Dryly.) I still think you're not listening to me.

Ibonek: I am! But it's not like you can change anything.

Daavas: I know, but the moment I gain the rank of Templar. I will leave this Tano forsaken order behind, and never look back. Or I will die before that day comes. (Ibonek has a disturbed look on his face.) One last thing, that Amidalan Legionnaire droid that Thor, and Nirvach have been looking for? (He goes over to the closet; he opens it to show EMIR-12 pressing some kind of florescent tube against his face that sparks.) THERE HE IS!

EMIR-12: (He sounds drunk. He's slurring his speech) OW! Not show loud. I miss Seraph as much as you… but that's no excushe to yell.

Ibonek: (He looks confused.) What?… that's the droid? Nirvach and Thor thought he was a WOK spy.

EMIR-12: A shpy? (He stands up, his legs are wobbly.) Lishen Templar, just because I'm a droid that don't mean I'm a shpy for no Wrase of Kaosh! (He starts to wail in regret.) Oh Sheriff, Sheriff, Sheriff! I shtill can't believe I failed Mistress Sheriff, AND Mashter Narshil!

Ibonek: (He looks even more confused.) I take it you were some kind of bodyguard?

EMIR-12: Bodyguard? Yeah right, my chargeshes are dead! (Cynically.) I should have taken her away from you Lukush Order the day she was'sh liberated from The Tshrail Collective! But Nooo (His neck is beginning to spark.) ooooo! (His left arm explodes and he falls over.) Oh my behavior core… I need to lie off of the Electro-Jack Wands.

Daavas: I am not reattaching and/or replacing your arm again!

(Meanwhile on Earth, Lisa is taping a stylus against a desk.)

Lisa: (She looks like she's in deep thought.) Should I tell him? Or should I not? Should I tell him? Or should I not?

Sheila (Her hologram appears right next to Lisa.) Tell who what? Homer and Bart already know.

Lisa: I know! But I'm just wondering if Seth would except me for what I am.

Sheila: He accepted you before. What's to say he won't accept you now?

Lisa: I'm a Serp'feratu! A blood sucking mutant that stalks the night, because if you stalk them in the day your basically a walking lighthouse!

Sheila: I'm still not following this.

Lisa: Look the last time I saw Seth he seemed a bit… apprehensive at me being a cyborg.

Sheila: That seems likely. The Amidalans are known for a high tolerance for droid and AI rights. But there somewhere on the fence on cyborgs, it's a well-documented fact that a sentient being with too many cybernetic upgrades tend to be… very, very creepy, such as General Remorseless for The Wrath of Kaos for instance.

Lisa: You make a good point. But now that I'm a mutant snake thing, he may try to kill me outright or shun me!

Sheila: Will you relax? Just because he hasn't answered your S-mail in over a month that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you anymore. Once while Excalibur and I were dating he didn't answer any of my SSIM's for nine hours, twenty-four minutes, and forty-seven seconds.

Lisa: This is different! Seth isn't at some kind of rehabilitation center! (Sheila gives Lisa a scornful look.) I'm sorry, that was completely out of context. But my point is that I just don't know how to, or even if I should tell him the truth. (Her eyes begin glowing.) Or at the very least I should find a steady supply of a blood substitute. (Her voice begins to sound distorted and deep.) I am not breaking my semi-perfect record of being a vegetarian, just because a lack of blood sucking can have sounding like this!

Bart: (He comes into the rooms with a large bottle of raspberry flavored pancake syrup.) Alright I couldn't get some blood. But I got this syrup.

Lisa: (She sounds purely demonic.) That's the dumbest thing you've ever come up with Bart! Look I'll even prove it to you! (She takes the syrup bottle and wolfs the whole bottle down. Her eyes have stopped glowing, and her voice is back to normal.) See nothing happ-(She notices that her voice is back to normal.)end? (She is surprised that the syrup actually worked.) I'm amazed that worked.

Bart: Not me. Trust me after the last five months I wouldn't be surprised if you suddenly grew tentacles' out of your face and turned into an Eldrich Abomination just at the drop of a hat. Hmm… (He drops a hat. Nothing happens) darn it! You being an Eldrich god would have been cool.

Lisa: Bart I'm practically one already. Look I'm a bit on the fence as to whether or not to tell Seth about this.

Bart: Well what's stopping you?

Lisa: What do you think? I just spent the last day as some kind of… alien mutant, thing, just because I unwittingly badmouthed Knara's religion. (Knara enters the room.) AH! (She hides beneath the bed.) Knara I don't want to go through this again.

Knara: Don't worry Lisa I'm not here to electrocute you. You haven't desecrated the honor of The Codex… yet.

Bart: Besides, we just want to help you.

Lisa: (She gets out from under the bed.) You really mean that? Why would you want to help me with my social life?

Bart: I now that helping you out with Seth won't make up for at least fifteen years now, but hey Seth is a good guy. Even if was, and probably still is paranoid.

Knara: As for me, I've pretty much given up on finding Madrid. I've actually lost track of the number of times I've nearly gotten the two of you killed.

Tsaristyn: (He climbs up out of a window drenched and covered in seaweed and snow, and he has a tired look on his face.) Before or after Ashla?

(Everyone yells in surprise to see him.)

Knara: What the! What are you doing here?

Tsaritsyn: I swam all day long, and boy are my legs tired! (He falls over the windowsill.) Don't worry Knara I didn't escape just to kill you. I got out to try to get that stupid Wizard of Oz song out of my head.

Bart: (In disbelief.) Oookaaay.

Lisa: (She has a determined scowl on her face.) We go to Amidala.

Knara: Where did that come from?

Lisa: What? Surprised that I show some kind resolve?

Knara: No that you just said that out loud, aside from the phrase. Mv'narlaas, but that's just random Trade Xeno gibberish.

Lisa: (Embarrassed.) Oh. Well look if I'm going to come clean with Seth about this.

Bart: Alright, but if I catch you doing that whole "leering over the bed while he's asleep waiting to tear out his neck and drink his blood" bit. I'm just going to disown you as my sister. That whole thing is downright stupid

Tsaritsyn: (His teeth are chattering.) N-n-n-n-not to mention clichéd-ed-ed-ed-ed-ed. (He goes off to take a shower.) DAGGORTHS BLADE I'M FREEZING! This is like Njord all over again!

Lisa: I suppose so, besides isn't that kind of blowing things out of proportion? I mean really be serious.

Knara: He does have a point. Besides run of the mill vampires do enough of that creepy stalker thing already.

Bart: Yeah an- (Confused.) wait what?

Knara: You know vampires initially reject cute girls, complete with the whole 'sparkling in daylight' thing. But if there blood smells good enough or them or whatever. They begin obsessively protecting said individual till. (Air quotes.) "Their heart stops beating." (Bart has a perplexed look on his face, from the revelation that the Twilight saga has pretty much corrupted the futures outlook on vampires.) I swear how they become popular in the first place or why anyone would want such a thing is beyond me.

Bart: (He has a curious look on his face.) Hmm… that's very interesting. Now then… I shall go into the panic/rage sphere. For reasons that are not anyone's business in anyway shape or fashion. (He uses a device to project a giant bubble around himself, he begins to make motions that dictate that he's ranting and yelling loudly.)

Knara: (She looks confused at Bart's ranting.) What is with him?

(All of a sudden Grandpa Simpson enters the room, dressed like a classic 19th century vampire.)

Abraham: Vampires didn't always have a gross obsession with sucking blood out of naïve little girls. Well they did, but they were mostly more or less flamboyant about it. Plus they die when exposed to sunlight, instead of sparkling like those dishes you see in dish washing liquid commercials! (He notices Lisa.) And now they've got scales, noticeably big boobs, and tails and chicken legs. (Lisa looks down at her breasts.) I'll go and get my hammer and wooden stake. I don't like the idea of killing my own granddaughter. But I won't stand having a vampire thing for one. (He leaves the room.)

Knara: (She looks even more confused.) And now I must ask. What was that thing?

Lisa: (She isn't listening to Knara.) Do my boobs really look that big? I mean I know I just hit puberty but should they be the size of cantaloupes this soon? I could have sworn they were smaller before.

Knara: (Sighs.) Why do I even put up with this nonsense?

Lisa: Yeah well what are you going to do? (She realizes something.) Wait I just realized something.

Knara: (Annoyed.) What?

Lisa: How exactly did you go fifteen years ignorant of being Essence sensitive? I mean someone would have found out about it sooner or later.

Knara: Turns out my medication was repressing my connection to The Essence, and turved weak stuff too. Only two hours not taking that Ulic krannt and suddenly I can use telepathy and electrocute people with my mind.

Lisa: (Amazed.) Wow, that has got to be the dumbest thing I've heard all day.

Knara: Well a lot of things don't make sense and seem completely stupid.

Lisa: I'll say, it seems as though everything in this galaxy was made up by some kind of demented fan fiction author. (A giant penguin suddenly enters the room. She sounds like she expected this specific event to happen.) WHAT THE HELL?

Giant Penguin: (He pulls out a futuristic clipboard.) Okay which one of you is a Mr. Abraham Simpson? I have his shipment of roughly 5 kilos of garlic, crosses and wolfs bane.

Knara: (Unfazed.) I won't even ask why. (Knara Essence pushes the penguin out of the room, after that she just stares out of the window to see the snow fall.)

Lisa: (She's flabbergasted at this recent transgression.) Honestly this is just maddeningly weird! I swear if this keeps up I'll go- (She realizes something.) wait a minute. Seth mentioned that he took Ulic as well.

Knara: (She snaps her view back at Lisa.) What?

Lisa: Yeah, something about a mutated spleen that could eat him if he didn't take it regularly. You don't think he's Essence sensitive and that his mother has been hiding that from him?

Knara: (She continues to look out the window.) Maybe, mutant ovaries were the best excuse Aon could provide for me taking that stuff as well. But if you do plan on going to Amidala, don't reveal everything to him at once his brain may break all at once.

Lisa: Makes sense, want to come with?

Knara: Can't, I get the feeling that Bart isn't going to stop his ranting, whatever it's about, so I might as well be here when he passes out from lack of oxygen and perform... mouth to mouth resuscitation. As for Tsaritsyn, well… let's just say he has a bad experience with being out in the cold.

Lisa: What do you mean by that?

(There is a loud sneezing noise in the hallway.)

Knara: That, Tsaritsyn always was sensitive to cold weather. So naturally he's sneezing like crazy.

Lisa: O come on. It can't be that bad.

Tsaritsyn: (He comes running out of the shower wearing a towel. And his head is on fire.) GOODNESS GRACIOUS MY HEADS ON FIRE!

Knara: (Sarcastically.) No it isn't that bad. But for once I'd like for him not to get snot all over his head. The fact that Telkine snot is flammable doesn't help matters.

Lisa: And that's another thing! Flammable mucus? That's just crazy.

Tsaritsyn: (He sounds stuffy.) Ladies, as mutch as I lofe to see the two of you fight. (The mucus around his hardens and cools.) But can someone get thif thing off my face?

Lisa: Oh that's it, I'm just going down to a Space Port and catch the next ship to Amidala!

Sheila: Shouldn't you at least let your mother know first? I still remember that fiasco with Seraph.

Lisa: (She puts on a jacket.) Funny that you popped in just now. What kept you?

Sheila: Well it's kind of a long story, but suffice it to say. I got something from Seraph.

Lisa: Can't it wait? Leave a message for Mom and Dad that I'm going to Amidala.

Sheila: But Lisa!

Lisa: I don't want to hear another word about! (She runs out of the room.) I'll confront Seth myself, alone if I have to! (There is the sound of a door slamming and the sound of a car speeding.)

Sheila: I'm going to assume that was a taxi.

Knara: So what was it you wanted to show her?

Sheila: (Sighs.) Forget about it. (Her hologram dissipates and returns to the mansions mainframe.)

Athena: (She is standing right next to Sheila.) Well? Did you tell them about me?

Sheila: I'm sorry honey. But everyone got into their own little projects while we were conversing. Bart began ranting about vampires, Lisa's off to Amidala, Tsaritsyn just got a very bad fever, and Knara is pretty much going to play doctor to both of the boys.

Athena: What about Marge and Homer?

Sheila: There both at an awards ceremony in the Orion Nebula.

(In reality. Bart passes out from excessive ranting.)

Knara: (Sarcastically.) Well the doctor is in the house. (She turns off Bart's sphere.) Now then, how to do this again? (Knara presses her lips against Bart's and… well basically she's not taking this matter seriously.)

**A/N: Just to be absolutely clear, I never had nor will I ever read The Twilight saga, or for that matter the movies associated with it. (sighs) I still remember back when that word meant the end of an event, or an era or something of the like, now it's be desecrated to the point of which the word brings to mind sparkling vampires. Which is kind of why I've been making fun of for the last five to twenty-four chapters. I may as well have a cut in on the pointless but funny Twilight bashing.**


	25. E8P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1: Episode 8: Part 3

(Two days later, I think the date is now 12/7/5009. On Amidala, Seth and his mother Juno are the middle of a heated argument.)

Seth: Mom why can't you understand this? We need Federation support in order to protect the Republic from The Wrath of Kaos!

Juno: Seth I've already told you, we have sufficient forces to protect our worlds.

Seth: Yes, but we don't have any SHIPS! Every ship in The Republic navy was destroyed during The Massacre of Ashla. We still have the capacity to defend our colonies on the ground. But we have no ships to properly defend everything! Any sort of resistance to the enemy would only be on boarded time.

Juno: Look, I've already told you we have Confederate reinforcements. And Templar's are protecting the homeworld. Besides I will not cow down to the hypocritical United Federation for Orion.

Seth: First, we have to pay The Confederate Fleets out of the wallets of our citizens, which is also stagnating public services like health care, education and so forth. Second, President Catherine of The Federation offered to send help for free, complete with trial runs of prototype vehicles and weapons, prototypes that she promised _**I**_ could run! And thirdly the Templar's are mostly just lounging around eating all of our food, and watching those old movies that I never bothered to watch! (Zaar enters the room holding a live pig under one arm, and giant eggplant like vegetable in the other.) And where did you get that?

Zaar: Well I found the Okiir plant in the-

Seth: I was talking to the pig! Seriously where did you find this guy?

Juno: Seth! Be polite to Master Lrack.

Zaar: Look milady, I don't really care about formalities at this point. Besides if he wants to talk to a pig that's his business. I was going to have some pork with this Okiir, but if he wants to talk to the pig that's his choice. (He let's go of the pig.) Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the "Chronicles of Chiron The Immortal Centaur" marathon. Andúril really gets annoyed when I delay him. (He leaves the room whistling.)

Seth: See?

Juno: They are only preparing should Amidala come under attack.

Seth: Well they certainly have a weird way of preparing for danger and, ah forget it; I'm just going to go to bed.

Juno: But it's seven P.M.

Seth: Well I'm tired! (He goes up to his room.)

Juno: You're not going to talk to that Lisa Simpson's are you?

Seth: Don't be ridiculous, you put a firewall over mine and everyone else's Q-mailing abilities outside of Amidalan. Besides you revoked my Q-net privileges after The Massacre of Ashla so I can't contact her anyway. (He enters his room.) I just hope I can at least see her again, and that she isn't going out with that hopeless nerd. (In utter disgust.) Millhouse, I just want to see her, one more time if at all possible. (He goes to his personal bathroom, opens a drawer and takes out a container of pills labeled "Ulic") And to heck with these pills, (He opens the container, and dumps the contents down the toilet, and flushes it.) I don't care if my spleen does eat me alive. Unless I can touch Lisa's soft… blond hair again, nothing else matters to me anymore. (He goes into bed, he falls soundly asleep.)

(Two hours latter, Lisa is at the base of The Amidalan presidential residence. She is wearing a black jumpsuit, and a holodisguise that is hiding her Serp'feratu nature.)

Lisa: (She is freezing from the snowfall.) Why didn't anyone tell me that the seasons last for a year long BEFORE I came here? For that matter why didn't Seth say anything about it before? (She proceeds to climb up to Seth's bedroom despite the weather.) Man this is nuts, all this effort just to tell him that I'm now a Serp'feratu. (Roughly forty feet of climbing latter, she is at the window of Seth's bedroom.) Okay, let's see if this is worth all the effort. (She takes a deep breath.) Here we go. (She opens the window, and sneaks into Seth's room.) Oh good he's asleep. (She tip toes over to Seth's bedside, she finds him lying in bed sound asleep.)

Lisa's Thoughts: (Lovingly.) Ah… he looks so cute when he's sleeping. Even if he has those, (She sounds confused.) large claw marks on his face, when did he get those? Either way he still looks handsome. Wait a minute; didn't he say he was an insomniac? And that he has a habit of waking up in the middle of the night with a. (Seth yawns loudly.) DRY MOUTH?

Seth: (He smacks his lips.) I knew I should have had a drink before going to bed. (He notices Lisa; he recoils in shock a bit.) What the? Lisa? Is that really you?

Lisa: (She is surprised that Seth woke up abruptly.) Well… yes it's me. Who were expecting?

Seth: Well… aside from the occasional assassin no one. (Lisa has an uncertain look on her face.) The assassins are another story. Anyway, how did you get in here?

Lisa: The window. Listen Seth, there's something I have to tell you. But for some reason none of my S-mails go through.

Seth: (Sighs.) My Mom introduced a new security system across Amidala space for S-mails. A security system that includes ME!

Lisa: That's so unfair!

Seth: Look what did you want to tell me?

Lisa: It's kind of a long story. (She opens the window.) You want to come with?

Seth: (Uncertainly.) I don't know, I mean I'm already in my pajamas. Plus it's freezing outside, as it has been for the last year!

Lisa: I know, look just throw some winter clothes on and we'll go!

Seth: (He gets out of bed.) Oh all right, I'm not really that sleepy anyway. (He opens his closet.) I only went to bed so early to get out of an argument with Mom. (He goes into his personal bath room with a pair of pants, a shirt, and a thick jacket.)

Lisa: What was the argument about?

Seth: Well basically, I wanted Federation support in protecting our colonies from The Wrath of Kaos, and recently The Somites. Since The Republic Navy was practically annihilated at Ashla. Mom's content to stick with Confederate reinforcements, that are charging my people for their services, along with a pair of Templar's that are lounging in the living room watching century old sci-fi movie's. (He exit's the bathroom completely dressed.) I swear Andúril is the oldest nerd in the universe.

Lisa: Yeah well we all got to have hobbies. Now then, you want to come or not?

Seth: Very well, this won't involve slow dancing in the middle of a forest will it?

Lisa: Don't be ridicules. Now just take my hand, (Seth does so.) and prepare to, (She jumps out of the window, and they both fly off.) FLY!

Seth: (He looks surprised that the two of them are flying.) WHAT THE! I didn't know you could fly!

Lisa: I know, this only happened just yesterday!

Seth: Let me guess, anti-gravity pack?

Lisa: No. I didn't even know there was such a thing.

Seth: (He is scratching his leg.) Is there something coiling around my leg?

Lisa: I'll explain when we get there.

Seth: Where is that?

Lisa: You'll just have to wait.

Seth: I suppose. Wait, does Marge know you're here?

Lisa: I think so, I told Shelia to tell Mom about it. But she's at an award ceremony with Homer in The Orion Nebula,

(Meanwhile on Earth, Knara is feeding soup or a soup like substance to Tsaritsyn.)

Knara: (Tsaritsyn's teeth are chattering like a jackhammer.) Bart can you help me keep Tsaritsyn's jaws open? I've already burned through most of the spoons trying to feed him!

Bart: (He enters the room.) Not again! Honestly how can you destroy forty spoons at once? Aside from a soldering iron but Mom pawned that and bought a new bread maker.

Knara: Look, stop reminiscing about random events that I didn't know about before and get the Size-J I-beam!

Bart: (He jams a small I-beam into Tsaritsyn's mouth.) Shesh! I thought Telkine's couldn't get sick.

Knara: Well he did swim over two-thousand miles, AND trudged through another fifteen-hundred miles over American soil. That would do a massive number on anyone! (She pours the bowl of soup-like substance down Tsaristsyn's throat.) Now eat this you'll feel better, and you'll be able to talk without destroying a block of cement.

Tsaritsyn: (His teeth stop chattering, but he's still very pale.) You'd know, that was the first thing you tried the feed me since yesterday.

Knara: Look you should really get some rest. You've been awake for two days. You'll go into sleep delirium, which would only make you crazier than usual.

Bart: Sleep delirium?

Knara: Basically if a Telkine doesn't get enough sleep they go gradually insane, fortunately it's mostly the good kind of crazy. You know the kind of crazies you find on British comedies? Not the kind were you dance naked chatting to blasphemous Eldrich Deities and eating the flesh of the living?

Bart: Well… at least the British are the lesser of two evils. (Knara gives him a 'what are you talking about' kind of look.) So… how do we put him to sleep?

Knara: It's actually very simple.

Bart: What hit him over the head with a Two-by-Four?

Knara: You'd think so but no. (She bashes Tsaritsyn over the head with a crowbar, he fall unconscious.) Don't worry he'll be asleep for about twenty hours or so. That should be enough time for him to recover from the teeth chattering. (She hears a strange humming voice.) Bart do you hear something?

Bart: Aside from his teeth chattering echoing in my head nothing. Why?

Knara: I don't know. But the last time I heard that noise, I blacked out for a few seconds and was covered in burn marks.

Bart: Really? (Knara begins to glow, signifying that Feelia is now in control of Knara's body.) Did that glowing thing happen as well?

Feelia: Actually that happened after I withdrew from Knara's form. (Her wings sprout from her back.)

Bart: (He has a shocked look on his face.) So Twile wasn't lying about you.

Feelia: Twile? I was actually wondering how you knew about all of this in the first place.

Bart: (Confused.) Wait a minute. Why did you do this just now?

Feelia: (Sighs.) Actually this is the second time I've taken control of my avatar; the first time was on Andúril's flagship. I tried to warn Seraph Ashla not to pursue Ersa, she went on with her mad quest anyway and… well for the most part she's dead. But that's not what I came here to tell you.

Bart: What then?

Feelia: Knara's 'mother'. Madrid Porsche is hiding in The Russian wilderness of Siberia.

Bart: (In a mixture of anger and surprise.) WHAT! YOU MEAN SHE'S BEEN DRAGGING ME AND LISA ACROSS MOST OF THIS GALAXY LOOKING FOR THAT-

Feelia: (She interrupts Bart. Complete with a reverse Vulcan salute.) SILENCE HUMAN!… (She whispers.) Use your inside voice, Tsaritsyn is sleeping. (Tsaritsyn is snoring loudly.) Or at least a voice that so that we can hear each other over his loud snoring.

Bart: Oh, but seriously she's been on Earth this whole time? Why didn't we just go to Siberia in the first place?

Feelia: Trust me, if Knara knew that her mother was in exile in Russia she would have just gone there first and gotten the whole thing over with immediately.

Bart: Oh… how does that thing work anyway? With possessing Knara I mean?

Feelia: For lack of a better word. (She gulps.) She's my prison.

Bart: (Confused.) Meaning…

Feelia: Meaning… aside from these little moments of intervention I have no control over her actions, her thoughts. All I can do is watch in horror whenever she does something that could damage me being able to ascend from this, cruel trap. Like when she kneed you in the groin when she thought you were having an affair with Mary-Sue?

Bart: You had no mouth… and you had to yell in a high pitched tone that would have signified a great deal of fear?

Feelia: Something, like that yes. Believe me over the recent decades my brothers have done worse. Daggoroths Avatar, Stalingrad Tartarus. Killed an entire tribe of Vay'adourian Sand Wanderers over the death of his mother… which was pretty much their fault to begin with but Stan went over the deep end with his retribution.

Bart: (He has a disgusted look.) That's just wrong. I mean I love my mom, but I wouldn't do something that heinous.

Feelia: I know, trust me that's at least half of the reason why Knara loves you. The other half is a total mystery that's probably better not being known.

Bart: Right… now what this whole Siberia thing?

Feelia: Oh, specifically Madrid located in a small, little known town called Veramashalenza. Or something like that, Knara may have been born there but I never really bothered to pay attention to human names.

Bart: You know where it is?

Feelia: Yes… wait you're not surprised that Knara was born on Earth?

Bart: At this point you could tell me that Seraph was the reincarnation of her species creator and I would believe you. It was Tano Shilroth or something like that right?

Feelia: Yes, but technically she's Tano's daughter Nova Shilroth. But for now that's of no importance right now. You have to convince Knara that you want to go there with her.

Bart: Why do I have to do anything like this? You already said what Stan went insane over finding his mother dieing.

Feelia: I know, but times of great change are coming in the months to come. So she might as well get all of her lose ends tied.

Bart: Like what Aon did at the weapons factory and Excalibur?

Feelia: A bit like that. One last thing before I leave Knara's form, I want you to keep as close eye on Lisa and Seth, as I want you to keep a close on Knara.

Bart: And why should I?

Feelia: Because if you don't do these things, very bad things will happen to everyone in the entirety of existence. Also Homer was not lying to you and Lisa about the both of you being of Time Lord descent.

Bart: (Excited.) Really? When do I get my TARDIS?

Feelia: Well technically before The Time Lords fell from the All-Fathers grace, they were called the Khrona-Titans. But after they created the Othryians Iam striped their names from their collective memories. And… well there leader, Paul as he likes to be called, was a big fan of Doctor Who and… well the name pretty much stuck from there on out.

Bart: (Almost sarcastically.) Oh… that makes perfect sense. (Feelia laps into unconsciousness, and she stops glowing. Signify that she is **REALEASING CONTROL **of Knara.) I mean instead of having some kind of normality I have to go to Siberia, and apparently I'm a descendent of Doctor Who fan boys!

Knara: (She regains consciousness.) Bart what are you taking about? Siberia? And what's this Doctor?

Bart: (He's trying to change the subject.) Um… Doctor Who?

Knara: What?

Bart: Not who, what.

Knara: What?

Bart: I don't know.

Knara: Look just drop the subject. What's this I hear about Siberia?

Bart: Um… I thought we could do some last minute Christmas shopping. I mean foreign knick-knacks make really good Christmas presents.

Knara: (She has a suspicious look on her face.) Christmas is three weeks away. But it wouldn't kill you to get your own family something they might actually want. Besides while YOU go out and shop for doodads, I could go bear wrestling.

Bart: (Surprised.) Wait, wait, wait… BEAR wrestling?

Knara: Yes, it's Russia isn't it? Besides I can't stand shopping, at least for longer than fifteen minutes.

Bart: You have fun while I have to shop?… does that sound right to you?

Knara: What? You expect that just because I'm a girl I have to do all of the menial labor?

Bart: No… but I personally I really hate shopping!

Sheila: (Her hologram appears.) I suppose that I should leave a note that the two of you are leaving as well? AND keep an eye on Tsaritsyn? It seems as though everyone else is doing that.

Bart: Good! You do all of that! (He and Knara head for the front door.)

Sheila: I swear, Lisa had better be doing well with Seth. My Sanity Matrix is taking one mother of a beating from all of this.

(Meanwhile on Amidala, Lisa lands on the branch of a really tall tree. She puts Seth right next to her.)

Seth: (He is chilled.) Man, its cold, but at least the snow fall has let up. (He scratches his left leg.) Is something on my leg?

Lisa: (She looks really nervous.) Well, here we are, time for the big reveal. (She presses a series of buttons on her wrist.)

Seth: (Confused.) Big reveal? What big reveal?

Lisa: (Her holo-disguise dissipates immediately, revealing her Serp'feratu nature. Complete with a brand new pair of wings, and a rattle snake on her tail.) It's a long story, but this what I am now… an Ub-Viper Serp'feratu.

Seth: (He looks amazed… but is in fact faking it, he's really scarred whittles.) Wow… your beautiful!

Lisa: (She sounds disappointed, and by that I mean she misheard him.) Look I'm not surprised that. (She realizes what Seth just said.) Wait, what?

Seth: You heard me, you're beautiful. Your scales share the same majestic tinge of orange as Sol, Earth's Sun. (Lisa looks bewitched at Seth's 'charm'.) Your eyes, they are as green as the third sun of Telchine's home star system, Atro-Pos. Your nails look as elegant as a Quetzalan Needle Blade. Your hands look strong enough to strangle a full grown Tserranian Telkine with little to no effort, and the rest of you look's as strong as this tree that were sitting on.

Lisa: (She is speechless from Seth's flattery.) Really? I mean I only heard of those last two things just now. But I wouldn't want to try to kill something that big, but do you really mean all those things?

Seth: (He stares lovingly into Lisa's eyes.) Yes, and more. (He places his hand against Lisa's cheek.) You are more precious to me then a Dark Matter Opal, one of the most valuable gems in the known universe.

Lisa: Really?

Seth: Yes! Now lay a wet one on me baby! (They proceed to make out. But then Seth punches Lisa square in the jaw.) Nice try assassin! (He jumps of the branch _"Assassin's __Creed"_ style.) YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

Lisa: (She looks out over the edge of the tree branch. She looks really scarred.) SETH! (Lisa barrel dives down after him. She grabs onto his shoulders.) Seth why did you do that?

Seth: You can't fool me assassin! I know why you came! You just want to turn me into one of your thralls! (He ruthlessly tears off both of Lisa's wings. Lisa screams in pain.) I will have nothing to do with The Serp'feratu's. EVER! (He continues to freefall to the ground.)

Lisa: (Her eyes are flooding with tears… and as a consequence her eyes are now freezing shut.) This is the worst idea I've had in a long time.

(Meanwhile at the base of the tree, a band of armor clad weirdo- I mean honored warriors.

Are standing next to a… **RATHER LARGE SHRUBBERY!** (Dramatic sting)

Knight 1: (In a high pitched voice.) Hail to… **THE MAGIC SHRUBBERY!** (Dramatic sting)

Knight 2: Sire, the winds are strengthening. It could harm… **THE SHRUBBERY! **(Dramatic sting) So I suggest that we relocate it into the sacred cove of… **THE ****SHRUBBERY!** (Dramatic sting.)

Knight 3: I agree, (The three of them move the shrubbery.) in that cove we shall bow to… **THE SHRUBBERY!**

Seth: (He lands face first into the ground were the shrubbery was.) OW! (Lisa lands right on top of him.) Get off of me! (He throws her right off of him.)

Lisa: (She sounds horribly choked up.) Seth? I just wanted you to know that I honestly loved you! I-I-I-I (Seth pulls out a SMG and shots Lisa up. She bleeds, but the bullet wounds, including the stubs that were her wings, regenerate.) WHY THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

Seth: (His gun jams.) Turvack! I don't know which one of the families sent you to kill me! (The snow storm picks up.) But I'd rather die in this blizzard then give The Horus Family the pleasure of killing me!

Lisa: (She sounds desperate and panicked.) Your favorite color is emerald green! You have a medical condition were you get violent diarrhea from eating dairy, and most if not all meats!

Seth: (He calms down.) Lisa? You're the only one aside from my mother that knows about that… by the Primarch's have I done? I… Lisa I'm so sorry! You have to believe me I didn't even know that was really you! I mean how many people do you know can fly?

Lisa: Seth how could you think I was an assassin?

Seth: Well you did enter my room, THROUGH THE WINDOW! Plus, I mean I never even knew that Serp'feratu's, even Ub-Vipers were real until just a minute ago!

Lisa: I can understand why that would be cause for alarm.

Seth: Look let me help you those icicles out of your eyes. (He goes over to her; he tries to pry the frozen tears from her eyes. He succeeds, but he accidentally tears Lisa's eyelids off.) Lisa I'm so sorry!

Lisa: (Her eyelids regenerate.) Ow! Seth what has gotten into you?

Seth: I don't know! (He hears a strange humming noise.) What is that noise?

Lisa: Don't change the subject Seth! I am too emotionally mixed up to argue with you.

Seth: (He begins to glow.) I know, but I do wish to talk to you. (Wings sprout from his back.) Lisa Simpson. I am Tevinatarus Urial, Seraphim of Loyalty.

Lisa: (She gasps in surprise.) So Bart wasn't crazy about you! Or at the very least about you being a Seraphim.

Tevinatarus: You are right.

Lisa: So… what do you want? I mean you have to have a good reason for possessing Seth.

Tevinatarus: You will know when the time comes. But for now, the least you can do is atone for your fall from grace.

Lisa: (Confused.) What? Is this about me being a Buddhist?

Tevinatarus: No, not now anyway. I was talking about your transformation into a Serp'feratu.

Lisa: What about it? (She sounds excited.) Are you going to cure me of this?

Tevinatarus: Yes, but not right now. It will serve its purpose for now.

Lisa: (Disappointed.) Oh, I, I guess I can wait for a little while longer. I mean I miss being able to taste vegetables, and not get those blood cravings. But I'm a patient girl.

Tevinatarus: Don't use sarcasm to hide you disappointment. Look, remember what Eddie said about his wife, and unborn child and Augustus Bellmont?

Lisa: Yes?

Tevinatarus: Soon you will be responsible for undoing Augustus, AND THEN I shall undo your status as one of the undead… (Lisa looks unnerved at the 'undead' comment.) or at the least beings that can spontaneously regenerate.

Lisa: I understand.

Tevinatarus: Now then where were we? Ah yes, you and Seth were on your way back to his home?

Lisa: Wouldn't he notice, or at least remember that he's been possessed?

Tevinatarus: Really? I never thought of that. Perhaps we shall see.

Lisa: We shall see. (Tevinatarus's wings and glowing disappear.) Seth? Do you remember anything?

Seth: I remember wanting to go home. Look, just fly back, so we can put all of this unpleasantness behind us.

Lisa: (She is disappointed that Seth doesn't remember his possession.) Oh, well. (He takes Seth by the hand.) Hang on. (She flies off, despite that there's a blizzard picking up.) This could get a little bumpy.

(Five minutes of flying latter, Lisa and Seth are back in his bedroom.)

Lisa: Look, I know you probably weren't expecting to see me ever again.

Seth: I was afraid at first, then even more so when I saw you again as a Serp'feratu. But I still love you; I've just been on edge for the past month. My people are afraid of their doom; the enemies of The Republic are on our doorstep. I can feel their fear from across the void and… there uncertainty wounds my faith.

Lisa: (She is somewhat moved by Seth's words.) That's so sad… wait do you mean metaphorically feel your people's pain? Or can you actually feel them?

Seth: The second one… just two hours ago, which was around the time that I was supposed to take my Ulic pills, which is really weird, because those pills were supposed to keep my spleen from eating me.

Lisa: Seth… did it ever consider that you don't have a mutant spleen that'll eat you if you didn't take those pills?

Seth: Maybe. I have gone at least three or so hours without taking them. But I was mostly too panicked to really notice any sort of… (He is hit by an epiphany.) OW! Who threw that?

Lisa: I'm guessing that being hit by bricks is common these days?

Seth: Not really. But for some reason epiphany is write on them when they are thrown.

(He opens up the brick. He finds a note that reads "She's trying to say that you Essence sensitive stupid.") What the? You expect me to believe that I'm Essence sensitive?

Lisa: Well it was on my list. (All of a sudden Zaar bursts into the room, but before he can say anything. Seth accidentally Essence pushes Zaar out of surprise.) Come on if that isn't prove that your Essence sensitive I don't know what does!

Seth: Funny, didn't Seraph E-Strangle you to prove that The Essence existed in the first place?

Lisa: Yes, but that's besides the point. The point is your mother, possibly even developed that drug Ulic, possibly to hide you from The Lukus Order.

Seth: I suppose.

Zaar: (He returns to Seth's room, with a limp, and what looks like a broken vase on his head.) Speaking of moms, Prime Minister Elysium has been kidnapped.

Seth: (He sounds anxious at this abrupt news.) What? Was it while you and your master were watching a Centaur slaughter Persian warriors?

Zaar: (Embarrassed.) Yes actually, it was during the scene were Chiron was battling the Djin, Tyranis during the Siege of Acre. Some kind of weird alien's I think it may have been Serp'feratu's. (He notices Lisa.) By Mith'Rans knives! There's another one! (He ignites his light blades.)

Seth: (He shots Essence lightning out of his hand.) Touch Lisa and you die!

Zaar: (He turns off his light blades.) Normally I wouldn't cow down to a human. But you look dead serious, and maybe those stories Andúril told me about… I think his name was Eddie O'Bryan, were true, so I might be more careful around her, and not just because of those large wings, and the fact that I don't want to become one of those things myself.

Lisa: His last name was O'Bryan?

Seth: None of that matters now! Get your Master, a battalion of those Clone Marines. Also was there a note or something as to where they are?

Zaar: Yes, the note said that she's been taken to some planet called Kobra Minor.

Seth: Then make ready to go to that system immediately.

Zaar: Right. I'll go and tell Andúril immediately. (He limps off to the living room.)

Lisa: Seth, why are you doing this? I mean I know she's you mother, but she's pretty much lied to you for thirteen years.

Seth: (Hotly.) That may be, but if she is killed by those vermin or worse turned into one of those monstrosities. It could destabilize The Republic even further than it already is! Then The WOK can just plow through all The Sectorial Provinces unopposed! DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE?

Lisa: I do… but are you really doing this for your people, or for your mother?

Seth: (Angrily.) Don't throw me off with your amateurish psychological mumbo-jumbo! MY PEOPLE ARE THE ONLY REASON I BOTHER PUTTING UP WITH THIS MADDENING UNIVERSE. (All of a sudden a Moose playing a set of Bagpipes wanders down the hall.) SEE? LIKE THAT FOR INSTANCE! WHAT IS A MOOSE DOING WITH BAGPIPES?

Lisa: Will you at least stop shouting? (She picks her ear.) I swear everyone is shouting like squalling pigs.

Seth: (Sighs.) I'm sorry. Like I said back in The Kal Rigor forest I've been under a lot of stress. Besides, if there's the chance to rid the universe of a once thought obscure threat. I will not sacrifice it for the sake of my own safety.

Lisa: (She giggles slightly.) Now I remember why I took a liking to you in the first place. You always put the needs of the many, above the needs of the few.

Seth: That's a very corny thing to say.

Lisa: Give me a year or two and I might come up with something more romantic, and less corny.

Seth: (He sighs, and then says grimly.) We shall see if we can get one or two more years. (He is talking to the Moose.) And will get out of here?

Moose: (He stops playing his bagpipes.) Sorry. (He leaves.)

**A/N: (sniffs) I am so proud of my first Twilight parody. I mean I think I really captured the bad and unrealistic relationship between the main characters… and maimed it with enough of reality, realism and sci-fi nonsense to make it as funny as **

**I could possibly make while rushing through it.**

**P.S. You'll never see the Bagpipe playing Moose, or the Delivery Man Penguin ever again.**


	26. E9 Divine Pawns P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 9: Divine Pawns: Part 1

(Meanwhile on Earth, Knara and Bart arrive in the otherwise obscure Russian town of Veramashalenza, which from an overhead perspective it looks suspiciously like Springfield.)

Knara: (Confused.) Bart, I can understand Christmas shopping, but why in the middle of nowhere in a place like this?

Bart: Um… well, who knows? You might find something you weren't expecting.

Knara: Maybe, now you just go to some gift shops. Find something that looks interesting. Meanwhile I shall go and sign up to amateur Bear Wrestling.

Bart: Right, you do that. (The two go into opposite directions.) Now, to find Madrid, and wrap up all of this krannt, and put it behind us. (beat) Now I'm using alien swears instead of regular ones. I've been listening to Tsaritsyn for too long. But then again any amount of time around him is too long. (He walks down a long street. He then walks into a bar.) OW! How could I miss the door? (He enters the bar through the door. He approaches the bar tender, who looks like a Russian version of Moe.) Uh hello?

Bartender: (He takes a good look at Bart.) Hello young comrade? You look American.

Bart: What? Is that bad?

Bartender: No, no. It is good thing, for one thing, money of U.S. of A. Actually worth something around these parts. Rubles inflate like mad you know. So what will it be? And don't say Beer. I ran out it last week. And don't say Vodka. Barnofskie drank all of my supplies of Vodka two days ago. And don't ask for mead.

Bart: When did you run out of mead?

Bartender: No, no, no. I just got it from shady Zorahan merchant. I think it might actually be turpentine or something. But it taste horrible, just trust me on that.

Bart: I'm not here to get a drink.

Bartender: I can believe it. I got no drink to begin with. The closest thing to drink I got is hot plate and bucket that I fill with snow when pipes freeze over.

Bart: Look, do you know where I can find a Madrid Porsche?

Bartender: Ah! So you want information, just as good, since I don't got no drinks anyway. (He opens up a filing cabinet.) No let us see here. (He looks through the folders.) Personal Black Mail victims, Recipes for drinks, haven't used that one since I started up place, secrets of Soviet government to sell to American agents, secrets of Russian Federation government to sell to American agents, secrets of United Federation of Orion to sell to rebel organizations. (Sighs.) I swear that could have sworn that file was in here somewhere. AH! Here we go, (He pulls out a file labeled.) "Profiles".

Bart: (He looks anxious.) Look, just out of curiosity. Could you tell me a little bit about this place? I mean I only heard about this place about a few hours ago.

Bartender: Da, but first you tell me about yourself. I don't share personal information with strangers.

Bart: Okay, names Bart. I'm from Springfield.

Bartender: You mean that Springfield that was under that Chrono Sphere, right?

Bart: Yeah that's the one.

Bartender: Ah! That's a funny thing; we were under one such Chrono Sphere ten years

Bart: Odd, I always thought that Springfield was the only one to get one of those.

Bartender: Well you learn something new every day, even if at times it contradicts what you thought was true. My name is Moelensk by the way. Ah! (He pulls out another file labeled Madrid Porsche.) Is this what you were looking for?

Bart: Yes! (He takes the file.) Knara is going to be thrilled, or at the least cautiously wary.

(Knara enters the bar.)

Knara: Bart what are you doing here? Never mind, I need forty credits to register for Bear Wrestling.

Moelensk: This your girlfriend?

Bart: Were on the fence right now.

Knara: (She looks at the file that Bart's holding.) Wait what is that? (She takes the file from Bart's hands.) Madrid? (She looks at Bart in mistrust.) Bart, were not here for Christmas shopping are we? This has to do with my mother, doesn't it?

Bart: (He's trying to come up with an excuse.) Eh?… Maybe? I don't know, what did you ask? Where are we?

Moelensk: Wow, he hasn't even had a drink yet and he already has bad memory.

Knara: Bart, don't play stupid with me.

Bart: But that's the only thing I'm really good at! (Knara has a mad look on her face.) Okay look, I just want to get this whole. "Find Madrid krannt" over with, so that we could back to our lives. Remember? The one where we weren't running around most the galaxy looking for her? You remember those times? Right before Mary-Sue ruined everything?

Moelensk: Listen, as much as I like sight of teen angst. Can you please take this outside? You're scaring away regulars.

Bart: There's no one in here! Besides you said yourself you got nothing to drink but turpentine.

Moelensk: (He is silent for a moment.) Just get lost.

(Bart and Knara exit the bar.)

Bart: Now where was I? (All of a sudden he and Knara are surrounded by roughly twenty Blood Witches.) Look my rant about this whole thing is going to have to wait.

Blood Witch 1: (She approaches Knara.) We heard your coming on the winds. The Matriarch wishes to see her daughter again.

Knara: (She pulls out her Shock Scythe.) Try it. I'm really bored.

Blood Witch 1: As you say. (She throws a grenade in between Bart and Knara. It goes off knocking the two unconscious.) We shall take her to The Matriarch.

Blood Witch 2: What shall we do with the other one?

Blood Witch 1: We shall take him as well. He will make a worthy sacrifice to our goddess. (The other Blood Witch's look at her.) Okay a valid sacrifice. Let us just take them before the towns people grow suspicious. (They all begin to drag Bart and Knara away.)

(Meanwhile, onboard The Grim Resolve-CKM. Seth and Lisa are alone in Zaar's private quarters.)

Lisa: (She is trying to start up a conversation with Seth.) So… how are you holding up?

Seth: (He looks really angry, complete with the yellow eyes.) Lisa, my mother was kidnapped over three hours ago. On top of that I'm relying on Confederate starships in order to get her back! As if things could get any worse.

Zaar: (He enters the room.) Please don't say that out loud. You'll only jinx the whole mission.

Seth: (He gives Zaar a menacing glare.) Don't make this into a joking matter Quetzal, if you and your Master were doing your duties. None of this would have happened!

Zaar: Don't take this out on me! Master Thel and I only arrived to Amidala two days ago. Besides I've been having real problems coping with the death of a fallen kovar'cha.

Seth: (Dismissively.) What? Daavas finally meet his end?

Zaar: (Angrily.) Don't be snide human. Frankly I just want to get this whole thing over with. So that we can all go home.

Lisa: You're not enthusiastic about this?

Zaar: (He sounds offended.) What? You think that simply because my people are largely warriors that means we can't resist the rush of battle? That's only true when we remember why we're fighting. Me? (Sighs.) I'm barley even certain how this turved war started in the first place.

Seth: It started when The Commerce Collective got too greedy for their own good, invaded Senator Rhea's homeworld of Ooban over increased trade route taxation or something. Then after that some Blood Lord Rakata rose to prominence among Alliance frontier worlds, raised support among them. Built a large army of maddened and blood thirsty cultists. One thing led to another, BOOM. The Corporate Wars began!

Zaar: ANNNNND… the wars ended almost a year ago, a few months after it began in fact. Supposedly, Stan Tartarus slew Rakata Dockuma during the Battle of Neeyala, and ever since then shizno has been the subject of gross wet dreams of hormonally challenged female teens and pre-teens.

Lisa: (Confused.) Uh?… what does this have to do with anything?

Zaar: (Confused.) Eh? Oh, sorry my mind wandered.

Seth: I simply told you what you asked of me.

Zaar: Besides, if it satisfy your curiosity… its Seraph that's fallen into shadow.

Lisa: (She looks visibly surprised.) What! She looked fine the last time I saw her!

Zaar: Yes, but that was during The Massacre of Ashla. Apparently during the battle she was replaced by a Plasmoid, and shortly after everyone actually discovered that she was a Plasmoid I sensed Seraph and her unborn children screaming loudly for about a minute, and then she went silent.

Lisa: Oh my… (She just realizes that Zaar said "unborn children.") Wait. Did you say that Seraph was pregnant?

Zaar: (Sigh.) Yes. She made me swear not to tell anyone after I found out… about two or so weeks after conception I think.

Lisa: (Inquisitively.) Were you the?

Zaar: What? (He realizes that she was asking if he was the father.) NO! No never! I'm not some Xenosexual! Ey-Wa, that's a definite yes, besides inter-species relationships almost never end well. Look, for the sake of stagnating your curiosity, Daavas Majic was the father.

Seth: (He sounds frustrated with Zaar and Lisa's conversation.) I do not care about the sexuality, or fate of a dead Bloodskin! Or for that matter how this turved war started in the first place! (He leaves for the bridge.) I'm going to get Andúril off his hide, and get this operation underway.

Lisa: (She tries to reach for him.) Seth! Wait!

Zaar: (He stops her.) Leave him, if he wishes to become the instrument of his doom. Then let him.

Lisa: But I love him!

Zaar: I know. I can sense it in you. But Seth's anger is consuming his mind. Whatever happens on Kobra Minor will be on his terms. What's worse, I also sense that whatever will break him out his madness, will also break him. (Lisa is trying to suppress tears.) But if he survives, he will become stronger for it. His actions will haunt him for the rest of his life, but he will be a Paragon of Trust, Strength, and Loyalty.

Lisa: Why would you care?

Zaar: What can I say? Over the past few weeks I've come to admire your species, as impossible as that may sound. Or at the very least, The Amidalan and Homo-Prime broods.

Lisa: I see. But what do you have against The Koprulicans?

Zaar: Let me put it too you simply, your people along with The Amidalans. Were at least brave enough to muster your own citizens to fight. The Koprulicans on the other hand, have been breeding those Clone Marines for the sole purpose of fighting and dying, more often than not, deaths in vain.

(Commander Crichton enters the room.)

Crichton: (Sighs.) Your still going on about this aren't you?

Zaar: As often as I can. The sooner you accept that you and your Sky-Mish Abel'ashan's are basically a slaves of The AOKA, the sooner I'll stop slandering your Abel'ashan's deaths.

Crichton: Believe me I accepted that sometime ago. But I just wanted you to know that

Seth Elysium has pretty much hijacked this ship. And set a course for Kobra Minor, ahead of the rest of the fleet.

Zaar: (In disbelief.) Really? Then does this ship not rock? (The ship begins to rock violently, dignaling that the ship has gone into Q-space.) Never mind!

Lisa: What the! This is crazy! Doesn't he know that the Serp'feratu on that planet would have advanced planetary defenses?

Zaar: Perhaps. But the worst thing that comes into my mind on the subject is that he doesn't care about the defenses, he's more interested in getting his mother back. Rather than making sure that anyone survives.

Lisa: (The ships rocks violently again.) What was that?

Zaar: That was the ship exiting Q-space. (There is an explosion. Alarms begin blaring all over the ship.) And that was the ship, undoubtedly being shot by planetary based artillery.

Voice over PR system: ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THE ENGINES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED BY PLANET BASED WEOPONRY! PREPARE FOR DECENT!

Zaar: And were going to crash into the planet's surface. (A porthole outside reveals that the ship has caught fire.) Your boyfriend is not only a reckless blood letter but also a really bad pilot.

Crichton: I'll go up to the bridge! Try to stabilize the landing!

Zaar: While you go up and remind everyone to fasten their seatbelts. I'm going to go and actually do something that will INCREASE our chances of survival.

Lisa: What'll that be? (Zaar jumps out of a nearby air lock.) Oh! You do that! But what'll you do?

Zaar: You'll know! (Zaar uses the Essence to zoom past the falling wreckage of The Grim Resolve-CKM. He lands right as the ships is about to fall bow first into a plateau. Zaar uses the Essence to slow down the ships decent, causing it to land flat on its hull. Zaar calls Andúril on his communicator.) Master, I have stabilized the landing of The Grim Resolve. Are you alright? It looks like the ship took a massive beating.

Andúril: (He sounds really beat up.) Ow. I have at least a ruptured pancreas, but aside from my pride nothings wounded.

Zaar: Yes considering the fact that you were overpowered by a thirteen year old Amidalan. I'd say that your pride would have been horribly injured and bleeding.

Andúril: (Sighs.) Look just get ready, I'll try to send a distress signal.

Zaar: Wouldn't the fleet wonder why we left AHEAD of schedule? So wouldn't they come anyway?

Andúril: (He's trying to make up an excuse to continue talking.) Eh?… Well could you just destroy the artillery guns that shot us down in the first place? It's the least that can be done in order to make sure that this mission goes by smoothly.

Zaar: (Disappointed.) Again? And I'm not saying that out of arrogant sarcasm. I'm saying that because I'm growing weary of having to do all the hard work. Remember Terra Shola? When Daavas grew reluctant of setting off the charges on the WOK base? _**I**_ had to destroy the whole thing myself!

Andúril: (Confused.) What? What does Terra Shola have to do with anything?

Zaar: Never mind. (Seth bursts out of the ships bridge.) Seth might get those guns instead. Either that or he's going straight on to the base. Better I just take care of the guns anyway, over and out. (He turns off his communicator.)

(Lisa flies out of the wreck carrying Commander Crichton.)

Lisa: I can't believe Seth would do something this reckless. I mean my brother has done enough rash things to make a biography about him. But driving a capital ship into a kill zone is something even Bart hasn't tried yet.

Zaar: (Grunts.) I wouldn't be surprised if he would try something that crazy. But we must take out the artillery guns. it's the only way reinforcements can reach us safely.

Lisa: Well what about Seth?

Crichton: I don't know about you. But I think he'll be providing a very effective distraction.

Zaar: (There is a loud explosion in the distance.) As much as I hate to say it, he's off to a good start.

(Meanwhile on Earth, Bart and Knara are inside of crudely made cages made of large bones. The two of them regain consciousness.)

Bart: (He is really groggy.) Where?… where are we?

Knara: (She struggles to stay awake.) I'm not certain. But I can't help but suppress the feeling to hate you A LOT! You knew about this didn't you?

Bart: What? No! I mean what were the odds that Witches were hiding in The Russian wilderness? I mean it's so cold.

(An elderly woman in heavy robes approaches the cells.)

Elderly Women: (She has a very deep echo to her voice.) You'd think so, but it's surprising how warm a cave can be. (She glares over at Knara.) I also see that you have brought the sacrifice that we need.

Knara: WHAT!

Elderly Women: Don't worry my dear. Bart didn't bring you here on my account. In fact he brought you here on **your** account. He was upset that you gave up on finding Madrid, so he contacted a reliant source that told him that she was.

Bart: Let me guess how you knew that? Mind reading? Or did you read my personal journal?

Knara: (Confused.) You have a journal?

Bart: (Sheepishly.) Yeah, it was something Mom gave me awhile back. About a few days after that whole Chrono-Sphere thing actually, I wasn't planning on writing anything in it at first. But then things got really interesting, you know adopting Seraph? Meeting you and so on?

Elderly Women: (She pulls out a futuristic journal.) I must admit. Despite its grammar, spelling errors, and the fact that it's format is that of an under narrated script. It's quite an enticing read. Besides, from this a Somite agent told me of your coming. I believe you've met her before.

Bart: (In complete and utter surprise.) Mary-Sue told you? Doesn't anyone stay dead anymore? (Mary-Sue enters the scene with a demented smile on her face.) That's right sweat thing I'm talking to you!

Mary-Sue: (She laughs maniacally.) Surprised to see me again?

Bart: A little. But that's only because I never fixed you as the too stubborn to die type.

Mary-Sue: No matter, we shall take Knara to be sacrificed to The Blood Portal that I smuggled over here over the past month.

Knara: (She looks earnestly surprised.) So the legends about those things were true.

Bart: (He tries to sound like he knows what a Blood Portal is.) Yeah I didn't think that those things were real either.

Knara: You only heard of those things just a few seconds ago.

Bart: Exactly! What are those things?

Elderly Women: In ancient times, they were used by the Telkines to travel vast distances across their homeworld. During The Age of Dawn they were all but destroyed. But the art for creating them wasn't. After millennia of experimenting they have been adapted for interplanetary travel.

Bart: Oh… but why are you telling us this? Plus why do you need Knara?

Elderly Women: It's actually very simple. First we need Essence rich blood in order to power the portal properly. If ordinary blood were to be used then it would only work as a two-way communication device.

Knara: (She is panting heavily.) What does any of this have to do with my mother?

Elderly Women: Ah, young Madrid. I still remember when she came to me, and when we had to give you up to The Fellowship for our clans safety.

Mary-Sue: (She rudely interrupts The Cult Leader.) Enough! This chatter is irrelevant! Jurik'cal, we either get the operation underway today or never!

Jurik'cal: (She storms off.) Honestly why do I even have to put up with you? Why couldn't Suez send someone else?

Mary-Sue: (She has a psychotic look on her face.) So… we meet again. Why are you so obsessed with delaying the inevitable? (She tilts her head to the left.) We only want what's best for the universe.

Bart: (Doubtfully.) Yeah, I still don't see how killing all non-human life in existence, working in liege with **an alien cult**, you getting knocked up in a gross attempt to make humanity universally powerful, and sacrificing my girlfriend to get some ancient inter-dimensional portal to work could possibly benefit humanity! Believe me I never thought I'd ever say any of that out loud, and not think I was crazy.

Knara: Not only that. But I still want to know where my mother is!

Mary-Sue: (Mockingly.) Ah… wittle Knawa what's her mommy. (She mocking sucks her thumb.)

Knara: (She Essence shocks Mary-Sue in order to stop her from doing this embarrassingly immature taunting.) First of all, the only reason I've been looking for her in the first place. Was so that I could learn the truth about myself, and second, at least I have a mother, at least I'm a real human of flesh and blood. (Mary-Sue has a mortified look on her face.)

You? You say you're the next step in human evolution. At the least that's a half-truth, but let's face it. But you'll never know what it means to feel love.

Mary-Sue: (She looks visibly angry.) Not the least of which you!

Knara: No fooling. But what's to say your own family loves you?

Mary-Sue: (She looks confused.) What?

Knara: That's right. Who's to say if the rest of The Snaipmyloians, actually care about you. What if the only reason they created you, was so that they could rule humanity undisputedly, through you. (Mary-Sue has an uncertain look on her face.) That's right, your own creators see you as nothing but a means to an end!

Mary-Sue: (Her crazed look returns to her face.) You know Bart… I don't like your girlfriend!

Bart: (He groans.) Don't even think about singing!

Knara: (She does an Essence Repulse.) Enough! (Knara Essence pulls a seemingly random Blood Witch towards her. She then snaps her neck, and takes her two blades.) I will not toy with you anymore. Since your obviously not listening. I'm only going to ask this one last time. Were. Is. Madrid?

Mary-Sue: (She's trying to come up with an answer.) Um… Spain?

Bart: (Bart face palms himself.) Remind me again, how did she weasel her way into our lives?

Knara: (She jams one of her blades into Mary-Sue's chest.) Frankly I'm just interested in learning the truth. Anything else is secondary.

Mart-Sue: (Her chest is sparking.) I thought you had given up?

Knara: (Stoically.) No… (Knara Essence Pushes Mary-Sue through several walls.) I was just thinking about taking a break. (She notices her Shock Scythe on a wall.) Now why didn't I notice that was there before? (Knara Essence pulls it towards her. And she gives her extra blade to Bart.)

Bart: Hmm… must have been distracted from playing mind games with The Tin-Girl.

Knara: Makes sense. Now, let us turn the stones of this cave red with blood!

Bart: Do we have to? I mean it makes more sense if we just leave.

Knara: Perhaps, but I doubt that Jurik'cals minions would allow us to leave here alive.

Besides, while we are here we might as well see as to what to whether or not there is a Blood Portal down here.

Bart: Makes sense, besides if there's a chance that they be using such a thing for an invasion of Earth we might as well stop it before it happens.

Knara: Don't see how that can be possible. But I won't gamble fate with cannibalistic zealots.

(Else ware, in the cave. Mary-Sue crashes through, maybe the 31st, 32nd wall in the lair. Incidentally Jurik'cal is in the last room that she lands in.)

Jurik'cal: (She is communicating via hologram with a man that looks like Eliphas from Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War: The Dark Crusade.) Are all of the preparations underway on Kobra Minor, Rakata Cronus?

Cronus: Yes Sister Jurik'cal, a Confederate Goliath entered the system, but I think we shot it down before it could send a distress signal.

Jurik'cal: Excellent, (She notices Mary-Sue picking rubble out of her cloths.) what the? Let me guess. You taunted young Knara into escaping from her cell didn't you?

Mary-Sue: (Franticly.) Does it matter? We have to proceed with the ritual! Cronus do you have the Amidalan Prime Minister?

Cronus: Yes,… but that flamboyant idiot Augustus won't tell me where he hid her. He keeps saying that he has something 'special' planned for her, something about her son, turning her into a Blood Ghoul, and irony. I hate it when my own minions play around with my mind!

Mary-Sue: Then find her!

Cronus: Silence Automaton! You may have gotten Jurik'cals end of The Blood Portal to Earth, but that does not grant you command over either of us!

Jurik'cal: I agree, our two factions may have been allies during The War. But that does not give you the right to order us around like common acolytes, besides, baring all incidents. Cronus's Serp'feratu forces committing Guerilla warfare on Earth will be proceeding ahead of your master's time-table. In the meantime, YOU will stop Knara's rampage.

Mary-Sue: Rampage? What rampage? (There is a very loud explosion that rattles the cave.)

Jurik'cal: (Nonchalantly.) That rampage. (She reaches over to a cage, and pulls out a woman that looks around her late thirties.) Now if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare Madrid for the ritual.

Madrid: (She has a smug look on her face.) Not if my daughter gets to you first.

Jurik'cal: (Sighs.) Defiant as all ways, now I remember why I let you live for so long.

(Meanwhile on Kobra Minor. Lisa, Zaar, and Commander Crichton are sneaking around giant artillery cannons.)

Lisa: (In awe.) Look at the size of those things! I'm amazed the ship survived a barrage from that.

Zaar: It isn't that impressive. Those are obviously planetary based gun. If they were designed to destroy ships in high orbit The Grim Resolve would have been destroyed completely.

Lisa: That's another thing, how did the ship fall so fast into the planet?

Crichton: I'm not expert at physics. But I'd say gravity.

Lisa: (Sighs.) Never mind, let's destroy those things and get on to finding Seth and Juno.

Zaar: Now you're talkin' my language Nun'ashan! (He draws his Light Blades, and goes on to slaughter random Serp'feratus' at the artillery guns.)

Crichton: (He groans out loud.) I hate it when he does this! He never lets me kill anything!

Lisa: Is he always like this? Besides what's taking Andúril and the rest of his forces so long?

Crichton: I'm not really sure, (A beheaded Serp'feratu corpse lands right behind him.) frankly I don't know why I'm not helping him! For the most part, Colonel Hogan is normally Zaar's second in command. (The Cannons explode loudly drowning him out.) But I know my orders, even if I personally hate them. You know what I mean right?

Lisa: (She pretends to hear what Crichton said over the explosion.) I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!

Zaar: (He lands neatly behind them.) Okay, now that the cannons have been taken care, (More Confederate ships enter the planets orbit.) ah look. The reinforcements have arrived. (All of a sudden, hundreds of Fellowship Cruisers darken the sky.) Along with… The Fleet of The Martyrs Dirge? (He contacts Andúril.) Master Thel? Do you know that your Brood Mates fleet has just entered Kobra Minors orbit?

Andúril: (He sounds surprised.) Aon is here? That can only mean one thing. Aiur, has ordered an Imperial Exterminatus of this world.

Lisa: (Confused.) An Exterminatus, what's that?

Zaar: (He has a somber look on his face.) The long and short of it, this has pretty much been sanctioned by The Twilight Emperor himself to be cleansed, doubtlessly due to the Serp'feratu on this world.

Lisa: (In utter shock.) WHAT! I thought The Fellowship was against destroying planets!

Zaar: Oh don't worry; the worst that will happen is that Aon's warriors will get carried away with the slaughter. (He sounds uncertain.) But then again, if they find any Blood Relics, this rock is as good as… well a rock, a big lifeless rock in the void.

Lisa: (Franticly.) Then we have to get to The Serp'feratu base quickly! Before it's too late!

(She grabs Zaar and Crichton by the arms, and she flies away with them in tow.)

Crichton: (He's screaming at the top of his longs.) AH! PUT ME DOWN YOU TURVED LIZARD QUEEN!

Zaar: (He is picking something out of his ear.) Will you stop shouting? Were just going to fly into the base, take everyone out. Find Prime Minister Elysium and her son, and get out before this world is purged. What could possibly go wrong?


	27. E9 Divine Pawns P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 9: Divine Pawns: Part 2

(Deep in the Citadel of Rakata Cronus, he is pacing around impatiently in front of The Blood Portal.)

Cronus: (He sounds anxious.) What is Augustus up to? There are Fellowship and Confederate ships in the sky. The cannons are destroyed, and I've got an irate droid ordering me around over two-thousand light years away! (A Serp'feratu enters the chamber. Complete with an… Emo haircut and… pierced… NIPPLES!) Augustus! You had better tell me were Prime Minister Juno is right now! I don't care what you have planed for her. But the very least, you should tell me!

Augustus: (He has a… playfully flamboyant… Germen accent.) Not to worry. The one called, Seth Elysium is storming the Citadel as we speak. Soon he shall be captured, and we can commence with powering up The Blood Portal. (He… giggles.)

Cronus: (Doubtfully.) Oh really? Will this happen before, or after the accursed Fellowship of Andu annihilates this world?

Augustus: (He sounds surprised.) What? (He looks out a window to see a large ship. Specifically, a Lhikan class-frigate. That isn't The Martyrs Dirge mind you but another ship entirely.) I knew I shouldn't have ordered my minions to leave a note about the kidnapping! With or without the coordinates to this planet!

Cronus: (He grabs Augustus by the neck.) YOU GAVE THEM THE COORDINATES! This is just like that fiasco Eddie started! Remember him? You let him give the location of The Crimson Heart of The Shadows, the base of The Coalition of The Disciples of The Blood Lords during The Somite Wars. Freely to the Lukus Templars! That slip up has been on your head for over two-hundred years! Not only that but it nearly cost us The Heirs of Adas, Disciples of Oct'thulu, and The Witches of Tenoch-Sallem cults! Why Rakata Armageddon offered to take you and your ilk into our fold then, I will never understand.

Augustus: (He is struggling under Cronus's grip.) I was… GAH! His nephew.

Cronus: (He isn't convinced.) No, no that's not it. He's too smart to make up such a bad excuse for someone so embarrassing incompetent, not to mention pointlessly sadistic even for our standards. (He drops Augustus.) Now either you put what you have planned in motion right now, or we will have just wasted all the precious time that Rakata Dne Derfslan bought us on Ashla.

(Meanwhile on Earth, Knara and Bart a tearing up the which's lair something fierce.)

Bart: (He is firing a Gatling gun at a mass of Which's.) Die! Die! DIE! (He mows everyone down.)

Knara: (She takes a deep breath.) This is glorious work my Parl'vas. But we are no closer to The Blood Portal, and finding Madrid.

Bart: I know babe. But I'm having way too much fun with this bad boy right now! (He notices Mary-Sue sitting on an outcropping of rock. ) For instance. (He blows up the outcropping with the Gatling run, and Mary-Sue falls down.) I swear I'm never going to get tired of putting that bitch down!

Mary-Sue: (She coughs.) Hold on! I know where Madrid is.

Knara: What? Bart, stay your weapon. You had better not be lying about this!

Mary-Sue: No! Why would I lie about something that serious?

Knara: Call me skeptical. But your not one for being honest.

Mary-Sue: (She sounds utterly surprised.) What? Name five!

Knara: Well there's lying about you being a droid.

Bart: Not telling that only reason you came to Earth was to get knocked up.

Knara: Covering up that by fabricating security camera footage.

Bart: Secretly giving her that Alexithymia krannt.

Knara: And in general being very arrogant and vain.

Mary-Sue: (She sounds very cocky.) Is that all?

Knara: Yeah, that's pretty much all that we can remember. Aside from Ashla obviously, but as far as I'm concerned you should still be dead after that tragedy.

Mary-Sue: (She looks frustrated.) Look, the sooner we get this over with the sooner we can all go home.

Bart: What do you think Knara? We trust her, or do we blow her up again?

Knara: Hmm… are there any more Blood Whitchs between here and wherever your keeping Madrid?

Mary-Sue: None that I know of, you've pretty much killed all of them anyway.

Knara: (Cautiously.) Okay, assuming your telling the truth. I say that you take us to Madrid. But any funny stuff and your as good as scrap metal, again.

Mary-Sue: I know from experience that that's the best I'm going to get out of you. Follow me. (She, Knara and Bart head out to the primary chamber.)

Bart: Are you sure this is a good idea?

Knara: No, but I can't really think of a better way to find her. Besides, we can kill whoever mans this cult.

Mary-Sue: You know I can hear you right?

Knara: Yes, but these Witches Rakata would suspect such a thing anyway.

(Meanwhile on Kobra Minor, Lisa is flying at high speed towards The Blood Cultist Citadel with Zaar, and Commander Crichton in her arms.)

Zaar: (The wind is blowing past his face so fast that his face is beginning to lump up on itself.) Can't you slow down just a little? I'm pretty sure that he's fine.

Lisa: (She has a determined look on her face.) Not a chance, not on Seth's life!

Zaar: Be that as that may could you at least watch where your flying? If your not careful we could get hit by. (All of a sudden, a large silver object crashes into our heroes.) A Fellowship drop pod!

Crichton: (He is screaming at the top of his lungs.) AH! WERE GOING TO DIE! WERE GOING TO DIE! WERE GOING TO DIE! WERE GOING TO BE CRUSHED BY A TWO-HUNDRED POUNDS OF MITHRIL!

Zaar: (He is really annoyed with Crichton's screaming.) Will you shut up? (He grabs unto the side of the drop pod.) Now we should be able to land relatively safe when this thing hit's the ground!

Lisa: (She sounds really scarred.) When will that be?

Zaar: (The pod lands with a particularly loud thump.) Judging by that thump, I'd say about three hours or so. And Crichton, as soon as you can, get your codpiece changed.

(The drop pod opens up. Rahpo Ein-he'rjar R'lyeh and Ocihc Muloc-Sbu exit the drop pod.)

Ocihc: Remind me again, why did we jammed into the same pod?

Rahpo: (He shakes his head.)

Ocihc: You don't know? That makes sense, I don't know either! (He notices Zaar, Lisa, and a shivering Crichton.) Hey! Isn't it Zaar Lrack?

Zaar: (He looks embarrassed.) Oh no, not you two again. I thought was through with the both of you on Soma.

Lisa: You know these two?

Ocihc: (He notices that Lisa is a Ub-Viper Serp'feratu.) AH! (He pulls out a DMR based weapon from his back.) Die heretic scum!

Zaar: (He Essence pulls the weapon out of Ocihc's hands.) Ocihc, son of Grawn-Tsmarta. The lady asked you a question! Not for a plasma thorn to the brain. And to answer your original question Lisa, yes I do know these two.

Rahpo: (He looks confused.)

Zaar: Yes its kind of long story behind her… condition. But right now we need to get to that Citadel.

Ocihc: (He is trying to form a complete sentence.) Bu-… but… the Serp'feratu!

Lisa: (She is really angry.) Look! We don't have time for you, or that Eldritch Abomination to be paranoid about me. There is a really, really, REALLY, angry Amidlan. My boyfriend in fact, who is going on a rampage, just to find his mother!

Ocihc: And your point is?

Lisa: (She is utterly frustrated.) LOOK UP AT THE SKY YOU OVER SIZED SEA URCHIN! (She grabs Ocihc by the neck and forces him to look up at the sky. The sky is dark with black clouds, lightning is cracking loudly in the distance.)

Zaar: (He notices all the bad weather.) What the? I'm surprised I didn't notices that before. (He gets the meaning of Lisa's outburst at Ocihc.) Wait a second. Are you saying that all of that bad weather is Seth's fault? I mean he may be Essence sensitive, but honestly an untrained one being able to manipulate weather patterns with his emotions? (A bolt of lightning strikes dangerously close to our semi-incompetent protagonists.) Then again, weirder things have been happening over the past decade. So I won't go out on a limb and doubt your suspicions. Now lets move it!

(He and everyone else, except for Crichton run towards the Citadel. Rahpo briefly doubles back to get him.)

(Meanwhile on Earth. Bart, Knara, and Mary-Sue have just entered the chamber where Jurik'cal is performing a ritual in order to activate the Blood Portal right next to her.)

Mary-Sue: I got them, now is the portal ready or not?

Jurik'cal: You Somites are so embarrassingly impatient. If this could be done quickly it would already be done. Now then, young Knara. Why have you come?

Knara: (She puts her hand on the staff of her Shock Scythe.) First off, Bart somehow knew my mother was here. I didn't come here on my own. Secondly, your pet minions drugged us.

Bart: (He notices Madrid, laying on an alter like device.) Look there she is! Let's just kill these two, and get the hell out of here! (He tries to run over to Madrid. But Mary-Sue grabs him before he can really move.) Oh come on!

Mary-Sue: Your not going anywhere! Your little friend is going to be sacrificed to that portal, and before long. A vast army of Serp'feratu, stationed on the remote planet of Kobra Minor will enter through. Then they shall turn everyone, human and alien alike into there own! (There is a loud explosion.) What the?

(All of a sudden, a massive army of Amazonian Leviathans and Serp'feratu swarm the lair. At the head of this army, is Eddie O'Brian, and Thel Tsaritsyn.)

Knara: (She pulls out her Scythe.) Not if I, and Eddies private army have anything can say about that. (She stabs Jurik'cal through the chest.) Embrace the enzymes of Cocytus, filth! (Jurik'cal's corpse fall onto a small dagger like monolith.) Oh no.

(All of a sudden The Blood Portal opens. Revealing a maddened Seth holding a shotgun in the mouth of a suspiciously familiar Zombie of some kind.)

Bart: (He wrestles away from Mary-Sue's grip.) Knara what just happened? I thought she needed you for that thing to work.

Knara: I'm guessing that this artifact is indifferent as to who's blood feeds it. (She notices Seth.) Seth can you hear me? (Seth looks at her, his eyes are literally on fire with rage.) I take it that… Lisa's visit didn't end well?

Seth: (He has a demonic reverb to his voice.) No… in fact the worse thing that happened was that I mistook her for an assassin. Or was it that my mother was kidnapped by these vermin? I do believe that rage has addled my memory.

Bart: WHAT! Seth! Whatever you do! Don't pull that trigger!

Seth: Why shouldn't I?

Bart: Take a good long look at her.

Seth: (He does so, he notices that the zombie in question is none other then his own mother.) What in the name of The Primarch's? (The fire that's on his face dies down. Juno begins writhing around the floor.)

Knara: (She has a sympathetic look on her face.) By The All-Father, what have those monsters done to her?

(Augustus enters the chamber on Kobra Minor's end of The Blood Portal.)

Augustus: You noticed my work I take it?(Eddie approaches The Blood Portal with an angry scowl on his face. Don't worry everyone is too busy fighting to really be a threat to Bart and Knara.)

Eddie: Augustus… we meet again. So this is what you've been doing since the war. Plotting with demented madmen on distant worlds, damning our people to the stigma we've been afflicted with for the past thousand years?

Augustus: What? (He looks over at Juno.) Oh her? That was nothing, turning her into was surprisingly simple. Normally it takes at least several hours to turn anyone into a Blood Ghoul. But it took an hour just to turn her over. It was almost as if she was already being controlled by some outside source… then again that could explain her Republic's military manufacturing centers were altogether shut down after she returned to office.

Seth: (He is choked up, but trying his best to talk coherently.) Actually… Senator Rhea was the one who did that. I still don't know why, or why mother allowed it to continue, but I swear when I get the chance, I'll make her answer for it!

Augustus: Anyway, I bet your wondering why I have done this?

Eddie: Knowing you. Wondering why you'd do something like this, is about a big of waste of time as wondering why Telkines detest their former religion with a burning rage that would make a supernova look cold.

(All of a sudden. Lisa, Zaar, Crichton, Ochic and Rahpo enter The Citadel Chamber.)

Zaar: (He notices that it's raining heavily outside to complement the lightning.) Man its really starting to pour down out there. I hope we can still link up with Master An… (He and everyone else notices that Seth is wailing loudly.) Oh no… by The Nine please tell me I'm not seeing this.

(All of sudden… there is a loud flushing noise, Cronus exits' the bathroom he was just in.)

Cronus: I swear I really need to lay off those burritos. (He notices all the commotion in the main chamber.) Augustus, what in the name of Oct'thulu are you doing? (Zaar, Rahpo, and Ochic proceed to attack him, but he lifts them with The Essence before they can do anything.) Look I'm not putting up with any off you until I get some answers from Augustus! Now, what have you done to Elysium?

Augustus: (He is unfazed by just about everything that's currently happening in that room.) Well, it was actually very simple. I turned Prime Minister Elysium into Blood Ghoul. So that her son would kill her in blind rage, there by sealing his commitment to our cult. (In a demonic voice.) **The Disciples of Oct'thulu!**

Cronus: (He is flabbergasted.) YOU IDIOT! We were going to hold her hostage AFTER your Serp'feratu's arrived on Earth! Not before! Besides, what you've done is inexcusable! AND! (He notices that the Blood Portal is on.) Okay how it this thing powered up anyway? (He also notices that Jurik'cal is lying dead on the small obelisk.) Oh… that's how…

Augustus: (He pushes Cronus onto The Blood Obelisk, causing it to impale him, then he takes a scarab shaped amulet off of him.) You may have won this day! But I shall return!

(He, very quickly takes a similar amulet off of Jurik'cals corpse.) And I'm taking these two with me!

(Roughly an hour of hard to explain scientific, and magical mumbo jumbo. Augustus's Serp'feratu, and The Blood Witches have left completely.)

Bart: (He looks really confused.) What just happened? More over why didn't anyone try to kill that weirdo?

Knara: (She is holding Mary-Sue's decapitated head by the hair.) From the best I could figure… he was moving way too fast for anyone to shot him anyway, and Tsaritsyn shouldn't be in bed?

Tsaritsyn: (He is shivering.) And miss out on all the action? You know me better then that!

Eddie: In any case, I am deeply disappointed that I didn't kill him. Or at the very least Lisa since she DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO AT LEAST EXERT CONTROL OVER HIS TWISTED LITTLE MIND!

Bart: I'll say… I didn't even know Lisa could do something like that. But… Seth's mom being turned into, a Blood Ghoul was it?

Knara: (Sympathetically.) Yes, that was a startling sight. Up until today, I thought that these Blood Relics, and Blood Monsters were just legends.

Madrid: (She gets up, after having been laying on an alter for over an hour.) Eh… (She tries to stand up but is way too exhausted to that so she just falls down.) ow, man this has been a bad day.

Knara: (She goes over to her birth mother.) I know, believe me I wasn't even planning to come here.

(Meanwhile on Kobra Minor, everyone is still in the chamber. Dumbfounded as to what transpired.)

Zaar: (Grimly.) By The All-Father, this is indeed the beginning of the end.

Seth: (He is still crying over the writhing body of his mutilated Blood Ghoul mother.) You think?

(All of a sudden, Andúril, Colonel Hogan, and at least twenty Clone Marines burst in.)

Andúril: Zaar! We have to get out of here! Aon has just commenced with glassing the planet!

Zaar: Can't we at least collect out wits? Bedsides, were still waiting to see if Seth will put his own mother out of her misery!

Andúril: (He sounds confused.) What are you talking about? (He notices Juno writhing on the floor.) Oh… I swear this is probably the biggest mistake we've made over the course of this whole war.

Zaar: Yeah, that is SO the last time we watch movie marathons when on duty.

Lisa: (Angrily.) You were watching movies instead of protecting that women!

Zaar: It was a slow night! Besides, the idea that Serp'fertu's kidnapping her in the middle of the night was a something of a farfetched idea… at the time anyway.

Seth: (Loudly.) SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! (He takes out his shotgun, then, still tear eyed. Aims for his zombiefied mothers head.) (Meekly.) Forgive me… (He slowly squeezes' the trigger.) mother.

Juno: (She sounds really gurgle like.) I… will always love… you… my son. (Her head explodes like an overripe melon.)

Lisa: (She puts a sympathetic hand on Seth's shoulder.) Seth I'm… I'm so sorry.

Seth: (His eyes are welling up.) Don't be, this wasn't your fault.

Zaar: (He sounds confused.) So what now? You blame me and Andúril for this mess?

Seth: (He tries to chuckle, but he's to choked up.) Like blaming you two will undo everything. Look right now we have to get this Blood Portal up and running!

Ochic: What! Why would you-a want that-a blasphemous piece of transportation equipment up and runnin again?

Seth: You know a faster way to get off this dieing rock? But first, to make sure that no one is able to use this after we leave. (He stretches out his hand to one of Kobra Minor's moons, all of a sudden the moon in question shatters, and falls apart very slowly.) Now, which one of you is an expert in Blood Relics?

Lisa: (She is shocked that Seth just destroyed a moon with his mind.) You… you destroyed that moon!

Seth: I know, now does anyone know how to turn this thing back on?

Lisa: What was that for anyway? I mean Aon is already glassing the planet anyway! (A bright light shoots down out of the bottom of The Martyrs Dirge.) SEE! What you just did was overkill! Besides you'll destroy the planets entire ecosystem!

Zaar: This world is tainted by Oct'thulu, it's a tragedy. But this world is pretty much a dead rock anyway. Right now we need to get out of here! And before anyone asks, no I don't know how to work these things either. Master Thel?

Andúril: I don't know! I may be the eldest one here, but back during The Ages of Prosperity and Stagnation. So much as coming in contact with one of those things was considered heresy!

Seth: A greater heresy then being crushed by the fragments of a moon?

Andúril: Not exactly, but the odds of anyone breaking moons with their minds back then were deathly abnormal. As a matter of fact I don't think anything like that has ever happened before until now.

Ochic: WAIT! I think I may know how to use that thing! Or at least I know how to chant the rituals, Rahpo know how to use the runes on The Blood Portal!

Andúril: You both know how to use Blood Relics?… honestly what are you spawnlings being taught these days?

Seth: Great now use that thing! HURRY!

Ochic: Okay! (He and Rahpo goes over to The Blood Portal, he begins chanting in an alien language. Translation.) Oh great Lords of The Life Essence! I, Ocihc Muloc-Sbu and my Battle Brother, Rahpo Ein-he'rjar R'lyeh! Ask that this Glories Portal be open to the homeworld of the children of The Unknown Blood Lord! Answer us! (The Blood Portal turns on.) Good it's on.

Seth: (He sounds anxious.) No lets get out of here! (He towards the portal, but he bumps his nose, because The Blood Portal on Earth isn't on.) OW! My nose!

Bart: (He notices Seth.) Seth? Knara! It's Seth! (She goes over to Bart.) He's all right.

Knara: Not from where I'm standing. Madrid! Can you come over hear for a moment?

Madrid: (She enters the scene.) What is it? (She notices Seth on the other side of The Blood Portal.) Friend of yours?

Bart: Yeah! Lise are you all right?

Lisa: Well aside from the fact that Seth just destroyed a moon with his mind I'm pretty fine actually.

Knara: He did what? Look can't you just come over the portal threshold?

Lisa: We would, but apparently the portal on your end it turned off.

Bart: Madrid! You've probably used these things a few times back in the day. Can't you turns this back on?

Madrid: First, the closest thing I've had with Blood Portals through literacy. Second. (She picks up a cord.) This is just isn't plugged in. (She plugs the plug into an outlet on the wall.)

Seth: Hmm. Well that was convenient. (He and Lisa step over through the portal.) You two are coming with us! (He Essence pulls Ochic and Rahpo through the portal.)

Ochic: He! Why-a got pull-a us a through?

Seth: Because I wanted too.

Zaar: Ah! Good. Now all we have to do is. (Seth unplugs The Blood Portal on Earth.) What the? What did you do that for?

Seth: (Grimly.) My own…

Andúril: Look I know that we failed in protecting your mother. But that's no excuse for leaving us for dead!

Seth: Perhaps, but you two are WAY too resourceful to die under circumstances like this.

Zaar: Legions of WOK Fodder Droids are one thing. But a planet in the midst of cleansing AND with pieces of it's moon breaking apart is something new entirely!

Seth: What? You want help from me?

Andúril: Well… if that's the way your going act. (In a deep and grim voice.) Then I shall leave you and your new companions with this image of horror! (He tears of his robes to reveal his long negated Mortar-chest wound. Everyone on Earth's end of The Blood Portal screams at the sight of the wound.)

Knara and Tsaritsyn: (In great disgust.) Garad'ashan!

Seth: (The Blood Portal closes.) Now then, what was I doing before going through that portal? Ah! Now I remember! (He breaks down into sobs.)

Madrid: (Unsympathetically.) What's his problem?

Lisa: (She punches Madrid in the face.) No one asked for your sympathy, Witch!

Knara: Lisa! What she said may be rude, but that's not an excuse to hit her. Now let's just go home, its been a big day for all of us. Even more so in Seth's case. (Everyone leaves The Witches lair.)

(Meanwhile in The Orion Nebula. Homer and Marge are in a space station hotel getting ready for the Captains award ceremony. The only plot relevant reason I could think of for Homer and Marge not to have been home this whole time.)

Marge: I still can't believe their handing out awards! I mean you've been a captain for only two months.

Homer: Yeah well, aside from those accidents with Haley's Comet and The Omega Nebula. My record is pretty much spotless… and that's what worries me.

Marge: What do you mean?

Homer: You know how my career patterns work! I start out a little rocky with my boss, then I get a big break that nearly cements it, then out of the blue. WHAAAM! Something weird happens, normally involving some sort of coincidence sometimes involving the kids.

Marge: Oh come on, lighten up! You've been a Captain for two months! That's longer then that time when you were a submarine captain. Besides you haven't been accused of treason.

Homer: Haven't been accused of treason, YET! I wouldn't be surprised if someone accused me, just to get a promotion, or worse. (There is a young Japanese women in an admirals uniform standing the door threshold.) Admiral Tanto? What brings you here?

Tanto: (She clicks her tongue.) Here I thought I was cynical. Now then, the awards ceremony begins in about an hour. So you two better stop yapping and get ready.

Marge: Do you have to be so rude?

Tanto: Not really, but in this line of work it helps sometimes. Even though Captain Fenrir, admittedly overdoses it to an annoying degree. (She realizes that she's rambling.) Look, let's just get there before the buffet runs out. Or worse, I start rambling!

Homer: Can't agree more! Let's get going.

(Latter that evening, there are several United Federation of Orion Naval personal in a giant dining hall. A Moose and Penguin enter the stage.)

Penguin: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, we honor the men and women of The Federation Navy who. For the past three and-a-half months, have defended this Federation from her enemies. Including, but not necessarily limited to, The Wrath of Kaos pirate syndicate, The Sic Semper Tyranis rebel cells, and most recently, The Theocracy of Soma. But despite these foes, we still stand resolute! Tonight we shall give Captains who, in the face of extreme peril, stood resolute against these foes!

Moose: (Monotone.) Correct.

Penguin: (He slaps his flippers together.) Okay let's start off with The Admirals. (Roughly two hours of handing out accolades' latter.) Now that we have gotten almost everyone out of the way. Now then, the moment we have all been waiting for. The Awards that are to be given to Captain Third Class.

Homer: Finally! I thought they'd never get to me. (He looks over at Admiral Tanto. She has an armful of trophies on the table.) I mean how'd you get that many trophies in one evening anyway?

Tanto: Hard to say. I only got promoted to Admiral last week. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that someone in the awards committee has a crush on me.

Penguin: Homer J. Simpson, a man from an ancient, and relatively unknown time known to Orion histories quite simply as. The 21st century.

Moose: (Monotone.) Correct.

Penguin: (He is somewhat bothered by his antlered companion.) Anyway, when he was first conscripted into The UFO Navy. He was an idiot, to be blunt. But this man, (He points to a picture of Homer sticking a fishing pole up his nose.) during one of the greatest tragedy's in recent Human history. The Massacre of Ashla, which cost over two- hundred million lives. Including Federation, Amidala, Koprulican, and Andunian. But this Captain, (He points to another picture of an Okapi sitting on Homers head.) in the midst of the chaos of Therin Calan's treason, managed to cripple the flagship of one of Humanities oldest enemies. The Swallowing Void, personal Dreadnaught to Ersa, (A picture of Ersa shows up in the slideshow.) The Butcher of Orion.

Homer: My Gunnery Chief shot down that monster!

Moose: (Monotone.) Correct.

Penguin: Now, (He pulls out a large trophy from under the podium.) Mr. Simpson! Come up here and claim your reward.

Homer: (The entire dinning hall roars with applause while Homer goes up to the stage.) I can't believe it! You like me! You really like me!

Penguin: Don't push your luck Captain. You were only given this reward because you proved to be a surprisingly good tactician despite your really low IQ.

Moose: (Monotone.) Correct.

Marge: To think, he was complaining about how he thought someone was thinking about betraying him. Or worse, being thrown out of the navy.

Tanto: Well in this line of work it helps to be paranoid. Besides there were rumors before Ashla that he was going to get demoted. You know for landing The Sinbad on top of The Narcarian peninsula on planet Narcaria?

Marge: I never even heard of that?

Tanto: Well long story short, during a routine mission to Narcaria he landed on one of the planets sacred peninsula's. Mind you that wasn't the first this sort of thing happened. In fact almost all of them look like giant landing pads. But the natives took the incident in greater offence then usual because he was drunk at the time.

Marge: He was flying drunk?

Tanto: No, he wasn't flying the ship. But he was as drunk as a Njord on Trei-Mph'Dry-ay, and… well let's just say the natives didn't take what he did well.

Marge: What did he do?

Tanto: You know you should really relax. Besides the whole incident was put to rest weeks ago. Now, and I say this as an acquaintance you met only two days ago, shut up and enjoy yourself.

**A/N: Yes I know that I said The Penguins and Moose weren't coming back. But I ****was running short on idea's, so I dragged those two out of my madness diluted ****cavern of a mind.**

**Also, if you can think of a better way to lighten up something as depressing as a son ****having to euthanize his own mother. Feel free to PM me, on second thought PM me ****on a more tasteful way to address that. Something about a Penguin and a Moose ****hosting an award show seems inappropriate for some reason.**


	28. E9 Divine Pawns P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 9: Divine Pawns: Part 3

(Meanwhile on Earth, Just about everyone that was in The Blood Witch's lair in Siberia has returned to The Simpson's mansion. Knara is talking with her long lost birth mother, Madrid.)

Knara: Now, for the main reason why I've wasted mine, Bart, Lisa, and almost everyone else's time over the past month looking for you.

Madrid: Let me guess. You want to know more about me? Maybe even figure out what your father's name was and what he was like?

Knara: Actually that second part never occurred to me but that would be nice.

Madrid: Very well, I first joined The Witches of Tenoch-Sallem after my parents disowned me as the heiress of The Porsche hotel chain. I can't really remember how that happened, something about embezzling the entire family fortune, and causing the entire Porsche family to fall into poverty. Honestly I still think daddy overreacted to the whole thing!

Knara: (Her face is completely blank.) No. Your father really disowned you?

Madrid: (She doesn't know that Knara was just being sarcastic.) No really it's true! So anyway in the middle of the night, I was taken into the cult, and I was injected with some sort of serum that made me able to lift things with my mind. (She pulls a random object to her head, it hurts her head.) OW! See just like that? Anyway, after nine months in, I gave birth to you.

Knara: Now for the main question. Who was my father?

Madrid: Um… I can't remember I must have been very drunk. I must have eaten him that same night too.

Knara: (She gulps nervously. Mainly because her mother just admitted that she might have eaten her father… assuming she has one.) Oh… that's, that's interesting.

Madrid: So anyway, when you were only three months old. This, what do you call those seven eyed alien lizards?

Knara: Telkines.

Madrid: Right. This Telkine, I think him, or her, or its name was Hel Ion or something like that. Anyone, one day she came up to the lair, and said. (In a really bad Scottish accent.) "Oy! Prepare to die heretic swine!" But before it could do anything, I offered her a random baby.

Knara: Wait, you mean to tell me that you used me as a bribe in order to keep some cannibalistic witches from being purged?

Madrid: Hey don't blame me! I didn't even recognize you. Besides it was snowing heavily at the time.

Knara: Uh huh… can you excuse me for a moment? I have to go to the bathroom.

Madrid: You do that. Meanwhile, I'm going to go Q-net surfing to see what's been happening over the last sixteen years. (She goes into a holo-room, the whole room changes to Madrid surfing on a tidal wave.) Now, let's see if my old Harlequin online account is still active.

(Knara calmly leaves the room she and her mother were just in. She walks with a calm stride down the hallway to Bart's room.)

Knara: (She leans against the door mold to Bart's room while he's on a QDAT.) Bart? Can I have a moment of your time?

Bart: (He pauses whatever it is that he's doing.) Sure babe. (He gives Knara a heavy kiss on the lips.) How are you getting along with your mother?

Knara: (She is somewhat bewildered that Bart kissed her.) Well… let's just say that I learned something, odd.

Bart: You're going to have to be more specific. I've learned that 'odd' actually has an infinite number of definitions. (Knara is bewildered by Bart's use of somewhat advanced vocabulary.) What? Look I have a lot of spare time, so I've been spending a lot of time on The Q-net. But if it's any constellation prize, I'm only learning these new words by accident.

Knara: Oh… now then. I learned that my mother is, an air headed loon.

Bart: Really?

Knara: Of course! She openly admitted that she ate my father!

Bart: (He is disturbed that Knara just said what she just said.) Whoa… I mean I've seen Mom and Homer go at each other a number of times. But what could possess someone to eat-?

Knara: (She interrupts Bart.) Apparently, inebriation.

Bart: Inebriation? (He gets a seemingly random dictionary.) Could have sworn I heard that word before. (He looks through the pages until he finds the word.) Oh, THAT inebriation!

Knara: (She looks even more confused than normal.) You have a dictionary?

Bart: (He is acting very defensive.) Look, I was really depressed during my freshmen year of High School. So I began collecting reference books, for the most part to insult those apes of classmates, Kirk included! Without them realizing it!

Knara: Wouldn't that be overkill? I mean you could have just used sarcasm.

Bart: (He is acting even more defensive then before.) Yeah well, oddly enough. Comic books, Movies, TV, and Video Games weren't making everything better. So I had to resort to drastic measures to keep myself happy, at least long enough so that I could have gotten a transfer to a different school! Thankfully, (mind you I see this a mixed blessing) Lisa's spent what time we haven't spent chasing rumors of where Madrid might have been. Developing some kind of Interactive Education Simulation or something, the point is it involves holograms.

Knara: (She groans loudly.) You know I hate it when you veer off topic! In any case, I can barely stand her! I mean she seemed so competent back at the lair.

Bart: I know, but then against maybe she's smarter when she's stark raving mad.

Knara: Even so, at first I was disappointed that I dragged you and Lisa across Orion space just to find her. Now I feel really stupid for even attempting to find her in the first place! I mean she explained everything as if she didn't care.

Bart: Well you know how rich people can be. They only take credit for other peoples work, and when the going gets tough they blame some random guy in the street!

Knara: You're still bitter about living under Mr. Burns's payroll for most of your life aren't you?

Bart: (Sheepishly.) Yes-um.

Knara: Well can you at least be quiet about it? He's pretty much been hiding in the depths of The Wilderness Sectors for the past five months.

Bart: I suppose, but despite the problems you've got. Seth's going through a hellova lot worse.

Knara: What do you mean?

Bart: Oh come on! Don't tell me you didn't see Seth crying the entire way home? I mean it was annoying after a while. But I can't help but get this nagging feeling that whatever happened to him on Kobra Minor really, really messed that guy up. (Feelia takes over Knara.) He slaughtered one too many Serp'feratu's on that rock didn't he?

Feelia: (Sympathetically.) No… in fact what Seth did in The Blood Citadel was… enough to bring even the most stouthearted to their knees.

Bart: (He sounds anxious.) What? It had something to do with his mother didn't it?

Feelia: (Sighs.) Sadly yes, that Serp'feratu. Augustus turned Juno into a Blood Ghoul.

Bart: (He suddenly realizes the tragic turn of events that took place in the last chapter.) Oh my… you mean Seth… KILLED his own Mom?

Feelia: (Three tears stream out of her right eye.) I know, even Tartarus's sin on his adopted homeworld didn't bring about this sorrow. Only contempt for what his blind rage compelled him to do.

Bart: Look can we forget about melancholy ridden Templar. It just occurred to me that Seth could try to guilt trip Lisa into turning him into a…

Feelia: (She gets onto were Bart is going.) Yes, Tevinatarus's Avatars always were emotionally unstable… and do you keep reference books handy at all times or something?

Bart: Look can't we just find those two before worse comes to worse? Or are you just going to release control of her and I have to get her up to speed like last time?

Feelia: No, I don't want Tevinatarus's, my brothers Avatar to be corrupted by Serp'feratu venom.

(Meanwhile in Lisa's room, Lisa is cradling Seth's grief stricken body in her lap.)

Lisa: (She is trying to consol Seth.) Seth, I know that words don't mean much right now. But what happened wasn't your fault.

Seth: (He is crying.) I know, but that doesn't change what happened. I let my desire to protect my people get in the way of keeping my own mother safe, and I let my desire for getting her back nearly got everyone that followed to Kobra Minor killed, and I let my blind hatred doom my mother to the one of the worst fates anyone could experience. (He breaks down into sobs.) To be killed by a loved one!

Lisa: (She places his head on her shoulder.) I understand, nobody should have to go through what you went through.

Seth: It's bigger then that. My mother was The Prime Minister of The Republic. Her death will causes a massive power vacuum, destabilizing the entire region. The entire Republic will probably be consumed and destroyed by civil war before The WOK decide to lift their really weird. "December Truce." I mean that coot Burns hasn't tried to attack anyone since last week, and from what I've heard he hasn't even bothered expanding his forces. What is he up to anyhow?

Lisa: Seth, just try not to think about the war. You need to keep strong. It's what your mother would have wanted.

Seth: (He is failing horribly at trying to seem manly.) What do you think I'm trying to do? Look, there's something I want you to do.

Lisa: (Lovingly.) For you I would go to the ends of the galaxy… I mean I've pretty much been doing nearly the exact same thing with Knara for the past month. So I might as well doing something of the like with you.

Seth: I want you to… (gulp) turn me into a Serp'feratu.

Lisa: (She sounds mildly shocked at this suggestion.) WHAT? I understand that your tormented. But being made into a Serp'feratu will only makes things worse for you!

Seth: I live with the guilt of killing my own mother. I ask you this. What can possibly be more imaginably worse then living with that?

Lisa: Being reviled by everyone for one. Besides don't you have some family aside from Juno?

Seth: Well, there's my Step-Father Chiron, but he's been on a campaign defending the Kreebel Sector for over a month, and likely to be killed in battle before any of this ends anyway, and… I have a little sister.

Lisa: (She sounds interested.) Really? You never told me you had a sister.

Seth: Yeah, well. I didn't think it was important at the time. Her names Angel, she's about two years old now, and for the sake of The Republic I don't want her to see the face of her mothers killer.

Lisa: Two years? (Sympatheticlly.) To lose her mother at such a young age.

Seth: And what do you care? (He pulls of his shirt, and offers up his neck to Lisa.) Either do it now, or I'll find Eddie and get him to it for me!

Lisa: No Seth! Don't throw your life away!

Seth: What is it worth now? Besides aren't you at least mildly hungry for human blood?

Lisa: No! (Her stomach growls loudly.) Okay maybe a little. (It growls even louder.) ALRIGHT! YOU GOT ME! I AM HUNGRY! But I've already figured out how to beat this hunger.

Seth: (He sounds frustrated.) Look will you stop with the excuses and bite me already?

Lisa: No! I love you! Too much to turn you into a pariah simply because you ask me. (Tevinatarus takes over Seth.) Tevinatarus, can't you stop him?

Tevinatarus: (Remorsefully.) If I could then neither of us would be in this mess now would we?

(All of a sudden, Bart crashes threw the door, splintering it into several million tiny little chips.)

Bart: Seth! Get your neck away from my sisters teeth!

Feelia: You know that show of brute strength was unnecessary right? It was already unlocked.

Lisa (She darts her head around the room in confusion.) Would someone be kind enough to explain what's going on!

Tevinatarus: Sister? Do you think we should tell them now?

Feelia: I don't really see a reason not too.

Lisa: (She sounds anxious.) What? What are you talking about?

Tevinatarus: (Sighs.) Look, this isn't why we commandeered our Avatar's. But the both of you may as well know anyway. Seraph Ashla is being held prisoner on Orpheus II.

Bart: I could have sworn that Feelia already told me that she was dead.

Feelia: Yes, but unless nobodies has been paying attention. Almost everyone evil that's died has had the annoying habit of resurrecting even worse then before, more so these days then bofre. Apparently that includes people that were just good enough that bloodlust based insanity couldn't turv them to the bowels of Cocytus.

Lisa: Is that a good thing?

Feelia: Don't be absurd. Who in their right mind would want to be in the stomach of an immortal monster?

Tevinatarus: I think she was asking about weather it's a good idea to save Seraph.

Lisa: Well, yes. Actually I was curious about how "reincarnation" works for your people.

Feelia: (She groans.) Figures, in short. It's not what you humans hype it up to be. It's very, very painful, especially on rebirth entries. All ways screaming when you leave the whomb, only to find yourself in yet another form just as you were begining to get used to the last one.

Tevinatarus: Yeah, plus if we directly control out Avatar's long enough it actually kills them.

Lisa: (Shocked.) What? Can't you just leave them? Neither of them deserve this!

Feelia: I agree, in fact if we had any choice those two would live as normally as reality and fate would allow. But nobodies got a say in the matter do they?

Bart: Makes sense, but what's all this about Orpheus II?

Lisa: I think she told me that was were her parent conceived her.

Tevinatarus: Your right, look the whole matter is really convoluted. But The Inquisition has Seraph imprisoned beneath the surface of the planet. Now, when Homer get's back he'll offer to take the four of you along on a "surprise mission." It'll involve helping at an archeological dig which uncovered the prison that Seraph is in. The ruins in question were disguised as a pair of shrines.

Lisa: Two?

Tevinatarus: Like I said it's confusing. But it is vitally important that you bring along Sheila and any other AI's that you can bring with you, they will be vital. We'd explain more, but we must go now, another few minutes and both of our Avatar's will be dead.

(Both Tevinatarus and Feelia release control of Seth and Knara.)

(Meanwhile in The Orion Nebula, Homer and Admiral Tanto are in a Cantina laughing.)

Homer: (He is laughing loudly.) THAT'S! HAHAHA! That's the funniest thing I ever heard!

Tanto: (She stops laughing.) What were we laughing about?

Homer: Hmm… can't remember, it'll come around.

Tanto: Coming from you I doubt it. (There is a device beeping on her belt.) Hold on I got a call. (She pulls out the device, a hologram of a Samurai appears.) Isinagi what is now?

Isinagi: (His lips don't sync up with his words.) I am sorry to inform you, that your Battle group has been assigned to assist in the protection of a TOSPEC dig site on Orpheus II. By order of The FBFA.

Tanto: WHAT? You can't be serious.

Isinagi: Have you ever known me to kid about orders from The FBFA? You and your fleet have forty-eight hours to arrive to Orpheus II.

Tanto: (She slams her fist into the bar.) This is great! I'm The Admiral of The Decade, and I'm stuck on babysitting nerds!

Homer: Yeah, suck's to be you. (He takes a large gulp of beer.)

Tanto: Homer, YOUR ship is in my Battle group. (Homer does a spit take.) So don't rub any of my humiliations into my face. There yours as well.

Homer: (He emit's a depressed sigh.) Okay, do you think I could have enough time for me to bring my family along?

Tanto: I don't see why not. From what I've heard your family is completely bored, besides this should be a simple but very boring milk run. Did I mention that I hate boring assignments?

Homer: Every other you time you talk about work. What's on Morphine II anyway?

Isinagi: The planets designation is Orpheus II, and it hasn't been confirmed what the ruins are specifically. But it could be some sort of ancient super weapon that could turn the tide of the war.

Homer: Oh!… that explains a lot. Do you know that you look like your being dubbed?

Isinagi: Yes… it's a programming glitch that The Katana's head of engineering has promised to look at, for over two months, with little too no work on the matter.

Tanto: Anyway, you'll get your family, and we'll rendezvous at The Orpheus system tomorrow.

Homer: (Enthusiastically.) OKAY! I'll set course to Earth within the next two hours! I'd go within the hour but I forgot where I docked The Sinbad.

Tanto: I think it's in Dry Dock-11.98.

(Two hours latter. On Earth, Homer and Marge are at the front door of The Mansion.)

Homer: Kids I'm home!

Marge: It feels so good to be home!

Sheila: (Her hologram appears. She looks anxious.) Thank The Prime Template your back!

Homer: (Sighs.) Look what did Bart burn down, or destroy now?

Sheila: Four Toasters and three pieces of antique furniture, but that's not what concerns me. (She goes on to explain what has been happening over the last six chapters.)

Homer: So, can you repeat all that in a-hundred words or less?

Sheila: (She groans loudly.) Bart and Knara went to Russia, they came back with Lisa, Seth, some women named Madrid, and a Njord and Quetzal.

Marge: I thought Seth was still on Amidala?

Sheila: He was, but Lisa went there to tell him that she was turned into a Serp'feratu. I still don't know how she managed to get him here so quickly. Look I think you should really talk to them, Lisa has her hands full with Seth. He looks really depressed and giving just about everyone either a really hard time, or a headache. In my case it's both.

Homer: Well were is everyone? I have important news!

Sheila: I think they are in the kitchen. You may want to hurry up, Seth's eating through your stockpile of donuts.

Homer: NO! (He starts running like a demented lunatic to the kitchen.) Marge: Just once can't we come home and not listen to something weird happening?

Sheila: Don't bet on it, and there's been something I've been meaning tell everyone for days but. Well as you know everyone's got their own little projects.

Marge: Just get it out.

Sheila: Okay, (Athens's hologram appears beside her.) Marge Simpson, this my daughter Athena.

Marge: (She gasps in joy.) Oh my… I thought she was dead!

Athena: To be dead I would first have to be alive wouldn't I?

Marge: I have to tell everyone about this!

Sheila: Don't count on it. I don't think the entire universe will care that about the wellbeing of an AI.

Athena: Mother do you have to be so cruel?

Sheila: (Apologetic.) Sorry, I've been going through a cynical streak every since your father went rampant.

(In the kitchen. Homer is trying to hold back Seth from eating all of his donuts.)

Homer: SETH! I don't know how you got here! But I will not let you get away with eating my donuts!

Seth: But I need to feed this giant hole in my sanity with junk food!

Homer: It has something to do with your mother doesn't it?

Seth: More so then you'd think!

Homer: (Sympathetically.) Oh… in that case dig in. (He lets go of Seth, Seth continues to stuff his face.) Believe me I know what its like to be an emotional eater. In fact that's why I'm so fat to begin with. In other words pace yourself before you end up like me.

Seth: (His mouth is full.) Only because I don't want to end up like you.

(Lisa rushes in panicked.)

Lisa: SETH! (She notices that Seth is just eating a lot of donuts.) Oh, your just eating. Whew!

Homer: (He notices Lisa's recently acquired wings.) Where did you get those?

Lisa: The what? (She looks at her wings.) Oh those! Well, it turns out as an Ub-Viper Serp'feratu, I can slowly evolve new features from regular blood consumption.

Homer: I thought you were still a vegetarian!

Lisa: (She groans.) I am! But frankly I've been unable to get any sort of taste or nutrition from fruits, vegetables, or any sort of vegan food I've gotten my hands on since I was turned into a Serp'feratu. So manly I've been drinking blood from vagrants, the dieing, and hyperactive tween girls that wanted to become vampires in the first place but quickly regreted it for not realizing all the cons.

Homer: Oh, so you got those for community service? Good work, still don't know why they give out wings for that thankless waste of time. Anyway… I have a surprise for you, Seth if he want's to come, Bart, Knara, Tsaritsyn if he's alright, Sheila weather she want's to come or not.

Lisa: (Cautiously.) And this would be?…

Homer: I got assigned to protecting a dig site to some sort of ancient alien race!

Lisa: (Nervously.) Um… no, no I'm sorry but Seth and I have had a very long day.

Homer: Well that's wonderful! Just get your, (He realizes that Lisa acted somewhat out of character for refusing to go and dig up ancient ruins.) wait what? But you like ancient stuff! Remember that Orb of Isis? The one that your wanted to see, but we had to break into the museum in the middle of the night because Bart glued novelty items to his face?

Lisa: Well yeah, but to be honest with you I've had enough adrenaline for one day.

Homer: I'm talking about a dig site, as in (He puts emphasis on the following.) NOTHING, DANGEROUS, HAPPENING!

Lisa: Look it's not that I'm not interested, but after nearly getting killed by a falling moon. (She realizes what she just said.) I mean, uh… talking about feelings, for hours on end with him I'm too pooped out.

Homer: (He sounds disappointed.) Oh, well I was just asking, I mean we probably don't have to do anything. I mean it could be a bonding opportunity for us.

Lisa: (She sounds guilty, which makes sense since Homer just put her on what might be the shortest guilt trip in the history of independent literature.) Oh alright, but I'm only bringing Seth along because I'm more worried he'll do something worse then stomach ulcers from wolfing down donuts.

Seth: (His mouths his full.) Whaa? Shin when gid you decide I would vo with vou?

Homer: Okay he can come, but only because I don't want him eating the Alaskan King Salmon. Do you have any idea what I had to do in order to get that recipe from The Army Colonel?

Lisa: (She looks dumbfounded that Homer didn't get her real meaning. Which had nothing to do with Alaskan King Salmon) Yes… I'm worried about Seth eating Salmon, he could get a serious bowl movement from eating the stuff, that's not what I was talking about, but there we are.

Homer: (He didn't listen to a word that Lisa just said.) Good! Now I'll go and ask Bart if he wants to come.

(Latter on, in Bart's room. Bart and Knara are passionately kissing each other.)

Bart: You still mad about who your mom turned out to be?

Knara: I was mad when I learned that she was A Blood Witch in the first place. But now that we've found her, we can get on with our lives, as they are. As they were before we met Mary-Sue and The Massacre of Ashla.

Bart: (The both of them purse their lips together.) Call me skeptical, but I doubt that things will remain calm for too long.

Knara: Fair enough point, but for now let's enjoy each others company. (Madrid bursts into the room soaking wet.) MOM!

Madrid: Sorry honey, I got lost while net-surfing. Have I interrupted anything important?

Knara: (She is gritting her teeth.) No Mother, you haven't interrupted anything. (Homer enters the room.) Ah! Homer, just the person I wanted to see, for once.

Homer: Yeah I wanted to see you to. So anyway, how are either of you on. (He notices Madrid.) Who are you and what do I have to do to get you to go away?

Madrid: I'm Knara's mother, Madrid. Who the hell are you?

Homer: None of your business. Anyway, how would you two like to come with me on an assignment?

Bart: Yes!

Knara: No!

Homer: Well I got a straighter answer from you then Lisa. Wait- did you say no Knara?

Knara: It isn't that I'm not interested in going with you. But the last time I went anywhere on The Sinbad I almost got killed.

Homer: Well I didn't invite you that time didn't I?

Knara: Good point. Besides, it actually been an eventful day for us anyway. (Madrid burps.) Then again, it might be nice to get away from the place.

Homer: So you want to come?

Knara: Yes, you mind if I drag Tsaritsyn, Ochic and Rahpo along against their will?

Homer: Do I mind? I encourage it!

(Meanwhile in orbit of Kobra Minor, onboard The Martyrs Dirge. Andúril and Zaar are on the bridge with Aon, watching as the planet is slowly being consumed by pieces of it's moon, and said moons magma core spills over the planet.)

Andúril: (He has a solemn look on his face as he witnesses this once in a lifetime event. A planet being destroyed by it's own moon.) Parl'vas, I'm only going to ask this because I am concerned for you. Why, and how did The Twilight Emperor know that there were Serp'feratu on this world?

Aon: Actually he knew of their presence on this world for sixty years. But he didn't know why, now we'll never know why they revealed themselves now.

Zaar: What? We already told you when your warriors found the brains to stop the cleansing and rescue what they could from that dieing rock! The Blood Cults were planning to send a massive force of Serp'feratu to Earth, and I'm pretty sure the rest is self-expletory from there on.

Aon: And, as I said when you told me your little story.

Andúril: Aon what happened to us planetside really did happen! The Blood Portal, Seth Elysium destroying that moon, the flamboyant Serp'feratu that somehow escaped from our grasp along with two Blood Talismans.

Aon: I didn't say I didn't believe you, but I seriously doubt that Aiur will believe my report that one of the major cults was on the planet.

Andúril: If he did not believe that the Disciples of Oct'thulu were on Kobra Minor, then why did he order an Exterminatus? (Minas Ty'phon suddenly enters the bridge.) Lord Ty'phon?

Ty'phon: (Translation.) I am sorry Andúril, it was I that ordered The Exterminatus. It was I that sensed Rakata Chronos and his minions. But I didn't imagine that, (He points at another Kobra Minor's moons.) that would happen.

Zaar: Uh… Pious One? It's the moon on the left.

Ty'phon: (Translation.) In any case, how did the moon in question fall apart?

Andúril: (Sighs.) It was a young Amidalan, Prime Minister Juno's son that did that.

Ty'phon: (Translation.) Really? I didn't know that the young Seth had any connection with The Essence. Never the less, Fleet Mistress Thel Aon. You and your fleet have been reassigned by The Grand-Fleet Warden to the volcanic world of Orpheus II.

Aon: That's a Federation world. Why would Teri-Meam be interested in a human planet?

Ty'phon: (Translation.) The Federation has found ancient ruins on that world, he and I are curious as to how those ruins suddenly appeared on world. Even more since before hand a fleet of unidentified ships landed on the planet and left as quickly as they came.

Aon: I understand, (She shots a glance at a Hobbit like crewman.) Helmsman Ga'har! Set a course to Orpheus II. Maximum speed!

Ga'har: Aye my lady! Setting course. (He presses several buttons, the ship goes into Q- space.)

Zaar: (Sighs.) There really is no rest for the weary is there Master?

Andúril: (He chuckles.) Believe me, I learned that lesson centuries ago.

**A/N: Just a heads up, I may start a whole new fanfic latter on. Or for that matter ****change the manner of narration of this fic. You know more like?**

"**My brothers!" Said the King of Man with resolve echoing in his voice. "Though ****our comrades have fallen in battle more times then we can remember. We will stand ****against The Darkness with rage unbounded nonetheless! Onward! TO ****GLORY!" You see? Just like that.**


	29. E9 Divine Pawns Epilogue

The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 9: Divine Pawns: Epilogue.

(Date: Orion Standard: 12/07/5009. Orion Standard Time: 1000 hours Military Times. Location: Orpheus system: Orpheus II: United Federation of Orion: Frontier Sector Omega.)

Captain Homer Simpson, still in Q-space is impatiently thrumming his fingers on his armrest. _"What is taking so long?"_ He thought impatiently _"I thought these things were faster in Q-space."_

"Mr. McGrunch-Grunch?" He asked his diminutive Dadaban second in command. "How much longer until we to Morphing II?" The Ex-Vice-Duke of Artana III breaths in impatiently from his methane tank. "If I told you once." He said with a disturbingly calm voice. "I've told you over a THOUSAND TIMES!" He yelled loudly causing Homer to jolt back in shock. "ETA UNTIL ARRIVAL IS THREE HOURS! You've been bugging me about since we left Earth." He yelled hotly; sweat dripping off of his greasy brow.

"Well, SORRY!" Homer responded with insincere care. "But I really just want to be home and rest, not like I always do. Lounging on the coach watching reruns of Hogan's Heroes, I mean an honest break!" Homer complained. "All right, all right, I get your point; you're tired of the fighting." Grunchy responded. "No that's not it at all." Homer contradicted him. "It's just that I thought this job would be a lot more… oh I don't know."

He pondered. "To boldly go, were no man has gone before, on the final frontier. Instead when I'm not risking my neck, I'm being forced to baby-sit trade fleets and escort snot nosed politicians that could care less if **I** helped them or not!" He ranted. Grunchy sighed over Homer's tangent, he didn't really care for it. But it did temporarily break the monotony of staring into Q-space. "Look Homer, the whole point of this is… actually I don't really know the point of this war, aside from keeping an imperialistic coot from taking over the galaxy, but I'll honor you for standing by despite all this bureaucratic nonsense, and the fact that the both of us get butt end missions." He said, with several years' worth of practiced insincerity to mask his response.

"Ah, it's nice to see that were finally starting to get along." Homer said. "I never said that, I just said that it was nice to see you have a spine." Grunchy bluntly stated. "Oh… so could you tell me more about Morpheus II." Homer asked. Grunchy's eyes began to twitch erratically as Homer just mispronounced Orpheus II… again. "ORPHEUS! The planet is called Orpheus II! Did you even pay attention during the briefing?" He complained. "Was that a trick question?" Homer queried. "Could at least tell me more about this planet?" Grunchy sighed in defeat, knowing all too well that correcting Homer was futile… not to mention a complete waste of time. "Okay, Orpheus II was settled by The UFO in 4949 as a lava and sulfur mining world. But recently some archeologists in The Orion Society for the Preservation of Extinct Civilizations found some alien ruins that lead beneath the planet's surface."

"And did anyone know about these ruins earlier? I mean, sixty years and someone could have at least found them by accident." Homer concluded, which was rather unusual considering his low-level intelligence. "Hmm… when you put it that way, but no matter. We still have our mission with Admiral Bethany Tanto." Grunchy responded. "Get in, make sure that nobody stupid, or ambitious comes along to try to steal whatever is found, and get out. I may not be getting paid for this shivicara, but this is probably the easiest assignment I've ever had." He continued.

**XXXXX**

Within the confinements of Bart and Lisa's quarters, they, Thel Knara and Seth Elysium. We're playing a heated game of Holo-Risk; Bart had all forty-nine of The Wilderness Sectors under his dominion. Lisa, Seth, and Knara were forced into a coalition to fight off Bart's ruthless blitzkrieg. The AI Sheila and her daughter Athena acted as referees managing the virtual dice. While Knara's stepbrother, Thel Tsaritsyn, and his two best friends Ocihc Muloc-Sbu, and Rahpo Ein-he'rjar R'lyeh, we're playing as goofing looking fans, complete with miniature flags, and Rahpo wearing a giant foam finger on his hand.

Bart was lounging back in his chair with a smug grin on his face, mainly because he actually managed to outsmart his own sister at a game he never even played, nor particularly cared for in the first place. Lisa on the other hand was nervously sweating her sweat glistening across her orange tinted scales over the prospect of losing to her own dimwitted brother. _'I don't know where he found this winning streak, but I'll be damned if I lose to him.'_ she thought to herself thrumming her clawed fingers against the table.

"You do realize that your fear is only bolstering his overconfidence right?" Knara quipped in, her face baring the same stoic but serine look that somehow captured Bart's heart. "In any case playing this game was YOUR idea." She added in. "So if you're going to make a big deal out of this we may as well stop playing." Knara continued.

"No!" Lisa sharply responded back at her, baring her needle like fangs in an unnecessary show of aggression. "I am not losing to my idiot brother!" She hissed. Bart cracked his knuckles loudly. "So little sister, you are losing nerve da?" He said in a deep Russian accent, which was rather unusual because for the greater portion of the game he was talking with a very loud German accent. "My armies are conquering the galaxy, and you are nervous that you will inevitability loose. Da?" He continued.

Lisa, then suddenly thought of a way to get Bart to drop his guard, or at the very least keep him quiet. "You do realize that your being rascally insensitive to Knara right?" She tried to reason with him. "Lisa? That's a low point even for you." Knara commented. "I mean were just playing this for fun, I wasn't even offended by the accent, I'm not even properly Russian as far as I'm aware" Lisa scowled at Knara but she thought about what she said about her making a big deal out of the game.

_'May be I am making a big deal out of this.'_ She thought to herself. _'But I just want to win so badly!'_ She continued in her mind. "Honestly Lisa, do you have to get his competitive over a simple game?" Seth finally responded after being quiet after Lisa's turn began over twenty minutes ago. "I'm not making a big deal out of this!" Lisa shouted back at him. "Yes you are! Now it's your turn young lady, just move so we can get on with our lives." Sheila, the AI stated, all of a sudden the ship began to rock. "The ship has exited Q-space in orbit of Orpheus II." Blared the recently repaired PA system.

"Turvack, and I was on a winning streak." Bart abruptly said, all of a sudden he removed the pair of Mobile AI Storage Units that kept Sheila and Athena in the holo-board. "Bart what are you doing?" Knara asked him anxiously. "Oh nothing, nothing." Bart hastily stated, while pressing the reset button on the holo-board. "I was just thinking that it might be cool to, you know? Go down to surface and see what's in the ruins?" He stated, in spite of the fact that this was obviously a very bad idea.

"Bart?" Knara asked him. "Is this the real reason you and Lisa, brought me and Seth out here with you?" She continued on. "To poke around alien ruins?" She continued, this was true, but as far as Bart was concerned Knara didn't need to know his ulterior motives for coming… yet. "Don't be ridicules Knara." He responded with a care free grin on his face.

"Even I'm not stupid enough to go through something that's older then Grandpa."

"You know I was really hoping this game was going to go somewhere." Tsaritsyn complained. "Ah well-a, better luck-a next-a time eh?" His friend, Ocihc spouted. Rahpo, due to his lack of vocal chords, said nothing, but he gave a disappointed moan.

**A/N: How am I doing so far? Right now I'm going to go back to my old form of ****narration REAL quick.**

**XXXXX**

(Two hours later, Homer, and Lieutenant Tyler approach a small excavation camp. They meet up with a withered old scientist. Along with several young and beautiful women, that where probably brought along simply for… scenery by said scientist.)

Homer: So, which one of you is Professor Fester?

Prof. Fester: That would be me!

Homer: So what are we looking at here?

Prof. Fester: Yes, well from what the surveys have revealed, there are two shrine-like structures on both magnetic poles of the planet. (He points to a silver building behind him.) This one, Unidentified Ruin Alpha, is the only one we've managed to access right now. UR Beta, which is on the northern pole. For some reason won't open unless something called, "The Scarred Dawn" is present. We believe it is inside of UR Alpha, but aside from a very big sarcophagus there's nothing inside.

Homer: (He nods in interest.) Hmm… so what have you found?

(All of a sudden, Bart, Lisa, Knara, Seth, Tsaritsyn, Ochic, and Rahpo rush into UR- Alpha.)

Prof. Fester: I say! Who were those scamps that rushed into UR-Alpha?

(All of a sudden, hundreds of FOA Ships enter the system, along with about a dozen Confederate Capital Ships.)

Homer: (He is really confused by what just happened.) What the! Tyler what just happened?

Tyler: (He points out the obvious.) Several Goliath-class capital ships entered the system! Along with an entire Fellowship fleet, The Fleet of The Martyrs Dirge from the looks of it.

Homer: (He is clenching his teeth.) I can see that Lieutenant! But why are they here?

Tyler: I don't know. But I get the feeling, for the same reason were here?

Prof. Fester: (Idealistically.) To explore the vast and murky depths of history that we didn't even know happened until now?

Tyler: (Cynically.) Yeah, that could be it. Either that or there could be data on advanced weapons in these things. So that sounds more plausible then just discovery. Now let's get in there, before those punks break something.

(Meanwhile on Metropoli Major, Augustus Belmont is walking back and forth nervously, creating a noticeable groove in the floor.)

Augustus: (He is muttering to himself.) What is taking Uncle Armageddon so long? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? (All of a sudden, Maccabeus Thermopylae shows up.) AH! Rakata Armageddon! I have been waiting for you.

Maccabe- I mean Armageddon: Augustus what are you doing here? I thought you were on Kobra Minor preparing for the insurrection of Earth.

Augustus: (Defensively.) I was! But… well it's kind of a long story.

Armageddon: Let me guess? You allowed The Alliance to find the planet after you kidnapped Prime Minister Elysium?

Augustus: Oh no! Of course not! What would ever make you think something that ridicules- yes that's exactly what happened!

Armageddon: And The Fellowship followed thereafter, because of The Blood Portal you and Chronus had?

Augustus: (Nervously.) Hmm… maybe.

Armaggedon: And I suppose you also turned The Prime Minister into a Blood Ghoul, in an overly sadistic attempt to bring her son into The Blood Cults, but instead compelled him into destroying Kobra Minor Luna 1 with his mind? Is that what happened!

Augustus: (Sheepishly.) Yes?…

Armageddon: (Sighs in disappointment.) Augustus my dear nephew, I haven't been this disappointed since The Lukus Templar's destroyed The Crimson Heart of Shadows. I earnestly hoped that banishing you to The Basilica of Unrelenting Spanking would have set you strait.

Augustus: (He draws a sword.) No! My buttocks still sting with the Trillion Hands of Glu-Teus!

Armageddon: (Augustus lunges at him, but before he can land a blow. Armageddon snaps his fingers and said blade disintegrates into ash.) Don't worry about it nephew, The Basilica of Unrelenting Spanking is reserved squarely for those who can redeem their failures.

Augustus: Then why not just kill me now, if you're so disappointed?

Armageddon: For one thing, I think it would be more appropriate and amusing to the gods if you die at the hands of someone who's earned their ire of you.

Augustus: (He… giggles. I'm going to enjoy killing this guy off.) Come on Uncle, you and both know that Eddie is a spineless and dimwitted coward!

Armageddon: Well he wasn't spineless enough to betray you, or for that matter too stupid to hide from the entire galaxy for two-hundred years without us knowing where. No, I was thinking of another Serp'feratu entirely.

Augustus: (He sounds really whiny.) Uncle! Must we be **Divine Pawns** to The Blood Lords?

Armageddon: (He grabs Augustus by the throat.) Mark my words boy. I've been at this sviv'caar longer then you would believe. You're not the first idiot I've accidentally allowed to outlive his failures, and each time I had my failed subordinates executed in the most humiliating way I can devise, (Under his breath.) like getting you killed by an thirteen year old Ub-Viper Serp'feratu for instance.

Augustus: Not if I have anything to say about it!

Armageddon: We shall see, (He throws Augustus into a wall with a very loud thud. Complete with a large crate landing on top of Augustus's head.) We shall see.

**A/N: FINALLY! I thought I'd never get this chapter finished. Okay, I went through on my threat from the last chapter. I've posted a new story, and I briefly changed this from a scriptfic, to a… different kind of narration entirely. In the next chapter I may be able to keep up the non-script text longer. Hopefully better written, and not in the first person.**


	30. E10 Trials of Virtue P1

The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 10: Trials of Virtue: Part 1

"The only true choice a man can make of his own freewill is weather to embrace his vices, or virtues. Woe and pity upon the warrior of vice, for he will not hesitate to tear out your innards, either out of sick amusement or to rationally forward his own goals. Praise and honor be to the warrior of virtue, for his blade shall be your blade, his valor your valor, his life your life. But awe and fear to the warrior that embraces both, for there is next to no force in this universe that can stop a warrior of vice and virtue. The blasphemous Blood Lords shudder at the very existence of these champions, for they stop at nothing to ensure that the tears of Iam, our All-Father abide. No matter how brief, for the very fabric of the universe will quake at the presence of such warriors! And The Heretics shall soil their smallclothes in un-repentable fear!"

The Holy Codex of The Eternal Vigil, Tome of Deathless Honor: Chapter 7: Verse 9-17

**A/N: Sorry about the fake bible verse but… look it's something new I'm trying. You ****know how at the beginning of episodes of Star Wars: The Clone Wars (of which half ****of this fanfic is a great big parody of) there are these little Jedi proverbs? Exactly ****like those! Which also raises the question as to why I haven't tried this sooner, but ****in any case, welcome back to The Simpson's: In Space: Season 1. I seriously hope ****you enjoy the show.**

**XXXXX**

Bart was looking through the silver walls of UR-Alpha's structure, looking for a MAISU port. "Look Bart, can't you at least explain why were down here? Shouldn't we have at least waited for Homer and the excavation team?" Knara, his girlfriend asked, anxious at the idea of being underground on a volcanic planet. "We could actually be of help, instead of playing watch." She continued, nervously griping at her Shock Scythe uncertain of what Bart and his sister Lisa were looking for in the bowels of the planet, Orpheus II.

"I'll let you know when I find it." Bart responded, still fondling the rune covered walls for a slot, his hand abruptly falls into a gap in the wall, a hole just big enough to fit a small circular object into.

"Ah! Here we go." He beamed brightly. He pulled out a small object from his pocket. "You ready for this Athena?" He said to the same object that he was holding. A bluehologram of a young women that bore an… unsettling resemblance to his sister Lisabefore she became an orange scaled Ub-Viper Serp-feratu. "As ready as I'll ever be." The hologram spoke, with a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"What? That's it?" Spoke Seth Elysium, the son of the late Prime Minister of The Republic of Amidala. "You dragged us down here to hack a computer! We could have stayed on Earth and done just that!" He yelled in his distinctive New Zealand accent, clutching his SolarLuna-S/LPx4998 shotgun/war axe. "Calm down Seth!" Said Lisa, who was perching on a metal stalactite. Her bird like talons griping tight, and her long tail coiling around the stalactite. "I know that none of this makes sense. Believe me I'm wondering why I'm going through all of this myself." She said, trying not to get dizzy from hanging from the ceiling.

"Okay Athena? How far are you in the system?" Bart spoke into a microphone like device. "I'm not sure." Athena responded uncertainly. "All I can see is some menu that says. 'Do you wish to begin **The Trials of Virtue**?' I have no idea what that means."

Bart smiled gleefully at this news, mainly because it meant that not only would it mean that it bring about the resurrection of Seraph Ashla. But also so that he and everyone else could leave this forsaken rock of a planet.

"I see… go on, start **The Trials of Virtue**." Bart said.

All of sudden, there was a loud whirring noise, along with the sound of hydraulics blaring loudly. After five minutes of loud whirring, a chamber opened, revealing an ornate sarcophagus in the floor.

"Okay, now it looks like I've come across another block." Athena responded. "And this would be?…" Bart asked. "This menu asks if I wish to inhabit the shell of The Scarred Dawn. Do you any idea what the means?" She responded. "I don't know any more then you do." He answered. "But select yes, or confirm, or whatever it says anyway!"

Without a second thought, Athena presses the confirm button in front of her. All of a sudden there is low humming noise. "If anyone or anything explodes in the next minute, I won't be surprised." Commented the wise cracking Telkine, Thel Tsaritsyn.

"I wouldn't-a be-a surprised if it were Rahpo myself, you-a don't even want to know how many times the guys been blown up-a!" Added Ocihc Muloc-Sbu, one of Tsaritsyn's best friends. Then he was knocked unconscious by Rahpo, and slung over his muscular blue shoulder like a dead animal.

"Athena? Athena whatever you're doing there can you hurry it up?" Said Bart. "What is going on in there anyway?" He proceeds to beat the wall in frustration. "Worthless piece of- AHHH!" He yelled at the sight of an obsidian colored arm bursting out of thesarcophagus in the floor.

**XXXXX**

Zaar Lrack, Lukus Novus stared out of the viewport of The Wardens Vigil, as it loomed over the planet. Along with his Master, Thel Andúril, They were both staring at the pair of Red Dwarf suns that made of The Orpheus System, both of them looking solemn over the memory of Kobra Minor, which only a few hours ago was destroyed by its own moon. In the meantime, Andúril's own brood mate, Fleet Mistress Thel Aon was thrumming her serrated talons against her throne. "Have the Orion or Confederate ships made contact with us yet helmsmen?" She spoke to her diminutive second in command, Ga'har.

"I'm sorry my lady, but the human ships have not yet found our com channel." He responded. "Not to seem impudent, but why are we not trying to contact them? It would be much easier." Ga'har covered his head and started to pant in panic. Aon responded to her helmsmen in a cold and calculated voice. "True, but that is why we are not attempting to contact them ourselves. It would be too easy for both of us." She said, "And stop panting, your people may not have sweat glands, but you know that's still unsanitary." Aon continued.

All of a sudden the crystal like monitor gleams brightly. "Ah, one of humans must found our com channel frequency." Aon beamed. "Or it could be another confused telemarketer. I mean we have gotten three calls from them today." Ga'har retorted. "Good point." Aon agreed, all of a sudden a hologram of a young Japanese women appeared over the crystal. "I presume that you are The Admiral of this Orion battle group? If not then who are you?"

"You are right, I am Admiral Bethany Tanto." The bold young Admiral answered without so much as a (obvious) hint of fear in her voice. "And who might I ask are you? And what business do you have in Federation space?" She demanded. "You could also that same question to The Templar ships. But I suppose I'm a more immediate subject of curiosity so I shall indulge you." Aon stated flatly. "Let me guess. Your reasons for coming into Orion territory is squarely for your own reasons or for that over rated megalomaniac Minas Aiur. Is that it?" Bethany responded. "I take it you have had dealings with The Fellowship before?" Aon queried with a raised eyebrow. "No, that's just standard issue communication protocols with the FOA. So I must respectfully request that you get your scale clad hide out of this sector! Or so help me I'll blow your entire fleet to Hell!" Bethany answered.

"Well… aren't we the bold ones today? You going to risk a war with The Fellowship, I ask is it really necessary to put your Federation under more threats then simply The WOK and Somites?" Aon asked the young admiral, with tone that could chill the heart of even the most stalwart warrior.

A low roar bellowed through the bridge of The Tyrants Bane. A Telkine with heavy robesentered into view. He chirped in seemingly random noises to Aon. "Wha-? Certainly you are kidd- I understand sire." Was all that could be made out by the senior officers of The Katana.

"Congratulations human, The Pious Hierarch has decided to grant you an audience. She's all yours Im-Perous Pi'on-Saulumos." Aon stated, she left her throne. "This ought to be good," the Admiral thought to herself. All of sudden there was a quiet shimmer of warbling sound waves in the bridge of The Katana. _"Bethany… Tanto…"_ said an ancient voice. "Uh, captain Yithurana did you hear anything?" She asked a muscular

Atlantean. "I know of what you speak." He answered. _"Silence Atlantean! This does not concern you… yet. I requested The Admirals attention and no one else's."_ The voice snapped. "Oh!… you're a telepath aren't you?" Bethany asked. Realizing that the Telkine that took Aon's place was. _"Telepath? I am no simple telepath!"_ Boomed the ancient Telkines telepathic voice. _"Though I doubt I would be able to find the time to explain everything."_

"Damaged vocal chords isn't it? I can understand one of my uncles needs an artificial chin just to talk."

The old alien chuckled at the Admirals comment. _"No, but in any case there is something you need to know."_ He said. _"We are here, because what you seek beneath OrpheusII is not what you think it is."_

"Im-Perous Pi'on-Saulumos Minas Ty'phon, I am sorry to interrupt. But we have just gotten contact from The Templar's." Ga'har piped. Ty'phon groaned with the news. _"I suppose that it's Stan Tartarus on the line?"_ Ga'har nodded in confirmation. _"Ahboy,"_ he emitted a sharp hiss at Thel Andúril. _"kovar'cha Andúril! I require your presence! Fleetmistress Aon, get yourself and your best pack planetside. Stealth ship, and make your mission fast!"_

**XXXXX**

"So… how is this… new body doing for you?" Lisa awkwardly tried to ask Athena. Who had just been uploaded into the empty robotic husk of Seraph Ashla. Which, due to its transformation into a robot left the body a pitch black obsidian, and blue symmetrical lines running up and down the body.

"It feels, odd." Athena answered, Athena took a brief glimpse at her new hands, she gasped slightly at the sight of a faint light that glimmered out of both hands, down her sides, and left a bright stream of light that ran along the floor and exited the room. "I can see this strange line in front of me, and for some reason, I feel compelled to follow it."

"Well then let's follow it!" Bart insisted, "I mean what's the worst thing that can happen?" he opened a door, to reveal something that was far worse than what he had in mind. (Thatwould have been genocidal robot guards) "BART! You and your friends have better have had a damn good reason for leaving the ship!" Yelled Homer, at the top of his lungs. Bart pulled on his hair trying to think of good excuse. "Uh, well you see ah…"

"We apparently came down here to find a robotic version of Seraph Ashla, possibly here consciousness is also somewhere inside of these so called ruins." Seth answered abruptly. "What? That's crazy! Even for you future people that's completely stupid!" Homer snapped. "WAIT!" Shouted the mildly neurotic and nerdy Professor Zit Fester. "The young Amidalan's hypothesis could be valid and accurate due to the vast number of quantum-motherboards found in the initial excavation of these ruins. During which we also found the brains patterns of a Female Sovereign Twi'grutan, age fifteen, and vast mental illness.

Including but not limited to, schizophrenia, Dissociate identity disorder within Dissociate identity disorder within Dissociate identity disorder, Blood Rage, TGPE (There's a Goblin named Pickles living in my Ear), Simon Cowell Syndrome, full blown British Narcissism, and the very rare mental disorder, "Rage of The to Stubborn to Die." So this android that bares a physical resemblance to an adolescent Twi'grutan could provide a link to finding these ruins true secrets. All looks shot to Lisa. "What? You think I understood whatever the hell he just said? I don't even know what those last four disorders were."

"Not important at the moment. But either he guessed why the two of you wanted to come her in the first place, or he's really good at yelling the anatomy of Shiranans backwards." Answered Thel Knara.

"Young lady, my previous statement had nothing to do with the anatomical contents of the physical interior of any member of the sentient species, _Froditus Hobbitus Middgetus._" Snapped back the old Professor, not realizing that Knara was being sarcastic. All of sudden a long pinging noise blares loudly through the entire base. "ALERT! ALERT! The Husk has been defiled! All Sentinels: Deploy and exterminate!" Blared an even louder voice.

**XXXXX**

(40 minutes latter)

"I will never forget you, I will never forgive that I allowed you to die, I will never surrender my love for you." Daavas Majiac, mumbled meekly under his breath. It had only been two days ago since his lifelong friend, Zaar Lrack delivered the news that he felt Seraph Ashla die in through The Essence. All of a sudden a hologram of a Clone Marine appears on the console on his desk, interrupting the young Twi'grutans grieving. "What does Ibonek want now? Is he in a deadlock argument with Tartarus again?" He stated coldly before the Clone could so much as say a word.

"Uh… something like that, Master Naw-Ibo wishes for you to report to the bridge immediately." The Clone Marine answered. "Ger… figures." The frustrated alien snarled. "Tell him I'll be in the bridge in about five minutes." He turned off his console, and went off to the ships main turbo lift.

_'I still can't believe that no-mouthed Zamar!'_ He thought to himself._' I literally poured out both my hearts out to him, but he still won't bring up my complaints about The Orders code and command structure forward. I don't care if it was only two days ago, I'M STILL NOT HAPPY WITH HIM! Not like he'll get a spine any time soon.' _Within a minute, Daavas was on the bridge of The KFC (Koprulican Fleet of the Confederacy) The Dry Comedian. "Okay, I'm here Master. Now what kind of mess are you in with my predecessor now?" Daavas said snidely, casually ignoring the scoffing from Stan Tartarus. "Here I was thinking you liked sarcasm." On the ships holographic display, was Admiral Tanto, Thel Andúril, and Minas Ty'phon.

"Listen Tartarus I am not going to say this again! I. DID. NOT. DEFECT. TO. THE. FELLOWSHIP. OF. ANDU," putting effort on every word "besides The Fellowship and The Alliance are in a mutual defense agreement." Shouted Thel Andúril, who was in a heated argument with Templar Stan Tartarus over the fact that he was sitting in a Fellowship Capital Ship.

"Be that is it may," Stan said, "will you try to shut up for just a few minutes and listen? He's on an Andunian ship! That doesn't mean anything!" Ibonek interrupted. "Is there a reason why you brought me up here?" Daavas asked. He shot a brief look at Andúril. "Wait, I thought you and Zaar perished on Kobra Minor?" "How did word of that fiasco get around so fast? That was only yesterday!" Thel shouted. "Besides you Confederate boobs only interrupted a call between me and The Fleet of The

Martyrs Dirge and, what was your name again?" Said Bethany Tanto in confusion. _"My name… is of no real importance… mainly because you would not recognize me."_ Echoed The Pious Hierarch's telepathic voice.

"Regardless whether or not you want to tell them who you are, I'm going to tell them anyway," said Andúril, "this is Minas Ty'phon, Scion The Blooded Torchbearers, Caretaker of the province Gra'toa Prog-Suun, five time winner of The Marcel, Marcel Memorial Long Term Silence Competition." The ancient Telkine slapped Andúril across the face. _"If I deny that any know my identity you are to abide by that! But yes, I am Minas Ty'phon Pious Hierarch of The Fellowship of Andu. Everything else is, especially that krannt about Marcel, my nephew forced me to take that oath of not speaking any other langue aside from T-thala vaag Garud'ashan."_

"So, you're an important member of The Fellowship?" Asked Stan, who was not in the least bit interested in what was going on, and more interested in returning to his secret wife, Senator Rhea Aeryn.

_"More than you think. Now before you decided to release your ships to attack and destroy __the fleet and-DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME TARTARUS I KNOW YOUR THINKING __ABOUT IT! Anyway, I have much to say, and each and every one of you will LISTEN!" _Sounded the telepathic thoughts of Minas Ty'phon. _"Now, first, we found out about the __ruins because of a small fleet of unknown ships that came and entered the system, then __left as quickly as they came."_

"That still doesn't explain anything." Said Stan.

"Listen Sand Dweller, this sector isn't even under Confederate jurisdiction! So don't act like you're the law around here. Now either shut-up or just leave!" Responded Admiral Tanto.

_"Anyway, from what I could decipher from my visions, what is in those alleged "ruins", is __in fact an over the top prison for… what was inside I couldn't make out. All that I could __make out was that the prisoner was 'The Arbiter of Ignored Tyranny.' Look, I am not __asking for anyone's help. I am simply asking the lot of you to know why we're here."_

"How do we know that this isn't a-"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" Yelled the frustrated Japanese Admiral, at the Koprulican Templar. "I and The Telkines were having a nice conversation; they were even polite enough to explain why they came here. Now I'm not defending them or anything, but either you get your self-righteous Lukus hide out of this sector, or else!"

All of a sudden, The Katana began to change shape, making it from a relatively small 1,337 meters of most Federation capital ships, into a massive 2,500 meter long mobile battle station.

"What the? Yithurana did you know the ship could do this?" Bethany asked. "No, I'm not even sure how you activated this…" He said, just as confused as his commanding officer. "Admiral what was the point of that blatant and pointless display of aggression?" Accused Stan.

Meanwhile Daavas was face-palming himself as Tartarus, Tanto, Naw-Ibo, Thel, and Minas were arguing about what was going on. Of which was going off topic quickly, largely due to Stan's stubborn and self-righteous pride to accept what was happening.

'_This is why I still wake up in the morning? If I wanted to see two humans argue I could just watch ancient episodes of The Jerry Springer show, like anyone with at least two brains cells would watch that krannt. I swear on every deity, creed, and belief system in this fracked up universe, if this pointless madness goes on for so much as five more minutes. I will… no, no that will only justify the rumors that I'm actively brooding over Seraph's death… even though that is true."_ He was thinking to himself.

"Daavas help me out here! Stan won't listen to reason." Ibonek said, literally derailing Daavas's train of thought. "You know what I think?" Daavas asked, as his right eye twitched unnervingly. "I think that the lot of you, especially you Tartarus should GET YOUR FELLING HEADS OUT OF YOUR FRELLING AKNOSHES!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

Startling everyone in ear shot, the young alien was panting heavily as sweat glistened down his Sanguine tinted skin. His eyes were glaring a dark gleam of gold; his hearts were beating too loudly for him to be able to hear Ibonek, and Tartarus' reply to his outburst.

"I don't care about whatever the J'yoid is beneath that rock, but if it's enough that it will drive the lot of you mad. Then it's not worth using against anyone, not The Wrath of Kaos, not The Theocracy of Soma, not anyone." He said as his hearing returned.

"…and you complained I was rebellious!" Stan said to Ibonek.

"No, I agree that Daavas's outburst was inappropriate. But he's right, whatever is beneath the planet is not worth sacrificing our honor, or for that matter randomly threatening to kill each other." Responded Ibonek.

The ancient priest snarled in irritation_. "You fools I already told you there's no weapon, just someone important enough to justify a large scale prison."_ Ty'phon said.

**XXXXX**

(20 minutes latter)

"I got twelve! How many did you take out Tyler?" Asked Seth as he reloaded his shotgun after it had torn the head off of one of the skeleton like robots. "I've got seventeen! Still twelve's an impressive headcount for someone your age!" He yelled back, firing his assault rifle at an incoming guard droid "Knara! How much have you gotten?" "I got twenty-five!" She said, slicing off a Sentinel's head with her Shock Scythe.

"WHAT! I will not have some sullen Torch Bearer out scoring me!" He yelled defiantly, reloading his Hoplite-assault rifle and firing wildly into the oncoming hoard. In the midst of the chaos, Homer received a communication from The Katana. _'What the? What could Bethany want at a time like this? This had better not be about those docking tickets again.'_

"Captain Homer, I repeat Captain Homer do you read me?" Said Bethany over Homer'spersonal com channel. "I'm a little busy here! Kind of set off a booby trap or two!" He said, as he shot another guard droid in the face.

"Well, in any case. Be advised, Fellowship and Confederate forces are coming down planet side. So get your butt into high gear, and find whatever the heck Prof. Fester thought was under those ruins."

"Yeah funny thing about that," Homer answered back nervously, "we found something down here but it won't do anything. In fact I think it's what triggered these robots."

"I heard that!" Said Athena, who was simply standing in the middle of the firefight, doing nothing.

"Well it is true! You do less with your body then I do with mine!" He said, _'this is so not __worth one-thousand federal credits an hour.'_ He thought.

"I take it that was the weapon?" Asked the jet-black haired human. "Hell if I know. Aside from looking like a glorified paper weight she hasn't done much."

"Wait! I think I've activated my weapon systems!" Without a second thought, Athena directed a stream of white electricity caucusing the roughly fifteen of the skeleton like droids to explode in piles of dark grey scrap iron. But the shock of her attack knocked her back into a wall with a loud thud.

"Wonderful, first she does nothing and now she's dead!" Homer complained. "Well anyway, reinforcements are on route. So just stay were you are and wait! Katana out," the Admiral cut off the channel.

"I'm not dead!" Athena said weakly. "I've just incapacitated myself from the legs down." Homer gave out a frustrated groan, and went over to the young android. "Okay I got yeah," he said as he slung her over his left shoulder. "Just next time do a light shock?" Then without warning, the remaining thirty or so droids collapsed under an abrupt wave of plasma fire, down an adjourning corridor.

"Good work! I didn't even know we could do that." Said a relieved Homer. "Your ilk cannot," said a chillingly calm voice, several Quetzal and Telkines de-cloaked, along with their pack leader, "but it's encouraging that you think they can."

"Aon," said Knara, with just a slight hint of anger in her voice, "how nice of you to join us… at the very last minute."

"You would have been of greater tactical assistance earlier." said Professor Fester. "What?" Asked the (relatively speaking) young Fleetmistress. "The fact that all of you are alive doesn't satisfy you? Human?"

"Are you assuming that we could not provide ourselves with adequate protection?" He retorted.

"No," she then cleaved off his head with her long sword, "you made that assertion." His corpse hit the floor with a dull thud; Aon's face was covered with the Professors blood.

"Wh… what the hell did you that for!" Asked Lisa. "Was he of any use to any of you?" The Grey hide Telkine asked. "From the look of the man he was of no use at all."

"Just because he spent most of the time hiding in corners while we were risking our necks against… whatever those things were doesn't give you the right to chop someone's head off." Lisa said, she was right of course. Fester spent much of the past hour since the Skeleton Droid guards awakened hiding in corners mumbling in utter terror. "Perhaps," the emerald eyed alien took a glance at Athena. "I take it that she's what you've been looking for?"

"How should I know? We haven't even gotten to UR-Beta yet!" Homer said. "Athena? Sweaty? Can you still show us the way?"

"I think so I also think strength is returning to my legs." She responded. "Okay!" He said, so he dropped her only for to fall over. "Ow! I didn't say that I was completely recovered!" She said, she slowly but clumsily regained her balance. "My legs servos are still stiff but I can still move, which isn't actually saying a whole lot."

**XXXXX**

"What do you mean these aren't ruins?" Homer asked in confusion, "I mean the ancient looking robots that keep trying to kill us, the really convoluted traps and puzzles, that really big cybernetic clam that tried to eat us a few minutes back."

"No," Aon stated flatly, "these halls are of Telkine architecture, the walls were forged from Seraphim Mithril, of which would explain how they are intact in even in the lower reach's."

She was not kidding of course, because as she said this, Aon, Homer, Bart, Lisa, Seth, Knara, Tyler-700, Tsaritsyn, Rahpo, Ocihc, Athena, AND Aon's entire pack. We're riding on an elevator that was swiftly descending down a long glass tube, which overlooked a vast underground air pocket of magma, with jagged stalagmites and stalactites cast eerie shadows over the whole cavern.

"Besides, the walls smell young. The Mithril that was used here could not have been older than one, maybe two weeks," Aon continued, "the only question I have now, is how, and who assembled all of this so quickly?"

"Um… aren't you more curious as to why this place was constructed?" Lisa asked.

"Not really, obviously for whoever inhabited you're A.I.'s shell." Aon responded, pointing a talon at Athena.

"Lucky guess," Bart replied dryly, "but can you guess who that was?"

"I would not be surprised if you didn't know." The Grey-Born countered.

"Oh I know, I just think it's more fun if you guess."

"Clever human, but you're wasting your time, and worse. Mine."

"Do I have to separate you two?" Homer asked in annoyance.

"No, it was his idea to start this pointless discussion." Aon countered.

**XXXXX**

(5 minutes later.)

"Is this the place Construct?" Aon asked Athena, they were in a large chamber with a pedestal in a central alcove. The entire room looked as if it was made of black marble."Yes," she looked down at the floor. To see that the waypoint light that was projecting out of her hands, was flashing much more rapidly than when she first uploaded into Seraphs body, "this is it, this is where **The Trials of Virtue** must begin."

She walked wearily up to the alcove. "Does anyone else have a ba?- never mind." Homer asked, hastily realizing that saying 'I have a bad feeling about this,' is considered bad luck in the 51st century.

"Well… nothing ventured, nothing gained." Said Athena, as she placed her hand upon the

pedestal, suddenly, a flash of white light consumed the entire chamber.

"You just had to say, 'I have a bad feeling about this?' didn't you?" said Tsaritsyn.

"HEY! You can't pin this on me!" Homer stated aloud.

**XXXXX**

(Meanwhile on the planet Soma)

Soma… since the centuries after The Fall of Earth, it has been a world of science and technology. But it has also been nothing more but a spherical fortress, ever since The Great Orion War of 4824-4864. What was once an interstellar empire (that was relatively small by most standards), ruled by the genetically modified, and ego-maniacal Snaipmyloians. Had been reduced to just the one planet, by the savage, yet cunning brutality of The Fellowship of Andu.

"Are you certain of this my son?" Asked Suez, chief, and father of The Snaipmyloians, and ruler of the entire Theocracy of Soma. "Without a doubt father," said Ersa, Commander and Chief of the entire Somite military, and self-proclaimed 'god of war.'

"The Artifact we found on Ashla last month, it was of Telkine origin," He continued. "Apparently it was called The Grey Heart; it was created about five-thousand years ago, along with nine Emeralds. The purpose of these jewels was to create The Jericho Effect that protects the entire Rhodes Sector from attack, aside from their sacred Gate World of Narsil"

"What does this have to do with reclaiming humanities rightful position as the only species in the entire universe?" Asked Anehta, First of The Theocracy. "It's very simple actually; The Emeralds are on display on Metropoli Major. We attack, take The Emeralds, level the planet and destroy The Alliance in a single blow, then destroy The Fellowship of Andu! It shall be the most glories victory since you father imprisoned The Othryians all those centuries ago, and turned this into what was once a beautiful mountainous world. Into the vast dystopian Metropolis it is today!" Said Ersa, waving his hands in the air as the rest of his siblings applauded his plan.

All was going well, until someone heard a sarcastic clapping. It was Sutsahpeh's cyborg daughter, Mary-Sue Venus Shadowfax Freya Isis Honolulu Nymph Angels-Whom Valkyrie Poinsettia Rose-thorn Lothlorian Morgan Leliana Horse-Mane Lotus Sun-Tear Rosetta Sirens-Anthem Lilith Pointless-but-funny-Twilight-bashing Pandora. Who, since her escapade with The Simpsons over four months ago, had cut her tar black hair down to shoulder length.

"Yes well, I believe you said the exact same thing about The Soul Annihilator, the weapon that was supposed to destroy all alien life in the universe at once?" She said sarcastically. "This is vastly different child! We were caught off guard on Ashla, this time we have the advantage!" He said. "You were there on Ashla, you know how badly that went, we crippled the entire Amidalan navy, But that still gives you no right to doubt me."

"In any case, you shall be given command of the entire Holy Fleet of Soma, the entire two-hundred million ships." Said Suez. "And take Mary-Sue with you, she needs the experience before we conquer the entire Milky Way Galaxy" "Very well father, I shall not disappoint you, again. Come Mary-Sue!" He said what happened next was the mobilization of every ship that The Somites had, and was set on a dead course to Metropoli Major.

"Listen you steel boned brat," Ersa said with evident contempt and malice in his voice, "I don't like this anymore then you do. But for the sake of restoring our lost glory I'd be beyond willing to put up with a liability such as you."

"I don't like this either, but only because I've been killed at least thrice, so long as I get to kill people on mass I'm game." Mary-Sue said without so much as an once of emotion in her voice. What happened next was the mobilization of every ship that The Somites had and was set on a dead course to Metropoli Major.

**A/N: So, another week or too another chapter. I know for a fact that next to no one ****is ready this anyway, but I hope you appreciate all the effort I'm putting into this. ****Incidentally, if you have any complaints about my sudden change of writing style… **

**THAT IS NO EXCUSE TO FLAME ME! So at the very least provide constructive ****criticism, you know correction of grammar and what not? Anyway I'm rambling. ****Goodbye!**


	31. E10 Trials of Virtue P2

The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 10: Trials of Virtue: Part 2

(Date: Orion Standard: 12/07/5009. Orion Standard Time: 1105 hours Military Time, Location, Orpheus system, Orpheus II, United Federation of Orion: Frontier Sector Omega: Specific location on said world… not a clue.)

"Oh my head… wait… were we here before?" Asked Homer as he woke up hazily after the light that enveloped the whole chamber had finally dissipated. All that could be seen was a vast meadow at late noon, with an orange sun setting into the horizon. _'This can't be right? We were on a volcanic planet, I may not know much about geography. But I don't think that something like this can survive on a lava planet. Not without one of those environmental dome things Lisa made for her Freshman Science Fair.'_ He thought to himself.

Slowly one by one, his children, and everyone else woke up. "Man this is the biggest headache I've had in a while." Said Bart as his spine cracked loudly. "When was that? Yesterday?" Lisa asked sarcastically, standing up awkwardly. "What the?" She said, as she looked down at her legs, a sudden feeling of ecstasy shot through her body. They were no longer Digitigrades, (which basically means that they were bird, or dog like) but they were back to their form when she was fully human. "Oh. My. Lord." She said in surprise, putting emphasis on each word. She fondled the rest of her body to find that she no longer had a tail, or wings, or the orange scales that made her status as an Ub- Viper Serp'feratu obvious.

"Lisa, yo-… you're human again." Her boyfriend, Seth Elysium said in awe. His eyes glaring up and down Lisa's body, at the sight of her reptilian features having disappeared, and at the grey tank-top and shorts that were the only thing keeping her decent, and the fact that her breasts returned to their normal realistic size, and not the Cantaloupe sized eye-sores they were roughly two or so minutes ago.

"Don't get your hopes Amidalan, I can't sense The Essence in this place, which could explain why Athena looks more like herself then Seraph." Said Knara with a blunt tone to her voice. "Bart, I'm seriously beginning you had an ulterior motive for wanting to come here." She said sarcastically.

"Why do you keep saying that I brought everyone down here for my own reasons?" Bart asked in irritation. "Your thoughts betray you for one thing… wait, what's this about Seraph?…" Before she could continue a pair of Twi'grutan children, a boy and a girl, run franticly towards the small group.

"You have to help us!" Said the girl. "Yeah! Our mommy has gone crazy!" Said the boy in succession.

"Hold on, what's the matter? How did your mommy go crazy?" Asked Lisa sympathetically.

As if on cue, six massive towers emerged out of the background. Three were colored pearl white, and the other three were steel black.

"Uh… is anyone else seeing this? Did anyone else see the big scary towers come out of thin air?" Bart asked in a mix of fear and confusion at the sight of these titanic monoliths.

**XXXXX**

(Meanwhile, in orbit of planet Narsil)

"Tell me kovar'cha Tyrana, have the fleets been assembled?" Asked Minas Aiur, the century old alien asked one Ormpha Tyrana, as he sat in a throne on his Flagship, Twilights Wrath, which was also the flagship of The Fleet of Divine Retribution.

"For the last time, it's Nela'saan Teri-Meam's job is to manage fleet missionaries and logistics." Said Tyrana, irritated that Aiur spent the past five hours bothering him about the impending Somite invasion of Metropoli Major.

"And?… what news from The Grand Fleet-Warden?" Aiur asked, with a hint of sadisms in his voice. Suddenly, a hologram of a Telkine appeared over a jagged like crystal, the only hint of color on the entire ship (and its fleet), of which it was colored steel grey.

"Your Im-Perous Aiur," said the hologram, "all the fleets that we not already on duty in former Jabbaban Cartel space, or on vital patrols have been recalled to Narsil."

"And how many is that Grand Fleet-Warden?" Asked Aiur. Teri-Meam had a sheepish look on his face. "About fifty fleets, actually forty-nine, but The Fleet of The Martyrs' Dirge is on a mission in Orion Space."

"Very well," said Aiur, without an ounce of concern for his former flame, Thel Aon. "Tyrana, when did you say that The Somites would attack The AOKA capital world?"

"As I said before, we will wait for Metropoli Major to send out a distress signal. During the assault we shall release the concentrated FENRIS virus from all of our ships, which will weaken and slowly poison every Somite in the planet's atmosphere, which will allow Ersa to be slain without the risk of him being resurrected. Until then we shall prepare our forces for the impending battle." The manipulative Tyrana explained.

"I still object to this plan, specifically were we use one of the most populated planets in the entire galaxy as bait," Objected Teri-Meam, "it is dishonorable, deceitful, and I'm really irritated that you kept this from me until last week!"

"Teri-Meam," Aiur said trying to sound ancient, like his uncle Ty'phon. "It is the duty of The Fellowship of Andu to destroy any, and all that would threaten the species of the universe, if that means turning an entire city-world into debris and scrap metal. Then that is the price that must be paid for the sake of fulfilling The Divine Charge."

Teri-Meam's face changed from general concern, to fuming, barley repressed rage the minute Aiur finished his sentence. "Your mad," he hissed, "I've served this Fellowship since The Age of Triumph, I fought in The Wars of Exploration, Prosperity, Stagnation, and Twilight! I have never compromised my honor for the sake of victory, not now, not ever! If you think that I will sacrifice my honor, even if it means restoring the glory of our fallen empire, then you are mad."

'_I know he means well,'_ Tyrana thought to himself as Aiur began to argue with Teri-Meam. _'But even one of my earliest calf-hood heroes has to know that there are always sacrifices in war, besides what do we owe the humans? Or for that matter their overly vaunted, and self-deluded Alliance? When the time comes, that retched and forsaken species will be wiped out from the very face of the universe. All that will be remembered of their race will be nothing more but a bitter memory of a time when we allowed our vigil to wane, and all owed giant mobs of hypocritical monkeys telling the entire Fellowship when and where to make our krannt, and then get a nine hour lecture by some self-deluded fool who thinks that he rules all of creation!'_

"IM-PEROUS MINAS AIUR!" Vaj Blas'er, The Twilights Wrath Communication Officer shouted. "Forgive me for interrupting, but we are now receiving distress signals from Metropoli Major. All of the reporting large ships, supposedly Dreadnaughts."

"Well, set a course for M&M. Get this honor less farce over with!" Teri-Meam said with obvious disdain in his voice.

"Wait! How many Somite ships are in orbit of the planet?" Aiur asked.

"Best reports are about 300 Dreadnaughts, 2400 Capital ships, 2400 Carriers, 6000 Frigates, 12000 support craft, and star fighters, bombers, drop ships that number in the hundreds of thousands. If I didn't know any better I'd say that their making their return to the galaxy obvious." Vaj answered dryly.

"It sounds just like that," Aiur said with a sinister gleam in three of his seven eyes.

"Tyrana, I want you to return to your flagship, and launch a Mithrandir-Stealth Recon Satellite into The Capital system within the hour."

Tyrana was caught off guard by Aiur's request. "What? Why do I have to use my own devices to do your-" he then realized that his personal fleet, The Fleet of Bittersweet Triumph, was the only fleet in The Divine Fellowship Navy equipped with the experimental technology that was reversed engineered by Thel Col since the end of The Somite Wars.

"No wait, your right. I'll go over to The Grim Resolve, you know? My mentors former flagship, back during The Ages of Relative Peace." He said with a hint of disappointment and sarcasm in his voice.

"What!" Teri-Meam asked. "You must be mad! You can't seriously consider sacrificing your honor worth the lives of an entire planet!"

'_The fool, it's obvious that he doesn't know I already sacrificed my honor dozens of times during The Age of Twilight. But for the sake of everything in this universe that lives, no one must know, save for those precious few that share my dreams of returning The Fellowship to its near forgotten glory.'_ Tyrana thought to himself. "You think you have problems? I'm trying to be the neutral party here!" He said out loud.

**XXXXX**

"Lis, you mind explaining what's happening here… again?" Bart asked Lisa, as both of them were walking down a corridor, with distinctive gothic architecture."Oh come on Bart, don't tell me you forgot what Feelia and Tevinatarus, because you forget things so often I've pretty much given up on asking if you have." Lisa answered with a mild sense of frustration in her voice.

"Well, I just want to be up to speed." He answered, that being the only excuse he could think of in under ten seconds. Lisa sighed in defeat, knowing that she'd have to explain exposition to a member of her family… for the umpteenth time. "They told us we would have to release Seraph from some kind of Matrix style prison, and from what Arwen and Solomon told us we have to reunite her vices and virtues in order to do it properly."

"That's another thing, what was with those two?" Bart asked in justified confusion. "Are they part of her mind as well?"

"Look it's a long story, and frankly I'd rather get this over with. We may as well get find Deceit, and get out of this potential mad house." She said, not realizing that a seemingly old Twi'grutan was following The Simpson children. "Do you get the odd feeling your being watched?" Bart asked his sister. "You always think you're being watched."

"You'll get no argument from on that note child." Said the elder Twi'grutan, Bart and Lisa looked behind themselves, and yelled in shock at the sight of her. "Honestly, must all youth be so jumpy? You'll look like me before you even realize it." Said the old alien.

"Your deceit aren't you?" Lisa asked, with a mix of fear and confusion in her voice and on her face.

The Twi'grutan clapped sarcastically. "Congratulations, you guessed right on your first try. I'd give you a cigar but I don't have any, and besides from some exposure to second hand smoke when you were eight I don't think you need any more of it."

"Whew! Here I thought it would be hard to find you." Bart said, his fear having quickly disappeared.

"Really, you think finding me would be as simple as me simply giving myself up?" Deceit asked. "The two of you thought you could just walk into my tower, and ask me to come with you?"

"Um… not really no, that would have been helpful but no." Lisa said sheepishly. "But we are prepared to take you by force!" She said as she and Bart drew their weapons. "Well, I surrender then!" Deceit said, putting her hands into the air. "Tie me up and drag me off to where ever you wish." Bart and Lisa, for lake of better and more encompassing word, were confused at the vices action.

"You have got to be kidding me," Lisa said flatly, "you're just going to surrender, just like that?"

"Of course, what would I gain from trying to escape your grasp?" Deceit asked.

"What? No crushing panels in the walls?" Bart asked.

"No."

"No crushers in the floor?"

"No."

"No crushers in the ceilings?"

"No."

"No pits filled with spikes?"

"No."

"No lies about ca-

"Look Bart, can we just we just get back to the Ziggurat before one of us goes mad from asking about booby traps?" Lisa interrupted, with obvious frustration in her voice.

Bart placed a pair of plasma handcuffs unto Deceit. "But I must warn you, the floors tend be a bit unpredictable." Deceit said, before The Simpson children could processed what she had just said, the floors opened up to a seemingly bottomless pit.

"Just a word in advance, I didn't trick either of you into this. See Bart kept asking about booby traps and I simply couldn't resist the idea of pulling a fast one on you two." Deceit said with a slight hint of demented glee.

"Oh shut up." Bart stated angrily, in spite of the fact that he and his sister were falling to their deaths and should have been screaming in blind fear. "I still can't believe I actually had a crush on her when Seraph first moved in."

"You had a crush on Seraph?" Lisa asked.

"What?" Bart asked defensively. "She was one of the first alien chicks I ever met, aside from that Turok Wise Women we met on Io. But I'm not counting reptilian aliens. Besides, do you even remember what she was wearing when we first met her?" He whistled at the memory of Seraph wearing a simple blouse and skirt.

**XXXXX**

"What? Master Thel that's ridicules!" Said Stan Tartarus.

"Don't call my knowledge nonsense boy," said Thel Andúril, his voice a riff with disdain.

"I know that this prison was only recently constructed by the smell alone. Plus the architecture gives its nature away. Whoever made this place… obviously had a lot of spare time on his hands."

"Agreed, I can smell those who were last here." Said Andúril's Novus Zaar Lrack.

"Well do you at least know **who** was here before us?" Stan asked impatiently. Not caring in the least about the Quetzal's (valid) claims.

"No, I cannot stick scents to names unless I already knew them, and this case it would be wiser to just focus on The Terrans scents." Zaar answered. Zaar and his master grunted in disdain, it had been five months since the beginning of the Pirate Wars, and roughly two or three days since the two of them narrowly escaped Kobra Minor. And neither of them have had a moments peace in what felt like centuries.

'_You know Master; I'm really getting sick and tired of The Order.'_ Zaar said, telepathically to Andúril. '_You'll get no argument from me on that. The only reason I joined The Lukus Order in the first place was because I was so guil tridden over the experiments I performed during The War of Stagnation, mainly the part of the war when we were fighting The Amidalans and Koprulicans. That I panicked and thought that serving Di-In would atone for so many blasphemous tests.'_ The Telkine thought back.

'_That's another thing; we let The Exiles off pretty much Heg-Tata free over the latter half of The War of Stagnation. Meanwhile we've been lambasting The Orion's for the past Age.'_ Zaar thought to his Master. _'Yes, I know that it was irresponsible for them to let their corporate entities have free reign over much of their own space, and we acted so high and mighty when said corporations were laid low. But really, generalizing an entire species over their own merchant franchises is kind of superficial and uneducated don't you think?'_

'_The scary part of that is your right,'_ Andúril's thoughts echoed, _'we have misjudged The Terran Humans again and again and again since First Contact was made with The Earth, and the three centuries of terraforming spent on it that subsequently drove just about every species that wasn't already part of The Fellowship into the then fledgling Alliance of Orion Koprulu and Amidala due to the financial strain. If it were heresy to say that my people are falling from honor, that it shall be a title I carrying with mixed pride.'_

'_As would I, mainly because I'm starting to gain a begrudging respect for The Terra Born Humans, and the fact that next to none of my people accept me as anything but a Di-Inian heretic.'_ Zaar thought.

Later on, Andúril, Zaar, Stan, Ibonek, Daavas, 117 Solemn Oath, and an inebriated EMIR-12, their respective Clone Marine subordinates, arrived at a closed doorway.

"I'll open the door!" Offered one Clone Engineer, who went on to fiddling with the door without actually being ordered to. "No, no that's completely unnecessary." Said Andúril, trying to dissuade the Clone from potentially damaging the circuitry of the door, that, and the fact that his or Zaar's handprint alone could open the door without assistance. But everyone else aside from the two of them, and to an extent Daavas were aware of that.

"All done," said the Clone Engineer happily… as he was ruthlessly gutted by one of the shrines robot guardians. The skeletal droid that gutted The Engineer, held in his hand a chained mace that looked like a head. "Rest now… embrace the tranquility of death." Said the mace head, which wasn't actually that weird considering that the droid in question had no head.

Andúril, who was never one to shirk from a fight, suddenly bore the face of someone who had just seen a ghost. _'No, no this can't be!'_ He thought, _'the Machina were all relocated to Kobal!'_ His thoughts raced swiftly through his head, as he staggered back in fear.

"I… was once… Zit Fester before my ascension… when Thel Aon of The Fleet of The Martyrs' Dirge… for criticizing her battle tactics, in case anyone… was wondering." Said the mace head, in a labored mechanical voice. "Zitt Fester?… weren't you The Orion Professor from TOSPEC?" Asked Tartarus "I… already said that… you arrogant stooge!" He bellowed as he struck Stan unconscious with his head. "It is… a true pity that you will never reach the chamber… is what I would say if I earnestly cared for you quest."

"NEVER!" Yelled Daavas, as he unleashed a bone crushing wave of The Essence at the Sentinels. Destroying all but Zit, "you want our lives?" He said as he ignited his double-edged Light Blade, and his lovers own Light Blade in defiance. "COME AND CLAIM THEM!

**XXXXX**

"Okay Tyler," Homer asked nervously to Lieutenant Tyler-700, "where is this 'Hope' those two creepy kids asked us to find? And where are we?"

"To be honest sir," Tyler said, "I don't know, Seraph's mind seems to be based off of Telkine psychology… and since I know only the basics of the stuff I don't think it would be of much help." The two of them were walking down a golden hallway, though the lack of proper lighting made it difficult to make out anything farther then at least one or two feet.

"Come on! Come on!" Homer panicked, pressing his hands against the walls hoping to find a door, or a button that opens a door. "There has to be something in here!" As if on cue, the wall he was pressing on collapsed in. "Sir, you found a door." Tyler stated.

Aside from stating the obvious he was right, the area behind the wall did contain a brightly lit chamber. At the center was a little girl, who was sobbing into a pillow.

Homer went over to the child cautiously, tiptoeing slowly. "Um… hello?" He asked the child nervously. "Are you okay?" The small girl relented in her crying, long enough to look Homer in the eye, and meekly answer. "No."

Homer, only vaguely aware that the girl looked like a young version of Seraph Ashla, his one-time daughter, he continued on. "Really? What's wrong? What's your name little girl?"

She sniffled slightly and whipped several fresh tears from her encrusted eyes. "My… my name is Hope." She answered meekly, choked up for no obvious reason.

"Really?" Homer asked enthusiastically, "THE Hope? The Hope that Tyler and I were looking for?"

"More or less." Hope said somberly, trying her very best not to (in her mind) look weak by crying in front of Homer any longer.

"That's wonderful!" Homer beamed brightly. "Now we can leave this spooky palace, get our of this virtual reality thingy, and then go home!" He grasped at Hopes hand, only for her to try to wriggle out of his admittedly weak grasp.

"NO! Let go of me!" Hope squealed, pulling her hand out of Homers hand.

"Uh, Tyler a little help here? I don't think she wants to come." Homer asked sheepishly.

Tyler was more concerned with maintaining his Assault Rifle then with Homer's problem. "Looks like it." He said dryly.

"Tyler can't you be more helpful then sarcastic observations? Either we get her out of here, or we'll be stuck here forever! You heard those kids, surly you want to get home!" Homer panicked.

"And if were paying attention the last time we talked about this," Tyler answered, "you'd remember that my home is service to The United Federation of Orion." "Why do you two even try with this?" Hope asked, "The both of you are only going to spend the rest of eternity arguing on and on and on and on and on and go no ware."

"Hmm… you know for someone as young as you you're surprisingly cynical." Homer commented.

"Really? Tell me; are you curious as to why?" Hope asked.

"No."

"Not in particular to be honest."

"Well I'm going to tell you shizno's anyway!" She said in spite of the two men's answers to the contrary. She began to choke up even before she began to talk. "I-I've seen horrible things… I've seen men die in the most horrible ways imaginable. I've seen entire worlds burnt to ashes. I've heard the wailing cries of the damned more times than anyone should have to them hear." Giving these answers was one thing, trying to talk without openly crying was another matter entirely.

"All that Seraph has seen and known over the course of her entire life has been the suffering, the social injustices, and pretty much every ounce of krannt that sentient species across this galaxy have put up with, with each other for the past three-thousand years." Her eyes began to water up, no longer capable of holding back the wave of emotions that were swelling up. "And… and she has been dying of madness every day of her life since she was liberated from The Thrail Collective. Helpless as she is frequently thwarted and disheartened at failed attempts to undo the wrongs of Galactic Society."

"Oh, so you're all angry at everything that's wrong with the world. I remember going through that faze myself, actually it was against the government but it's pretty much the same when Nixon, or Hippies, or The Sixties are dragged into the mess." Homer said, trying to sound sympathetic and understanding.

"Don't pretend that you care or understand. The Universe is infinitely bigger then Earth!" Hope then began to curl up into the fetal position. "This reality may not be real; in fact I shouldn't even be truly real. But at least Seraph finally knows peace."

As she finished speaking, Tyler got up. "Funny, could have sworn that Seraph Ashla would never give up." He said emphasizing the word 'never'. "And what do you know Spartan?" Hope asked. "You know nothing about her anyway!"

"I know the both of us have seen our more than our fare shares of hell over the war." Tyler answered bluntly. "I was at Chimera when it fell; even after the battle was over we searched the remains of that world for survivors. In retrospect it was kind of a waste of time and resources, but it was better to have had a false hope then no hope at all."

Hope's tears began to fade from her face. "Really? I didn't hear about that." "No, mainly because the brass in The FBFA thought it would make the Federation seem weak to the rest of The Alliance. Probably the only decent proposal those bean dips made since they threw Gol-Gor Oth into Prison Colony Pariah." Tyler continued. "The point is, you can't give up simply because you failed the first time, or the second time, or even the seventh or ninth time. You just got to keep trying stubbornly until you either win, or you die. Either way you will at least be remembered by those that admired your spirit."

Hope took a few minutes to process what the super soldier had just told her, along with Homer occasionally asking in a whiny voice if she was going to say anything. "You know what? Your right!" She said, the entire tower, not just her chamber lit up all at once when she spoke. "Seraph may have been dealt several bad hands over the course of her life. But I will not let her misfortunes darken my spirits; I will go with you, for I now know that reuniting with Wisdom, Patience, Deceit, Rage, and Pride is the only thing that will restore what that poor girl has lost." She said joyfully.

"That's wonderful!" Homer said with a big goofy smile on his face. "Now we can finally go, and for once I met Seraph and she wasn't all melancholy!"

"Believe me I don't like her either when she gets moody." Hope agreed. "You want a piggyback ride?" Homer offered cheerfully. "I don't see why not, never had one in my life." She answered happily. Homer pranced about with Hope on his back as they left the virtues palace. "It's times like this that I really start to like that guy." Tyler said, removing his helmet for the first time in years, showing the metal face plate and cybernetic eye on the right side of his face. Then all of a sudden, Homer fell out of a window taking Hope down with him.

"Annnnnd… then he does something like that and I end up hating him, why do I never file a transfer?" Tyler mused to himself as he put his helmet back on and jumped after his commanding officer.

**XXXXX**

"WHY. WON'T. YOU. DIE!" Bellowed the rage filled voice of Daavas as he, his Master Ibonek, Zaar, a recently revived Stan, Captain Akola, 117 Solemn Oath, Corporal Hogan, and Commanders Crichton and Doppel. We're doing battle with the cybernetic incarnation of Zitt Fester. The cybernetic corpse swung his head-flail at our heroes, having already killed all of Tartarus and Andúril's lesser known (and frankly unimportant) Clone Marines.

"The same reason… you do not… surrender as well." Moaned the severed head of the as it was swung yet narrowly missed Zaar. "Or perhaps, it is the opposite… death tends to addle your senses." Suddenly, and without warning, Zits skeletal/metallic body exploded with a sickening green haze. "Dang… it was hard enough to realize that I couldn't reattach… my head… now I have no…portable mobile platform." The be-bodied head moaned.

"Wow… didn't think I would be able to defeat him." Tartarus said with an exhausted boast. '_Don't get Ara'ag-Venenthuman.'_ Said the telepathic voice of Minas Ty'phon, adorned in his Royal Purple robes, and carrying the symbol of his office as Pious Hierarch. The Staff of Old Powers _'you'll make your legacy all the more embarrassing when your end comes'_ He said.

"YOU!" Tartarus yelled in surprise, brandishing his already ignited light blade and charged roaring defiantly (and pointlessly) at the eon old alien.

'_Oh stop this pointless folly; you'll only cause more pain to your self then to me.'_ Ty'phon said as he brought Stan to his knees gasping for breath. "What are you doing?" Ibonek asked in panic. "That's who you're asking? Not the trigger happy shizno that tried to kill the old Telkine?" Asked Daavas, holding the hilts to both his light blade and Seraph's in his hands.

'_Your Novus is a wise man Tasadorian. It is obvious he has learned more from his scars then from your haphazard methods. Which is infinitely less than what The Sand Child has learned from your tutelage'_ Ty'phons thoughts echoed with disgust as he used The Essence to wrap a piece of mithril around Stan's body. _'Now, if none of you G-avn'als mind, I shall… wait?… Andúril?…'_ He noticed Andúril squatting in a corner, whimpering like a scared dog. In curiosity, Ty'phon strode over to the traumatized warrior.

"Odd." Said EMIR-12, barley hiding the fact that he was drunk on self-inflicted electrical discharge. "I didn't even notice he was there." "Here I was hoping your vocal processor was damaged" The Monitor droid 117 Solemn Oath mumbled.

Ty'phon shock Andúril shoulder in concern. What followed after Andúril regained some semblance of cohesion were the two aliens conversing to one another in the mysterious T-thala vaag Garud'ashan, The Tongue of The Fathers, the primary language of the Telkine race, the discussion between the two that mainly consisted of seemingly random chirps, grunts, squawks, hissing, growls, and various other animalistic noises.

This went on for several minutes before Ty'phon walked over to Zit's severed head. _'Now then, where was I? Ah yes.'_ He picked up the droids head _'Who is The Scarred Dawn? You must have had the information uploaded into your mind when you were… remade.'_

"I… am not saying a word… even more so because… YOU BLEW ME UP!" The head complained. '_Oh, I think I know how to loosen your maw. Metal Spawn!'_ He picked up the droids head, and raising a withered hand, caused Zit to scream in pain.

"WHAT… ARE YOU… DOING!"

'_Showing you what will happen if it is not liberated from this place.'_ Ty'phon said seriously. "And why… should I care of what you want… meat bag!" Zit asked defiantly.

'_It matters not; I already know what I need to know what I needed.'_

"Really?… When did you know that… Seraph Ashla was inside the computer mainframes?" He asked in a confused tone. Without warning, Daavas snatched the skull out of Ty'phons hand. "WHERE IS SHE?" He asked in a furious tone.

"Why do you have to keep shouting?" And irritated Zaar asked him.

"Sorry, anyway. Either you tell me where Seraph is or I'll turn your head into a lantern!" Daavas said."Follow… the fading scents of The Orion's… you can't miss it." Zit answered.

Then Daavas crushed Zit's head in his grip. "Out of curiosity, why did you come all the way down here?" He asked facing Ty'phon.

'_You mean you?… nevermind, I never was one to expect Lukites to be strong in The Essence when war rages.'_ He said as he undid Stan's binds. _'Now then, assuming I don't have to drag the Koprulican by the neck. We should move on.'_


	32. E10 Trials of Virtue P3

The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 10: Trials of Virtue: Part 3

"What could be taking them so long?" Arwen asked in concern. "They should have been back hours ago."

"You worry too much," Solomon said, "you know humans tend to slack. Besides, Hope, Wisdom, Patience, Deceit, Pride, and Rage are handfuls, more so The Vices then The Virtues."

"Um… hello?" Uttered Athena, who was standing on top of a single stone column that was, in turn, surrounded by six other pillars of exact same height. "Remind me against why I'm up here?"

"Weren't you listening to us earlier?" Solomon asked impatiently. Athena sheepishly shook her head. "Look it's very simple, you once possessed Mom, she can't reclaim her own body without accidentally letting all six of her traits take over and go mad, you have to be the central focal point for reuniting them, which is on top of that pillar." He explained.

"And where did you two come from anyway?" Asked Athena's mother, Sheila, who, since her husband, Excalibur, was put into an Asylum Sever after he went rampant via two weeks managing The Springfield Weapons and Munitions Plant Beta-90705 alone. Had changed her attire from the unnecessarily skimpy Ancient Egyptian Princesses outfit she was originally created with. To a more practical Medieval era brown robe and hood. "I don't particularly remember volunteering my only daughter for this, or for that matter allowing it in the first place."

"Listen Cyber-Wench," said Solomon, "either Athena goes through this and we all leave this place. I don't think I need to tell you the other option." Arwen was sitting on an arch overlooking a causeway. "Look! I think I can see them!" As if on cue, Homer came in carrying Hope on his shoulder, and Tyler following behind as if really tired.

Almost immediately after everyone present got pleasantries over with, Bart and Lisa entered dragging a cage behind them. "Deceit was that big of a hassle wasn't she?" Solomon asked coyly.

"Don't get smart with me." Lisa said, having gone through the trials and various booby traps of Deceit's tower with her brother Bart. "Yeah give the girl a break! It was hard enough getting me into this cage. Believe me; it was even harder to trick myself into it." Deceit interjected.

**XXXXX**

"What is taking that satellite so long to return the intel?" Ormpha Tyrana said out loud, as he sat impatiently in the throne on his flagships bridge. "I knew this stuff would have glitches, but I thought I had those ironed out over a century ago!"

A young female Njord entered the bridge, clad in an aqua silk dress, and her dark purple hair cascading to the middle of her back. "Syg-Nun Ein-he'rjar R'lyeh? What do you have to report?" "Aside from a throbbing headache from all the deaths occurring on M&M not much." The young women answered, griping her forehead, and her delicate humanoid face in pain. "Experimentation aside why are we just sitting back here? Some of our people are still on world! We have to help them."

Tyrana scowled as she said this. "I understand that you are relatively new to the, 'you know what.' But I need you to understand, that everything is a valid sacrifice if it means returning The Fellowship to pow-… what the?" He said, noticing that a crystal on his panel was flashing. "Ah! Finally, we got the intel we needed to send to The Twilight Emperor."

"That's another thing," Syg-Nun said impatiently, still clenching her temples,

"The Emperor wanted you to know that either you acquire the intelligence right away, or he and the rest of the fleets would go to Metropoli Major without you."

"WHAT! The collective strength of the entire Divine Navy would be crushed within hours." Tyrana said in surprise. "Teri-Meam would never allow something so reckless to occur. I have to contact The Twilights Wrath before Aiur does anything stupid again." He said as he began to type into various orb shaped consoles. "Come on, come on, come on, come on," he panicked, "please tell me he hasn't changed his ships com channel again!"

"…I don't care for your insinuations Grand Fleet-Warden! We make for The Capital Sector, with or without Tyrana!" Shouted Minas Aiur, who was in a heated argument with The Grand Fleet-Warden, Nela'saan Teri-Meam.

"Im-Perious Aiur? I have the intel you wanted. The ship numbers match the reports. The Confederate troops stationed on planet are holding off The Somite advance, but reinforcements from Anehta are Spacing into the system, ETA twelve hours." Said Tyrana. "We need to get to Metropoli Major before it's too late!"

"Agreed," Aiur said. His communications officer, Vaj, pressed a series of Ruby colored buttons on her console. "The Fleets await your sermon your Im-Perious."

"Very well," The Emperor said. "Attention Brothers and Sisters of The Divine Navy. As you all know, we are about to embark to Metropoli Major, capital of The Alliance of Orion, Koprula, and Amidala to prevent it's fall to the blasphemous and genocidal Somites. The cowardly vermin that we fought and nearly eradicated nigh two centuries ago in The Age of Twilight, for those of you, who did not fight then, know that the tales of their ferocity and ruthlessness in battle are true, and to those who fought in The Orion's pitiful civil war, now is the hour to avenge your fallen abel'ashans! To avenge the species that were unjustly slain by their cannons!"

'_Naïve fool.'_ Tyrana thought to himself. _'Thanks to my efforts in the shadows those species still live, and hunger for retribution even more so than even he does.'_

"The battle ahead will be long and hard, so each one of you, from my flagship to even the lowliest of you must be an army in your own right. Fight to last man! Fight for The Fallen! DEATH UNTO THE BLAG'FADER CHILDREN OF MAN! All Fleets acknowledge!"

As the various Feetmasters of The Fellowships Divine Navy sounded their fleet names, flagship names, ship count, and troop count and so on. Syg-Nun left the bridge of the ship. "By The All-Father what is happening?" She asked herself aloud. "What is wrong milady?" Asked G'jur who was standing outside of the bridge.

"I am no longer certain; The Emperor is purposefully delaying the assault on Metropoli Major all for the sake of delivering a sermon to every fleet that came here!" She said angrily, "meanwhile, that planet burns, I can fell the screams the slain through The Essence… and it chills my heart even more then the blood-freezing winds of Njord."

"And your point milady?" G'jur asked in sincere confusion.

"I… I do not truly know." She said. "Nothing is clear as of this age." "But you are a Nun'ashan of The Torchbearers! You are above doubt." G'jur said.

"Hm… your thirty years my senior and yet you sound so naïve saying such a thing." Syg-Nun said "By Thel Sigmar I'm not even entirely sure what I'm talking about!"

"Neither do I, but I know of a way that it could make more sense." He said, G'jur leaned into Syg-Nun's face, the lower half of his face glowing bright purple.

"G'jur Shak-Ur'enothas, I know that… one night was magnificent." She said nervously. "But I only did so because of… my condition." Syg-Nun said, referring to her condition as a Zeb-Ian, an infertile Valk (female) Njord.

"I… I know that what we did, and the… association we've been having is forbidden." G'jur said, nervously.

"Ah." Said a gruff voice. "I knew I could get some dirt on you two!"

"Moe! If you reveal anything about this, you will be deleted!" Syn-Nun yelled at the AI.

**XXXXX**

"I thought we would never get out of their alive." Said Thel Tsaritsyn in exhaustion, as he and his friends, Rahpo Ein-he'rjar R'lyeh and Ocihc Muloc-Sbu were dragging the Vice of Rage behind them.

"A pity, I was counting on it." Said the corpse like being identified as Rage.

"Don't act-a so Arg-Vent'a!" Said Ocihc. "When were though with this… Rahpo you know what'll happen to her?"

The mute and severally wounded Njord simply shook his head. "Just asking kovar'cha."

"Finally! I thought you guys would never get back!" Bart said impatiently.

He, his sister Lisa, Seth, Knara, Homer, Aon, Tyler-700, Sheila, along with Aon's Battle Pack. Were at the ZigguratAthena was standing on top of the middle pillar, Deceit, Hope, and all the other vices and virtues were assembled. Rage was put onto the last pillar, then without warning blue energy beams ensnared all six of the personality traits. Then the entire reality turned blinding white.

**XXXXX**

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"**NO!**" Shouted Zaar, who was growing increasingly irritated with Stan Tartarus insistent asking. "WE ARE NOT THERE YET YOU IMPAITENT MONKEY THING! Sheesh! Daavas isn't as obsessed over this as you, and he's pretty much spent the last two or so days obsessively keeping Seraph's old mementos as keepsakes!" HE ranted, as he said all this the floor beneath (for the sake of not mentioning every random character who probably won't receive any speaking parts anyway, let's call these guys Team Beta shall we? And The Simpson's and their 'friends for lack of a better word, Team Alpha) Team Beta.

They found the members of Team Alpha returning to consciousness in the same black marble room that they were drawn into in the first place.

"Well… at least we found The Orion's." Said Commander Crichton.

Slowly one by one the members of Team Alpha awoke. "I hate it when Knara's right." Said a disappointed Lisa, realizing that her brief transformation back into a human was only temporary.

"SERP'FERATU!" Shouted Stan, as he ignited his light blade, he succeeded in severing her left arm and wing before Minas Ty'phon threw him against the wall, and then Bart, Homer, and Seth began pummeling him senselessly

'_Stay your madness heretic! Your obsession with purity is grating on more nerves then you can believe.'_ Said the irritated mind of the old alien.

All eyes turned to a droid with an ink black chassis, and blue symmetrical lines running up and down her body. "I… I am back."

"Seraph." Daavas whispered in utter shock, overseeing the sight of his true love again. "Parl'vas I…" he stumbles awkwardly as he hastily took Seraph's old light blade off of his belt. "I have taken care your weapon as though it were my own, as well as your tech gauntlet." He said, also taking a silver bracelet from one of his pockets.

Seraph took the Light Blade in her right hand, and out the bracelet on her left. "Seraph, forgive me." "For what?" She asked.

"For not… saving you… mortal scum!"

'_Not you again!'_ Ty'phon thought in annoyance, at the sight of Zit's, and at least nine or more Sentinels behind him.

"We have no time." Seraph said coldly, as she cut down three of the droids with her Light Blade, two with Essence Lightening, and four with an EMP grenade from her tech gauntlet, and then simply touched Zit's head/mace and he fell apart and somehow observed into Seraphs hand. "I know your reason for being down in this hell Im-Perous Pi'on-Saulumos."

'_You could feel the deaths to?'_ Ty'phon asked.

"Yes."

"Can someone please explain what you talking about?" Homer asked, as he held Stan's head in a surprisingly tight headlock. "Boy, other boy, get his pants." He said sinisterly.

"I'll manage the wedgie, you'll pants him." Bart said to Seth.

'_Very well, but remember that once I tell the truth, it can't be untold.'_

"FFFIGURES!" Tartarus struggled to say as Bart pulled his underwear over his head, and Homer pulled the front of his robes over his head and began punching him in the chest. "YOU-TELKINES-ALL-WAYS!… WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" He said, while Homer was punching him in the chest, and Bart and Seth were kicking him. "I TRIED TO SAVE YOU FROM THE-"

"That was my daughter you self-righteous idiot!" Homer shouted.

"Ty'phon can you please explain yourself before someone goes on another tirade?" Seraph asked hastily.

'_Very well, during The Massacure of Ashla, Ersa managed to steal The Grey Heart, an ancient relic of my people. My nephew Aiur, and one of his advisors devised a plan to get it back… which involves using Metropoli Major as bait.'_ Ty'phon explained. _'As we speak, Confederate ships and troops are putting up a valiant defense, but unless we get their soon…'_

"Then the entire Alliance will collapse over night!" Daavas said in shock.

"That's awful!" Lisa said, as her arm and wing slowly regenerated. "Ow! Why would they do such a thing?"

'_I have no time to discuss this! Cthala Tum'shor-Vaa!'_ He bellowed as he slammed his staff into the ground. Then in a flash of light, our hero's (and their subordinates) returned to their respective ships.

Grunchy was asleep at his console when Homer, Bart, Lisa, Knara, Seth, Daavas, Tsaritsyn, Rahpo, Ocihc Tyler, EMIR-12 and Seraph suddenly reappeared on the bridge of The Sinbad.

"What the!-" Grunchy squeaked in surprise as he abruptly awoke. "Captain! Lieutenant! Simpson children! Other teenagers! Vaguely familiar android! When did you get back?"

"That's not important!" Homer said. "Get Admiral Tanto on the horn! I need to tell her the we found the,… the thing that was in the ruins, along with something more important."

"Alright, alright." The Dadaban said as he pressed seemingly random buttons on his console, "This could take a while, so you may want you may want to make yourselves comfortable. The com channels are powered down for maintenance."

"Very well, kids go to your rooms! Tyler, get to the barracks and get any Marines we got done their ready!" Homer ordered.

"Yes sir." Tyler said as he left the bridge.

"Um… does anyone mind if I talk with Seraph?" Daavas asked nervously.

"You can, but me and my sister might want to ask you some… questions." Bart said, as he and his sister dragged him off to Bart and Knara's shared quarters.

"I'll make sure they don't wound Daavas too much." EMIR-12 stated flatly as he fallowed The Simpson children.

"I'd come, but I really want to speak to the Admiral." Seraph said as Daavas was trying to wrest himself from Lisa's grip on his ankles.

"As for me, I'm going down to the armory." Knara said, "Me to." Seth added.

"As for us," said Tsaritsyn with an enthusastic glee, "were going to take a nap." He abruptly stated, as he, Rahpo, and Ocihc druged out of the bridge.

**XXXXX**

(Half an hour later, Bridge of The Katana)

"Bethany I am not going to say this again, Metropoli Major is under attack, and I need you and your battle fleet to rendezvous at the Edessa star cluster." Said UFO President Catherine Oranos, to her lifelong friend, Bethany Tanto.

"And I say again, 'Madam President'." Bethany said snidely "Some of my men are still on Orpheus II, I am not leaving anyone behind on that volcanic world while I still can. Besides, my ship somehow turned into a giant shotgun, and my Capitan and Head of Engineering have been trying to figure out to reverse it."

"Were working as fast we can!" Said Yithurana. "Kam-Ten-Ata why didn't you notice all these gyros and servos in here in the first place?" "Listen Yith, I haven't had that much time to examine the inner-workings of a Claymore-class capital ship." Said the Welsh accented Atlantean to his brother Yithurana.

"Beth I understand your reasons, but we cannot delay reinforcements to The Alliance homeworld." Catherine tried to reason. "If the fleets are delayed further their won't be an M&M or an Alliance to save."

"And why should we?" Bethany asked with a mild sneer.

"Why should- IT'S A MATTER OF PRINCIPEL!" Catherine said in frustration. "Yes, I know that the Alliance, and all of its members have been slandering The Federation for centuries."

"And you're certain that saving their worthless hides will change several centuries of racisms, which for the large part rightfully belong to The Koprulicans and Amidalans?" Bethany asked.

'_She was a much better friend before… her incident.'_ Catherine thought to herself, remembering her friend before a life altering incident that rendered Bethany from a mildly awkward and nervous girl, to the somewhat cold hearted admiral that she is today. "No, no I don't. But it's better that we at least give them the benefit of the doubt."

"Homer, to the Katana!" Yelled the panicked and wizened voice of Homer Simpson.

"What the?- Homer you've been out of contact for hours! What took you so long?" Asked the confused Admiral.

"We found the… well it wasn't a weapon per-say, more like an angst-y alien turned into a robot." He said hastily.

"You can't be serious." Bethany said. "We came out here for no other reason but to put up with Templar's, Telkine's, and various other Snafu's simply for a-" She stopped silent as she noticed that Seraph, in her robotic form was sitting next to Homer. "That's the weapon?"

"No… but that is not entirely false." Said the adolescent droid. "I am Seraph Ashla, one time Novus to Templar Stan Tartarus of The Lukus Order." "Wait, I remember you. You were at Ashla when The Somites and WOK attacked." Bethany said.

"Yes, and for all I know may rage against Ersa drove me to recklessness, and cost me my life." Seraph went on, with an electronic tone to her voice.

"But your not-"

"Quiet," Seraph interrupted Homer, "now he burns Metropoli Major. All for the sake of finishing what he started on Ashla one-hundred and eighty-five years ago. I know that nobody in your Federation owes The Alliance any sort of service or favor, or for that matter the various races that withdrew from The AOKA Senate, including my people when The Great War ended. But understand this-" "Admiral! We just found out that the FTL systems aren't working. We figured out how to reverse the transformation. That may restart the FTL drives." Kam-Ten-Ata said interrupting Seraph.

"Anyway, there are still innocent souls (for lack of a better word) on that world. They do not disserve to die at the hands of tyrants and madmen simply for past mistakes." The Twi'grutan cyborg went on.

"I… Catherine I don't want to seem ungrateful, but she makes a good point." Bethany said. "A point? A POINT!" The President yelled in frustration, "I've been your best friend for years, and you take the word of a teenaged alien over mine!"

"I meant no disrespect to you Madam President," Seraph apologized, "but directly communicating to an Admiral is outside your jurisdiction is it not? Besides, FTL systems active or not-"

"Got the ship returnin to normal Admiral!" Said Kam-Ten-Ata as The Katana began to shack loudly.

"Either way, she would have ignored the call of duty simply to spite you. Now Homer, if you would be polite enough to disengaged this com channel that would do both you and myself a service."

The com channel between The Sinbad and The Katana was severed by Grunchy.

"Regardless whether or not you want to go or not. You have your orders." Catherine said with barley contained anger. "Carry. Them. Out."

"Understood, Captain Yithurana, engage Universal Q-Jump to The Edessa Cluster."

**XXXXX**

"Ersa, I'm making my approach on The Prime Museum of Metropoli Major." Said Mary-Sue, as she strode without an ounce of emotion in her face, or form. As the citywide planet was burning around her, she did not bother to step over the corpse of civilians and Clone Marines alike.

"Finally, over a month since we found The Grey Heart, and we have the final pieces to achieve the ruin of ever filthy alien in this galaxy." She said out loud, as she approached a room named 'Tears of The Nine'.

Meanwhile, on the other side of The Capital system, silver ships of Telkine design arrived from Sa'qum Oddaqq (Q-Space).

"Alright, were in the system, now engage cloaking systems." Said Tyrana, all of a sudden the ships seemingly disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. "Now, we must move in slowly in order to keep the element of surprise."

"Understood Fleetmaster." Said a Cyclops like alien. "All ships are converging to M&M's atmosphere at a quarter of the speed of light. That's the fastest we can go while keeping the stealth systems active."

"You do yourself credit Helmsman Mono," Tyrana complemented "now tap into the Somites Battle-Net." Mono had a confused look on his single eye. "Their coms?"

"Oh that, tapping coms now." He said

"-what do you mean those aren't The Tears?" Said a gruff voice over The Somite Battle-Net "I do not understand," said a soft, feminine yet emotionless voice, "the Intel from Semreh stated that The Tears of The Nine would be here. But it isn't displaying the readings that The Grey Heart, the exact same Grey Heart that you brought to this miserable planet."

"So the Grey Heart is here!" Tyrana said in excitement. "Mono, when we get past The Somite blockade, set up base as close to the source of that com frequency as possible. Then after we set up a primary base, send a signal to The Divine Navy to reinforce our position." "As you say, by the way, it was ingenious of you to convince The Twilight Emperor to allow The Fleet of Bitter Sweat Triumph to scout ahead." Mono complemented.

"All I told him was that if we rushed into the heat of battle, The Somite ships would focus on his flagship first, trust me, the time it took to construct that eyesore of a Dreadnaught would seem mind-boggling to lesser beings." Tyrana answered.

"I still think your plan ain't going to work." Said the ships crusty, and very, very, very, VERY cynical and bitter AI, Moe Szyslak.

"Yet you were confident enough in your former life to try and smuggle weapons to The Wrath of Kaos without your own bouncer telling the FBI of your crimes." Said Tyrana with a hint of mild glee in his voice. "Then we managed to pull enough strings to get you into our… custody, and after you failed to stay conscious during your first Tournament of Judgment, we turned you into an AI." "Yeah, and life has never been better!" Moe said snappishly. "I spend the entire day either listening to your demented babbling! Or worse, computing PI!" He said, babbling about types of pie.

"Oh quiet construct." Tyrana said irritated.

"You know, I may something you may be interested in." Moe said slyly.

"You're seriously blackmailing someone in the middle of a battle?" Tyrana asked him. "Just get it out before I decide to put you through The Dis Sever again."

"Uh… yeah." Moe said nervously, remembering the awful and unspeakable horrors of The Dis Sever. "This kind of a, 'for your ears only' sort of thing."

"Very well," Tyrana said in boredom as he put on a helmet. "Now indulge me while we wait for the fleet to get into position."

"Ah huh, ah huh, ah huh, what? What proof do you- oh… I see, never imagined that Syn-Nun was one of… you sure that this is right? I can send you back to Dis if you're lying. I think the better question is why WOULDN'T you lie. I know that money would be useless to you, but you could be doing this for kicks." Tyrana said as Moe fed him the information about the relationship between G'jur Shak-Ur'enothas, and Syg-Nun Ein-he'rjar R'lyeh.

**XXXXX**

"And that's what happened!" Daavas said to Bart and Lisa. "Now can you get that Khor'cana away from my neck?" He said, pointing to Lisa baring her fangs over Daavas's neck. "I would have told you wanted to know even if she wasn't leering like that."

"Sorry, I just haven't had any blood for at least a day." Lisa apologized. "I'd go for your syrup idea Bart, but I quickly learned that it was rooting my teeth." "Are you quite done torturing him?" Seraph asked flatly. Since The Simpson's (and assorted company) escaped from the bowels of Orpheus II, and The Sinbad and her fleet made course for The Edessa Star Cluster. Seraph had put on a black cloak that eerily matched her obsidian colored chassis. "I wish to speak to the both of you. Alone"

Bart and Lisa nervously gulped. "Well, it was a nice play date." Daavas said sarcastically. "But, I really need to get some rest; I've had a long day." He left the two Simpson children alone with Seraph.

"Bart." Seraph said menacingly to Bart. "Lisa." She said to Lisa with the same tone. "I have only one thing to say to the both of you." Bart and Lisa both looked at each other nervously. Then, Seraph did the most unexpected thing anyone (including herself) would expect.

"Thank you so much!" She hugged the two teenagers with tight squeeze while smiling.

"Whoa!" Bart tried to say under Seraph's tight hug. "How long were you in that thing? Or how long did it seem?"

"Isn't this kind of overboard?" Lisa asked, futilely trying to get out of Seraphs (literally) iron grip. "I know we saved you from that-"

"What?" Seraph asked in sincere confusion. "Oh, me being on Orpheus II, that as well, but that's not the reason as to why I am thanking you." She explained letting go of the dysfunctional siblings.

"Well, what was that about?" Lisa asked. "You've never been this happy." "True, all to true." Seraph said glumly. "But let me just explain." She sighed heavily. "Ever since I was born, every day's just been one defeat after another for me." "Oh no," Bart interrupted, "don' tell me we have to listen to this AGAIN?"

"Will you at least let me finish? Anyway, up until I met your family, I thought that my only purpose in life was to suffer. I spent the first seven years as a Thrail Drone until I was liberated by Oolk Olp of The Lukus Order. Up until the other younglings began to take note of my age, I thought Mimban IV was home." Seraph went on, her voice getting more and more emotional as she went on.

"Then I gave up my Essence powers on Katarn II, only to have been released into the grasp of madmen. For five years I was in a nightmare that would have made lesser being writhe, and scream in pain. Then," what seemed like tears coming out of her eyes formed, "your family adopted me."

Lisa rolled here cat like eyes. "Let me guess, it's been the most horrid thing that's ever happened to you?" She stated rudely "No, a valid guess, but your still wrong." Seraph said. "Your family, The Simpsons have been the only family I have had in fifteen years, the only true happiness I've ever known. I know that sounds, truly pathetic to you two. But I now know that I was a fool to run back to The Order." Bart and Lisa were struck silent as Seraph explained her predicament.

"That is probably the most pathetic thing I've ever heard." Bart said bluntly.

"Anyone who envies our family needs help." Lisa added.

"Really?" Seraph asked. "Tell me, what's the one thing you both have compared to me?"

"Hair." Bart answered bluntly only to be punched in the shoulder by Lisa. "Bart!" She whined.

"Let me rephrase that, what is the one thing you both have that I don't have PSYCHOLOGICALLY?" Seraph answered.

"Um… I got nothing." Bart stated. "Lisa, help me out here?"

"I'm not sure either." Lisa said sheepishly.

"UG!" Seraph grunted in annoyance. "I'm just going to go out and say it. You two had a CHILDHOOD! You two GREW UP! (To a degree) You- everything you take for granted. I get the Bum Rush every time I try to make my own path and find something better." She ranted. "I will admit, your family is not perfect. But,… but it's better than nothing."

"Well…" Bart and Lisa said in unison. "That kind of makes sense," Bart said. "But that doesn't explain why you left us in the first place." Lisa added.

"I grew complacent," Seraph answered. "Up until that fiasco with The Breeding Conduit, and we started school. I thought my days in hell were over."

"Shows how wrong you were." He said chuckling, which was cut short by yet another blow to the shoulder by Lisa.

"You'll get no argument from me on that," Said Seraph, "but I allowed centuries of mistrust and bitterness to blind my judgment during my first week of school. That was why I rejoined The Order; I wanted to prove to everyone, and myself that I was above my own vices. Instead I allowed them to fester and grow, until they blinded me to what I was becoming, and worse, who I allowed to control me."

"Oh… what was that?" Lisa asked in concern.

"I was becoming a cancer," said the Twi'grutan cyborg flatly, "everything I swore to uphold. My rage and frustration perverted. Clone Marines that were entrusted to my command, dead because of my incompetence, or my recklessness. And whenever me and Tartarus weren't on a combat assignment, we were mainly shacking down criminals and corrupt politicians. And when we did, the worst that Stan did with the politicians was give them a 'stern' warning about embezzling, tax evasion, and assassinating or kiddnaping rivals."

"What! Who in their right mind signed you up to someone that irresponsible?" Lisa asked in a shocked tone.

"The brilliant and faultless Lukus Council, under the advisement of Senator Rhea Aeryn of planet Ooban." Seraph answered sarcastically.

"Wait, is this the SAME person as Rhea Orion?" Lisa asked in confusion.

"Yes, apparently when your long lost twin sister belly dances at her first State of The Union address on interstellar television. That tends to make a lot of people really angry, angry enough to change their surname for the umpteenth time apparently." Seraph answered bluntly.

"Attention crew members of The Sinbad." Homer's voice stated over the ships intercom in the clichéd manor of an airplane pilot. "Where are now arriving in the beautiful Edessa Star Cluster. Were we will be rendezvousing with Fleet Command for a top priority mission… which as far as I know has something to do with some planet called, Metropoli Major." "Metropoli?… oh no." Seraph said in concern as Homer droned on over the PA system.

"Seraph? What's wrong?" Lisa asked.

"That's the capital of The AOKA. That's why Ty- that old Telkine on Orpheus teleported us directly up to the ship!" Seraph rationalized.

Before she could say anything more, the ship violently rocked causing everyone in the immediate room, along with the entire ship to fall over due to the instability of the craft.

"We are sorry…" Homer apologized in great pain over the PA system. "But due to an error with the FTL systems, the ship… ah to hell with it. You all know what's happening! So don't complain to me! Mackorlas and Willy are looking into it as we speak! But don't whine to me whenever something like this happens! All right? Good, now we wait for commands from the main fleet command."

"Bart! Lisa! Are you two all right?" Said Marge, checking in on her children seeing if they were all right. In the process, finding someone she did not expect to see again.

"S-Seraph?"

"Um… Marge, I can explain this, it'll take time. But I can explain." Seraph said, trying her very best from panicking.


	33. E10 Trials of Virtue Epilogue

The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 10: Trials of Virtue: Epilogue

(Date: Orion Standard: 12/07/5009. Orion Standard Time: 1400 hours Military Time. Location: Edessa Star Cluster. System: Edessa-Gamma: United Federation of Orion: Frontier Sector Alpha.)

Onboard the ship, The Eagles Talon, Grand Admiral Ganymede Edgar was sitting in the recently refurbished Dreadnaught, which until the beginning stages of The Pirate Wars, was the flagship of his predecessor, Gol-Gor Oth, but after it was revealed by Homer Simpson, that the mutated Telkine was inadvertently responsible for Charles Montgomery Burn's rise to power, and the creation of The Wrath of Kaos Pirates, was sentenced to life in The Pariah prison colony.

"Admiral! We cannot keep making these delays! We have to get to Metropoli Major!" Stated an armor clad giant.

"Master Chief Verdun-936." The Admiral said hotly. "I am aware of your experiences with The Somites during The Civil War."

"Aware? AWARE!" Shouted the veteran Spartan Super-Soldier. "I was there when The Somite occupied every sector in The Federation two-hundred years ago! I was watched as they purged entire continents of life! This is The Civil War all over again!"

"Patients Verdun, patients," Ganymede said trying to calm down the veteran hero, "we need to make sure we don't accidentally leave the rest of The Federation open to attack, you know that every sector shares a border with Somite space."

"I!… never mind, it sounds like you thought this through." Said Verdun.

"I didn't replace Oth simply because I'm smaller then he was." Edgar said bluntly. "The Somites may be universally arrogant, but there tactics are more predictable then they would admit."

**XXXXX**

"Parl'vas, please tell that what I was told that happened beneath Orpheus didn't happen." Andúril asked his Brood Mate, Aon. As her ship, The Wardens Vigil, and her fleet, The Fleet of The Martyrs' Dirge. We're making course for planet Narsil.

"The part were Seraph was inexplicably resurrected? Or why those 'ruins' were there in the first place?" Aon asked.

"No, I mean the part when you killed Zit for being a deterrent? You do know that he was turned into one of those,… those things that were trying to kill us!" Andúril said.

"What does it matter now? Were alive, and we have fulfilled our charge haven't we?" She asked impatiently.

'_If that is what you think, then you are wrong.'_ Ty'phon interjected.

"What? What do you mean Great One?" Aon asked.

'_My nephew, and your own student Andúril. Have made a gambit to reclaim The Grey Heart, that was lost when The Somites attacked Ashla.'_ He said. _'They planted fake Tears of The Seraphim on Metropoli Major; both to draw Ersa out, and reclaim The Grey Heart.'_

"Wha-What?" Zaar asked in shock. "The Emperor used one of the most populated planets in the entire galaxy as BAIT! The Seraphim are going to have a field day bringing so many souls to The Grey Havens."

"Who asked for your opinion heretic?" Aon snapped. "But I must agree, these tactics are unlike Aiur. Even with the war going the way it was he didn't resort to sacrificing innocents for the sake of victory."

_'I do not understand it either, but I have seen these symptoms before. He no longer cares about who, or what is destroyed in his path if it guarantees him victory.'_ He said, remembering an old friend that fell to the same depravities, some five or six-thousand years ago.

"I suppose that our charge from here on would be to assist Aiur and the rest of The Divine Navy as we attack Metropoli Major?" Aon asked.

"I don't see how that can be avoided." Andúril said in in concern. "Pi'on-Saulumos, I and Zaar wish to speak to you in private."

"We do?" Zaar asked in confusion.

'

_I see no reason not to.'_ Said Ty'phon, as he, and the two Lukus Templar's exited the bridge. _'Now, what is it you both want of me?'_

"We wish to both leave The Lukus Order, and rejoin the Fellowship of Andu, and The Order of The Blooded Torch." Andúril said bluntly.

"What?" Zaar asked his Master in sincere confusion.

"I asked him if-"

"I know what you said!" Zaar said.

"Zaar, you shared with me on Orpheus your discontent with The Templar's, and I share them with you. So were leaving The Order while were still relatively sane." Explained Andúril. "And yes, I know that if you did leave, you'd leave behind the few friends you have."

"I know, but that's not the main thing." Zaar said shyly. "It's… it's just that uh… out of general curiosity, is my Garud'ashan still?… You know?"

'_Stubborn, thickheaded, and a blatant mistrust for The Repentant? Yes, but that is no excuse to fear.'_ Said Ty'phon.

"Yes," said Zaar sheepishly, "also my sister, I don't care what my people as a whole think of Selendis. I still say she's nothing more a cowardly and vain hag!" He stated angrily.

'_Aye, my only reason why I haven't condemned her to a Tournament of Truth is because that will likely cause yet another War of Triumph.'_ He said, as he remembered the civil war that nearly destroyed The Fellowship of Andu while they were licking their wounds from The War of Retribution.

"In any case, will you accept us back into The Fellowship?" Andúril asked sincerely.

'_Of course, may you never fall astray from The All-Fathers grace… again.'_ He said, tapping his staff against the floor.

"We have arrived at Narsil." Aon's voice sounded over the ships PA system. "Soon we shall learn when to strike."

**XXXXX**

"So, what did you learn young lady?" Marge sternly asked Seraph, as they were both in the turbo lift.

The adolescent automaton sighed in mild annoyance. Mainly because, in her joy from being liberated from the Matrix-Esq. prison beneath her conception world, she absentmindedly forgot how over baring and controlling her foster mother was. "Don't run away?" She finally said.

"That's right!" Marge said, "I haven't seen you in nearly four months! I was so worried about you, and now I hear that you somehow got killed and became a robot!"

"Trust me, I don't get it either," Seraph said as she and Marge exited the turbo lift and went off to the bridge of The Sinbad, "but that's irrelevant now."

"All right, just promise me you won't try to be a hero again." Marge asked caringly.

"I somehow doubt that will be an option." Said Seraph.

"Homer, what in your right mind makes you think I would believe something so ridiculous?" Admiral Bethany said to Homer as the two fleet officers were discussing Homer's claims as a 'Time Lord.'

"My Mom told me! I swear I'm Time-" Admiral Tanto cut of the transmission before he could finish. "-Lord."

"Homer are you still going on about that 'Time Lord' thing?" Marge asked her husband in annoyance. "You're really letting the future get to you." "Marge if I wanted people to call me crazy, I'd just look in the mirror and do it myself." Homer stated in irritation.

"Yet you've never tried such a thing." Seraph said snidely. _'If it is any constellation prize, I believe your claim.'_ Seraph said, projecting her voice into Homer's mind.

"Um… Seraph, what was that last thing you said sweaty?" Homer asked, not realizing that Seraph was telepathically speaking to him.

'_This is telepathy you fool, or at the very least a technological parody of it, but that's of no importance right now. Now listen very carefully. When my vices and virtues were reunited, I somehow managed to read your memories, along with the memories of everyone else that was inside of the virtual prison. So I know that Mona told you about your heritage as a Time Lord.'_ Seraph said.

"Attention Sons of Orion!" Shouted the bellowing voice of Verdun-936, over the ships com channel. "Today, we make for Metropoli Major to do battle with the villainous and dishonorable Somites, and their false god Ersa! The Butcher of Ashla!"

"Homer? Who's that?" Marge said in concern at the hologram of the armored titan.

"That… that is Verdun-936." Said Seraph, almost as if in reverence. "One of the most decorated war hero's in recent human history."

"The battle ahead will be long and perilous! But so long as Orion's honor is avenged in the deaths of Ersa, and of his ill begotten kin, and his soulless thralls, then your sacrifices will be honored till the stars themselves go out!" He went on. "But first, to make sure that our casualties are at a minimum. Grand Admiral Ganymede Edgar has made a FTL capable EMP devise that will be launched into The Capital system, that will detonate in the upper atmosphere of M&M."

"Hmm… this strategy seems thought out and logical. I really must stop underestimating human ingenuity and craftiness." Seraph said out loud.

"And after the EMP device goes off and disables the entire Somite Fleet, it will also deliver… an old friend that will clear out a hopefully large LZ for us." As the aged Spartan solider said this, a large, and arrow shaped spacecraft flew through the gathered fleets, and then abruptly disappeared into Q-space.

**XXXXX**

"What do you mean it was a trap?" Said Anehta to her brother Ersa via interstellar communication.

"You heard me! The Fellowship planted fake Tears on Metropoli Major, and now half of their so called 'Divine Navy' is in orbit, and their releasing some kind of green gas into the atmosphere." Ersa said, he was right of course.

Every Fellowship ship that was in orbit of Metropoli Major was dispensing The FENRIS Virus into the planet's atmosphere.

Ersa began to cough heavily as the Snaipmyloian killing toxin was beginning to reach his position. "How, (Cough) how did the fleet get annihilated so fast?" He asked in shock.

"I do not know uncle." Said Mary-Sue, without an ounce of emotion in her voice. "But unless my bio-scans of you are incorrect, your Resurrection Gene has been destroyed by this toxin."

Angry was replaced by fear in the god's face when he heard that the only thing that made him and his brother and sisters invincible was destroyed. "So… the sodding Telkines decided that they want to kill me permanently after all this time?" He drew a massive sword from his back as the revelation that this could (and will) be his last battle.

"Anehta?" He said calmly to his sister.

"Yes? Brother?" She answered back.

"Destroy every FOA Ship in orbit when you get here. Then we shall continue our purge of this wretched world." He said defiantly.

"We are already here." No sooner had she said this. Her entire fleet exited Q-space in unison. As if on cue, another craft emerged from Q-space, a craft that dispersed a massive EMP shockwave causing the entire Somite Fleet to deactivate and slowly fall into Metropoli Major's gravity well.

**XXXXX**

(Thirty minutes after the EMP wave)

"But uncle-"

"No. Buts Augustus!" Shouted Rakata Armageddon to his nephew Augutus Belmont. "You will turn Gol-Gor Oth into a Blood Leviathan immediately!" The Serp'feratu clutched his blow gun and dart nervously as he heard his uncle bark orders over his private com channel. He made his way to a massive skyscraper, as he did this he caught sight of the fearsome Gol-Gor Oth. All thirteen of his eyes aflame with rage, his arms toppling Somite Titans, golden giants that fell beneath his fiery breath, his neck frill flaring brightly as he roared in soul-shearing anger, and his scorpion like tail firing massive balls of magma towards Smoite cruisers that were unlucky enough to get within his line of sight.

"Okay... just fire the dart into him and I can get this over with." He said under his breath as he climbed to the very top of the tall building, when he got there he was close enough to the mutated alien to notice all three rows of his teeth. He then took a deep breath, held it, put the dart in the blow gun, and then fired into the titan's neck.

"Uncle, the deed has been done." He said over the com channel to Amrageddon. "Now, teleport him to the temple in the undercity." "It shall be done Uncle." Augustus responded nervously, as he fired another dart into the beast causing it to disappear.

Forty-five minutes later, Augustus returned to The Blood Temple that was hidden in Metropoli Major's undercity. "Congradualations Augustus," Armageddon said coolly at the sight of the monster sleeping before his feet. "Uncle, might I ask what purpose does turning him into Blood Leviathan serve?"

"I understand your ignorance," Armageddon said, "basically, I want to provide a distraction so our followers to leave this wretched planet."

"But you are the President of The Alliance! Wouldn't people notice if you're gone?" Belmont asked.

"Augustus, as far as the people are concerned I'm in the bunker, awaiting The Lukus fools to rescue me." He said with a hint of madness in his voice. As he said this, Gol-Gor Oth slowly mutated two extra scorpion tails, two extra wings, and his talons growing larger, and more menacing. "Make no mistake; this is hardly the beginning of the end."

"Armagaddon!" Shouted Rakata Chronus, who was resurrected shortly after The Kobra Minor SNAFU. "Federation ships are making planet fall where Oth landed. Confederate ships are reinforcing The Senete District of the planet, and The Fellowship is starting to search for Ersa and Anehta. Your orders?"

"Let them land, let them spill their blood, it will not halt the darkness that will consume this entire galaxy in the coming days!" He stated maddeningly. "When the time comes, the faithful of The Blood Lords with know... retribution." He said coldly, as Gol-Gor Oth's eyes shot open, all of them wreathed in golden flame.


End file.
